Saturday, December 24, 2022

Nanny/Glass Onion

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In case you haven’t seen the intro from my entry dated 1/26/19 (it’s in my archives whenever you want to read it), I’m no longer going to review every single movie I see.  I’m going to review one, with the occasional bonus, and just give ratings for the rest from now on (unless I decide to pick it up again in the future).  You can always ask me why I gave the ratings for the films without reviews though (via comments or the e-mail addresses under the ‘About Me’ section).
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Nanny                                                                          OK/G
New film on Amazon Prime marketed as a horror drama, emphasis on the drama.  It works best as a character study above all.  The few “horror” elements we do see are kind of lame and the worst parts of the movie actually.  It involves a Senegalese woman in New York watching a couple’s young daughter in hopes of making enough money to bring over her young son from Africa.  She appears to be welcome at first until eventually she’s scolded for things like feeding the girl food she prepares herself and for not always keeping an eye on her (pertaining to one incident in the park).  The matriarch also hasn’t paid her for quite some time.  The ending is such a sucker punch to the gut; it is very depressing, thereby making it the most horrific aspect of the entire film.  12/17/2022

Glass Onion:  A Knives Out Mystery                          OK
According to my archives, I only gave Knives Out an EH rating; I definitely would’ve rated it higher the second time I watched it.  Only Daniel Craig’s detective character returns in this sequel (now available on Netflix) with a new set of characters, all of which congregate at the titular structure on an island in Greece for a murder mystery.  Initially things don’t go as planned, or so we’re lead to believe.  There are only so many ways to do a whodunit, let alone most types of movies, so a good group of characters are surely needed, which we do get to know most of them here a good deal.  Conventions are tinkered with a bit (it is sometimes well-written), but it is (expectedly) rather indistinguishable and does overstay its welcome at almost 2 ½ hours.  Like I said, there’s not too much you can expect from a whodunit/murder mystery/whatever-you-want-to-call-it anymore.  12/23/2022

Other movies I've seen and their ratings (see above):

Eyes Wide Shut  >>>OK/G

The Loneliest Boy in the World  >>>EH

The Minute You Wake Up Dead  >>>EH/OK

Perfect Blue  >>>EH
   (In Japanese with subtitles)

Sole Survivor (1984)  >>>EH

Spooky+  >>>B/EH

---Sean O.
12/24/2022

Saturday, December 17, 2022

Violent Night/Christmas Bloody Christmas

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In case you haven’t seen the intro from my entry dated 1/26/19 (it’s in my archives whenever you want to read it), I’m no longer going to review every single movie I see.  I’m going to review one, with the occasional bonus, and just give ratings for the rest from now on (unless I decide to pick it up again in the future).  You can always ask me why I gave the ratings for the films without reviews though (via comments or the e-mail addresses under the ‘About Me’ section).
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Violent Night                                                               OK/G
David Harbour, he of Stranger Things fame, plays Santa, literally, in this new holiday film from the director of Dead Snow and Dead Snow 2.  Santa ends up stranded at a large house in Connecticut when criminals hold the family inside hostage in hopes of obtaining something (Large house?  Why wouldn’t someone want to steal from it?).  Things do get violent as the title states when Jolly Old St. Nick helps defend this family throughout the night.  Yes, Santa is the good guy, if you didn’t see previews or read about it, not quite like Billy in Silent Night, Deadly Night (although I think there may have been at least one nod to that film here).  I’m guessing this is going to be compared to Die Hard the most.  There were references and nods to Home Alone too (and I’d say those scenes were worthy).  I was impressed with some of the violence, particularly what happens after a decoration is shoved into an eyeball, and when Santa goes wild while a Bryan Adams song is playing.  It is often a typical action flick wherein the good guys inevitably prevail over the baddies, and I don’t think I’m giving anything away by saying that either; plus, I didn’t tell you how anyone was defeated (another violent scene I was impressed with, and shocked by, is what befalls the main baddie played by John Leguizamo).  Generally a fun film when all is said and done, even if it often does feel typical.  12/13/2022

Christmas Bloody Christmas                                      OK/G
I couldn’t wait to watch this after hearing it was a holiday horror film involving a robotic killer Santa Claus (which is now available on Shudder and AMC+).  I do love Yuletide horror movies.  I was actually reminded of Hardware in addition to Silent Night, Deadly Night.  Other than seeing a brief news segment stating the Santa’s were recalled, I don’t recall seeing or hearing how this human-size festive robot (with a very human demeanor) went rogue (not too much time is wasted before it does so either).  How the hell did this animatronic Kris Kringle know to look for an axe before he first went apeshit?  How did it know where the two main characters lived after spotting them walking from a distance before driving away?  There’s no way it would’ve been able to keep up with them.  How did it know how to operate a shotgun for the first time?  And how the hell did it know how to drive an ambulance?!!!  I’m willing to suspend all logic, sometimes, for entertainment if I actually enjoy it.  Clearly this film is flawed, but I did enjoy a decent amount of it.  I was likely expecting too much from it the first time while taking it all in.  Some of the violence may be over the top, but the film is sure nice to look at, and definitely not low-budget.  I liked getting to know the two main characters as well, they conversing about movies and music (in regards to one of their debates---Pet Sematary Two is certainly a worthy sequel, but it’s not better than its predecessor!; and at least she said Child’s Play 2 was her favorite of that franchise---mine too!).  This appears to be one of those “turn the brain off and enjoy the ride” features.  I’ll definitely watch it again…12/15/2022

Other movies I've seen and their ratings (see above):

The Apology (2022)  >>>OK/G

Mad God  >>>OK/G
   (Shudder)

Who Killed Santa? A Murderville Murder Mystery  >>>EH/OK
            (Netflix)

A Wounded Fawn  >>>EH/OK

---Sean O.
12/17/2022

Tuesday, December 13, 2022

Guillermo del Toro's Pinocchio

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In case you haven’t seen the intro from my entry dated 1/26/19 (it’s in my archives whenever you want to read it), I’m no longer going to review every single movie I see.  I’m going to review one, with the occasional bonus, and just give ratings for the rest from now on (unless I decide to pick it up again in the future).  You can always ask me why I gave the ratings for the films without reviews though (via comments or the e-mail addresses under the ‘About Me’ section).
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Guillermo del Toro’s Pinocchio                                  OK/G
Two Pinocchio movies in one year?!  [You can check out my review for the other one released on Disney+ in here---https://vampireclown82.blogspot.com/2022/09/snapperamerican-horror-stories-season-2.html].   According to research, there are at least 17 Pinocchio films (Pinocchio’s Revenge not being one that came up), and that’s not including TV variations.  No, I haven’t seen them all, not even close, the original 1940 Disney film never being one of my favorites from the company.  I was actually looking forward to this stop-motion Netflix release a bit since Guillermo del Toro was involved, he having style (often more than substance).  There definitely is style, the style itself being its primary redeeming quality.  Don’t get me wrong, if this was live-action, or even a different kind of animation, this likely would’ve been just another unnecessary update (there are only so many ways you can tell the same story).  Many of the familiar elements are here, but some stuff was omitted and some stuff was added---something I sort of admired about it.  Being that it’s roughly two hours, I got a bit impatient with it.  I didn’t expect there to be songs in this version either, but there weren’t too many.  Unique execution on the oft-adapted tale, that might get better with viewings, but I don’t think we need any more features involving the titular wooden puppet.  12/12/2022

Bonus review:

Let the Right One In (Season One)                             OK
I’m a fan of the 2008 Swedish film of the same name; I didn’t love it at first; I had to watch it more than once to eventually love it.  The 2010 remake, Let Me In, felt too fast-paced (as American remakes of non-American films often are) and was released much too soon after the original.  This new Showtime series is predominantly a drama; well, the original film was ultimately an indie coming-of-age film that contained vampires; this series contains vampires, and there is violence like the film, but it’s primarily a drama.  The story generally remains intact---a young vampire girl is protected by an older man (her father here) and befriends a young boy living in the same apartment building; the setting trades Sweden for New York.  Whereas the film generally focused on the young boy and his vamp friend while occasionally featuring ancillary characters, bullying being the central theme, this series focuses on more than just those two, such as both their single parents and people looking for a cure; the bullying here is just a minor subplot.  Being that it’s ten episodes roughly 50-minutes each (give or take), it does feel drawn out, even with all the other characters.  Perhaps I was instinctively comparing to the movie?  Or perhaps if I never saw the movie, or remake even, would I have appreciated this more?  Like always, questions I’ll never have answered, and this series would’ve never existed without the film, which itself wouldn’t have existed without the book it was based on by John Ajvide Lindqvist (I’m a fan of that book too).  This series was just okay, as my rating indicates.  As of now, there are no talks of a season two, but it’s definitely not over based on the ending of the last episode.  If they do continue, I won’t be in a rush to watch it, nor do I think I’ll really care, but I say that now…12/9/2022

Other movies I've seen and their ratings (see above):

Dig (2022)  >>>EH

Emily the Criminal  >>>OK

Everything Everywhere All at Once  >>>OK
   (In Chinese with subtitles, and English)

Mistletoe Time Machine  >>>EH
               (Tubi)

What We Found  >>>EH/OK

---Sean O.
12/13/2022

Wednesday, December 7, 2022

Clerks III

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In case you haven’t seen the intro from my entry dated 1/26/19 (it’s in my archives whenever you want to read it), I’m no longer going to review every single movie I see.  I’m going to review one, with the occasional bonus, and just give ratings for the rest from now on (unless I decide to pick it up again in the future).  You can always ask me why I gave the ratings for the films without reviews though (via comments or the e-mail addresses under the ‘About Me’ section).
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Clerks III                                                                     G
Kevin Smith (Silent Bob) was one of my favorite filmmakers at one time.  I still say that he is one of them based on his pre-Jersey Girl oeuvre, plus Clerks II.  Sure, I didn’t mind Jersey Girl, Zack and Miri Make a Porno, Red State, and Tusk, but they felt like they could’ve been made by other filmmakers.  I hated Cop Out, Yoga Hosers, and Jay and Silent Bob Reboot (you can check out my vitriolic reviews of Yoga in here---https://vampireclown82.blogspot.com/2016/12/mooby-reviews-121316.html, and Reboot in here---https://vampireclown82.blogspot.com/2020/01/creepshow-season-onejay-and-silent-bob.html).  In other words, Mr. Smith was in dire need of a comeback.  Clerks is definitely my favorite of his films, one of my favorite films in general probably, and Clerks II was a worthy follow-up; I also love the six-episode Clerks animated series that I wish had more episodes.  In other words, I love this specific part of Kevin Smith’s cinematic universe.  This threequel felt like a biopic of sorts for Mr. Smith in that it rivaled parts of his own life, i.e. having a heart attack and making a film about working in a convenience store (which was how Clerks was birthed in the first place).  Sometimes it felt like a behind-the-scenes making of the first movie, mockumentary-style (on a side note, you can check out my review of the documentary on Kevin Smith, Clerk., in here---https://vampireclown82.blogspot.com/2022/01/clerkthe-feast.html).  Because of that, there are many references to the Clerks universe, as well as other Smith films, that only fans will pick up.  Luckily a large portion of it remained in the signature Clerks style.  Now, I didn’t think it was as good as Clerks, hell, I didn’t think Clerks II was as good as its predecessor either, but they both had a lot to live up to.  I enjoyed enough of this long-awaited film that makes a fitting end to the franchise (I don’t think it would feel right to make another one and you’ll understand why).  I found myself laughing out loud a couple times and the conclusion was rather poignant without feeling sappy.  In other words, I can accept this as a comeback for Kevin after all those bombs he gave us.  12/6/2022

Bonus reviews:

Nutcracker Massacre                                                  EH/OK
What will they think of next?  Sometimes, as in this instance, I wonder why they never thought of it before.  The nutcracker in this massacre isn’t a miniature model that instantly comes to mind, but a human-size one with two fixed faces (the typical nutcracker look and an evil, open-mouthed one which appears when he’s doing something wicked; you will see how he becomes sentient and what makes him evil).  In a (ahem) nutshell…
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Pros---No CGI used and the design was passable; a different weapon used each kill (i.e. candy canes, ice skate, hammer, and another kind of nutcracker that becomes a literal definition); festive
Cons---Slow for an 86-minute movie; predictable (yes, even for a slasher movie); obviously low-budget; some kills poorly executed; horrible acting (I know, what should I have expected?)
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Do I recommend this?  Ehh.  Not really.  I don’t know.  Only if you’re curious.  It is the time of year to watch it (and something new).  It’s free too (available on Tubi).  The cons definitely outweigh the pros, but I enjoyed it more than The Killing Tree (which I reviewed not that long ago in here---https://vampireclown82.blogspot.com/2022/11/this-is-gwarthe-long-night.html).  If you’re looking for a fun, cheesy holiday horror movie to watch, I would just tell you to check out (or re-watch) Jack Frost and its sequel, Jack Frost 2:  Revenge of the Mutant Killer Snowman (which are both also available on Tubi, meaning free, always).  12/3/2022

Silent Night, Bloody Night 2:  Revival             EH/OK
The 1972 film, Silent Night, Bloody Night, was never one of my favorites, as a horror film and/or holiday one (not to be confused with Silent Night, Deadly Night, a holiday horror film I am a fan of).  I don’t dislike it, I saw it a couple times (even re-watching before this), and it does contain a double axe murder that was likely edgy for its time; it’s one of those wherein the script is better than the visual aspect.  I pretty much felt the same way about this sequel released in 2015 (I know not how it bypassed me all these years).  Now, if you’ve never seen the first film (both are available on Tubi), you might not need to before this since, much like the first sequel to Silent Night, Deadly Night, a large portion of it is presented in flashbacks here (you might be able to kill two birds by just watching this one, even though the first one is better).  As for the parts of this roughly 90-minute film that aren’t flashbacks, it’s barely average at best, much like Silent Night, Deadly Night Part 2.  I mean, I can never go wrong with a holiday horror movie; I just wish more effort was put forth considering there were more resources and leniency in 2015 than 1972.  If they were trying to replicate the look/quality of the first film (which has a gritty appeal), they succeeded there since it felt like it could’ve been made not long afterwards (not counting the modern references, of course).  That aforementioned double axe murder (which was mostly off-screen; it was 1972!) was better executed than the majority of violence here; one involving a drunk Santa comes to mind the most.  The acting was horrendous here too; yes, worse than the first round.  Unnecessary sequel?  Well, it was made over 40 years later and presents a large portion of its predecessor in flashback (at least all the important parts), its predecessor not being great to begin with.  It’s a shame when scripts are better than the visual representation; these two films combined definitely make a compelling, at times disturbing, story.  Happy horrordays!  12/5/2022

Mickey Saves Christmas                                              B
(haiku review)
Love Disney; not this!
The look of this new short sucked!
Content was bland too.  12/4/2022

*Available on Disney+*

Other movies I've seen and their ratings (see above):

Amityville Christmas Vacation  >>>OK

Christmas Twister  >>>EH

Falling for Christmas  >>>OK
            (Netflix)

Red Snow (2021)  >>>OK

Troll (2022)  >>>OK
   (Netflix; In Norwegian with subtitles)

---Sean O.
12/7/2022

Tuesday, November 29, 2022

Wednesday (Season 1)/Chucky (Season 2)

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In case you haven’t seen the intro from my entry dated 1/26/19 (it’s in my archives whenever you want to read it), I’m no longer going to review every single movie I see.  I’m going to review one, with the occasional bonus, and just give ratings for the rest from now on (unless I decide to pick it up again in the future).  You can always ask me why I gave the ratings for the films without reviews though (via comments or the e-mail addresses under the ‘About Me’ section).
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Wednesday (Season One)                                            G
Welcome back, Tim Burton!  He was the executive producer of this Netflix series and directed the first four of the eight episodes (each around the 50-minute mark, give or take).  He needed a comeback after the awful Dumbo remake (you can read my review for that here---https://vampireclown82.blogspot.com/2019/04/dumbo.html).  This follows the titular daughter of the Addams Family (made famous in the original TV series that ran from 1964 to 1966) as she’s forced to attend a boarding school called Nevermore Academy (where her parents met) after an incident involving piranhas at her other school.  This new school contains “outcasts” consisting of werewolves, vampires, gorgons, and sirens in a Vermont town called Jericho (filmed in Romania though) inhabited by “normies” outside the school grounds.  Sure, we’ve seen the theme of outsiders amongst “non-outsiders” before, especially in Tim Burton creations, but this ultimately takes more of a gothic Nancy Drew approach.  A monster has been attacking people at school and in town and our titular heroine tries to get to the bottom of it.  Jenna Ortega is great as Wednesday, she nailing the stereotypical goth with a deadpan manner while desiring solitude and having a death fixation, but underneath that gloomy veneer lies a smidgen of a heart (no one is born an introvert, after all).  She will likely inspire a new generation of babybats and kindergoths, or at least provide a new image for the subculture.  Now, the series wasn’t excellent; namely I wasn’t particularly a fan of the few creature designs we did get to see (they weren’t horrible though) and I think the ending was a bit feeble, especially after all the build-up.  However, it generally has the signature Burtonesque touch and was engaging enough to make me want to continue (I would’ve finished anyway due to Burton’s name attached, but still), so the pros do outweigh the cons (there’s actually some substance to go with the style).  I think I would be okay with an ongoing series featuring Wednesday Addams figuring out a different mystery each time, as long as Tim stays involved, or the style remains intact.  Say what you will about this new series, but I would definitely call it a decent comeback for Mr. Burton.  11/28/2022

Chucky (Season 2)
There are eight episodes again (all roughly 40-something minutes, again) which you can now binge instead of tuning in weekly like I did.  I didn’t love the first season (you can read my review in here---https://vampireclown82.blogspot.com/2021/12/chucky-season-one.html), nor did I love this one, but I somewhat enjoyed them on different levels than I enjoy the films (namely the first four).  There’s a different feel to this series than the films, in tone and overall production.  Chucky certainly became a fixture of pop culture (which some might label sellout) and some of this is a bit too self-aware (i.e. Chucky appearing on a talk show and the appearance of Jennifer Tilly’s Bound castmates).  As far as whimsical villains go though, I’m Team Chucky over Team Freddy Krueger, that’s for sure.  I do like the appearance of the Kyle and Andy characters (played by Christine Elise and Alex Vincent, respectively) since they tie in with the franchise, and both are part of my favorite entry in the series (Child’s Play 2).  I also like how the title in the beginning of each episode contains specific items in the letters.  Being it’s a Chucky series, there is violence, needless to say, much of it over-the-top (I did like the violence in the last episode, which was also a Christmas one that ironically aired the night before Thanksgiving).  As of now, there is no season three confirmation, but I will continue if there is one.  Even if the property ends up being less than stellar, I’m always going to watch anything with Chucky involved.  I love Chucky and he’s my friend to the end…11/26/2022

Bonus reviews:

Bros                                                                             G
This is allegedly the first rom-com featuring two gay men released by a major studio (that studio being Universal Pictures).  Wow, that really says something about humanity, huh?  2022 is the first time a major studio released a rom-com featuring gay men?  Homophobia should’ve ended 1,000 years ago, but that’s a discussion for another time.  I was a self-loathing gay man for many years, more so before I came out to everyone other than my parents, and that’s likely due to society making me feel ashamed.  I admittedly am not a fan of LGBT films since I feel they are often stereotypical or too fabricated (like much of cinema, I know), but I have liked some (Chasing Amy, Go Fish, and But I’m a Cheerleader come to mind).  It could be I also don’t like being pigeonholed; I actually prefer if a movie just contains gay characters.  I’m not the biggest fan of rom-coms either, but I have liked some (ones featuring Sandra Bullock come to mind).  Here is a gay film, rom-com too, for that matter, emphasis on the gay film, that I actually liked.  It is funny at times, often well-written, and I saw some of myself in both of the leads played by Billy Eichner and Luke Macfarlane (two gay actors).  Angry gays aren’t often portrayed and, trust me, we do exist; plus, cis white gays may look like the “majority,” making us feel like an invisible minority.  That’s another discussion for another time though, and, as they say, you shouldn’t compare suffering.  Now, do I think only gay viewers (namely gay men) will enjoy this?  I know there are plenty of open-minded people out there, and, hey, we’ve been watching entertainment with straight couples all our lives, no?  All I can say is, you know what you’re getting into---I remember seeing a man in the video store (yes, I’m that old) back when Brokeback Mountain came out and he claimed he would’ve never rented it had he known what it was about (apparently he didn’t hear a single person talk about it, and/or he didn’t know how to read the back cover)---so, in case you might be like that guy I met in the video store, this is a film about two gay men, just to let you know…11/22/2022

Blood Relatives                                                           OK/G
New vampire film available on Shudder that isn’t a horror movie.  There’s violence at times, but it’s not horror.  It is a road movie and a drama involving a father-daughter relationship.  Noah Segan stars as said father (he also wrote and directed) whose teen daughter catches up with him on the road (she was conceived while he met her mother on the road).  Thus begins the relationship they never had, eventually trying to live as humans (the daughter is only half-vamp and has the ability to walk in daylight with sunblock).  It is a vampire flick---they sport fangs when feeding, they drink blood (human and animal), and the father can’t be in the sunlight, nor can he enter somewhere without being invited---but it’s not horror, not at all.  That doesn’t mean it doesn’t work though; not all movies that feature vampires (or anything unhuman) are horror.  I did enjoy a decent amount of this, but it ended too soon.  Some may say that’s a positive since it was over before I knew it (it’s roughly 87-minutes), but it seemed like it was just getting started when it ended.  I’m not sure if a sequel is planned, but I would actually welcome one since it might make this feel more complete.  11/22/2022

Other movies I've seen and their ratings (see above):

Dead Time Stories (1986)  >>>EH

Don’t Worry Darling  >>>OK

The Inhabitant (2022)  >>>EH/OK

---Sean O.
11/29/2022

Tuesday, November 22, 2022

Slash/Back

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In case you haven’t seen the intro from my entry dated 1/26/19 (it’s in my archives whenever you want to read it), I’m no longer going to review every single movie I see.  I’m going to review one, with the occasional bonus, and just give ratings for the rest from now on (unless I decide to pick it up again in the future).  You can always ask me why I gave the ratings for the films without reviews though (via comments or the e-mail addresses under the ‘About Me’ section).
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Slash/Back                                                                   OK/G
You’ll be reminded of John Carpenter’s The Thing initially, and one character even describes moments from that film.  Luckily it isn’t too much like it though, a film I find overrated.  I was also reminded of flicks like Slither and Attack the Block, more so the latter; this film involves a group of young girls from an Inuit community in the Arctic called Pang (short for a longer name) banding together to save their town from an alien invasion.  I liked it better as a coming-of-age story, especially since it represents a community we don’t often see in narrative form.  The effects are CGI, but we don’t see too much of it and they actually aren’t awful (the main reason I’m not a fan of John Carpenter’s The Thing is the way the effects look, even though they were practical).  All in all, not a bad addition to the alien invasion subgenre; it just needed a little more meat on its bones and seemed like it ended too soon.  11/18/2022

Bonus review:

Lamb (2021)                                                               G
(haiku review)
Bizarre arty film.
It’s very, very bizarre.
Very unique though.  11/17/2022

*In Icelandic with subtitles*

Other movies and TV show(s) I’ve seen and their ratings (see above):

American Horror Story:  NYC  >>>OK
   (FXNow/Hulu; 10 episodes)

Black Friday (2021)  >>>OK

Demonic (2021)  >>>OK

Raven’s Hollow  >>>EH

The Sadness  >>>OK
   (In Mandarin with subtitles)

Smile  >>>EH/OK

Student Body (2022)  >>>EH/OK

Unhuman  >>>OK

---Sean O.
11/22/2022

Wednesday, November 16, 2022

Terrifier 2

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In case you haven’t seen the intro from my entry dated 1/26/19 (it’s in my archives whenever you want to read it), I’m no longer going to review every single movie I see.  I’m going to review one, with the occasional bonus, and just give ratings for the rest from now on (unless I decide to pick it up again in the future).  You can always ask me why I gave the ratings for the films without reviews though (via comments or the e-mail addresses under the ‘About Me’ section).
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Terrifier 2                                                                    OK/G
Terrifier is a film that was better the second time.  You can read my review for it in here---https://vampireclown82.blogspot.com/2018/06/mooby-reviews-61318.html.  I probably expected too much from it the first time, but it’s really just a short, mean-spirited bloodbath, and what more could you possibly desire from an evil clown flick?  Art the Clown is one sadistic MFer and certainly has even more fun brutally slaughtering people in this sequel that’s almost an hour longer (138-minutes, to be exact; the first one was roughly 84).  It picks up right after its predecessor, taking place on and around Halloween.  I don’t know if you heard of complaints that this movie was too violent; well, it’s definitely gory, but very over-the-top (much like the first), meaning you know you’re watching a movie.  Trust me, all the violent films I’ve seen in my lifetime, I’ve seen ones that were much more nauseating.  It surely tops the first one in the gore department though, as gory as that one was.  True horror fans are the ones this was made for to begin with, as well as those that are even somewhat fans of the last one (needless to say, like always, why would you want to watch a sequel to a movie you didn’t see, or like?).  Some parts may be a little too over-the-top, and the runtime does make it slightly feel drawn out, but it’s generally a fun sequel (I feel it may age better with more viewings, like its predecessor).  Oh, and this is yet another film wherein someone is watching the original Night of the Living Dead!  11/13/2022

Bonus review:

The Sawyer Massacre                                                 OK
Fan film available on YouTube that’s a prequel to Tobe Hooper’s original 1974 Texas Chainsaw Massacre, taking place in 1965.   Fan films are exactly what they say---films made by fans often without studio help.  You can check out my one blog entry covering a bunch of Friday the 13th fan films here---https://vampireclown82.blogspot.com/2021/08/friday-13th-fan-films.html (you’ll also see links for other fan films).  The original Texas Chainsaw Massacre is one of my favorite movies, so of course I was curious about this fan film available for free after seeing it mentioned via Rue Morgue news.  It entails different groups of people being led to the rural farmhouse in the middle of nowhere where danger in the form of Leatherface awaits.  There are several editing issues, the acting isn’t always the greatest, and many times it feels like a remake (and why will cars still only start when convenient in horror flicks?!!), but it really isn’t too, too bad (far from great) for a fan film made in 2022.  I enjoyed it more than many Texas imitators and even some of the sequels/prequels/whatever.  There is gore too; yes, I know the original Texas doesn’t really have any of the red stuff, but it doesn’t make it any less harrowing and effective.  I don’t think any film in this particular cinematic universe will ever top Tobe Hooper’s original (48 years later it is still one of the best), but if you’re looking for a free film to watch in this specific universe, it really isn’t too, too bad, like I said.  11/15/2022

Other movies I've seen and their ratings (see above):

The Boys Club   >>>OK

Incarnation (2016)  >>>OK

The Last Thing Mary Saw  >>>B
            (Shudder)

---Sean O.
11/16/2022

Sunday, November 13, 2022

The Cellar/Pearl

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In case you haven’t seen the intro from my entry dated 1/26/19 (it’s in my archives whenever you want to read it), I’m no longer going to review every single movie I see.  I’m going to review one, with the occasional bonus, and just give ratings for the rest from now on (unless I decide to pick it up again in the future).  You can always ask me why I gave the ratings for the films without reviews though (via comments or the e-mail addresses under the ‘About Me’ section).
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The Cellar                                                                   G
Irish film available on Shudder starring Elisha Cuthbert as a married woman with two kids that just bought a new home.  Her teenage daughter goes missing after walking into (drum roll…) the cellar after a power outage.  There are theories she comes across suggesting an otherworldly presence, eventually learning it is something quite evil.  The title sounds as generic as they come (I came across at least three movies with the same title in a search), and the beginning may appear to hint an indistinctive haunted house flick is coming, but this actually ends up being better than I thought.  It does not disappoint.  At least I didn’t think so (I really am my own critic since it currently holds a 31% rating out of 62 critics on Rotten Tomatoes).  Sure, it does contain familiar tropes (it’s not perfect), but it’s definitely a worthy atmospheric gothic horror film.  [You know that feeling when you ascend basement steps by yourself, especially at night, and there’s that subconscious notion someone or something might be following you and/or grab you?  I think this film does a swell job of evoking that sense of dread at times].  It doesn’t exactly end positively either, concluding adequately enough without suggesting a sequel.  11/9/2022

Pearl                                                                           OK
Prequel to X taking place in 1918, a time when the First World War was coming to an end and a pandemic occurred much like ours.  Mia Goth returns as the younger titular character living on a farm (the same farm, yes) with her parents, her father sick and needing care.  She dreams of dancing in motion pictures, but her mother says it’s a silly dream (you know the drill).  I was disappointed with X (you can read my review for it here---https://vampireclown82.blogspot.com/2022/05/x.html), and while this is a bit different (as I knew beforehand), it really isn’t in terms of themes, just looks (I liked this one a bit better).  It starts off as a psychological thriller, more of a character study, before becoming a slasher film.  Its Technicolor aspect reminded me of The Wizard of Oz and apparently other critics thought so too (there’s also a scarecrow here and Pearl riding her bike into town reminded me of The Wicked Witch of the West, and Dorothy too, for that matter).  It does effectively show how one can become unhinged due to isolation and feeling stuck, and I was sort of impressed with the majority of kills, but I really didn’t think this was anything special (much like its predecessor/“sequel”); it’s often predictable too.  I like these two films as ideas and Ti West (who directed both) definitely earned his stature as a horror filmmaker, and perhaps I will appreciate them more over time as I would really like too (I will watch the planned sequel for X as well), but first impressions tell me that neither one was too extraordinary.  11/10/2022

Bonus review:

Malibu Crush                                                              OK/G
I would never have heard of this indie comedy had director/writer/producer/star James Pratt not reach out to me asking to watch and review it.  I do feel somewhat honored when asked even though I am always upfront in saying I’ll be honest in my review.  I know filmmakers and critics aren’t meant to be friends, but I respect all filmmakers regardless of their finished products since I know the painstaking process of putting something on celluloid.  Like I always say though, and what a professor once told me, content is the ultimate key.  Well Mr. Pratt, for a film you informed me was shot on a $0 budget with a $1200 camera, I’m gonna have to say, not bad!  James stars as an actor in California who travels to Australia with his roommate/best buddy posing as filmmakers to meet up with an old flame he allegedly had a son with.  Things naturally go wrong once they arrive, these two not being the brightest of the bunch, but their idiocy is often funny as opposed to irritating or unfunny.  There are funny moments, some laugh-out-loud, others internal (it was rather funny what happens when they finally meet up with this old flame).  Now, I’m picky as all hell when it comes to comedies, especially if they’re not dark comedies, indie comedies, or are intended to make you laugh.  There have been comedies that didn’t necessarily make me laugh, but were fun to watch and that works (I don’t always have the biggest sense of humor to begin with).  This was fun enough and barely reaches the 72-minute mark, so it doesn’t overstay its welcome.  I will say I liked this better than many Hollywood comedies featuring famous faces.  Thank you, James Pratt, for making a film I didn’t hate.  Oh, but one other thing---I came up with the word ‘pumpkinfucker’ years ago, way before that stupid Deadpool 2 movie as well, and can have several people attest to that, and I can prove it by pulling up posts in my social media history; so, sorry buddy, that is not your word!  11/10/2022

Other movies and TV show(s) I’ve seen and their ratings (see above):

A Friend of the Family  >>>OK
   (Peacock; 9 episodes)

Mystery Spot  >>>B/EH

Resurrection (2022)  >>>B

---Sean O.
11/13/2022

Wednesday, November 9, 2022

This is Gwar/The Long Night

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In case you haven’t seen the intro from my entry dated 1/26/19 (it’s in my archives whenever you want to read it), I’m no longer going to review every single movie I see.  I’m going to review one, with the occasional bonus, and just give ratings for the rest from now on (unless I decide to pick it up again in the future).  You can always ask me why I gave the ratings for the films without reviews though (via comments or the e-mail addresses under the ‘About Me’ section).
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This is Gwar
Gwar was often viewed as a joke band in the metal world, kind of like Insane Clown Posse in the rap world.  Many people go to their concerts just for the show itself, probably not always for the music alone.  [If you do happen to attend one of their concerts and are close to the stage, make sure you wear attire you don’t care about because you will get sprayed with something].  I like some of their songs, but never truly followed them as much as I feel I should have.  The only time I saw them live was at Warped Tour and they didn’t play that long (as the majority of bands on that tour don’t).  I remember the stage show more than the actual music, go figure, and I witnessed a fight break out nearby, so my attention was also on that.  My first taste of them was likely in Empire Records back when it came out, even though I heard of them before that.  This documentary covers the band’s beginnings in Virginia during the Eighties up to the present with all the lineup changes and inevitable internal strife in between.  My high school classmate and documentary filmmaker, Tommy Avallone (The Bill Murray Stories; Waldo on Weed; I Love You, You Hate Me), was one of the producers.  Like many documentaries, it is informative at times (I learned a few things I wouldn’t have known had I not seen this), but, also like many documentaries, it does drag at times, especially since it’s almost 2 hours.  I would imagine only those that are fans of the band, or somewhat aware, would be interested, but I can’t tell you what to watch; you know what you’d be getting into and no one is forcing you to watch (needless to say).  You’ll definitely get to witness the human qualities (shockingly emotional at times) of these people behind the costumes.  11/7/2022

The Long Night                                                           G
A New York woman that grew up in a foster home travels to the south with her man in hopes of finding out who her real family is.  The home they stay at is large with an expanse of land in the middle of the woods (perfect setting for a horror film, no?).  The man that owns the home isn’t there on arrival (that’s not suspicious, no?) and by nightfall, a group of people looking like a satanic cult appear on the front lawn and just stand there for a while.  Naturally you do eventually find out what they want.  Now, as far as style goes, this film gets an A; the aerial location shots alone are stunning to behold and a very menacing ambiance thoroughly permeates.  As for substance?  There’s enough of it, I guess.  It doesn’t quite feel like anything I haven’t seen before (like the majority of modern movies, I know), but the substantial amount of style and enough of a story (plus, it doesn’t exactly end on a cheerful note) allow me to give it a slight recommendation.  11/8/2022

Bonus review:

The Killing Tree                                                          EH
A killer Christmas tree.  Literally.  Is it asinine?  Of course it is.  Would you expect anything less?  My expectations may not have been high, but I did expect it to be more fun than this.  A murderer is resurrected into the festive tree by mistake.  This tree now walks, talks, kills, and even drives a car (I actually thought it was going to have sex with another tree at one time, but no luck).  I was reminded of Jack Frost a bit, but that’s a fun holiday horror flick with an asinine concept.  The only way you can likely have fun with this is if high or inebriated.  A scene towards the end wherein two trees briefly duke it out almost made me chuckle (it likely would’ve cracked me up had something been in my system).  It is barely 72-minutes if you are curious though (and free on Tubi), but what open-minded cinephile wouldn’t be?  However, you can spend even less time (just 16-minutes) with another film about killer Christmas trees (yes, plural) that’s a lot more fun entitled Treevenge (which is available on YouTube).  11/5/2022

Other movies I've seen and their ratings (see above):

Dark Glasses  >>>EH/OK
   (In Italian with subtitles)

Hellbender  >>>EH/OK
            (Shudder)

Motherly  >>>OK

My Policeman  >>>OK
   (Amazon Prime)

The Scary of Sixty-First  >>>B/EH

See For Me  >>>OK

Sissy  >>>EH/OK

Slapface  >>>EH/OK
         (Shudder)

What Josiah Saw  >>>G
            (Shudder)

Who Invited Them  >>>EH/OK

---Sean O.
11/9/2022

Friday, November 4, 2022

Speak No Evil

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In case you haven’t seen the intro from my entry dated 1/26/19 (it’s in my archives whenever you want to read it), I’m no longer going to review every single movie I see.  I’m going to review one, with the occasional bonus, and just give ratings for the rest from now on (unless I decide to pick it up again in the future).  You can always ask me why I gave the ratings for the films without reviews though (via comments or the e-mail addresses under the ‘About Me’ section).
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Speak No Evil                                                              G
A Danish family of three (father, mother, daughter) meet a Dutch couple of three (father, mother, son) while vacationing in Italy (yes, there are subtitles, even when the occasional English is spoken).  The Dutch family invites them to come visit their house in Holland to which they eventually do.  Something is clearly off about this family as we gradually get to know them.  For one, their son is revealed to be missing part of his tongue which the parents explain is a condition he has.  Uh-huh.  The title is only Speak No Evil.  I will say that I didn’t figure out the reveal and I was trying to devise several possible conclusions.  Generally engaging and quite dark when all is said and done.  Recommended.  11/3/2022

Bonus reviews:

Allegoria                                                                     EH
Remember Powerman 5000?  That industrial/nu-metal band from the Nineties fronted by Spider One a.k.a. Rob Zombie’s little brother?  He directed this anthology film of sorts (available on Shudder) wherein a bunch of different artists (such as a painter, actor, screenwriter, and musician) encounter something horrific.  The segments are all connected á la Trick ‘r Treat.  At barely even 70-minutes, it all largely feels pointless, barely giving me enough time to warm up to most of the characters.  Spider, much like his big bro, definitely has style, but if he wants to be known as a musician and filmmaker like his big bro, his next feature needs to be better than this.  11/2/2022

V/H/S/99                                                                      OK/G
(haiku review)
Fifth of the series.
Not wholly original.
Still fun though.  Five tales.  11/2/2022

Other movies I've seen and their ratings (see above):

Glorious (2022)  >>>OK/G
            (Shudder)

The Innocents  (2022)  >>>OK
   (In Norwegian with subtitles)

Offseason  >>>EH/OK

So Vam  >>>OK

Watcher  >>>OK

---Sean O.
11/4/2022

Sunday, October 30, 2022

High School/Wendell & Wild

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In case you haven’t seen the intro from my entry dated 1/26/19 (it’s in my archives whenever you want to read it), I’m no longer going to review every single movie I see.  I’m going to review one, with the occasional bonus, and just give ratings for the rest from now on (unless I decide to pick it up again in the future).  You can always ask me why I gave the ratings for the films without reviews though (via comments or the e-mail addresses under the ‘About Me’ section).
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High School (Season One)
Tegan and Sara, if you didn’t know, are a Canadian pop duo that are twin sisters, and also both lesbians.  I am a fan of some of their music; they gots some catchy tunes.  This Freevee series is based on a memoir of the same name by them, created by Clea DuVall, a lesbian actress from films such as The Faculty, Identity, and But I’m a Cheerleader (she wrote and directed some of the episodes here).  It’s a coming-of-age series following the twin sisters as they begin high school and navigate the typical teen waters as they learn who they are.  Each episode focuses on more than one character, not just them (friends, parents, etc. are also featured).  I generally enjoyed these 8 episodes that go by quickly (all under 30-minutes; more shows need to be that way), and I’m not sure if it’s partly because I’m aware of the people it’s based on, or the nostalgia it evoked since I too was a teenager in the Nineties (even though it took place in Canada, much of it felt familiar---a time before cell phones and excessive Internet usage).  The story obviously isn’t over and I actually hope it’s not over!  10/28/2022

Wendell & Wild                                                           OK/G
New stop-motion film available on Netflix directed by Henry Selick, the man behind other great stop-motion flicks like The Nightmare Before Christmas, James and the Giant Peach, and Coraline.  Key and Peele voice the titular demons from the underworld (Jordan Peele also produced and co-wrote the screenplay) that are brought to the land of the living after promising to do something for a girl names Kat.  Naturally things go awry for everyone at first.  Although it may be dark thematically, its tone is largely whimsical.  While I didn’t like it as much as the other Selick films mentioned, although it may be too soon to tell (I do feel this may age better), I enjoyed it enough.  Like the aforementioned films, it is very imaginative at times and stunning to look at.  [For those that care about representation, it seems like mostly everyone was featured, even an American Indian].  Perhaps I expected more from it the first time (I do feel it could’ve gone more places given the subject matter) and didn’t truly get to appreciate it yet.  I’ll definitely watch it again, eventually.  10/30/2022

Bonus review:

Guillermo del Toro’s Cabinet of Curiosities
Anthology series available on Netflix wherein 2 episodes were released over 4 days (the first instance I’m aware of a show not all available the first day on the channel; you can binge them all now), all but two roughly an hour.  Guillermo del Toro just created it and introduces each of the 8 episodes (he only wrote 2 of them) directed by different filmmakers (they being Guillermo Navarro, Vincenzo Natali---Cube, Splice, In the Tall Grass, David Prior---The Empty Man, Ana Lily Amirpour---A Girl Walks Home Alone at Night, Keith Thomas---The Vigil, Firestarter remake, Catherine Hardwicke---Thirteen, Twilight, Panos Cosmatos---Mandy, and Jennifer Kent---The Babadook).  It generally wasn’t a bad series, definitely not grand, each episode giving a feel for the characters and the environment they live in before ending up in horrifically bizarre, often Lovecraftian, territory (ironically only 2 segments are based on Lovecraft’s work).  The foreboding “Lot 36” involves a man winning the titular storage unit after a bid, said storage unit containing more than meets the eye.  “Graveyard Rats” is about a graverobber that comes across bigger problems (literally) than rats in the graves he robs; contains a Tales from the Crypt-like comeuppance.  “The Autopsy” ends up being very strange about a parasitic alien, but it is tied up rather cleverly.  “The Outside” is very strange, occurring around Christmas, and depicts a woman deemed unattractive developing a rather unorthodox relationship with this lotion promising to make her “attractive.”  Although truly outlandish, it was definitely compelling (I was reminded of The Tommyknockers at one time although it’s not like that film at all).  “Pickman’s Model” was a slow burn before culminating quite brutally.  “Dreams in the Witch House” was also part of the Masters of Horror series, directed by Stuart Gordon; I think I liked that version better, but this one, which was quite different with some similarities, was fine too.  “The Viewing” was probably my least favorite, being very slow about a group of people summoned to a gathering wherein the eventual introduction of an obelisk leads to deadly consequences (I wasn’t a fan of the creature effects either).  Lastly, “The Murmuring” is a gothic-lite ghost story with tons of atmosphere that finishes a bit too upbeat (and bland) as many ghost stories often tend to (“Rick” from The Walking Dead stars).  Most of these tales probably looked better on paper which is likely what made most of them intriguing on a script level.  The majority of creature designs, obviously CGI (boo!), weren’t terrible, but I was never the biggest fan of most otherworldly beings influenced by Lovecraft/Giger/etc.  I will tune in if another season is created, yes, since I love horror anthologies.  Well, at least I look forward to them…10/28/2022

Other movies I've seen and their ratings (see above):

The Good Nurse  >>>EH
            (Netflix)

Pumpkins  >>>B/EH

Run Sweetheart Run  >>>EH/OK
            (Amazon Prime)

---Sean O.
10/30/2022

Wednesday, October 26, 2022

Spirit Halloween: The Movie

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In case you haven’t seen the intro from my entry dated 1/26/19 (it’s in my archives whenever you want to read it), I’m no longer going to review every single movie I see.  I’m going to review one, with the occasional bonus, and just give ratings for the rest from now on (unless I decide to pick it up again in the future).  You can always ask me why I gave the ratings for the films without reviews though (via comments or the e-mail addresses under the ‘About Me’ section).
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Spirit Halloween:  The Movie                                     OK/G
As much as I love Halloween and any memorabilia associated with it, Spirit Halloween stores contain ridiculously overpriced items.  I’ve obtained neat spooky stuff at the dollar store and Wal-mart, and even scored some good items with coupons at CVS.  In this film, three middle school boys (eventually joined by one of their older sisters) agree to spend Halloween night in one of the stores after it closes.  A ghost (played by Christopher Lloyd) possesses items in the store while trying to possess one of the kids (you’ll learn why if you watch).  This was mostly a fun gateway horror flick (it’s rated PG-13 which I’m guessing is because some scenes may frighten the younger ones) that doesn’t overstay its welcome at barely 81-minutes (I actually wanted more).  The effects, mostly practical (points), were generally passable.  Perfect for the holiday season.  10/25/2022

Bonus reviews:

Terror Train                                                                EH
The original Terror Train was never one of my favorite slasher movies, and I wasn’t much a fan of this remake (available on Tubi) at all.  I recalled the original as I was watching this, therefore it’s likely more of a replica than a re-imagining.  Sure, there may be a few things altered, but I didn’t watch the original recently so I’m not exactly sure.  The story involves a group of college students having a costume party aboard a train wherein a masked killer begins offing them throughout the night.  There was a cool clown mask here, which I don’t remember in the original, but it wasn’t utilized the majority of the time.  Some of the kills were okay here, but this film was largely a bore.  Add this to the pile of unnecessary remakes (to a film I don’t deem a classic anyhow), or just unnecessary movies period.  10/21/2022

Sewer Gators                                                              EH/OK
(haiku review)
Laughably bad?  Sure.
What the hell do you expect?
Barely an hour.  10/25/2022

Maneater                                                                     EH
(haiku review)
Another shark flick?!
Another one not that great!
Bloody?  Sure.  Still sucked.  10/25/2022

Other movies and TV show(s) I’ve seen and their ratings (see above):

Bodies Bodies Bodies  >>>B/EH

The Ghost Lights  >>>EH

The Invitation (2022)  >>>EH

Mid-Century  >>>EH

Significant Other  >>>OK/G
            (Paramount+)

Torn Hearts  >>>OK/G

Trick or Treat Scooby-Doo!  >>>EH

Under Wraps 2  >>>OK

The Watcher (2022)  >>>EH/OK
            (Netflix; 7 episodes)

Where the Scary Things Are  >>>EH

---Sean O.
10/26/2022