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In case you haven’t seen the intro from my entry dated
1/26/19 (it’s in my archives whenever you want to read it), I’m no longer going
to review every single movie I see. I’m going
to review one, with the occasional bonus, and just give ratings for the rest
from now on (unless I decide to pick it up again in the future). You can always ask me why I gave the ratings
for the films without reviews though (via comments or the e-mail addresses
under the ‘About Me’ section).
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Satanic Hispanics OK
Anthology film helmed by five Latin directors (only half the
film, if that, is actually in Spanish with subtitles), those filmmakers being
Alejandro Brugués (Juan of the Dead; Nightmare Cinema segment), Mike Mendez (The Convent; Tales of Halloween segment), Gigi Saul Guerrero (Bingo Hell; V/H/S/85 segment), Eduardo Sánchez (The Blair Witch Project), and Demián Rugna (Terrified; When Evil Lurks). In the wraparound segment, a lone survivor
(played by Efren Ramirez) of a massacre in Texas is taken to a police station
for questioning, which is where he tells the stories in hopes of being released
before something bad is coming for him.
The first one is a ghost story of sorts that left me feeling baffled,
but no doubt stayed on my mind afterwards because of that. Then there’s a horror-comedy, emphasis on the
comedy (thereby feeling tonally uneven), the gore being its redeeming quality,
it involving a vampire that must make it home before sunrise after being
reminded of daylight savings. The next
one was a bit too bizarre for me, involving a native curse in Mexico. The one after that was also tonally
inconsistent involving demons; it wasn’t bad, much like the vampire one, but
sometimes horror and comedy just don’t mesh well (especially when a really
goofy song plays during a battle). Now,
about that entity coming for our protagonist in the beginning…let’s just say
the interrogators should’ve heeded his warning; bloodshed surely ensues in what
was probably my favorite part of the movie.
Not the best anthology film, but not the worst either; probably
somewhere in between, or maybe even a little above that. 12/31/2023
Meg 2: The Trench EH
The Meg was the biggest disappointment of 2018 (you can read
my review for it in here---https://vampireclown82.blogspot.com/2018/08/mooby-reviews-81218.html). My expectations weren’t exactly high for this
sequel, but I was curious, especially after seeing a preview containing a
T-Rex. Said scene only takes place in
the beginning during a prologue. It was
probably the best part of the movie.
Don’t get me wrong, this does have its moments (a POV from the shark’s
mouth devouring victims being one, a shark vs. giant octopus scene actually wasn’t as bad
as it could’ve been, and the sharks themselves, yes, plural, don’t look too bad),
but nowhere near enough to recommend it.
Rotten Tomatoes said it best---It isn't without its
fun moments, but Meg
2: The Trench suffers from a
disjointed story that drifts for too long before finally delivering a few campy
thrills. One critic, as well, said, “While the action-filled climax is a delight,
too much of the first two acts doesn't work.” It is largely lacking during the first half,
humans being the primary evil ones, and the last third gets a little more
exciting, but, again, not enough to wade through the roughly 2-hour film. This really is just a big dumb action movie,
with sharks, and other creatures. 12/30/2023 Bonus reviews:
Brightwood OK
A bickering couple enter a wooded trail surrounding a lake
near their house. Eventually, they
inexplicably end up in a loop with no way out of this area. One of them even postulates they might be in
Hell. This is basically a feature-length
Twilight Zone episode. A violent one, at times. The beauty of Twilight Zone episodes though is that they are under 30-minutes;
even the 1983 movie was in an anthology format.
It wasn’t a bad film, I was even intrigued a decent amount, I just got a
bit impatient with it (and it’s only 84-minutes). I do give it points for having a totally
shocking conclusion (a grim one, at that).
Don’t expect any concrete answers.
1/5/2024
Killer Kites B
Yes, the title is very literal. There are kites that kill in this film. Seriously, what will they think of next? I’m willing to give the most asinine concept
a shot (as any of you that read my reviews should know) if it somehow
works. Hell, I didn’t think I’d enjoy a
film about killer pants, but I’ve watched Slaxx
more than once (my haiku review of it is in here---https://vampireclown82.blogspot.com/2021/03/the-dark-and-wickedthe-mortuary.html). I just wasn’t diggin’ this flick co-directed
by the guy that gave us another “masterpiece” entitled Sewer Gators (I have a haiku review of that in here---https://vampireclown82.blogspot.com/2022/10/spirit-halloween-movie.html;
more than one reference is made to that film here---how’s that for product
placement? They managed to feature
McDonald’s as well!). There were a few
neat kite POV shots (maybe three, if I remember correctly), but the kills
weren’t fun, nor were the effects impressive (some obviously digital). It felt a lot longer than its barely 67-minute
runtime too! Again, I can suspend my
disbelief (especially if it involves something like killer kites!); I just ask
that it be better than this (or more fun, if you will). 1/3/2024
Other movies and TV show(s) I’ve seen and their ratings (see above):
All Fun and Games >>>EH
Beau is Afraid >>>OK
Bodies >>>EH/OK
(Netflix; 8
episodes)
Final Summer >>>EH
Grieve >>>EH
The Holdovers >>>OK/G
House of Dolls >>>EH
It Lives Inside (2023) >>>EH/OK
A Murder at the End
of the World >>>EH
(Hulu; 7 episodes)
Mutt (2023) >>>OK
Possum >>>EH
Saltburn >>>B
South Park (Not Suitable for Children) >>>G
(Paramount+)
---Sean O.
1/6/2024
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