All the Creatures were
Stirring G
A new Christmas horror anthology film. I love Christmas movies, I love horror
movies, I love anthology films, especially horror ones, so you can imagine how
excited I was upon hearing of this. Now,
not all Christmas movies are good (there’s probably an infinite amount more bad
than good), not all horror movies are good (there’s an infinite amount of crap
out there for sure), and not all anthology films are 100% good (there’s many
hit and miss collections and some with more misses than hits), but I can safely
say that this Christmas horror anthology does not disappoint. It consists of five segments all occurring
around the aforementioned holiday of course, wrapped around by a segment
involving a couple attending a pantomime-ish theater on Christmas Eve
reenacting the stories presented (pretty well too). The first vignette involves an office party
gift exchange gone to shit, very much like a Saw movie but still entertaining, but cuts off a bit too soon (a
teeny bit longer would’ve made it
stellar). The other tales include an
inescapable demonic curse, a somewhat different take on A Christmas Carol,
a pissed-off vengeful reindeer, and an alien segment in the vein of the
original Twilight Zone. It’s not exactly big-budget, nor low-budget
for that matter (middle-budget?), but I didn’t dislike a single segment and thoroughly
enjoyed three of them, so I’m recommending this new addition to watchable
Christmas films, Christmas horror films, and horror anthology films (Christmas
horror anthology film to make it easier, but technically it fits into all those
categories). It’s too soon to tell if
it’ll become a holiday classic, but check it out if you want something new to
watch this season and love both the holiday and horror movies. 11/20/2018
Alpha B/EH
I hated this movie in the beginning, so much so that I
would’ve turned it off if it weren’t for my OCD when it comes to watching
movies. It’s times like this I wish I
never got into film criticism or any kind of writing. Hopefully one day I’ll get better at stopping
what I have no desire to continue (and I’ve probably said those last two
statements many times before). This
doesn’t get too much better after
that, although I did like the gradually amicable (initially rocky) relationship
between the young man and the wolf…for a bit.
This movie was mostly a waste of time.
It takes place 20,000 years ago in Europe as we’re told and there are
subtitles. I’m not exactly nitpicking in
this regard, but exactly what language were they speaking and how the hell
would anyone know for sure what language they spoke in Europe (or anywhere in
the world for that matter) 20,000 years ago?
If this were a better movie, I would’ve cared less about that particular
historical accuracy, so maybe I am nitpicking.
11/15/2018
Cam G
New Netflix film which I initially thought was going to be
another Searching or Unfriended in that we see what the
character(s) see on a computer screen, but actually isn’t like them at all,
being more of a stolen identity tale. A
computer screen does factor in the story a great deal but this is presented
omnisciently. It’s a simple story
really, kinda seductive (I’m not necessarily talking about content either),
that’s moderately suspenseful and I never once looked at the time or to see how
much time was left, so that is very much a plus. There are no direct answers either, but I’m
sure you can draw your own conclusions, and that might add to its underlying
creep factor. Basically, the internet is
a dangerous place but hopefully anyone alive and aware should know that already. 11/19/2018
Channel Zero: The Dream Door G
This is season four of the anthology series, Channel Zero, which very well may be the
SyFy Channel equivalent to FX’s American
Horror Story. I didn’t see the
previous three seasons but I made sure I didn’t have to by researching (a.k.a.
Googling) and nowhere did I come across anything indicating any of them were
connected. I’ve always wanted to check
out this series upon first hearing of it and this season somehow happened to be
free for me to watch (I’m sure I don’t have to tell you the other seasons
weren’t). I no longer buy copies of
movies or TV shows before seeing them (at least not currently), so I wait until
they are either free to watch or available via Netflix or whatever. So far, I like this series and I do hope to
watch the other three seasons eventually but, much like the aforementioned American Horror Story, I don’t expect
all the seasons to be good, although that would rule if they were (AHS is 5 for 8 so far; I didn’t care
much for the last season by the way).
This (six-episode) season involves doors that appear out of nowhere
containing “things” in them. Plus it
involves childhood memories resurfaced.
It also involves a contortionist clown. And it involves other stuff. There’s violence too. I liked it.
11/17/2018
The Devil’s Doorway OK
Found footage film taking place in the Sixties in Ireland at
a Magdalene Laundry, which were homes for women that were “sinners” or
orphans. Two priests are investigating
the place, one of them is filming everything.
First, there’s blood seeping from the eyes of statues. Then, there’re ghostly occurrences and
statues being smashed on their own.
Clearly there’s something sinister going on in this facility, something
satanic. Of course there’re allusions to
The Exorcist and pretty much every
exorcism movie released in the last twenty years. I’m still a sucker for first-person POV shots
of dark corridors and stairways lit only by the camera’s light or any kind of
light, so this movie is effective in that regard; otherwise, there’s not much
new to see here (content as well as format).
11/19/2018
Godmonster of Indian
Flats OK
I never even heard of this film from 1973 and likely never
would have if it weren’t for Mr. John Bowen’s review in the last issue of Rue
Morgue. It is essentially two
different movies that end up converging towards the end. One “movie” involves a sheep monster (the
monster of the title) and it is explained how it possibly became that way, and
while it is nice to get explanations for these types of movies, viewers
generally care about just seeing the damn creature in action. The other “movie” involves an outsider
billionaire trying to buy land in the Nevada town. He’s framed for the murder of a dog (which
actually ends up being staged) and then the attempted murder of a civilian
after refusing to leave after his offers are declined. About that titular monster though---it is
corny, yes, but it’s practical (1973, what do you expect?), or at least a
person in a suit. Yes, the sheep monster
stands on two feet and has one arm longer than the other. The face of the creature isn’t too bad
though. It’s hardly given any screen
time though and only appears to attack those posing a threat to it, making it
another one of those tales reiterating that humans are the real monsters (Frankenstein much?). I actually liked the movie better when it
didn’t involve the monster, but that just doesn’t cut it in a movie called Godmonster of Indian Flats, and what a
nonsensical ending it has. Mr. Bowen, as
well as the rest of the Rue Crew, you’re always likely going to make me curious
regardless of what you say about the films you review. 11/22/2018
Gray Matter B
I knew this was an alien film before I watched it. Clearly their ambitions were much higher than
their means (the two-legged aliens might’ve been okay with a better budget). It begins in the Sixties as if it were going
to be a coming-of-age Stand by Me-ish
movie. Then, in the present day, it
becomes a possession movie with a hint of a zombie movie (all while still very
much being an alien movie), reminding me at times of alien films like Fire in the Sky and Slither, but also other films like Jason Goes to Hell and a Terminator
movie. Clearly their inspirations were
worn on their sleeves, but clearly this film is all over the place and consists
of awful, awful acting. Avoid. 11/15/2018
He’s Out There OK/G
Here’s a good idea: A
woman taking her two young daughters to an isolated house in the middle of the
woods by a lake (what a nice location too) before her husband arrives hours
later. Said no plot for a horror movie
ever! There is a man out there in the woods, mostly in
shadow, taunting the woman and girls before revealing himself in mask past the
midway mark. This is basically a
survival/home invasion flick in the vein of The
Strangers and Hush among
others. Why do people, both victim and
villain alike, still not make sure someone is actually dead? And I don’t care if it’s just for a few
seconds, but you do not separate ever, especially if its two little kids you’re
separating from, and especially if you think there’s someone out there or in there with you! The film is very atmospheric though and occasionally
bloody, but not as thrilling as it often suggests it could’ve been. It also felt stretched out at times in order
to fill up the run-time, and the ending typically leaves open a sequel
possibility (refer back to the ‘making sure they’re actually dead’ comment)
after the inevitable final showdown (again, as a result of not making sure
someone is actually dead). Still not a
bad movie to check out despite its flaws (which are outnumbered by its pros). 11/10/2018
Hover OK
SyFy (Channel) film containing assisted suicide, drones gone
rogue, and a conspiracy involving cover-ups.
Sounds derivative, no? It does
feel very derivative too but almost kind of not at the same time. It takes place in the future, I’m not sure exactly
when, and there is a good deal I enjoyed about it; there’s actually an
encroaching sense of dread for much of the first half, it’s well-shot for a
SyFy-released film, and I liked the soundtrack which has more of a retro than
futuristic vibe, but the film overall did feel inadequate. It’s definitely not a waste of time though. 11/18/2018
Krisha OK
Thanksgiving. That
American holiday situated between Halloween and Christmas and often bypassed
(at least festively). There aren’t too
many movies centering on the holiday either (I can’t even think of ten at the
top of my mind) or at least taking place during it (TV specials like Charlie Brown Thanksgiving don’t count
either). I personally never cared too
much for the holiday; I don’t care for any of the traditional foods other than
turkey and pumpkin pie. Plus, you
shouldn’t devote one day out of the entire year to be thankful, especially if
you’re one of those same people that fight over what’s on sale a few hours
later. Plus, it began as a celebration
of a mass slaughter that triggered what happened in the rest of the
country. Anyway, that’s a discussion for
another place and time; this movie features the eponymous lady attending a
family Thanksgiving apparently after distancing herself years prior due to
drinking and other possible issues.
Families bicker, not just during the holidays, and they have issues,
some members more than others (apparently Krisha for this family), so this
could’ve taken place any time of the year and I didn’t think it differentiated
too much from other films/TV shows involving dysfunctional families. It does properly portray familial
interactions during holiday gatherings before ending up in inevitable dramaville,
but I just didn’t feel anything by the time it was over. For a better movie involving a dysfunctional
family on Turkey Day, check out Pieces of
April if you haven’t already. 11/15/2018
Leave No Trace OK/G
A father and daughter live in the Oregon woods and seem to
be doing pretty well until captured by the police and eventually given a
home. Gee, I should live in the woods
and hope to get caught. Apparently it’s
hard for them to adapt, at least the father (played by Ben Foster), as he puts
the TV in a closet and they spend their first night sleeping outside. It isn’t long before they’re on the run
again. That seems to be the main flaw
with this film in that they’re here, there, and there, never settling (making
the title that much more significant) which, in turn, never allows us to invest
in anyone or anything other than the father and daughter despite being entirely
about them; the young girl gives a very good performance too. The director, Debra Granik, appears to
specialize in characters living not-so-luxurious lives. I am a fan of Down to the Bone and her Academy Award-nominated Winter’s Bone grew on me. This is a decent addition to her filmography
and it makes me wonder what state her next film will take place in as this was
Oregon, Down was New York, and Bone was Missouri. 11/10/2018
Never Goin’ Back OK
These two girls are definitely living in squalor but, like
many in similar situations, aren’t too happy about it (they steal and do drugs
at times too, so they aren’t exactly perfect).
They work waitress jobs as many hours as they can muster just to live in
a house shared with one of their drug dealing brothers and another dude. All they want is to make enough to pay rent
and spend one of their upcoming birthdays at the beach. Of course one thing after another prevents
that from happening. Their lives really
do suck, but so did many other characters before them. Also, about that drug dealing brother, it
seemed like just as much time was spent focusing on him and his equally low-life
buddies whom I really couldn’t stand. I
guess there wasn’t enough to effectively focus mostly on the girls. 11/17/2018
November EH
No, this isn’t the early 2000’s film starring Courtney Cox,
this is a black & white film from Estonia that does actually take place
during the 11th month. This
is the first Estonian film I recall seeing and it’s a shame I didn’t like it
better (first impressions and all). It
has the look of a gothic fairy tale but is really just bizarre, being outright
silly at times. It definitely has the
most bizarre beginning I’ve seen in quite some time, if ever. There’s bizarre and then there’s bizarre.
I’m a diehard fan of Tim Burton and David Lynch and have liked films by
Darren Aronofsky and Gaspar Noe; they fall into the former category of bizarre while
this film falls into the latter. There’s
no plot to speak of---it involves selling one’s soul to the Devil in exchange
for life given to kratts (inanimate objects assembled together with the ability
to speak), the mention of a plague, and those desiring other people’s
affections. Oh, the dead can actually
come back to the land of the living on All Souls’ Day too. I know surreal cinema doesn’t have to contain
logic, but this movie is just weird, and long.
I like movies that are different and this movie definitely is different,
but unique doesn’t always mean exceptional.
I hope the next Estonian film I see is better. 11/8/2018
The Ranger OK
A group of punks, punk rockers at that, commit a crime and
need a place to stay, so off to one of their uncle’s cabins in the mountains
they go. There are several things to
remind us we’re in slasherville (aside from members being offed of course): ‘Missing’ signs covering an entire board at
the convenience store; they have to park the van and walk about a mile to the
rundown cabin (no one has been there since the girl’s uncle died when she was
little); people separate instead of sticking together; the fact they’re
isolated in the woods to begin with! The
ranger in question is kind of a whimsical psycho acting on the basis of being a
little too “one with nature” and taking his job way too seriously. As time goes by, you learn he may be even more
messed up than you think. This actually
wasn’t a bad entry in the subgenre, not great by any means either; I’d suggest Green Room or even The Return of the Living Dead for a better movie involving punks
ending up in shitty situations. 11/21/2018
Skate Kitchen OK
Slice-of-life film centering on a Latina skateboarder from
Long Island making friends with other female skateboarders from New York
City. It begins very much like a
feminist film showcasing women in a traditionally male world, but then becomes
just a regular coming-of-age film about someone trying to find their place in
the world and unsure of where they truly fit in. Mom doesn’t approve of her lifestyle, friends
bicker over jealousy issues, blah, blah, blah.
Frankly, I got bored too. It
tries to be Kids at times as well,
but don’t all modern slice-of-life-ish movies involving disruptive youth in the
inner city or anywhere for that matter?
(Yes, Larry Clark’s debut was very groundbreaking). I didn’t mind this movie, it just didn’t
resonate with me too much, and as I’ve referenced before in the words of the
late Roger Ebert, “life is too short to see movies that are just okay.” On a side note, there is actually a rather
good use of a harmonica in a rap. 11/21/2018
---Sean O.
