Coco G
Pixar’s latest taking place in Mexico during the country’s
long-standing tradition (started with the indigenous populations) of Dia de los
Muertos (Day of the Dead) in which dead relatives are believed to cross back
over into the land of the living. The Book of Life is another animated
movie involving Day of the Dead released three years ago (via 20th
Century Fox), but I can’t remember a damn thing about it. According to my archives, I gave it an OK/G
rating so apparently I didn’t like it quite as much. Coco
isn’t even the best film released by the studio (Pixar). It contains rehashed themes about following
your dreams, some people not being as they initially appear, and inevitable
sentimental situations making some retract things once said. I liked it enough though. Pixar and Disney somehow have a way of making
you disregard clichés (usually). There
are such vivid sights to behold, especially in the Land of the Dead which we
spend more time in. The skulls!!! So many!
Imagery as well as characters! Inside Out was the last great release, but
Pixar still has some life (!) in them. 11/29/2017
The Curse of Robert
(the Doll) OK
Sequel to Robert (the
Doll) and, if you’re like me, you should watch the first beforehand since
this one reiterates everything that happened.
If you could care less though, everything is reiterated anyway. Robert
was too stretched out with minimal doll action albeit serviceable when it does
occur and the doll itself was interestingly creepy. The doll looks nothing like the real one the
legend is based on, which is located in a museum in Key West, Florida (the
museum in this film takes place in the U.K.) that I happened to visit (at least
the outside of). Then again, the real
Annabelle was a Raggedy Ann doll. I read
a book detailing the alleged true story called Robert the Doll by David
L. Sloan and it’s quite compelling, but of course I could never go wrong with
an evil doll story. Anyway, this sequel
suffers the same mistakes as the first film whereas it’s too drawn out, but
there’s a bit more satisfactory doll action this time. It ultimately won’t make you feel completely
satisfied but please you momentarily if you’re not too picky. Why couldn’t both
movies just be half-hour (or 45-minute) episodes for an anthology show? I probably would’ve liked them much
more. It worked for “Talky Tina” in The Twilight Zone. Robert definitely doesn’t outrank my buddy
Chucky but levels Annabelle in creepy appearance and at least he walks and
physically harms people unlike her. And
it’s not saying much, but it was better than The Elf (reviewed below). What
pissed me off at the end was the introduction of other mobile dolls, some being
clowns. You can’t tease me like that!!! At the end of the credits there was a
statement indicating Robert would return in The
Toymaker. It probably won’t be as
good as I think it’ll be, but I’m still going to watch it if it actually does
happen. 12/4/2017
The Elf B
This has nothing to do with the Will Ferrell movie. I actually much prefer that family film,
which I’ve seen countless times, over this poor excuse for a horror
feature. I even prefer that animated Elf TV special. The elf doll was pretty fucking sweet too
(created by Melissa Vega) until it started moving and walking in addition to
other things. Somehow its face changed
sometimes too? Once again, an excellent
plot with excellent ideas (dolls, souls, the underworld) is used in the wrong
movie. Filmmakers, I will overlook your
plagiarism if you take the same exact idea (and Melissa Vega’s doll) but use a
better budget, better actors and a better script. Otherwise, this elf can go back on the shelf…forever. 11/28/2017
Good Time G
The things some people wouldn’t do for their family. Everything is caused by the choices we make
and the chances we take, and people we cross paths with don’t always lead to
the best consequences. I don’t know what
the significance of the title is, unless it was meant to be facetious. There’s nothing facetious about this film
though and none of the characters seemed to be having a good time at all. Did I have a good time watching it? I don’t think it’s the type of film you’d
classify as fun. Did I like it
though? Yeah, kind of. The grimy locations, soundtrack, and
deplorable characters made me feel as if I were watching an actual grindhouse
movie during their heyday. It has style
and never bores at 100 minutes, but those favoring optimism should look
elsewhere. On a side note, and I don’t
care how much Twihards hate me for this, Robert Pattinson has always been
fugly! 11/27/2017
Ingrid Goes West OK
I wonder if Facebook and/or Twitter were behind this movie
to make users ditch Instagram and focus solely on their sites. Instagram takes center stage in this film and
makes the app look dangerous. The
creation of the internet itself has made the world less safe. While on the topic of social media, why do
people feel the need to have more than one?
Especially if whatever you post on Instagram and/or Twitter can
simultaneously show up in your Facebook feed.
It’s time consuming just keeping up with one platform so why don’t they
just combine all of them? There’re privacy
settings to keep others from viewing your profile and custom settings to only
allow certain people to see certain posts.
Ingrid (played by Aubrey Plaza) is obviously off her rocker and stalks
certain people after following them on Instagram and trying to maneuver her way
into their lives. At first, we see her
cause a scene at a wedding she wasn’t invited to for a girl she simply followed
and barely knew offline. Then, after
finding her new obsession (played by the youngest Olsen girl), steals her dog
and pretends she found it. Nope, she’s
not unhinged at all. We’re meant to
sympathize with this crazy girl too. It
almost works but gets rather cliché and boring for much of the middle
half. Social media can be good for some
things and admittedly can be very addicting, but many rely too heavily on
it. People want to be liked even if by
complete strangers all over the world.
Ingrid even mentions that there’s no point of living if you don’t have
someone to “share” your life with. She
eventually does something that garners online attention and that, in turn, makes
her happy. The sad truth is that many
people online will have sympathy for someone without knowing how that person
actually is in reality. Social media
only shows one aspect of a person, false or not. Be cautious of the Ingrids of the world! 12/6/2017
Kidnap G
If you saw the trailer, you would know a woman’s son is
kidnapped and a car chase ensues. Why
couldn’t she just take her call while simultaneously keeping an eye on
him? This movie wouldn’t exist that’s
why. Yeah, we’ve all seen some variation
of this before but I didn’t expect it to actually be a pretty good darn movie
(more so than imagined). Halle Berry
owns this shit and gives a stellar performance.
I had more fun with this than The
Call, which is another film involving a kidnapping Halle was in a couple
years ago. It may not be highly original
and most likely forgotten unless mentioned, but I think it was 81 minutes well
spent momentarily. 11/29/2017
Lycan EH
This pretentious film began as what I thought would be an at-least-okay
werewolf film before devolving into a typical teens-lost-in-the-woods
film. Once we find out what’s really
going on, any ounce of a scare factor is tossed aside and the film just becomes
bizarre and not in a good way.
Thematically, it’s more in league with The Village than The Howling
which, in retrospect, may not necessarily have been a bad idea if executed
properly. Chalk it up as yet another
workable idea in the wrong movie (I really should just rate ideas only from now
on). Aside from the script and the
occasional editing, the sound department needs improvement too. At the same volume, conversations between
characters seemed faded at times while the background music was always
amplified tenfold! 11/29/2017
Realive EH/OK
After being presented with a rather graphic childbirth,
we’re given a futuristic Frankenstein-ian
tale involving cryogenics and immortality.
Immortality may sound nice to some people, but this film (and others)
proves it could be just as much a curse.
There’s a sappy love story underneath it all which establishes the depressing
notion of being revived. People always
seem to enjoy life better when they know they’re dying (even though we’re all
dying from birth). That’s what happens
to the man in this story---he develops an incurable cancer around the present
time and hopes to be revived after going into a cryogenic state. He’s resurrected in 2084 (we learn he’s the
first successful one) but has to rely on a machine to keep him alive, therefore
never being independent. There’re ways
this could’ve been more effective.
Limiting him to the medical facility feels microcosmic and denotes lazy
writing (in my opinion) despite being an intelligent film. Even though the doctors state the future
isn’t much different than our current time, I think it would’ve been better if seeing
him enter the future world for at least half the time. The overall message might be that memories
are all that keep us alive yet also affirming how truly depressing life can be. 12/2/2017
Red Christmas G
Here’s an axe-mas horror movie with a clunky start that
culminates in quite a deadly night! A
family on Christmas bickers, as we’ve come to expect from holiday films
regardless of genre, before a cloaked and bandaged figure comes-a-knockin’
claiming to be the son of the matriarch played by Dee Wallace (E.T., Cujo, The Howling, The Frighteners, etc.---I met her, nice
lady). It turns out she intended to
abort him but an explosion at the clinic the same day allowed the baby to be saved
and raised by one of the doctors. We
later learn the reason for her decision and I had no clue you could tell that
about an unborn child. Anyway, people
start dying by way of axe, bear trap, and even an umbrella. There’s definitely style to this Australian
film---a particular favorite aside from the violence were the multi-color lighted
rooms. It isn’t without its flaws either. Other than the bland beginning, the house
always seems to be in the middle of nowhere, therefore taking the cops an
immoderate amount of time to arrive and are immediately offed when they do. The cop death was worthy though so I can
forgive it. I still prefer my Christmas Black gifted by Bob Clark, but now I
certainly don’t mind them Red as
well. 11/29/2017
The Sound B
I initially thought this movie was going somewhere for about
five minutes before becoming an extreme boredom fest. Rose McGowan plays a skeptic blog writer that
travels places attempting to debunk ghost stories. Do you think she eventually sees ghosts? She enters an underground train station that
closed after an incident about a half-century ago. The dark abandoned station could’ve served
greatly for creep factor but refer back to my boredom fest comment. The ghosts she might be seeing are chalked up
as hallucinations resulting from being in an area with vibrations and low sound
frequencies. We’re given a reason for
her “hallucinations” with a twist that’s way stale and revealed far too late to
save this snoozefest. Christopher Lloyd
makes an appearance too. He should get
into his DeLorean and stop this movie from being made, or at least let me borrow it to stop me from watching
it. 12/6/2017
The Willies OK/G
I’m surprised I never heard of this anthology film from 1990
until I read a list online about the best family friendly horror movies. I love anthology films (mainly horror) but
they can range from really good to really bad.
This one falls somewhere in the middle.
It’s directed by Brian Peck, who played one of the punks in The Return of the Living Dead. I recognized at least two faces from the
first two Return films. There’re actually a couple faces throughout
whom you’ll recognize if familiar with films and TV from the late ‘80’s and
early ‘90’s. Sean Astin’s one of them
and there’s even a blunt reference to The
Goonies making me wonder if the character was a crossover. He stars in the wraparound segment telling
scary stories (making up the segments) with his two younger cousins in a tent
outside. It gets off to a rather lame
start with three short tales involving dated myths (sorry, I’m just seeing this
now and they don’t stand the test of time) before the two lengthier vignettes. The first long segment is a Tales from the Crypt-like story with a
passable practical creature and the oft-told lesson about rotten people getting
their due comeuppance. The second long
segment involves a loner kid (you’ll recognize him) with an unhealthy fly
obsession also getting his comeuppance.
The outcome is predictable from the get-go but shocking what happens as
a result of it. This anthology film is
corny, predictable, atrociously acted, low-budget, and oddly enough, that’s
what I enjoyed about it. Other than some
implied gore, I think it rightfully earned a spot on that family friendly
horror list. The good ol’ days before
CGI. 12/2/2017
Woodshock B
What the fuck was the point of this movie? Is it a bunch of paintings put together as a
moving picture? Was it meant to be
viewed while high? It involves drugs,
trees (both in the woods and at a logging company), and a face bashing with an
iron. Kirsten Dunst, we know you can act
so pick better material. The film was
directed by two sisters. I’m all for
supporting female directors considering they do actually make up the minority
in the profession, but that doesn’t mean they can get away with making awful
movies. This film was an utter waste of
time. 11/26/2017
---Sean O.
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