The Invisible Man

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In case you haven’t seen the intro from my entry dated 1/26/19 (it’s in my archives whenever you want to read it), I’m no longer going to review every single movie I see.  I’m going to review one, with the occasional bonus, and just give ratings for the rest from now on (unless I decide to pick it up again in the future).  You can always ask me why I gave the ratings for the films without reviews though (via comments or the e-mail addresses under the ‘About Me’ section).

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The Invisible Man                                                        EH/OK

I can honestly say I’ve only seen the original 1933 film before this recent version.  Apparently, according to Wikipedia, there have been at least 9 other movies and 7 TV movies, plus Hollow Man and its sequel being variations (well, I’ve seen Hollow Man too then).  Being that Leigh Whannell, he involved with the Saw and Insidious films for starters, directed it, and that it received rave reviews (92% out of 356 critics on Rotten Tomatoes), I was more than a bit curious.  Well, the film may look good, has good performances (particularly that of Elizabeth Moss), and contains a plausible reasoning for invisibility (in movie world at least), but I just wasn’t exactly impressed.  There’s a twist close to the end that wasn’t too surprising and the ending wasn’t quite executed properly (making me feel confused at first).  My biggest gripe though?  It was too damn long.  Was this an unnecessary remake?  I would say yes, but like I said, the original Claude Rains film is the only other version I’ve seen (made 87 years ago) and I can’t recall every single thing that happened in it.  I would say it was mostly an unnecessary movie on its own, but at least 326 critics disagree with me, so…5/29/2020

Bonus reviews:

Pumpkinhead:  Ashes to Ashes                                   EH

Pumpkinhead 4:  Blood Feud                                     OK/G

I realized I never saw all the Pumpkinhead sequels after reading about them in the latest issue of Rue Morgue magazine.  Writer John Bowen panned them to no end, but curiosity got the better of me (like always) and my OCD would never allow me to not finish out a franchise, especially if I was a fan of at least the first one.  Now, I am a fan of Pumpkinhead, but I’m not madly in love with it.  The titular creature doesn’t resemble a pumpkin at all, more of an alien with sharp teeth; it only bears the name due to coming from a pumpkin patch.  The first sequel, Pumpkinhead II:  Blood Wings, wasn’t bad either; I remember it being gorier than its predecessor but more of a remake.  As for these two other sequels released in 2006 and 2007 as TV movies?  The third one, Ashes to Ashes, appeared to be a direct sequel to the first one and was the worst entry in the franchise.  I couldn’t wait for it to be over before the halfway mark!  Not even Pinhead himself, Doug Bradley, could save it.  Above all, the creature was CGI at times!  You don’t use CGI for a creature that was originally practical!  Blood Feud, on the other hand, involving the infamous warring Hatfield and McCoy clans actually wasn’t too bad for a fourquel.  It still contained the same staples as the rest of the films---someone dies, their surviving loved one goes to a backwoods witch demanding vengeance, that vengeance carried out by Pumpkinhead, eventually the one seeking vengeance regrets summoning Pumpkinhead, there’s only one way to stop the curse---but I enjoyed this one a lot better than its predecessor, that’s for damn sure!  Overall, Pumpkinhead isn’t my favorite franchise, but it’s not the worst one out there.  Skip part three if you plan on having a marathon (even if you have OCD like me, trust me).  5/29/2020

Bodied                                                                         G

I didn’t realize this was a remake (or reimagining) of 8 Mile.  Ironically, Eminem is one of its producers.  In it, a white college student inadvertently becomes a battle rapper after competing against a random stranger in a parking lot following a battle rap session in which he interviewed another battle rapper for an assignment.  Unlike 8 Mile in which Eminem was the only whitey battling against all black men, these battle rappers are a little more diverse; one being Latino, one a black woman, one an Asian, and there’s even a Middle Eastern.  Much like Eminem’s biopic, these battle raps are raw, not unlike being roasted in the worst way, but the majority of battle rappers understand that that’s the name of the game.  Although I thought I was watching a carbon copy of that Eminem film the entire time (taking place in the West Coast instead of Michigan), I can’t deny how engaged I was for the majority of its 2-hour run-time (especially in regards to the battle raps).  5/29/2020

Other movies I've seen and their ratings (see above):

Arkansas  >>>OK

Girl  >>>OK

---Sean O.
5/30/2020

Porno

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In case you haven’t seen the intro from my entry dated 1/26/19 (it’s in my archives whenever you want to read it), I’m no longer going to review every single movie I see.  I’m going to review one, with the occasional bonus, and just give ratings for the rest from now on (unless I decide to pick it up again in the future).  You can always ask me why I gave the ratings for the films without reviews though (via comments or the e-mail addresses under the ‘About Me’ section).

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Porno                                                                          OK/G

No, this isn’t an actual porno, although a porn film is involved and there is nudity.  This horror film associated with Fangoria (although Rue Morgue is my favorite magazine, I’ve also been reading theirs religiously for about the past 20 years) takes place at a religious-owned movie theater (they all pray together before work) in the early Nineties (Encino Man and A League of Their Own are the only two movies playing; I remember seeing the latter in the theater).  After hours, the workers discover a boarded-up staircase leading to an underground theater where they come across a porn film (of an arty satanic variety) that unleashes a succubus after viewing (that is a female demon that seduces her victims, usually while asleep, whereas the incubus is the male version, for those unaware).  There is violence (more than once involving male genitalia in explicit detail) and there is a decent amount I enjoyed here, but it is a bit formulaic in its approach and I wasn’t entirely satisfied when it was over (at least not enough).  I did like this better than the last movie Fangoria was involved with (Satanic Panic), but here’s to hoping their next involvement is even better than this.  5/20/2020

Bonus review:

The Jack in the Box                                                     EH/OK

I love clowns and I love toys, especially jack-in-the-boxes (a clown toy, shocker).  The Jack in this movie was cool, housed in a box looking like it was designed by the Cenobites (those demons in Hellraiser, for those unaware).  The clown that comes out of the jack-in-the-box was really cool; he even had claws for fingers!  Oh yeah, a clown physically emerges from the giant jack-in-the-box to kill people.  Why wasn’t this movie better than it was?!!!  This is largely a by-the-numbers slasher flick in which the toy is given to a museum after being discovered and, in true slasher form, we know whenever someone is going to die.  It wouldn’t have been so bad if we actually saw the majority of the kills, and had it been the same movie with a villain not as cool, my rating would’ve been even lower.  This film is far from recommendable, but I kind of am suggesting it, in the slightest way possible, for evil clown lovers solely because the clown is so gnarly (he belongs in a better movie).  5/20/2020

Other movies I've seen and their ratings (see above):

Little Joe  >>>EH

Spies in Disguise  >>>EH/OK

---Sean O.
5/21/2020

Blumhouse's Fantasy Island

Blumhouse’s Fantasy Island                                       G

I suppose Blumhouse, the studio specializing in horror films and named after Jason Blum, put their name first in the title to slightly differentiate it from the television series of the same name (originally airing from 1977 to 1984 and revived in 1998); this film allegedly being a prequel to it.  I’ve never seen a single episode of that series and this film only received 8% out of 100 critics on Rotten Tomatoes, so, in addition to it sounding formulaic as f***, I didn’t have high hopes for this movie.  In it, a group of people are flown to a beautiful island with promises of living out their fantasies based on a questionnaire they all filled out.  Now, as with most “be careful what you wish for” and “this all sounds too good to be true” tales, there is a catch to all of it and not all is as it seems.  While this is no masterpiece (nor did I expect it to be) and does go on a bit too long, as well as concluding a bit too positively for me, everything is cleverly tied up (meaning no loose ends) and I actually had more fun with it than I anticipated.  For that, I’m going to recommend it (yikes).  No, I don’t plan on checking out the series now either (supposedly being a fantasy/drama instead of horror), nor do I think I’ll have repeat viewings, although I would be curious to check out the unrated version considering this PG-13 version did contain several parts that could’ve been more violent.  5/15/2020

Bonus review:

Vivarium                                                                     OK/G

The Twilight Zone much?  This sci-fi film certainly felt like a feature-length episode (not that there’s anything wrong with that; I love The Twilight Zone).  In it, a couple (played by Jesse Eisenberg and Imogen Poots) follow an agent to check out a home in a development called Yonder (hmm…) where all the homes look identical and not a single person seems to be living in.  While checking out one of the homes, the agent disappears.  They try driving out of the development only to keep ending up back at the same home; same when they try escaping by foot.  They realize they’re stuck at this house; burning it down doesn’t even get rid of it.  They’re repeatedly given a box of food with instructions outside the home, and one box contains a baby they’re told to raise if they want to be released.  The child ages exponentially, screams when it’s hungry, and acts very robotic.  Are they in Hell?  Purgatory?  There is a pervading sense of dread that had me quite intrigued for most of its length, but I can’t give it a strictly G rating (which really bums me out) since I didn’t get a direct (or at least satisfying) conclusion from it.  I read several different explanations online afterwards, even from the director himself, and none of them would’ve made me think anything of the sort had I not read them.  The director (Lorcan Finnegan) also said the film, like many a sci-fi tale, was open to the viewer’s interpretation, but that doesn’t help me.  I mean, I think I sort of took something from it before I read spoilers, and if it is open to my interpretation, I guess my ending could be right, no?  Ugh!  Whatever!  Check it out and maybe it won’t be as maddeningly baffling for you.  5/15/2020

---Sean O.
5/16/2020

Gretel and Hansel

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In case you haven’t seen the intro from my entry dated 1/26/19 (it’s in my archives whenever you want to read it), I’m no longer going to review every single movie I see.  I’m going to review one, with the occasional bonus, and just give ratings for the rest from now on (unless I decide to pick it up again in the future).  You can always ask me why I gave the ratings for the films without reviews though (via comments or the e-mail addresses under the ‘About Me’ section).

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Gretel and Hansel                                                       EH/OK

Unless you were born yesterday (or not that long ago) or live a very sheltered existence, I assume you know the traditional story involving the titular siblings?  If not, a brother and sister named Hansel and Gretel wander into the woods and end up at a house wherein a cannibal witch resides.  In most versions, the kids end up defeating the witch by pushing her into the oven.  There have been so many variations of this tale, there’s Google and Wikipedia among other ways if you want to know them all (I’m not going to list them), but this is the first time I recall Gretel’s name being listed first (she is the older sibling here after all).  This recent version does contain two siblings (a boy and girl) that venture into the woods (due to rather depressing circumstances) and come across a house containing a witch.  I won’t disclose whether the conclusion remains traditional in case you want to watch, even though I personally don’t recommend it.  I have no problem with old stories being fleshed out as long as they’re (somewhat) unique and/or interesting.  Stylistically, this film passes, enough.  Script-wise, not so much.  I felt this could’ve gone to much darker places at times and I often felt teased.  By the film’s end, I was more unsatisfied than not, as well as disappointed.  5/5/2020

Other movies and TV show(s) I’ve seen and their ratings (see above):

By the Grace of God  >>>OK

First Love (2019)  >>>OK/G

Get In (Furie)  >>>OK/G

            (Netflix; In French with subtitles)

The Half of It  >>>EH/OK

            (Netflix)

Never Have I Ever:  Season One  >>>OK/G

            (Netflix)

---Sean O.

5/6/2020

Underwater

Underwater                                                                 EH

A drilling crew is stationed deep in the Mariana Trench when something occurs (as is often the case in these cinematic scenarios), causing the survivors to work their way elsewhere in order to survive.  While it may resemble Alien under water (!), the plot reminded me more of Deep Blue Sea.  There be no sharks here though, but unidentified sea creatures there be.  The first creature we get to see is small, but wasn’t bad (practical at that) and I could’ve dealt with the others being similar.  The bigger creatures we get to see, however, look like poorly-designed videogame creations (yes, that means CGI).  After that I didn’t care much for the rest of the movie and that was only halfway.  This is yet another example of a film that could’ve been decent (or at least better) had the creature effects been better.  4/30/2020

Bonus reviews:

Outer Banks:  Season One                                          OK

New Netflix series taking place at the titular and popular North Carolina location in which there are two main types of people---the Kooks and the Pogues; the former being the “rich” ones and the latter being the “not-so-rich” ones.  The story focuses primarily on four Pogue friends amidst drugs, violence, and a treasure hunt.  There’s also a Romeo and Juliet subplot and, at one time, I was momentarily reminded of The Ring.  Before watching, I read descriptions like “coming-of-age,” “suspenseful,” and “Dawson’s Creek meets The Goonies.”  Three out of those four labels interested me.  Coming-of-age?  Yes, it was.  Suspenseful?  At times, but nowhere near enough.  The Goonies?  Sometimes, but not nearly as fun.  It felt more like Dawson’s Creek than anything (out of those aforementioned labels).  You want to know something though?  I’ve never seen an entire episode of that show, but I know shows of the type, those syrupy teen dramas (James Van Der Beek, the star, was even willing to cut up that show in Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back).  Don’t get me wrong, I like a lot of teen entertainment, particularly movies, but there’s lots of it I don’t care for as well, especially shows with several unnecessary seasons.  I don’t think this needed to be a series, at least not one with ten episodes ranging from 46 to 56 minutes each.  Part of me felt like I forced myself to continue at times, while a very small part of me was curious enough to keep going.  Put it this way, if they released an episode every week like the “old days (read: pre-binging days),” I likely wouldn’t have continued after the first 2 or 3 because I would’ve kept forgetting and/or lost interest.  Therefore, I didn’t care too much for it.  It was okay, but not even an iota more than okay though.  I definitely won’t tune in for any more seasons.  4/26/2020

The Willoughbys                                                          EH/OK

New animated film available on Netflix that reminded me of North, but whereas that film involved a child leaving his neglectful, unloving parents to find new ones, this one involved four kids sending their neglectful, unloving parents away to become orphans.  I think I might’ve liked it better had it been more like the Elijah Wood film; at least it might’ve been more fun.  This film may have had cute moments (most animated films probably do though), but it’s sappy over cute and I couldn’t wait for it to be over, making it ultimately forgettable.  I had no idea beforehand that it was based on a book by Lois Lowry (I’m a fan of The Giver, the book much more than the movie).  I wonder if the book is better…4/29/2020

---Sean O.
5/1/2020