Bachelor Games EH
Bunch of dudes from the U.K. having a stag party in South
America that begins like Eurotrip or
even the first half of Hostel. They get wasted in the desert town they’re staying
in and head out on a hike the next day.
They appear to be the only ones around which is never a good sign in a
horror movie. The excursion starts with
a joke before getting dead serious with bodies piling up. The demon we see briefly is actually pretty
gnarly and a bow-and-arrow is an excellent weapon of choice. Otherwise, this movie is a waste of
time. 6/9/2017
The Blackcoat’s
Daughter OK/G
First off, what school has winter break at the end of
February? Apparently the all-girl
boarding school in this movie exercising style vastly over substance. Dread abounds for sure but patience is much
needed to get through this. There’s some
violence that might make ol’ Beelzebub proud (yes, dark forces are
involved). This was actually originally
titled February and that would’ve
been more fitting. There’s much I admired
here but I can’t fully recommend it because I felt unsatisfied afterwards. 6/2/2017
A Dog’s Purpose G
An “anthology” film about a reincarnated dog living with
different owners across decades that’s occasionally touching and never
boring. The connected first and last “vignettes”
are the longest and most poignant. One
in between proves some dogs unfortunately end up with unloving/negligent
owners. Thankfully no physical abuse was
ever dealt because I don’t know if I could’ve handled that. I can’t deny tears were trying to fight their
way out each time the dog passed.
There’re inevitable sappy moments common for these “dog companion”
movies, but it’s generally enjoyable for all ages, especially canine
lovers. To paraphrase the dog, “The only
purpose in life is just to be here
now” and that’s the joy dogs give us in their short lives. 6/1/2017
Escape to Witch
Mountain OK
I’ve seen my fair share of bygone plus current live-action
Disney flicks and I can honestly say I’ve never seen this one until now. I never really had a desire to until recently
mentioned in a Rue Morgue companion piece on Disney’s “kiddy horror”
canon. While films mentioned in the
article (Mr. Boogedy, The Watcher in the Woods, Something Wicked This Way Comes) contain horror elements, they’re not
particularly horror films as we know them.
I do think “kiddy horror” is an excellent way to introduce potential
lifelong fans to the genre. Are You Afraid of the Dark? and the Goosebumps
book series (amongst others) were significant in piquing my general interest in the genre.
This movie is not horror at all.
It’s slightly sci-fi. I don’t
want to ruin it in case you never read the book, saw the remake, or heard it
discussed before (all of which I haven’t).
The only thing that might
frighten young viewers is the use of a real bear; something I wish would still
be utilized instead of CGI or juxtaposing real footage with performances. I love the ‘70’s film aesthetic which is
apparent whenever watching something from that era. The film was fun initially with the corny
outdated effects and slight suspense, but interest wanes as the film goes on
longer than necessary. Perhaps if I was
a child or watched this as a child, the length may not have bothered me, but as
an official adult I’ll have to say I didn’t have the attention span for
it. 5/30/2017
John Wick OK
Since the sequel is coming out to rent, I thought it was
time to see the predecessor. I figured
if a sequel was made and released theatrically, it must be worth watching. As
I was watching, I thought to myself that several Jason Bourne movies were
released theatrically, 8 Fast and the
Furious movies were released theatrically, more than one Transformers, X-Men and Mission: Impossible
film was released theatrically, et cetera.
Sequels attached do not make the first worthy, or sometimes the first is
the only worthy one. What exactly sets
this apart from similar action thrillers?
Absolutely nothing. Sure, there
was a bit of fun in its banal, repetitive violent action sequences, but there
came a point where I was like ‘okay, enough is enough.’ I’ve heard comparisons to The Matrix. Not even close. They both star Keanu, that’s it. The dog was cute as hell and unfortunately
got minimal screen time. Then, of
course, this movie wouldn’t exist. I’d
be pissed and seek vengeance if someone did that to my cute little doggy
too. I am going to watch the sequel in
hopes they do something different and possibly original. 6/10/2017
100 Streets B
This is probably one of the worst ensemble films I’ve seen. Not one segment in this U.K. film grabbed my
interest. My eyes rolled several times
when coming across cliché after cliché.
There’s the has-been sports star (Idris Elba) who messed up his life and
wants another chance to be a good father.
There’s the former gang member who wants to leave behind that part of
his life. There’s an older person the
former gang member befriends who imparts wisdom and eventually meets a tragic
end. Been there, seen that! There’s a scene involving a man meeting with
the husband of the woman he accidentally killed. The husband only wanted to know one thing---if
she was smiling before he ran into her with his car. One, he wasn’t paying attention to know. Two, even if she was unhappy, I doubt a smile
would be a natural reaction before getting rammed by a vehicle. That’s just my logical opinion. 6/9/2017
Raw G
A French/Belgian production that’s probably one of the more
grisly coming-of-age stories. The
concluded message is that cannibalism could be genetic. I don’t think that’s entirely true but, then
again, I’m not a cannibal and don’t know any.
If I do unknowingly know any, I hope I’m not their intended meal. The main girl with the affliction was forced
to be a vegetarian her whole life, but her repressed desires surface after
eating rabbit kidney as part of a hazing ritual while attending veterinary
school. This leads to eating meaty
sandwiches, raw chicken and eventually human flesh when the opportunity
presents itself. There were reports of
fainting during premieres. Those
weak-stomached people clearly aren’t desensitized enough. This film is rather tame compared to other
anthropophagist entries. The only
stomach-churning part involves our (anti)heroine enjoying a certain “finger
food” for the first time, but not enough to appall anyone that saw their fair
share of gory films (cannibal or otherwise).
It’s always more fascinating when dark subject matter is interposed
amongst mundane settings. The (almost)
100 minutes moves quite briskly for being presented as an arty film and the
final scene is undeniably haunting. 6/1/2017
The Ticket EH
Dan Stevens seems to be popular these days. No surprise considering handsome faces shouldn’t
have trouble getting roles. Filmmakers
don’t seem to comprehend that eye candy doesn’t necessarily make a dull script
less dull. A man (Dan Stevens) has been
blind for years. One day, he
miraculously isn’t blind anymore. He
enjoys his “new” life with regained sight.
Improved sight apparently makes his heart “weaker.” He loses everything before eventually going
blind again. That’s basically it. There’s no excitement. There’s talk of God throughout with the title
metaphorically referring to the ways in which prayers are answered. Whatever.
Check out The Guest if you
want to see a much better movie with Mr. Stevens. 6/7/2017
The Void G
I’m not fond of hospital-set films but I think this might be
an added exception. Far from perfect but
contains a brooding sense of dread effectively leading to the Lovecraftian
terrors in wait. This movie is so
gloriously bizarre, I have to recommend it.
I have a sense it requires more than one viewing though. While I recognized elements of Hellraiser, Slither and The Thing,
this is essentially its own movie. Some
of the effects might’ve been icky but less in the feeling of unintentional regurgitation
and more in wanting a concentrated gander at all its grotesquerie. 5/30/2017
---Sean O.
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