Barracuda B
The title doesn’t refer to the deadly fish (at least not literally;
this isn’t a natural horror film although that would’ve been much preferred). I don’t recall hearing the Heart song of the
same name either. There were songs played by people in the movie,
singer-songwriter and country/blues type songs which I’m generally not a fan of
and wasn’t a fan of the songs played here.
A girl arrives unannounced at her alleged half-sisters house in Texas and
ingratiates herself into the family which (in films and in real life) is
usually never beneficial for all parties involved. They come from a family of musicians and the
guitar given to the newly arrived girl from her half-sister has a picture of a
barracuda on it (so that’s where the title comes from; I thought maybe it would’ve
been metaphorical---my misconception!). There were a few times I thought this was
actually going to get interesting but it never did. Pointless.
Waste. Of. Time. 7/10/2018
Black Hollow Cage G
Pretty good time-travel mystery involving a young girl given
a prosthetic arm (you’ll find out why), living in a seemingly secluded house
where she finds “some sort of time travel” cube in the woods. She also has a dog she refers to as “mom”
(you’ll understand if you watch). Make
sure you pay attention to everything, especially closer to the end lest you
miss vital information and might have to re-watch certain parts like I
did. Time travel aside, it also
emphasizes how you should always be cautious of letting strangers in your house
(won’t people, especially Samaritans, ever learn?). Also, if an item that already defies
explanation (the black cage in question) informs you to do something, it might
be wise to obey it. It all comes down to
the age-old scenario of wanting to alter the past which always leads to
altering the present and future if not careful.
You need patience to watch this as several scenes go on longer than
necessary, but its generally engaging and a worthy entry to the cinematic time
travel canon. Just wait until it’s over
before making judgments as most questions will be answered. 7/10/2018
Blockers OK/G
I love John Cena but, let’s face it, he’s been in a lot of
garbage. This film isn’t garbage at all,
but it’s no masterpiece either. It isn’t
quite American Pie despite involving
teenagers vowing to lose their virginity on prom night. Prom is so overrated; I didn’t even want to
go but my mom wanted a picture to temporarily hang up on the wall, so I
reluctantly went with someone I never gave two shits about. Anyway, this one centers on the girls while Pie focused primarily on the dudes. Yeah, the women in American Pie were all about “doing it” as well but the guys were
supposed to be the ones we were “rooting for.”
Blockers takes an entirely
different approach by ultimately
focusing on the parents (three to be exact, one including the aforementioned
wrestler/actor) that try to “cockblock” their daughters from having sex after peeking
at their text messages. The double
standard about parents, especially fathers, worrying more about their daughters
having sex is addressed. Parents of
either gender in “heteroville” never seem to be as concerned about their sons
having sex despite knowing it takes two to procreate (naturally) and/or get a
non-discriminatory disease. It was
certainly novel focusing on the adults in a “teen movie” and it was funny
several times, but it couldn’t completely stray from feeling like a regular
teen movie where everything is patched up by the end with inevitable
parent-child talks. 7/3/2018
Bus Party to Hell B/EH
The title couldn’t be any more blunt. They don’t go to Hell literally, as in Biblical
terms, but there is a bus party heading from Vegas to a ‘Burning Man’ festival
somewhere else in Nevada. The “Hell”
they enter is in the desert when they come across a satanic cult that slaughters
many of the passengers and traps the rest inside the bus while the keys are uneasily
obtainable, initially. This is basically
a modern B-movie combination of Race with
the Devil and Jeepers Creepers 2, both B-movies themselves in the ‘70’s
and ‘00’s, respectively. I don’t expect
a masterpiece when watching B-movies, but this wasn’t fun like they’re intended
to be, especially when involving the Dark Lord and/or demons, and I couldn’t
wait for it to be over (long before its barely 81 minutes). If all you really care to see is boobs and
gore though (complete with a blood orgy), this might pass for you (for some,
eye candy and violence don’t always make good movies). According to the end, a sequel is planned
where they actually go to literal Hell and back, but count me out if this
preliminary trip was any indication. 7/9/2018
Calibre OK/G
Two buddies in Scotland get together to go hunting before
one of them ties the knot in this Netflix film.
An accident occurs during their excursion and they reluctantly agree to
cover it up instead of going to the authorities. No one in the movies ever wants to turn
themselves in for fear of ruining the rest of their lives. Eventually your mistakes (intentional or not)
catch up with you, especially in the movies, and you either end up in jail
anyway for not reporting it right away or a different fate (usually worse) lies
in store. The latter is what occurs to
the two lads (as usual in movies), but the film drags quite a bit until the
inevitable. The outcome doesn’t exactly work
in either of their favor but it’s no surprise given the situation they got
themselves in. This film is as
straightforward as it gets, but that doesn’t make it any less tense
though. Its foreboding atmosphere is
almost what makes you ignore its simplicity and banality. 7/4/2018
Gemini OK
Extremely slow mystery with a clever twist (not necessarily
fresh) that would’ve still worked being 25 minutes (if that) instead of
92. 7/7/2018
The Incredibles 2 G
It was a fairly worthy follow-up. To say it was incredible would be an
overstatement, but to say it was disappointing would also be an overstatement. I didn’t expect much from a sequel released
14 years later, even from the mighty Pixar.
It was good the same way Toy Story
2 and Toy Story 3 were good, and
very worthy sequels, but were no Toy
Story. It was good the same way Monsters University was good but was no Monsters, Inc. It was good the same way Finding Dory was good but was no Finding Nemo. It wasn’t bad like Cars 2 but I didn’t like Cars
either, so I don’t know why I’m even mentioning those (I never even
bothered with the 3rd one). In
other words, don’t expect it to be as good as the first and you might have a
higher chance of not being disappointed and simply enjoying it as a decent
companion piece (I actually didn’t like the first one as much as I used to when
I recently watched it but that’s beside the point, I still like it). It employs good use of gender role reversals
in this “equal opportunity” era while containing impressive action sequences; a
particular favorite of mine was when Elastigirl rode through town on her
Elastibike. 7/1/2018
The Jurassic Games OK
A bunch of criminals are put into a virtual reality game. They must go through four dangerous levels. If they die in the game, they die in real life
as well. The last one left alive wins
the game and their freedom. Sound
derivative? It definitely is, but that
never means it can’t be fun either. I
actually thought it was going somewhere before losing much steam midway; the
beginning and end were basically the best parts. Ironic how something with Jurassic in the title is released around
the same time as a big-budget entry of a major franchise. The title references The Hunger Games though, largely resembling it as well, just
containing dinosaurs. There’s also a bit
of Saw in the storyline and the
Japanese film, Battle Royale, in
which The Hunger Games obviously
cribbed from. Now, since the dinosaurs
were part of a game, I didn’t expect them to be as impressive as Spielberg’s initial
creations. They actually weren’t too bad
given the circumstances but considering the film is called The Jurassic Games, there weren’t enough dinosaur scenes! There were other dangers (poisonous plant,
saber-toothed tiger, deadly insects) the criminals had to face, but I didn’t
care about them (they were much less impressive even given the format). The scenes with dinosaurs, especially the end in the desert, were adequate, so
a little more of them and this could’ve worked.
Otherwise it should’ve just been called The Games. 7/3/2018
Killshot OK/G
Decent neo-noir film from 2008 with a star-studded cast
including Thomas Jane, Mickey Rourke, Diane Lane, Joseph Gordon-Levitt, and
Rosario Dawson. With a cast like that,
how did this bypass me ten years ago? Could
be Blockbuster didn’t carry it in store or online, I don’t know. At the time, Blockbuster was still in
existence and I used their online service while exchanging for store rentals
each time instead of using Netflix (they were still mail only then and just
beginning to gain popularity). Like I
said, it was decent. Instead of the mistaken
identity trope of traditional film noirs, this film revolved around someone
being in the wrong place at the wrong time.
Well, I guess that ties in with mistaken identity. The cast is great and it bears the makings of
a decent Tarantino-esque film, but there was definitely something missing from
its generally bare-boned story because I didn’t feel completely satisfied when
it was over. 7/6/2018
Mandy: The Haunted Doll EH/OK
Mandy, as we’re informed before being shown how it happened,
was a girl that died and lived on in her doll.
Sounds a bit like Annabelle,
no? It resembles The Boy quite a bit too when a girl (with cruel intentions
involving others) comes to babysit the doll and given written rules to abide
by. Unlike the dolls in those two movies
though, Mandy actually walks and kills (almost appearing aided by CGI a bit
though). She talks too, but in an echoed
voiceover. The doll isn’t too bad
looking, quite passable even, but what the aforementioned titles have over this
though is budget. Its low-budget
definitely shines through and, with a better budget, this could’ve been a
decent entry in the subgenre. I sensed a
suggestion of Dolls too, so the
inspirations are evident but the filmmakers should’ve had the means before
attempting an homage; looking derivative and
cheap are deadly combinations. It isn’t
as bad as other direct-to-video doll flicks but, compared to better doll
movies, that’s akin to saying store-bought steak is edible but never equal to
fresh ones served in fancy restaurants (yes, I count Outback despite being a
chain). 7/9/2018
Tau G
I thought the title would refer to an Asian name or
something East Asian specific, but it actually refers to an advanced A.I.
system controlling an entire house in this ‘Netflix Original.’ The creator of this system holds people
captive (the temporary focus is on a young woman) in order to feed certain
emotions to it, and there is a deadly consequence for those that try to escape
or disobey the house’s commands (when he happens to be out). As advanced as it is, it is still technology
after all created by humans that have the power to destroy it (as it does
us). I do feel there could’ve been much
more to the story (it felt so limited), but the film looks great and was
generally a decent sci-fi thriller. 7/4/2018
---Sean O.
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