Action Point B/EH
Mr. Johnny Knoxville, he of Jackass fame. There’s at
least one other Jackass alumni here
as well. Speaking of Jackass, I did watch that show upon its
release and saw all the theatrically-released films. The series had that “how could MTV even
consider airing this” ineptitude juxtaposed with the “I can’t look away”
aspect, and it was funny sometimes too.
This film is worse than any of the Jackass
movies or any single episode I’ve seen.
If you’ve seen a preview, you’ve seen the best parts (if you can even
call them worthy). I knew this was
doomed from the beginning when introduced to an alcoholic brown bear (yes,
literally). That shit wouldn’t even be
funny in a parody. This should’ve been
fun taking place at an amusement park (shabby or not) in 1979. I only recall laughing out loud once and I
could’ve forgiven the film for not being funny as long as it was fun, which it’s
not (save for maybe one part towards the end).
It mostly involves competition with a new amusement park nearby and a
troubled daddy-daughter relationship. Adventureland this is not (now that’s a
good movie featuring an amusement park you should check out if you haven’t
already). 8/25/2018
BlacKkKlansman OK/G
Spike Lee. The man
behind many controversial yet deep pictures involving race relations or the
human experience in general, particularly for the black American (fitting
considering he’s the most prominent black American filmmaker). Who better than him to direct this film about
a black man (cop too) infiltrating the KKK via telephone in the early ‘70’s in
Colorado? While this film is deep at
times and definitely controversial (generally light-hearted), I guess I expected
it to be even more deep and more controversial coming from Spike given the
subject matter. I guess I expected it to
be more ominous than facetious or at least balanced between the two. I guess I also expected a grand finale like
the ending of Inglourious Basterds
despite being based on a true story. I also
didn’t buy Topher Grace’s performance as the Grand Wizard, David Duke, of the
Ku Klux Klan for one second. The whole
time he appeared on screen I kept saying to myself, “Hey, it’s Topher
Grace!” Perhaps Spike should’ve cast someone
that looks as creepy as the real man, but maybe that was all part of the
overall comedic tone? It generally keeps
your interest at 2 hours and 15 minutes though.
I’m always interested in what Mr. Lee puts out. Surprisingly this is the first movie of his I
saw in the theater! Naturally, like all
prestigious directors, he has good films (Do
the Right Thing, Summer of Sam, Jungle Fever, 25th Hour) as well as not-so-good films (Girl 6, She Hate Me, Da Sweet Blood
of Jesus) and this one falls somewhere in the middle. Well, maybe a little above the middle. 8/15/2018
Breaking In EH
A woman returns to her childhood home in hopes of selling it
after her father is murdered. The house
is large and isolated (perfect setting for an invasion, no?). Her father’s murderers planned on invading
the home and are already there (initially hidden) when the daughter arrives
with her two kids. The villains want
something in the house (money like usual) and the woman won’t tell them where
it is (in a safe maybe?) or how to obtain it when they do find it (usually a
code is needed, right?). Thus
complications ensue for at least an hour as the two kids are held captive
inside while mama bear fights and taunts the villains both inside and outside
the home. There really was no suspense knowing
the woman and her kids would likely survive by the end (waste your time to find
out). If all this sounds interesting or
somehow innovative, then this movie might work for you. Those that don’t think it sounds interesting
or innovative in the slightest, well…you are who my rating is for. Gabrielle Union does kick ass though and
doesn’t seem to age. 8/25/2018
Dark Crimes EH
Jim Carrey may forever be known for his comedic roles, but
he’s done the occasional serious role (Eternal
Sunshine of the Spotless Mind, The
Number 23) to hinder any performance from being unconvincing. Now, that never means the movie itself is
going to be good (case in point here). This
Poland-set film begins promising like a True
Detective or Seven-ish thriller
but gradually gets much worse after that, or bland more appropriately. Mr. Carrey plays a detective that re-opens a
case and accuses a man that obviously isn’t guilty---at least in movie world
he’d be too obvious. Nothing much
happens until the big reveal which isn’t that big at all since I didn’t care by
then. The only crime here is Jim
agreeing to be a part of it. 8/18/2018
Deadpool 2 EH
I wasn’t much a fan of Deadpool. It won for one of the most overrated films of
2016 for me (www.bestworstarchive.blogspot.com) and you can check out or re-read my
review for it in the archives (www.abcreviewarchive.blogspot.com). So why did I watch the sequel? For about the umpteenth time (if you’ve been
keeping up since day one or enough times)…my OCD. I liked this one even less. This became the Scary Movie of superhero movies, mostly parodying X-Men and The Terminator here. I know
these movies were intended to be taken lightly, but the fourth-wall breaking
and tongue-planted-firmly-in-cheek of it all doesn’t work for me and appears to
attempt humor while failing horribly. I
actually kinda hated it from the get-go and didn’t like it much better during
its 2-hour run time; the only mild exception being the final fight scene. Another bone for me to pick is the use of the
word ‘pumpkinfucker.’ To Rhett Reese, Paul
Wernick and Ryan Reynolds (those are the screenwriters---it took three people
to write this now that I mention that?!!!):
You are all officially on my mental hit list. That is my word and I can have people testify
that I’ve been using it way before this stupid movie came out. I could probably provide visible proof if I
go into my Facebook archives since I know for a fact I’ve said it in
posts. Now people that hear me say it
for the first time are going to think I got it from Deadpool…pumpkinfuckers!!!!! Anyway, Deadpool
definitely has its fans, this critic not being one of them. I’m not going to say I won’t watch Deadpool 3 or 4 (for the umpteenth
time…my OCD) although I didn’t watch Cars
3 because I wasn’t crazy about Cars
and hated Cars 2 (much like I feel
about this franchise thus far), so maybe I have been getting a little better
with my OCD…8/22/2018
First Reformed EH/OK
The title refers to the church in which Ethan Hawke plays
one of its clergymen. There are hints of
darker things to come but it leads to an unsatisfying conclusion, ultimately
making this a slow character study of a man gradually deteriorating physically
and mentally. I didn’t buy Cedric the
Entertainer’s (credited here as Cedric Kyles) serious performance either. 8/22/2018
How to Talk to Girls
at Parties OK
Coming-of-age story set in 1977 in England when punk rock
was big. It also involves aliens that resemble
humans. It contains dark themes overcome
by a daffiness not unlike Dude, Where’s
My Car? while ultimately involving stale notions of individuality and “the
grass being greener on the other side” (here, it’s more like the planet is
greener on the other side). There’s a
love story too, and just before I thought there was going to be an unhappy
conclusion, there’s a sappy epilogue set 15 years later. Neil Gaiman (whom I’m a fan of) penned the
short story (which I haven’t read) in which this film is based, but didn’t
write the screenplay. All the elements
for a good story are here, but it lacks cohesion tonally and in general organization. 8/25/2018
Incident in a
Ghostland OK/G
H.P. Lovecraft is referenced more than once here but the
film isn’t twisted like that of the late author, but it is twisted in a
different way. There’s a creepy house,
an ice cream truck (or candy truck as it’s called), dolls (doll enthusiasts like
myself should be pleased), and two very demented psychopaths. It has the plot of a ‘70’s or ‘80’s horror
film as well as the feel of an early ‘00’s entry, particularly the New French
Extremity (ironically, the French director behind the original Martyrs helmed this, filmed in Canada in
English with the occasional French spoken).
One of the victims (consisting of a mom and her two daughters) of the
two very demented psychopaths is an aspiring novelist (the aforementioned
author being a big influence), so that should hint from the get-go what might
be in store. It doesn’t necessarily make
the movie worse by any means, but it occasionally gets perplexing as to what
might or might not be reality. My rating
is temporary (like other instances) because this has one of those “better upon
each viewing” vibes, but for now I lean very much towards G because it’s one of
those films horror fans should admire more than not. 8/18/2018
Marrowbone OK/G
The title refers to both the name adopted by a family in
hiding after traveling from England to America, and to the house in which they
are hiding. There is a reason to why
they traveled across the ocean and to why they’re hiding. It begins as a somewhat compelling drama
focusing on this immigrant family and hints a couple times at being a gothic
ghost story. Once all the questions are
answered, it ultimately becomes a psychological drama with a very derivative
twisteroo (I saw that word in a review years ago) that’s far overdone. I don’t want to give examples of what it
reminded me of in case you want to see it, and I’m absolutely not dismissing
it, it just would’ve been a much better movie (being the same exact movie) had
it been released at least 20 years ago. 8/16/2018
The Package EH
Netflix film in which the title doesn’t exactly refer to a
package you might think, unless you consistently have a dirty mind. Well, I guess I just gave it away. A group of friends go on a camping trip (the
wooded location is the best part of the movie; I’d like to visit the real place)
and one of the dude’s penis’ accidentally gets cut off. Of course none of their cell phones work
(after one successful call to 911) before another accident causes all the
phones to disappear completely. He’s
airlifted to a hospital before the remaining friends realize the wrong cooler
(one had his dismembered package on ice) was sent with him in order to perform
the surgery. Thus begins mishap after
mishap as the others trek across the woods to get to the hospital in time. Some parts may have been funny in theory, but
this is generally an asinine comedy that’ll be forgotten after I revise and post
this in my blog entry (the one you’re reading right now). 8/16/2018
The Ravenous OK
New zombie film from Netflix. Yes, yet another zombie film. The zombies here are more like the infected
from 28 Days Later in that they’re
fast and only appear undead. There’s no
origin given but I don’t think seasoned viewers care too much anymore since
there’s only so many ways an epidemic can occur (virus, experiment gone bad,
chemical spill, something in the air, etc.).
The location is Canada, the French part, so that means there’re
subtitles for those not fluent in French.
It’s not quite like the aforementioned Danny Boyle film, but I’ve
noticed similarities to The Road and The Walking Dead amongst others. In other words, it wasn’t very original, but
what is anymore? Every genre and
subgenre is always going to contain films compared to others with a few
distinguishing exceptions here and there.
Many films have been made in just a little over a century (since the
birth of cinema), so there’s not too many ways to make original films anymore. Some will be better than others while some
will be worse. It strictly comes down to
how much you enjoyed watching the particular movie during that time. A buddy of mine said there’s a joy in
watching movies for the first time which is exactly why I keep watching new
movies. I didn’t hate this movie nor do
I think I’ll ever watch it again. I
would say watch it only if looking for something new and there’s nothing else
to choose from, but I think I’d rather tell you to watch better zombie movies
like those from George Romero or The
Return of the Living Dead(s), or even the aforementioned 28 Days Later and its sequel, 28 Weeks Later; or check out my “Ten
Favorite Zombie Films” list on my other blog, Ten Best Lists, for other
suggestions, or just ask me. 8/19/2018
Scary Stories for Kids B
Anthology from 2005 (but looks older and not in a good way)
featuring a ghost host named Gator Butt Willie (yes, seriously) telling stories
to three kids in the wraparound segment.
In this poorly-shot short film, the segments include killer vines, a
mirror and spells, and a house full of doors with “dangers” behind them. There’s also a “bonus” story told and not
shown that wasn’t too bad which goes to show that sometimes stories are better
left to the imagination. It is barely a
half hour but there’re much better things you can spend a half hour doing, such
as watching episodes of better kiddie horror like Are You Afraid of the Dark?, Tales
from the Cryptkeeper, and Goosebumps
(although I would just tell you to read the books instead but the show was
infinitely better than this garbage intended for those aged 6-11 according to a
synopsis). 8/15/2018
Slender Man OK/G
Slender Man. The
mythological, faceless being resembling a cross between Jack Skellington and a
Lovecraftian beast created online in 2009.
Here, he appears in a fictional narrative haunting four teenage girls
that watch one of his videos online (won’t characters in horror movies ever
learn?). The plot may resemble that of a
dead teenager movie and there’s a few fake jump scares, plus a few annoyingly
loud scenes featuring frenetic imagery belonging in a Marilyn Manson or Aphex
Twin video, but the film does have a consistently gloomy vibe and is very
well-shot. We actually do see what
happens to those that go missing and the creature’s transformation at the end
wasn’t disappointing at all even though I didn’t expect to see him as anything
other than a shadowy figure of a man. As
of this writing, it only has 1 out of 5 stars on All Movie and an 11% rating (based
off 35 critics) on Rotten Tomatoes. It
is definitely not that bad. I can almost recommend it. It’s not worth paying the matinee price for (but
no movie is) other than bargain/discount times and I might even say wait for
the DVD release, but I don’t think it’s a waste of time at all for the most
part. That’s just me though. 8/16/2018
To All the Boys I’ve
Loved Before EH
A girl in high school has a box containing five unsent
letters written to her crushes throughout her life. Those letters are purposely sent to the
recipients by her little sister. Quite
the predicament! Especially for an
introverted teenager. One ends up being
gay and two were from a long time ago, one letter being returned to her. One proposes they pretend to be together in
hopes of making his ex jealous and for her to avoid another crush since he
recently broke up with her older sister.
I’m sure I don’t have to tell you they actually end up together despite
the leading girl’s voiceover claiming otherwise at first. Sounds like many a movie, Jim and the crazy
band geek being one example that comes to mind (American Pie 2). Of course
there’re complications in between---jealousies, fights, break-ups---you know, typical
teen movie stuff, typical teen stuff.
The diversity police should be happy an Asian-American is the lead, but I
can still see some mentioning the generalization that many people, including
Asians themselves, don’t find Asian men attractive since none of the straight
girl’s crushes here were Asian.
Whatever, diversity doesn’t necessarily equal innovative as proven here. I initially thought this was going to be a
different teen rom-com, demographics aside.
Dear Netflix, if you’re going to call movies you release Netflix
Originals, why not at least make them somewhat original? Please.
8/19/2018
A Wrinkle in Time B
I read the book by Madeleine L’Engle in 6th grade
(I’m going to be 36 soon) and don’t remember a damn thing, not even if I liked
it or not. I don’t recall seeing any other
visual adaptations, but I can tell you that this movie was AWFUL!!! It’s a corny live-action Disney movie worse
than most Disney Channel TV movies that are often intended to be corny. The film is all over the place, looks
overblown, the acting is terrible (yes, even Oprah), and the overall message is
that love conquers all. Blah, blah,
blah. I wanted to turn it off after
around 20 minutes (it was almost 2 hours).
I really wish my OCD didn’t stop me from ending movies before they’re
finished. I really can’t describe too
well why I hated it so much (other than what I mentioned above). I would tell you to see for yourself which I
don’t recommend, so you just have to take my word for it (as well as 150 out of
250 critics on Rotten Tomatoes). I hated
almost every inch of this movie. 8/15/2018
---Sean O.
