Apostle OK/G
New film available on Netflix taking place in the past (of
which time period I’m not quite sure), involving a man (Dan Stevens) traveling
to a secluded village in order to rescue his sister. Clearly something is not right with this
isolated village (isolated is usually the first indication). Not only must you travel a ways by boat to
get to the island, but you then must walk a ways on land to reach the village
nestled at the bottom of a mountain.
That’s just the first thing.
Dan’s character sees people cutting themselves through windows and sees
the town leader lift up a door in his floor before descending. You do eventually have all your questions
answered. I can see comparisons being
made to The Wicker Man (either
version) but it really isn’t exactly like that despite containing an isolated
community full of crazy religious people.
There is an initial air of menace and I did enjoy much of this, but even
at a little over 2 hours, I still felt it was a bit, I hate to say, lacking. 10/15/2018
Bad Samaritan OK/G
This film will surely make you think twice about valet
drivers. I mean, movies like Ferris Bueller’s Day Off should’ve
already, but these valets actually drive to their homes as they eat at the
restaurant and rob them. That is until
one of them finds a woman chained up in a guy’s house, thus beginning a
cat-and-mouse chase. It is derivative
(not too many films aren’t these days) and may be predictable at times
(predictability usually stems from derivability after all), but it was never
exactly boring. That is until the last
half hour when it does begin to lose steam, but it was bound to happen being
110 minutes. You could do a lot worse
though, plus the protagonist was a compelling character and the “Bad Samaritan”
was kind of creepy (played by David Tennant).
10/13/2018
Blood Mountain OK/G
Yet another found footage-ish film, this time involving
three men on a bike ride excursion (bicycles not motorcycles) in the mountains. The one guy wants to record everything to
eventually show his newborn son. It is
filmed mostly via “head-cam,” meaning the cameras are attached to two of their
helmets so we see everything they see, and of course there are omniscient views
at times when the helmets are taken off and set aside. The first-person POV shots of riding on the
trails were actually really effective and fun too. If you happened to get dizzy during the shaky
footage of The Blair Witch Project,
some parts of this film will give you motion sickness. Eventually they come across people at a cabin
after one of the riders goes missing and, as you can imagine, things quickly
turn to shit and it becomes a typical survival/chase film for a bit. One character reveals information towards the
end that I did not see coming and closer to the end I was a bit confused, but I
believe I pieced it all together after thinking about the entire film. Decent indie horror feature that’s nothing
new, in its found footage aspect and
content, but its approach makes it work sometimes and indiscriminate horror
fans might be momentarily pleased. 10/13/2018
Creeped Out: Season One G/VG
U.K./Canada kiddie horror anthology series recently made
available on Netflix and I’m sure glad it was.
This series made me feel like an impressionable youngster again. There’s definitely an Are You Afraid of the Dark? vibe as well as several Tales from the Crypt comeuppance
conclusions, and even a Black Mirror-ish
tale geared towards middle schoolers. It
is comprised of 13 episodes (technically 12 since one contains two parts) that
are all under a half hour, therefore none overstay their welcome. There is a voiceover narrator before and
after each episode as well as a voiceless character dubbed The Curious donning
a hoodie and mask resembling something from The
Strangers. The Curious is just
there, much like Sam from Trick ‘r Treat,
and was a cool character that could possibly become iconic. I don’t believe I disliked a single episode,
some naturally not as good as others, with “The Call” being my least favorite
but still not necessarily a waste of time.
Personal favorites included “Bravery Badge,” “Kindlesticks,” and “Side
Show.” “Side Show” was the two-parter and
contained a twist that was very clever indeed.
The majority of them weren’t too original at all, but that doesn’t mean
they weren’t fun, and they all contained a modicum of suspense. There’re a few scenes here and there that
might scare the most timid viewers (I know some kids scare easier than others),
but the series is generally innocuous and a good introduction to the genre for
today’s impressionable youth. I think
it’ll find its audience primarily amongst preteens while teenagers might think
they’re “too cool” for it unless they’re still young at heart. I, for one, am going to be 36 and I got a
kick out of it (I love them anthology shows, kiddie or not). Bring on season two (which is planned as of this
writing), and three, and four, and five, and so on…10/8/2018
The First Purge G
It’s amazing how four Purge
movies have been made so far, as well as a current ten-episode TV series. They’ve all seemed to work though since there
are so many different ways to tell it. I
don’t believe I’ve disliked any so far and I’ve been enjoying the show for the
most part even though it’s starting to weaken (I figured ten episodes isn’t too
much to commit to). They’re kind of like
the Final Destination films whereas
they might not be anything special but they’re all fun and you simply have to
take them for what they are. I mean, we
all have animalistic instincts and would love to be able to let our anger out
on certain people with no consequences, but the very thought of actually having
a Purge night once a year is a very frightening concept. It’s frightening how it could actually happen
in the future. This fourth film in the
series is a “prequel” since it goes back to the beginnings of the American
experiment in which all crime (including murder) is legal for 12 hours one night
of the year. This film wasn’t great but
I’m giving it a mild recommendation because I enjoyed it enough, especially for
being a sequel/prequel to a franchise whose concept should’ve been worn out
after the first time. It becomes a
microcosmic apocalypse with plenty of action and violence and is the best
gangster film (sort of) I’ve seen in a while.
It is definitely political too but timely and could be seen as a
commentary on how shady the U.S. government can be regarding certain social
issues. Since I’ve liked them all so far
(definitely not loved) and continue to watch the show every week, I’m not going
to say I won’t watch anymore made in the future…unless they actually do start
sucking. 10/9/2018
Ghost Stories G
Anthology films, gotta love ‘em. At least I do. This U.K. collection involves three “cases”
given to a skeptic man (in the wraparound segment) making a living by debunking
anything supernatural. The tales take
place at an abandoned asylum at night, the dark woods at night, and a huge
house at night during the winter---common settings for ghost stories! That doesn’t make them any less chilling, or
effective rather. Ghost stories always seem
to be more frightening taking place at night.
I’ll never forget a meme I once saw that is truer than true: “During the day, I don’t believe in
ghosts. At night, I’m a little more open-minded.” I’m a skeptic but my imagination always likes
to fuck with me. Anyway, there is a far
outdated twist at the end and the film as a whole is far from innovative, but I
thoroughly enjoyed all three segments (although too short in my opinion) enough to warrant a recommendation. 10/13/2018
Goosebumps 2: Haunted Halloween OK/G
You don’t need to see the first movie or be familiar with
the book series or TV show to watch this, despite containing a reference to the
first movie and several book titles being mentioned. Again, like any sequel regardless of connection
to any predecessors, why would you care to see a sequel first or without being
slightly familiar with the franchise?
The point is, you can watch this without necessarily needing to know any
info or returning characters. Jack Black
does return as R.L. Stine briefly, Slappy the ventriloquist dummy returns as
the prominent villain (containing the wit of the Cryptkeeper), and you might
recognize a returning creature like the Abominable Snowman, but most of the
creatures here are brand new, some of them pretty gnarly (the gummy bears, the
balloon spider, the pumpkin scarecrow, some of the pumpkins). This theatrical sequel was generally fun in
the way family Halloween films of yore have been, but it still felt too short
and got a bit showy towards the end. I can say that I had more fun with this
than I did the first time I saw the first Goosebumps
movie (it did get a bit better the second time), and I think younger viewers
(the general target audience) should enjoy it with the possibility of becoming
a film they look back at nostalgically. 10/15/2018
Hotel Artemis EH
The titular hotel provides help to criminals only (at least
those are the rules) and they must be members or are turned away. The year is 2028 and riots on the streets are
out of hand (doesn’t sound much different than the present). The cast is star-studded but this film is
lifeless. It gets a bit exciting (violent
too) towards the end, a bit, but it
doesn’t last long. I shouldn’t be
apologizing since my time was wasted
but, sorry, I just didn’t enjoy my stay for the most part. 10/10/2018
Malevolent OK
“None of the dead ever come back. But some of them stay.” Something along those lines were quoted in
the beginning of this new Netflix movie taking place in Scotland I assume
(Glasgow was sprawled across the screen in the beginning but London was
mentioned another time) in 1986. A
brother and sister are part of a business where they pretend to rid ghosts from
people’s homes until one visit somehow causes the sister to actually see and
hear them. It begins like a clichéd
ghost story and stays that way for quite a bit until becoming another movie (or
subgenre more appropriately) during the last quarter which is cliché in itself,
making the film more that type of movie and therefore makes the entire film
unoriginal. It’s a shame too because it
was so well-made and could’ve actually been somewhat creepy if it focused
solely on being a supernatural horror movie.
10/9/2018
Sollers Point OK
So-so independent film about a lower-class guy in Maryland
recently taken off house arrest and trying to get his act back together. Of course there’s the expected inspirational
advice given by some of those close to him, but ultimately he just gets in
trouble with those he comes across (mostly from his past) and doesn’t seem to
get anywhere. Not a bad film, just
nothing special. 10/17/2018
Terror in the Woods OK/G
This Lifetime TV movie was obviously inspired by the Slenderman
case. It even states it was based on a
true story in the beginning (hmm…). The
supernatural creature here is called Suzerain instead of Slenderman and it’s
found on Creepy Storypedia instead of Creepypasta (hmm…). Two sixth grade girls lure another girl into
the woods in an attempt to sacrifice her in order to save them and their
families from the Suzerain. Should sound
familiar to anyone familiar with the Slenderman case. On one hand, it does realistically portray
what it’s like being an insecure sixth grader, almost as much as, if not better
than, Eighth Grade. The acting may not have been superb but, one,
it’s a Lifetime TV movie and, two, the performers were actually that age which
may have added some authenticity to it.
Clearly these girls, much like the real ones, were too immature to fully
comprehend what they were actually doing.
The one girl even clearly had a mental illness which the parents swept
under the rug by claiming she was too young to have one. While this may not be flawless (as can be
expected given the format and channel it aired on), it really wasn’t that bad considering the format and
channel it aired on. 10/15/2018
Thrill Ride OK
A group of kids attempt to save their Dad’s business by
going to an indoor amusement park in Chicago called Happyland where Al Capone
allegedly hid a treasure when he built the place in the early Thirties. This family film is average (nothing more,
nothing less) and slightly resembles a Disney Channel feature but not exactly;
there’s actually a few mild curse words (I guess that explains the PG rating). It’s fun occasionally and there’re several
semi-successful attempts at past-meets-present humor (statues from the past are
brought to life). The special effects
are kinda terrible but few and far between and don’t completely ruin the
movie. This is strictly for the ‘under
high school’ crowd; the parents and older siblings likely won’t care one way or
the other. 10/11/2018
Truth or Dare OK/G
How many of these movies are there going to be? One was just released theatrically by
Blumhouse this year! This one was also
released this year (under the radar), directed by Nick Simon and containing a
cameo by Heather Langenkamp (“Nancy” from the original A Nightmare on Elm Street for those that don’t know). Do you think a group of people play the
titular game? (I’ve never seen it played
where questions and dares are written on pieces of paper instead of being
stated per turn though). Are they all
forced to play and don’t take it seriously until they’re shown what happens when
one refuses? Are losers like me going to
keep watching these movies? (To be less
self-deprecating, I’ll say horror nerds like me, but the labels could be
synonymous). Yes, yes, and yes. Based on my rating though, you can probably
guess a BUT is coming. Well…BUT I
actually didn’t mind this entry. It gets
dark at times and has some wince-inducing moments, giving it more of a Saw vibe, plus there’s an interesting
approach to presenting a literal haunted house. Put it this way, I enjoyed it more than the
recent Blumhouse release. 10/14/2018
22 July OK/G
Yes, I remember hearing about that fateful day in 2011 in
Norway that left 77 people dead. This
film available on Netflix chronicles the events and their aftereffects. It begins right away with the bombing at a
government building in Oslo, followed by the mass shooting at a camp on an
island. We then follow the gunman, who
holds conservative anti-immigrant ideologies, from his arrest all the way to
trial. It’s amazing how someone like him
can even have a trial when he clearly committed the crimes and even more
amazing how people like him can simply plead insanity. We not only see how the aftermath deeply
impacted survivors and their loved ones, particularly one family, but also the
lawyer defending the Knights Templar terrorist despite stating upfront how much
he disagrees with what he did. I
personally think it would’ve been a better movie, more harrowing too, if we
spent the majority of the film getting to know the victims at the camp (and
government building) before the known
tragedy; but this approach, although a bit lengthy at almost 2 ½ hours, was
okay and I’m sure won’t be the last we see on the subject. 10/11/2018
Western B
This isn’t exactly a western, not in the American sense at
least. It takes place in Bulgaria where
a group of German men are working near a town that looks stuck in the past
according to some. Allegedly there was a
history of Germans in this town which occasionally causes some animosity amongst
the townspeople and workers. It could’ve
also stemmed from a minor altercation between a German worker and a female
Bulgarian. This was one of those in
which you kept thinking it was going to get good but never quite does. It was two hours too! It doesn’t even work as a character study,
not effectively at least. Waste of
friggin’ time! 10/16/2018
The Witch Files OK/G
Much like the werewolf film, the witch film is a subgenre
that’s underrepresented and doesn’t contain many worthy titles (at least in
horror). Sure, there are many films,
horror or not, that contain witches but aren’t strictly focused on them. The
Wizard of Oz is ultimately a family fantasy simply containing them. I have yet to see a witch film I can truly call
a masterpiece. The Witches may be good for nostalgia and for being based on a
Roald Dahl novel, but I enjoyed it more in my younger years. The
Craft is fun and may have achieved a bit of cult status, but it’s
definitely no masterpiece by a long shot.
Wicked Lake is a decent indie
film that’s far from great and hasn’t achieved any kind of status (shocking
considering Al Jourgensen from Ministry was involved). The
Witch was good but definitely overrated in my opinion. If the comic book, Wytches, ever
becomes a movie or series, I can see that having potential cult status since I
was a big fan of the reading material.
Anyway, this movie involves a group of teen girls in Maine that dabble
in witchcraft after meeting up with a goth girl recently returned to town. This movie wasn’t bad. Corny?
Sort of, in the Afterschool Special/TV movie variety which is never
necessarily a bad thing. It’s more
enjoyable and more fitting as a teen movie featuring witches than as a witch
movie involving teens. It is a found
footage movie of sorts since everything is filmed, but the format doesn’t
distract the overall narrative. I know
there’s a great witch movie out there
waiting to get made or seen by my eyes, but I can settle for passable ones like
this in the meantime. 10/10/2018
---Sean O.
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