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In case you haven’t seen the intro from my entry dated
1/26/19 (it’s in my archives whenever you want to read it), I’m no longer going
to review every single movie I see. I’m
going to review one, with the occasional bonus, and just give ratings for the
rest from now on (unless I decide to pick it up again in the future). You can always ask me why I gave the ratings
for the films without reviews though (via comments or the e-mail addresses
under the ‘About Me’ section).
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Zombie Town OK/G
I never read the 2012 book by Mr. R.L. Stine in which this
film is based, so I couldn’t do any comparisons (I’ll probably check it out if
I ever get my hands on it, even though reading the book afterwards isn’t quite
the same thing). Yes, as much as I love
the scribe, I haven’t read all of his books (there are lots, and he hasn’t
stopped yet!). Here, Dan Aykroyd plays a
filmmaker living in a small town (which was renamed after his character)
releasing a new film 30 years since his previous one (you will learn why the
long gap). Something happens while this
film is in the movie theater projector which turns most of the townspeople into…want
to take a guess? These zombies don’t
munch on flesh, but they do have a way of infecting those not zombified, which
I think was a slightly clever way of keeping it family friendly (or at least
not R-rated) while still managing to work for open-minded horror fans (like
yours truly). The reasoning behind the apocalypse
was a bit clever too. It did feel a bit
lacking when it was over---there’s even a post-credits sequence involving some
of the performers criticizing the fluffy ending before teasing us after hints
of it being altered (jerks!)---but it was still a decent gateway horror flick
in that TV-movie-of-yore kind of way (you know---small town, movie theater,
kids, Halloween, monsters, etc.). 10/6/2023
Pet Sematary: Bloodlines EH/OK
Prequel to the 2019 remake, which I wasn’t a fan of (you can
read my review for it in here---https://vampireclown82.blogspot.com/2019/07/stranger-things-season-three.html),
available on Paramount+. If you remember
a flashback in the original Pet Sematary
wherein a soldier returns from the dead and wreaks havoc, that is the general
basis for this film. I actually thought
this could’ve been something decent before it became a lackluster body count
flick (which might’ve worked elsewhere), ultimately feeling like it was only
part of a movie (technically it was, but, prequel or not, movies should be able
to stand alone). I didn’t hate it, but I
doubt it will be revisited over time like the original Pet Sematary and its worthy sequel, Pet Sematary Two. 10/8/2023
Bonus reviews:
Winnie-the-Pooh: Blood and Honey OK
Fairy tales/children’s stories can sometimes arguably be
labeled horror stories; gateway horror, if you will. Sometimes they’re made into actual horror films. I wasn’t much a fan of Gretel and Hansel (you can read my review for it here---https://vampireclown82.blogspot.com/2020/05/gretel-and-hansel.html),
or a bunch of other (mostly) direct-to-video titles I don’t feel like listing
and/or recalling. There have been interesting takes like Pinocchio’s Revenge and 1995’s Rumpelstiltskin, and I am curious about The Mean One, as well as any other
beloved childhood property becoming a horror feature (allegedly there are Peter Pan and Bambi ones coming). This one
features the titular honey-guzzling yellow bear and his sidekick, Piglet,
reverting back to their animalistic ways after their human companion,
Christopher Robin, fails to return to the 100 Acre Wood (thus being a plausible
reason for their ensuing behavior). We
learn this through an animated sequence in the beginning. It then becomes a backwoods slasher flick set
(and shot) in the U.K., starting as what could’ve been a decent one---five
girls go to a cabin in the woods being fair game for these creatures gone
rogue, as well as any other unfortunate souls passing by, and what more could
anyone really expect? It does become a
bit flimsy midway though. And Piglet’s
look definitely gets a failing grade; Pooh’s was…passable, I guess (we didn’t
get to meet the other characters, although you learn one of their fates in that
aforementioned animated sequence). It
only received a 3% rating out of 59 critics on Rotten Tomatoes (as of this
writing); it definitely wasn’t that
bad, even though I probably wouldn’t help raise that low rating myself. The shots of the woods are superb and the
setting is perfect (however typical for this subgenre), enabling me to give
that aspect a passing grade. There is
violence too, no doubt, some of it worthy, which should please a decent number
of horror hounds. So, while far from
perfect, it definitely has its moments, enough to prevent me from entirely
dismissing it. There is a sequel slated
to be released next year (two other characters are supposed to make an
appearance), the ending of this surely leaving room for one, and, while a
follow-up may not be necessary, I am curious (much like I was with this one)…10/3/2023
Monsters of California B/EH
A member of Blink-182 directed a sci-fi film? Of course I was curious. Tom DeLonge is that member; he also co-wrote
and co-produced it. I was a big fan of
the pop-punk trio’s first two albums (Cheshire Cat and Dude Ranch),
which I do still listen to if the songs pop up on my iPod. I was a fan of the third album (Enema of
the State), but that was when they gradually started becoming a “boy
band.” I stopped following them after the
fourth album (Take Off Your Pants and Jacket). They made four albums since and happen to be
coming out with another one shortly. Anyway,
about this movie. I had zero hope for it
the moment a famous cryptid urinated in a character’s mouth, and I believe that
wasn’t even towards the middle. There
are no more bizarre moments like that afterwards, but it is generally a flat
sci-fi comedy (I guess that’s what it was going for) involving conspiracy
theories and some other shit, i.e. guy meets girl, said guy tries figuring out
what happened to his father, hints of otherworldly phenomena (hints meaning you
don’t get much in that department, so don’t expect much), and it began as a
sort of Ghostbusters-ish movie! It tries to be existential too, failing
miserably, and the payoff is as weak as they come. Can you infer that I wasn’t a fan of this
movie? Tom, if this debut is any
indication, you should stick to your other career, although I, personally,
haven’t preferred that for years either (as mentioned above). If you do plan on making another movie, it
better be better than this…10/9/2023
Other movies I've seen and their ratings (see above):
The Boogeyman (2023) >>>EH
Follow Her >>>EH/OK
Haunted Mansion (2023) >>>EH/OK
Poison (2023) >>>EH/OK
(Netflix)
Reptile >>>EH
(Netflix)
Sanctuary >>>B
---Sean O.10/11/2023
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