Mooby Reviews 9/18/17

Newest batch of criticisms...

All Eyez on Me                                                            OK/G

Tupac Shakur.  I can’t say I truly ever was a fan.  I didn’t dislike him though.  Fans might have gripes on how true-to-life this is (it only received a 16% rating on Rotten Tomatoes), but I knew nothing other than him being a murdered ‘90’s rapper.  I remember when it happened but thought nothing of it since I wasn’t a fan.  Since I didn’t know much, everything I saw in this film is what I will always associate with him as a person.  I felt the beginning rushed through specific times but there was enough to inform me about this “outspoken” man.  Generally, I had the same casual interest as Notorious, the Notorious B.I.G. biopic.  I did like some of B.I.G.’s music but also knew little of his life other than being another rapper murdered around the same time.  Both films educated me enough and, if anything, were decent portrayals of how ordinary people achieved success in their desired profession.  The actor does bear an uncanny resemblance to the late rapper in the same way I had to keep telling myself Ice Cube’s son in Straight Outta Compton wasn’t actually Ice Cube himself.  This film isn’t as good as that N.W.A. biopic, but I probably lean more towards G than OK.  9/7/2017

Cop and a Half:  New Recruit                                                OK/G

What’s with sequels currently being made 20-some years later?  This technically wasn’t a sequel, more of a re-imagining I guess.  I do remember liking Cop and a Half when it came out in 1993, but I would’ve been 11.  I didn’t feel the need to re-watch since this has no correlation and there’re different characters and actors.  I kinda want to now after being reminded of it.  This new one was cliché, corny, charming, fun and mostly harmless.  It was also a hell of a lot better than that other 20-plus years later sequel, Kindergarten Cop 2.  9/9/2017

The Drowning                                                             EH

Bland thriller.  Lawyer is responsible for sending young kid to jail.  “Chance encounter” reunites them after kid’s release.  Kid, now grown, begins stalking lawyer, trying to ruin his life.  Or maybe the lawyer’s just paranoid?  Not much to recommend here.  The ambiguous ending tries but fails to make the movie better, like many other filmmakers believing a “twist” automatically improves a movie.  Sorry, it’s not 1999 anymore.  Its implication actually makes it cliché on top of already being bland.  Not exactly the best combined qualities.  9/15/2017

The Hatred                                                                  EH

The prologue for this film involving Nazis and ghosts actually lasts for a decent amount of time before introducing us to four typical “hot” chicks in the present day, making it feel like two separate movies.  One of those chicks brings along her friends to the house featured in the prologue hoping to start a new job in the area.  It isn’t long before it becomes an uninspired supernatural slasher flick with below-average special effects and an extremely hackneyed conclusion.  One girl watches the original Night of the Living Dead.  The prologue took place in 1968 and that’s when the George A. Romero movie came out.  Oh, how clever!  Why does Night of the Living Dead always seem to be watched by people in movies (specifically horror) anyway?  To hint it’s much better than what we’re being subjected to?  9/18/2017

It                                                                                  G

I’m tired of bitching about remakes as much as they piss me off.  They’re inevitable and people like me moaning about them isn’t going to stop them from being made.  A meme picturing both Pennywise clowns I saw recently stated, “Respect the past, Embrace the future.”  I say, “Respect the past, Ignore the future if you want.”  Crappy and/or unnecessary remakes will never erase the originals.  They will always be there and you can simply pretend the new ones don’t exist.  IT does get tiring though when I have to tack on the original before the title of a movie I mention I’m a fan of.  This brings us to the newest remake, It.  Did I like IT?  Kind of.  I didn’t hate IT, put IT that way.  IT wasn’t a bad movie for what IT was involving young kids growing up amongst something horrific.  Dissimilar to the 1990 adaptation alternating between the children and their adult selves, this one (subtitled chapter one) strictly dealt with the youngsters.  I’m assuming chapter two will be the adult segment?  That could be an effective tactic I suppose.  Although we get a two-hour plus film with these kids, I still didn’t feel I fully invested in each character as much as the original group.  Yes, instinctively most people will always think the original one they grew up with or saw first will always be better.  This remake certainly has ITs moments though; my personal favorites being the bloody bathroom and the “clown room.”  Most of the rest feels too modern and yes, like most people (or at least me), I can’t help but compare to the one I already know and love.  Also, Tim Curry wins as Pennywise, sorry not sorry if anyone disagrees.  Overall, IT’s a fun movie with some bloody moments that I’m slightly recommending.  Who knows, maybe I’ll like IT better the next time(s)?  9/10/2017

King Arthur:  Legend of the Sword                             B

Since when did the legend of King Arthur involve mythological beings?  This isn’t quite like the Antoine Fuqua-helmed feature from 2004.  That film wasn’t grand either but it was decent.  Quickly hopping from one location to the next, this was like watching someone else play a video game with horrible graphics.  I liked the giant snake despite being CGI, but can’t say much for the rest of the movie.  9/13/2017

Mother!                                                                       VG

Darren Aronofsky is truly one-of-a-kind.  His films generally employ recognizable faces yet defy conventions.  I wasn’t much a fan of his directorial debut, Pi, feeling it was extremely bizarre and nothing quite worked for me (proof experimental doesn’t necessarily equal good).  I am a fan of his follow-up, Requiem for a Dream, which is probably one of the more unsettling films involving drug use.  I don’t remember much about The Fountain other than being super-surreal.  The Wrestler was good and takes the prize for being his most straight-forward entry.  I’m also a fan of Black Swan, a dark character study wrapped in a psychological thriller.  I think I skipped Noah (no interest) and this brings us to mother!, which I enjoyed.  Mainstream audiences and the general movie-going public will, more likely than not, hate it.  Although being easy-to-follow, there’s a disquieting air to the whole thing and I couldn’t quite think of another comparable movie.  It gradually gets more maddening and I connected emotionally with the “victimized” heroine played by Jennifer Lawrence.  I felt her frustration and that, to me, is a convincing and award-worthy performance.  This film is poetically dark (and ironically her husband, played by Javier Bardem, is a famous poet).  Although mentioning this being incomparable to other films, the ending isn’t super fresh but absolutely does not ruin the film.  It’s actually quite clever and I sense I’m going to see new things each time I revisit this.  If you do watch this, make sure you wait until it’s over to form an opinion.  Mr. Aronofksy, I’m paying attention.  9/18/2017

Phoenix Forgotten                                                      OK

Found footage films are dead.  Alien invasion films are dead.  Found footage films involving alien invasions are dead.  Everything is technically dead.  It’s just a matter of disappearing for a time before being revived.  This found footage film involves three teenagers (two boys, one girl---hmm, similar to a certain witch movie?) that vanished in the Arizona desert following strange lights appearing in the night sky.  As usual, the government doesn’t want any information getting out.  As usual, interview subjects (here) ranging from astronomers to an Apache Indian speculate on their theories surrounding the phenomenon.  As usual, this claims to be based on a true story.  Blah, blah, blah.  Aside from all that, this particular found footage film wasn’t too bad; certainly not the worst entry I’ve seen.  It has some eerie nighttime scenes in the desert proving once again the dark is creepy in itself, and there’s really no mystery to the trio’s fate (other than where they ended up) since we’re shown everything.  If you have a free Redbox code (like I did) or it’s free on demand and you’re unsure what to watch, go for it.  9/12/2017

Point Break (2015)                                                      G

Well, you should know by now (if you know me) I had to see the remake since I recently saw the original (see last blog).  I really should work on my OCD.  Anyway, besides bearing a similar plot to the original, this film is rather quite different in its approach.  Surfing doesn’t look so fun in this one, it actually looks dangerous.  All the extreme sports/activities (and there’s several) presented look dangerous but some looked fun from my viewpoint.  The cinematography is superb and extremely convincing whether any or all involved green screen.  Since all the extreme situations are so well-shot, I’d feel cruel not to give this film any credit for it.  There’s no denying how breath-taking it all is.  My stomach dropped a couple times too.  That’s saying something if I watched it on a 32’ TV.  This is a movie I would actually prefer to see on the big screen, IMAX even.  9/13/2017

Rock ‘n’ Roll High School Forever                             OK

It’s actually not a terrible sequel per se.  It’s cheesy fun filled with extremely outlandish moments, such as when Corey Feldman (this was on a double disc with South Beach Academy, reviewed below) and his buddies pay to see an old refrigerator in a lady’s house and dance around it in worship mode, and when Corey fantasizes a rock star visitation.  However, it’s missing the one element that made the first one so great:  The Ramones (other than posters hanging up on walls).  I would love to go back in time to see The Ramones in concert during the late ‘70’s, and watching Rock ‘n’ Roll High School is the closest to always making that happen.  The only similarity is Mary Woronov reprising her role as a different vice principal enforcing strict changes for the “unruly” high school students.  I’m not going to tell you to dismiss this, just turn off your instinctive comparisons if you want to enjoy it even a little.  The Eradicators (Corey’s band in the film) don’t quite hold a candle to Joey, Johnny, Dee Dee and Marky.  9/8/2017

South Beach Academy                                                            EH

It seems like there’s always another Corey Feldman movie I don’t know about.  Obviously movies like this aren’t publicized as much, but that shouldn’t stop me from at least knowing about them.  Apparently this came out in 1996 and I still don’t remember hearing about it?  I would’ve sworn it was an ‘80’s movie.  It screams ‘80’s from the cheesy opening song to the cheesy romance to the fact Corey appears as a supporting character.  I can’t say I had any fun with this silly, bland film involving a volleyball game to prevent the titular academy from being sold.  Funny, it never actually takes place in an academy but predominantly a beach (at least that’s part of the title too) filled with scantily clad babes, and there’s plenty of exposed boobies for people into women.  The volleyball game takes place at the end and before that we’re presented with the cheesy romance mentioned above which ends up being duplicitous (initially) from both sides.  9/8/2017

---Sean O.

Mooby Reviews 9/6/17

Here's my newest list of cinematic critiques...

Absolutely Anything                                                    B

Absolutely Anything is absolutely nothing!  I cringed when the dog poop got up, walked to the toilet, and flushed itself.  I told myself I was going to hate the movie after that and I pretty much did.  This is a silly poor man’s Bruce Almighty with bizarre aliens instead of God giving Simon Pegg powers.  The Monty Python crew were involved which explains the over-the-top absurdity.  I was never a fan of that comedic ensemble.  Mr. Pegg seemingly hasn’t done anything memorable since Shaun of the Dead and Hot Fuzz, which are both overrated (but I still like them) but masterpieces compared to this garbage.  9/4/2017

Descendants                                                                EH

Currently seems to be all the rage for the younger demographic.  My 6-year-old nieces rave about it.  I had no interest but figured I’d watch both and be the “hip” uncle.  The idea might evoke Once Upon a Time but I felt it was more akin to Steven Spielberg’s Hook in that it’s a live-action sequel occurring after the original stories.  I was also reminded of Hook during a pirate fight in the sequel (reviewed below).  The story involves the children of Disney villains given access to attend school with the children of Disney non-villains in case you didn’t know.  While the film wasn’t as corny as I expected, only one of the songs was mildly catchy but not enough to download on iTunes or Spotify, and the story involved common themes about “outcasts” slowly gaining acceptance and that the “coldest” people really might not be so cold after all.  Blah, blah, blah.  Sorry, I got bored.  Strictly for the youngsters and I bet the parents just pretend to tolerate it.  9/4/2017

Descendants 2                                                             OK

If you plan on watching this, unfortunately you do have to slog through the first one for introductions and seeing how everything led to this sequel.  It’ll take four hours to watch both movies just to let you know.  The songs are definitely better but I still don’t plan on downloading any of them.  They work while watching the movie, leave it at that.  The story is more engaging too, but I still wouldn’t necessarily say I’m a fan.  Sorry nieces, but at least we’ll have something to talk about and I won’t feel like the “old” unaware uncle.  9/4/2017

Funny Games (1997)                                                  G

This was my first time watching this original German-language version.  I already saw the remake that came out about ten years ago.  It seems like American studios waste little time remaking foreign movies.  I don’t remember much about the remake other than it starring Naomi Watts and Michael Pitt.  I looked in my archive when I solely gave ratings with mental critiques.  I’ve been rating films since early 2003, but before that, I would simply tell people if a movie was worth watching or not, often giving similar ratings like a couple that did film reviews in a section called “Two for the Show” in a local newspaper.  Anyway, apparently I gave the remake three out of four stars (I used to give star ratings from 0 to 4 like lots of other critics before giving my current letter ratings).  It looks like a re-watch is in order to see if my opinion changed, as it sometimes does.  I did like this one.  This is a harsh movie when all is said and done, all carried out by two young punks that initially appear harmless.  Casting unknowns does make the scenario more harrowing in the sense we might be watching a YouTube video the authorities don’t want anyone else to see.  One gripe I had was when the fourth wall was broken more than once, indicating we are watching a movie.  It ruins the tone a bit, but the director (Michael Haneke) did say on an interview that he wanted to address the notion of viewers being accomplices to murderers on screen.  Interesting concept similar to Hitchcock once stating that viewers are voyeurs, but I didn’t see any cameras and this wasn’t a found footage film.  Aside from that, it’s a brutal, oddly entertaining thriller from Austria.  8/27/2017

Inconceivable                                                              B

Nicolas Cage is unfortunately a has-been.  It’s inconceivable how he thought this snooze-inducer would change that.  It’s inconceivable how Lionsgate, an established distribution company, released this in the first place.  The title actually bears some relevance unlike the misleading Unforgettable (reviewed last blog).  Both movies sucked flabby boobies though.  I think this one might’ve been a teensy bit worse.  I dozed off more than I did during that unoriginal Rosario Dawson-starring crapfest.  A couple takes in a woman that’s crazier than she initially appears…you know the story.  Don’t watch this, leave it at that.  8/29/2017

The Lost City of Z                                                        EH

Percy Fawcett, the “real life Indiana Jones.”  This might’ve worked solely as a historical piece.  I expected an action/adventure film though and received an overlong, garrulous, sorta biopic with not much action and an unequal amount of adventure.  Sometimes fiction is more intriguing than reality as proven here; at least the Indiana Jones movies had decent amounts of fun.  9/1/2017

Point Break (1991)                                                      G

I’ve honestly never seen this before now.  Believe it or not, I haven’t seen every movie.  Apparently there was a remake not that long ago which I haven’t seen either.  Surfing does look fun.  I wanted to be a surfer for like one summer around 8^th grade.  I wish I had the skills and patience; it does look exhilarating, especially on beautiful beaches.  What I liked about this movie was that it incorporated more than just surfing.  It’s an undercover film involving bank robberies, car chases, skydiving, and relationships (both romantic and camaraderie) in addition to the wave riding.  I dug the powerful ending too.  Kathryn Bigelow, I’m a big fan of your vampire opus, Near Dark, and this film proves you’ve directed well, but I still dislike The Hurt Locker despite winning best picture.  8/27/2017

Scales:  Mermaids Are Real                                        EH

Mermaids are interesting.  I’ve always been fascinated by them.  At once, this appeared to be a typically corny after school special or ABC Family channel movie.  Granted, there’s nothing necessarily wrong with that.  Unfortunately, this is a straight-up bland children’s movie devoid of any true cinematic value, minus the occasionally realistic awkward conversations between the young stars.  It’s less about the experience of being a mermaid (you know, actually being one in the water) and more about the perils of being one (sans tail) while on land.  I don’t remember disliking Aquamarine, that other mermaid movie starring JoJo; what ever happened to her?  Watch that instead.  Actually, scratch that.  Watch The Little Mermaid.  I know that that’s good.  8/24/2017

Sleight                                                                         OK

Pretty standard drug-dealing flick with some added sci-fi.  The whole time I felt this was leading somewhere but never quite reached.  Something was missing.  Our protagonist performs magic on the streets and deals drugs to get by with hopes of moving him and his little sister out of their neighborhood.  He has a bizarre and slightly grotesque way of pulling off his tricks.  Lastly, they couldn’t show what she saw at the end considering I felt cheated already?  8/30/2017

Twin Peaks:  The Return                                            

Only David Lynch could get away with this shit.  Yes, you should watch the original Twin Peaks series before watching this.  None of the characters are re-introduced and they’re all older.  Obviously, it’s been 25 years.  Fans will be just as mindfucked as newbies anyhow.  It appeared as if Mr. Lynch tried to out-surreal the original 30-episodes.  Twin Peaks was a regular American sitcom set in the Pacific Northwest that occasionally meandered down the rabbit hole.  This time, we’re permanently in the rabbit hole spending less time with many of the endearing characters.  One episode in particular would make Luis Bunuel and Salvador Dali ecstatic.  There are no easy answers as in most Lynch works, but as maddening, desultory and confusing as it was for the duration of its 18-episode season, I always wanted to tune in every week.  The Twin Peaks universe will always be a mystery and continue to be for years to come.  In another 25 years, the majority of the cast will either be really decrepit or dead unfortunately.  I didn’t rate this because if I gave it a positive review, I feel I’d be giving it too much credit for its own good, and not enough credit if given a negative review.  Fans of Twin Peaks will watch it anyway.  It will likely cause interesting discussions, demand repeat viewings, and linger subconsciously for years.  Proceed willingly and attentively.  9/4/2017

---Sean O.