All Through the House OK
Without the stabbing, cutting, and dick-chopping (you’ll
eventually learn why) predominantly done via hedge shears, this modern
Christmas horror film is a typical slasher crapfest. The rating is strictly for genre fans knowing
exactly what to expect. Non-horror fans
will likely think it’s too stupid and probably too gory and they wouldn’t be
wrong in either assessment. The gore is
actually pretty impressive all things considered. I wonder if the filmmakers have something
against attractive lesbians since they appeared to be the dumbest
characters. Why would you stay on a bed
after a sharp object keeps poking through from underneath? I was actually screaming at her to jump off and
run for it and it’s too late when she does because she wasn’t fast enough! Then, after her girlfriend sees her body and
the killer comes after her, why would she just close the bathroom door and
stand with her back to it knowing full well the door isn’t going to be the best
protection? Like I said, the gore
elevates this from being a less-than-okay mindless slasher flick. I’d still tell you to watch Silent Night, Deadly Night or even Silent Night (the re-imagined version)
instead, or the Tales from the Crypt
episode bearing the same title as this movie (with And prefixed) which can be viewed in less than half the time. Season’s Slayings! 12/12/2017
Baby Driver OK
This technically doesn’t just involve a kid named Baby being the Driver for robberies and heists.
We do get to know the reserved, music-loving kid. Plus, there’s a sappy love story too. Isn’t there always? I wasn’t particularly crazy about this
movie. Sure, there’re car chases, action
sequences and slightly unique characterizations, but I still felt it basically
had no point. The underlying message
seemed to be that all you need is love.
Blah, blah, blah. 12/16/2017
Dementia 13 OK
This is a remake of a Francis Ford Coppola film from 1963
which I actually own (part of a collection containing several movies) but don’t
remember watching. Usually I like to see
the original first or re-watch beforehand, but the thought didn’t even cross my
mind when using a Redbox code after seeing this under the horror new
releases. This movie begins rather
horrendously with awful acting before becoming what I assumed would be a
straight slasher film. It is a slasher
film, but it’s also a ghost story, a hostage film, and an evil doll movie (kind
of). Somehow meshing all the subgenres
works without being too pretentious or disarraying, but the whole is not
greater than the sum of its parts. It
feels generic when all is said and done and the reveal reminded me of You’re Next in a less ambitious film. It’s still not terrible. I wonder how much it compares to the
original? If this version was average, I
expect it to be slightly better. 12/9/2017
Jungle EH/OK
I rolled my eyes when the first image contained words
stating this was based on a true story.
It seems everything is based on a true story these days, or at least a
fabrication of it. This survival story
definitely could’ve happened, but it’s probably happened to countless
individuals so what makes this film so special?
Absolutely nothing. The
cinematography and location shots are spectacular but if the story contained
within doesn’t supplement them, why not just look at photos of the same places
instead of watching a bland movie? The
first gripe I had was the casting of Daniel Radcliffe, an actor as British as
they come, as an Israeli adventurer complete with (unconvincing) accent. They couldn’t cast an actual Israeli? Guaranteed they wouldn’t have had nearly as
many viewers nor distribution without a recognizable face like “Harry
Potter’s.” He plays the real-life
adventurer ending up stranded in a South American jungle after a river rafting
accident. He’s threatened by wild
animals, eats whatever he can (an unborn bird at one time), braves natural
elements, hallucinates at times, and becomes paper thin and ragged before being
rescued. I’m not giving anything away by
revealing he was rescued since this was based on fact and who else would know
what the real guy went through? Greg
McLean, the Australian director that also made the killer croc movie Rogue (killer being both figurative and
literal) and the best film of the year so far (The Belko Experiment), seems to churn out miss after hit. Here’s hoping his next is a hit. 12/10/2017
Kingsman: The Secret Service G
I figured I’d watch this upon seeing the sequel being released
on DVD/Blu-ray shortly. I’m not
particularly a fan of spy movies either so that could be why I didn’t bother
initially. Forget Bond, Jason Bourne, Agent
Cody Banks, and even Austin Powers (even though some parts of them were
funny). I actually prefer kiddy movies
like Harriet the Spy and the Spy Kids series. Kingsman
is basically a spy movie for people that don’t care for spy movies. It does toy with the genre but it’s not a
parody, it’s a fun movie with likable characters that’s actually pretty violent
too. The violence that does occur is not
what I expected one bit. A particularly
favorite involves induced mayhem occurring at a bigoted church in
Kentucky. I know I shouldn’t have high
hopes for the sequel but I am looking forward to watching it. 12/14/2017
Mariah Carey’s All I
Want for Christmas Is You OK/G
Ever since Mariah Carey’s Merry Christmas album came
out in 1994, my parents played it every year so, whether I like it or not, it
will always be synonymous with Christmas for me. I do like the album though. Come to think of it, I like those Christmas
songs more than her other material.
Can’t say I’ve ever really been a fan of Mariah. Anyway, this new animated feature contains a
girl named Mariah (not voiced by her, she narrates the movie instead) who just
wants a puppy. She’s always wanted one
but never been allowed with her father being allergic. Until this holiday that is, when she’s given
the task of taking care of her uncle’s dog while he’s away and if she proves
she can handle the responsibility, the dog she has an eye on is hers. The old ‘be careful what you wish for’ takes
effect after realizing it’s a lot of work taking care of a pooch even
though it wasn’t exactly the best dog to
care for (and you’ll learn why). I’m not
going to say anymore because you’ll foresee everything that happens. Mostly kids and their families will be
watching though and they’ll only care about how charming the story is, so the
rating is predominantly for them. It is
harmless and the new style of animation (which I’m really not a fan of)
actually didn’t bother me too much. I’m
willing to give modern material a chance even though I prefer what I grew up
with (but everyone usually does). Still,
I think I’ll stick to listening to Mariah’s songs from 1994 (I recalled two
played in this movie) every year instead of watching this. 12/9/2017
Of Horses and Men OK/G
There’s no plot to speak of as this literally consists of interactions
between horses and men (and women) in an Icelandic region. I can’t deny there isn’t anything quite like
it though. One part tries to rival the
“warming up” scene from The Revenant
but isn’t quite as effective. Those
expecting Black Beauty or a Flicka-type movie will be in for a
surprise. In fact, if you happen to have
youngsters with an equine obsession, I suggest you watch this first and make
your own decisions. Some parts may be
too intense for them and other scenes may be inappropriate. 12/13/2017
Super Dark Times G/VG
I was reminded of Mean
Creek even though it’s not quite like it.
Both involve young people in a tragedy and how it subsequently alters
their lives. The incident occurs earlier
in this film. You sense it coming before
it does happen and common sense should prohibit one from brawling with someone
holding a sword. We primarily focus on
how one kid copes with the accident, convincingly portraying how someone his
age (middle school) realistically might.
He becomes paranoid frequently, has haunting dreams, and distances
himself from certain people. Grief
effects people differently and the other kid handles it very much unexpectedly
causing me to think he may have always been disturbed. I wonder how this film would’ve
differentiated if it actually took place now with cell phones and social media. Bill Clinton was speaking on a box TV so it
took place between 1992 and 2000. I’m
guessing around 1996 since the popular Primitive Radio Gods song at the time
was playing in the background at a party.
What’s great is that it could’ve been released during that time or
earlier. It felt like a Stephen
King-based movie starting off with young boys hanging out and doing typical kid
stuff before one event transforms mundanity into super dark times! 12/9/2017
Thelma OK/G
This is basically a sapphic art-house version of Carrie.
Unlike the Brian De Palma/Stephen King-based movie, this Norwegian film
doesn’t lead to quite an explosive finale.
This is as art-house as it gets.
It basically spits in the face of Christianity too. If Thelma was simply allowed to be herself,
her condition, similar to Carrie White’s, would’ve been kept at bay. I wonder if Christians would also favor it
when it’s suggested that unwanted thoughts can be eradicated if you put your
mind to it? It’s very sad there’re still
people in the world believing homosexuality (even the thought) and alcohol
consumption (even just one beer apparently) are sins demanding forgiveness by
an almighty creator. This film does contain some interesting notions but much,
much, much, much patience is surely needed if you decide to partake. 12/13/2017
Whose Streets? G
Documentary detailing the origins of Black Lives Matter following
the shooting deaths of unarmed black men by police officers, particularly the
incident in Ferguson, Missouri. Whether
you stand with Black Lives Matter, All Lives Matter, or even No Lives Matter,
you can’t deny this is very relevant and one for the history books. I’m willing to hear any and all viewpoints
whether I agree or not and that’s what makes us human, human rights being the
focal point of this doc. Some material
gets repetitive and isn’t much different than what’s been presented before, but
the film is generally potent. 12/9/2017
---Sean O.
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