Never Hike Alone

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In case you haven’t seen the intro from my entry dated 1/26/19 (it’s in my archives whenever you want to read it), I’m no longer going to review every single movie I see.  I’m going to review one, with the occasional bonus, and just give ratings for the rest from now on (unless I decide to pick it up again in the future).  You can always ask me why I gave the ratings for the films without reviews though (via comments or the e-mail addresses under the ‘About Me’ section).

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Never Hike Alone                                                        G

Here is another fan-made Jason Voorhees film released in 2017 and currently available on YouTube (I reviewed another fan-made Jason Voorhees film, Vengeance, in my last blog entry).  Initially, I wasn’t sure how I’d feel about this barely 54-minute film since it was partially found footage-ish following one guy filming his hiking adventures before stumbling across the abandoned Camp Crystal Lake.  I think I can speak for the majority of Friday the 13^th fans, or slasher fans in general, when I say we watch those plotless movies strictly for the characters and the kills.  Knowing full well the guy couldn’t be killed right away lest Jason have no more potential victims made me wonder how this was going to work.  Well…somehow it did work.  The short run-time probably aided in that regard.  There were beautiful shots of the woods and camp before Jason inevitably made his presence known (at least to the character), and knowing he was eventually going to appear undeniably gave the film a bit of suspense.  They didn’t do the greatest job of recreating the campsite since I couldn’t recall a single film in the franchise, but an abandoned camp is still an abandoned camp and I was fascinated regardless (I have a thing for abandoned sites).  This was a well-made fan film that was infinitely better than Vengeance; well, infinitely better may be an over-exaggeration, but I would still tell fans to choose this over Vengeance any day.  There’s even a cameo from Thom Mathews (no spoiler since you can see it in the film’s credits or his filmography), known for playing Tommy Jarvis in Friday the 13^th Part VI and VII (playing the same character here, aged obviously but recognizable nonetheless) and also for The Return of the Living Dead and its sequel.  9/24/2019

Bonus reviews:

Jacob’s Ladder (2019)                                                EH/OK

Another remake?  If you’ve seen the original 1990 version, you already know the twist.  There’s a different kind of twist here though.  If you haven’t seen the original 1990 version, you might actually like this version.  What am I saying?  If you haven’t seen the original 1990 version, go watch it now!  Before this one!  The original 1990 version is a good movie.  Was this remake unnecessary?  In essence, but aren’t they all in a sense?  I’m actually kind of not saying this is entirely dismissible either.  I, myself, might’ve liked it better had I not seen the original and this was its own movie (even though I know I should always judge a movie on its own).  I mean, the cast is likable and I commend it for not using the same exact twist, and my main beef was the modern special effects (but that goes for any modern movie really).  Like I said, if you haven’t yet seen the original 1990 version, please do before watching this version.  As with any instance, I’d hate for this to be the version you see first.  I said please too!  9/24/2019

Splatter                                                                        B

This was allegedly a series (presented as a short film) released on Netflix in 2009 that only totals 29 minutes.  Corey Feldman plays a musician that kills himself and somehow returns from the dead to enact revenge on the few people attending his funeral.  It may be gory, but it’s unimpressive and basically a lame slasher movie.  I’m still surprised I never heard of it before (with all the names attached) despite not having Netflix streaming at the time.  Joe Dante directed it, Roger Corman produced it, the son of Richard Matheson wrote it (he bears the same name), and there were at least three other recognizable faces other than Corey’s.  What the hell were they all thinking with this wasted piece of celluloid?  Thankfully it was only 29 minutes, but I still wouldn’t tell you to waste your time!  9/24/2019

Other movies and TV show(s) I’ve seen and their ratings (see above):

Black ’47  >>>B/EH

The Black String  >>>OK

Head Count  >>>EH

Little Woods  >>>OK

Marianne:  Season One  >>>OK/G

            (Netflix)

---Sean O.
9/26/2019

Friday the 13th: Vengeance/The Dead Don't Die

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In case you haven’t seen the intro from my entry dated 1/26/19 (it’s in my archives whenever you want to read it), I’m no longer going to review every single movie I see.  I’m going to review one, with the occasional bonus, and just give ratings for the rest from now on (unless I decide to pick it up again in the future).  You can always ask me why I gave the ratings for the films without reviews though (via comments or the e-mail addresses under the ‘About Me’ section).

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Friday the 13^th:  Vengeance                                        EH/OK

This is a new fan-made film available on YouTube that is allegedly a direct sequel (set 30 years later) to Friday the 13^thPart VI:  Jason Lives.  Jason Lives is one of my favorite sequels in the franchise (largely for nostalgic reasons; it was the first one I saw) and nothing indicated this took place in the same timeline.  There were references to Part V:  A New Beginning (not too bad) and Part 2 (kinda bad), as well as an attempted re-enactment of the first double murder in the original first (almost very bad).  It’s clear the makers (which were fans supposedly) had their hearts in the right places, but it’s also clear they didn’t have the right means to make it (kickstarter?), yet they somehow managed to get legendary composer, Harry Manfredini (who scored the majority of Friday films among others).  It may be that YouTube might not be the greatest platform to distribute a movie on despite being great for many other things (I do use YouTube); I just didn’t feel like I was watching a real movie, like it actually was a fan-made film specifically loaded onto the channel.  Wait a minute…nevermind.  There was gore, but often the camera would cut away and show the aftermath which might’ve been smart for budgetary or rating reasons, but it was mostly an annoyance making it look even more unprofessional.  I felt myself getting bored quite a bit too and the ending leaves it open for a follow-up.  I’m all for another Jason movie as long as it’s made with the right means and looks like an actual film (all filmmakers are essentially film fans are they not?).  That doesn’t mean a remake though; this may have actually been better than that 2009 remake, but I would still like a movie better than this.  9/17/2019

The Dead Don’t Die                                                   OK/G

Another zombie movie?  This one comes from non-horror filmmaker, Jim Jarmusch, known for simple films like Coffee and Cigarettes and Broken Flowers.  It takes place in a small town containing several different characters played by familiar faces before becoming a standard zombie movie, not right away though, and certainly isn’t without gory moments.  Some of it was a bit too tongue-in-cheek though---RZA working for a company called WU-PS (hardy-har-har), Steve Buscemi playing a farmer with a red cap stating “Keep America White Again” while conversing with a black man (Danny Glover), and the fact both Bill Murray and Adam Driver know they’re in a movie.  If the script can’t take itself seriously, how does it expect us viewers too?  It still wasn’t bad as a typical zombie movie (the zombies being filled with dust was new-ish), or even just as a movie period; I just don’t think I’ll ever watch it again.  In other words…forgettable, but still watch it at least once.  9/17/2019

Bonus reviews:

Mindhunter:  Season One and Two

Netflix series about FBI agents trying to figure out why serial killers/murderers do what they do, taking place in the late Seventies up to the very early Eighties.  There is really no action in this series (especially the first season) as this is strictly about the characters, and if you don’t like the characters, this may not be the series for you.  I grew quite fond of Jonathan Groff (Looking; also a fellow queer in real life) and even the hulking Holt McCallany (I still can’t believe he once played that American Indian thug in Creepshow 2).  I know the majority of visual media is from an omniscient viewpoint wherein the viewer plays God, but you basically shadow these people as they do their jobs, hence the no action.  The characters did play a huge part, but I never felt like I forced myself to continue and there was something strangely compelling that made me want to keep watching.  The topic of serial killers has been done countless times before too (Ed Kemper, David Berkowitz, and Charles Manson among others are portrayed here).  There was a bit of a mystery during the second season, shot in a True Detective-ish fashion, surrounding Atlanta murders of the time that are allegedly still unsolved to this day (according to end credits).  David Fincher (Seven, The Game, Fight Club, Panic Room, Zodiac), the executive producer and director of several episodes, likely had a part in stylizing this dark drama.  I didn’t give this a rating (either season since I binged it as one long one) because I don’t want to feel unfair and I don’t want to feel like I’m giving it too much credit.  Put it this way, I’m a bit bummed I have no more episodes to watch despite sitting through 19 of them (none of which were exactly short).  Supposedly Mr. Fincher plans on making five seasons.  Well, he better get crackin’ before I forget what already happened and I’m not re-watching these two seasons (Wikipedia might prevent me from doing that too, of course).  9/17/2019

Battle at Big Rock                                                       OK

(haiku review)

Jurassic World short.

Fine as 8-minute segment.

I still wanted more.  9/17/2019

Other movies I've seen and their ratings (see above):

Among the Shadows  >>>VB

Girls with Balls  >>>EH/OK

My Son  >>>OK/G

Rocko’s Modern Life:  Static Cling  >>>OK

The Wind  >>>OK

---Sean O.
9/19/2019

Nightmare Cinema

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In case you haven’t seen the intro from my entry dated 1/26/19 (it’s in my archives whenever you want to read it), I’m no longer going to review every single movie I see.  I’m going to review one, with the occasional bonus, and just give ratings for the rest from now on (unless I decide to pick it up again in the future).  You can always ask me why I gave the ratings for the films without reviews though (via comments or the e-mail addresses under the ‘About Me’ section).

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Nightmare Cinema                                                      G

Pretty good horror anthology film consisting of five tales presented as movies in a theater, all helmed by directors behind genre titles:  Alejandro Brugués (Juan of the Dead), Joe Dante (Piranha, The Howling, Gremlins, The ‘Burbs), Ryũhei Kitamura (Versus, The Midnight Meat Train), David Slade (Hard Candy, 30 Days of Night), and Mick Garris (Sleepwalkers, The Stand, Riding the Bullet).  As I’ve said before, anthology films can either have more hits than misses, more misses than hits, mostly hits, mostly misses, all hits, or all misses.  This one definitely had more hits; I liked 4 of the 5 and I didn’t hate the one, I just thought it was the weakest.  It begins with a bang in Alejandro’s “The Thing in the Woods” and I almost want to recommend the film on this entry alone.  It starts like a typical slasher film in the woods before becoming something else entirely after a clever twist is revealed.  The aforementioned weakest entry follows and is Mr. Dante’s “Mirare,” involving plastic surgery gone haywire.  It wasn’t a terrible segment; there was just no satisfying payoff.  Mr. Kitamura’s “Mashit” is a pretty good tale involving religion and the titular demon and contains a fairly gory finale.  David Slade’s “This Way to Egress” is a largely original Twilight Zone-ish story but slightly darker and actually might benefit from being longer (it was ironically shot in black & white like that Rod Serling anthology show too).  The final tale directed by Mick Garris (“Dead”) is slightly akin to The Sixth Sense, but that doesn’t mean it still didn’t possess an eerie quality to it, nor make it any less compelling (and I’m absolutely not dissing that M. Night Shyamalan film either, but the whole “I see dead people” trope has been done to death---pun intended).  All in all, this isn’t a superb anthology film (the first segment was great, the second not great, and the last three were decent), but it’s definitely worth checking out and not a waste of time (the DVD was a little under $10 at Walmart and On Demand has it for $5.99).  I could see this becoming a franchise…well, any anthology movie has the potential to become a franchise since it’s generally short films with no relation to each other, but The Projectionist (played by Mickey Rourke) whom stores these “movies” in his collection could potentially become iconic.  9/8/2019

Bonus review:

Slice                                                                             OK/G

This film is a mystery with elements of horror, crime, and comedy tossed in (the comedy came through quite a bit though, often satirically).  It takes place in a town where the living and dead are segregated.  Yes, there is a literal “ghost town,” but the ghosts look more like zombies (they’re both technically undead though).  There are also witches and a werewolf.  There’s quite a bit to enjoy here, especially for well-versed film fans (horror in particular), but even amongst all the genre intermingling and everything else going on, I still felt a part of the story was missing, but that could just be me.  9/8/2019

Other movies I've seen and their ratings (see above):

Clownado  >>>B

Gags the Clown  >>>OK/G

Giant Little Ones  >>>G

Satanic Panic (2019)  >>>EH/OK

The Utah Cabin Murders  >>>EH/OK

---Sean O.
9/9/2019