movie reviews 4/24/2016

Movie (and one TV) reviews for the week:
(check out the profile page for rating meanings)

Anguish                                                                       EH

This starts off intriguing and somewhat creepy but becomes uninvolving, kinda cliché and sorta sappy.  Thumb down!  4/16/2016

Ash vs. Evil Dead                                                        VG/E

I know this is a TV show and not a movie but I don’t care!  Taking place years after the Evil Dead trilogy, this is essentially a 5-hour TV movie (10 commercial-free half-hour episodes).  It’s so well-done and gory, I forgot I was watching a TV show besides ending every half-hour.  This is the best TV show I’ve seen in a very long time; being a big fan of the cinematic series doesn’t hurt.  I’m gonna get the DVD/Blu-Ray when it comes out; I liked it that much.  It retains the fun of Evil Dead and Evil Dead 2 with even more demons and endless amounts of the red stuff (again, I forgot I was watching a TV show).  I enjoyed this more than the damn Evil Dead remake and even Army of Darkness (which grew on me but still has that spoofiness turning me off at times).  This is Evil Dead 3 in my mind which I’m gonna watch after the first two movies whenever I have a Deadite marathon.  Highly recommended.  4/19/2016

Brooklyn                                                                      OK/G

Okay film detailing the oft-told “stranger in a strange land” premise, this time about an Irish girl starting a new life in (you guessed it) Brooklyn, New York.  Ultimately depicts that the grass may be greener on the other side (of the Atlantic Ocean here) yet you always miss parts of “home” but realize it’s good to leave making the visits more appealing.  Amazing how less than a century ago (1950s here), people experienced media-free lives, communicating through hand-written letters waiting long periods for any or no replies.  Not everyone had house phones either.  If this is remade 60 years from now taking place in 2016, Brooklyn will most likely have much different outcome(s).  4/23/2016

Easter Bunny Bloodbath                                             EH/OK

I hate when a good idea isn’t executed properly.  The notion of an Easter Bunny creating a bloody massacre with sharp weapons really gets me excited.  Taking place in the 80s (1987 to be exact) would totally seal the deal.  There’s blood for sure, but an obvious low budget (although homaging 80s VHS horror, we as an audience know it was made recently) trumps creative kills.  There’s also an overdone lame twist I foresaw way before the barely 80-minute end time, myself hoping it wouldn’t happen.  Again, if this was actually made in 1987, I might’ve been surprised by its novelty.  Give this film a better budget and rewrite the ending (or develop a time machine and send me back to the Reagan era with this film) and I’ll love this movie.  All the right things are there hidden like Easter eggs in the wrong movie.  4/19/2016

From the Dark                                                                        OK/G

Decent but sluggish flick from the land of Ire about vampiric (The Descent-ish) creature(s) that only attack when there’s no light source (including candles).  Impressive creatures and effective POV shots but ultimately felt too long even at 90 minutes.  4/20/2016

Happy Hell Night                                                        OK

Barely average but slightly better than below-average slasher film from the very early 90s.  The Nosferatu-like killer is sporadically creepy and the predominant pick-axe murders should satisfy horror-hounds.  Apparently wasn’t popular enough to make a franchise featuring the movie’s “boogeyman.”  4/21/2016

Intruders                                                                      OK/G

If I hadn’t seen a preview first, I might’ve been surprised by the “twist” midway.  Still, it’s a decent home-invasion movie that plays with some of the subgenre’s tropes.  The trite revelation kinda upset me for “copping out” on the good build-up.  Ultimately, I enjoyed being stuck in the house with the good actors; I just wish they didn’t overstay their welcome.  Perhaps I would like this movie much better if the third act was re-written?  4/18/2016

Ominous                                                                      EH

The people in this movie must never have seen Pet Sematary.  It’s usually never smart to resurrect loved ones since they most likely won’t return the same person, especially if caused by a Satanist cult member.  What begins as an Evil Dead-ish film gradually becomes a subpar TV-movie Omen remake.  With homage’s to the aforementioned films plus The Birds and, I thought, Children of the Corn II, this movie with equally impressive and atrocious special effects proves that sometimes (dead is better---Judd from Pet Sematary J) it’s better to just watch the films of yesteryear.  The only thing ominous here is a cliffhanger ending hinting at a possible sequel (like most modern horror/thrillers).  That’s why I’m here to tell you not to watch it so the studios won’t feel the need to please “fans” of the first one.  4/21/2016

The Passion of Darkly Noon                                       G

Pretty good film from 1995 about a programmed religious zealot, played by Brendan Fraser, slowly unraveling.  I particularly like certain movies in which you sense something is eventually going to transpire but unsure when, how and to whom.  Highly metaphorical.  Proceed, with patience.  4/16/2016

The Reflecting Skin

I would’ve never watched this film if it weren’t recently renewed in my favorite magazine, Rue Morgue.  It came out in 1991 but I don’t remember ever hearing about it.  I’m not going to rate it yet because I know I’m going to have to re-watch it after personal analysis and other interpretations (namely, re-reading the aforementioned magazine’s article).  Metaphorical art-house film with “vampire” subtexts and death personified plus a younger good-looking Viggo Mortensen.  Defies categorization!  4/24/2016

The Veil                                                                       OK/G

What happens when we die?  It’s something we all would like to know but never will despite what many religions attest.  Some of the characters in this film know what happens, but we don’t get to see.  This film, set in California but looks like it was shot somewhere in the Deep South (probably was), is as empty as the human vessels the “spirits” inhabit (see the movie to understand).  Well-shot with an impending sense of dread yet meanders until the denouement.  I dislike when movies show one side to a story.  I would’ve liked to have seen where these “souls” departed to, unless that was intended?  I wanted to like this movie with its star-studded cast, and I halfway did; maybe I should watch it again after discussions?  I do believe interesting conversations can be had with other conclusions/theories; so watch it and let’s chat!  4/24/2016

---Sean O.

movie reviews 4/15/2016

K.I.S.S. REVIEWS

-Reviews can’t be more than two paragraphs and no less than one sentence.

Ratings:          E-excellent                  VG-very good                        G-good           OK-ok                                    EH-less than ok                B-bad              VB-very bad

Here's some more reviews:

Avalanche Sharks                                                        OK

More ways sharks can attack us?  Keep on bringing the ludicrous set-ups and people like me will surely keep watching!  In this film universe, the logic behind the sharks---called Skookum according to an American Indian legend AND interplanetary explanation simultaneously, you have to watch it to understand---actually works.  The not-so-great design can sorta be forgiven, again, due to the “plausible” storyline.  Watching a movie called Avalanche Sharks, one’s not looking for intelligence or even a plot, they just want to see shark mayhem!  There’s gore for sure, I just wish there was carnage more often instead of spread out like so many of these sci-fi “hybrid” movies; culminating in multiple deaths once the movie characters figure out what’s going on.  Even though the sharks aren’t “real” sharks, I would’ve liked to have seen slightly better designed ones up close instead of quickly, or from afar.  4/10/2016 

Ava’s Possessions                                                       G

Not your typical “possession” movie.  At least not in the current trend of movies usually beginning with The Possession of Character’s Name.  The demon(s) were cool and will undoubtedly frighten some viewers.  I enjoyed this film for the most part yet I still felt something was missing; I don’t know, maybe I wanted to see more demon action?  Still, it’s far more enjoyable than aforementioned “possession” films, is really well-shot, and there’s a sorta “twist” that I actually shame myself for not foreseeing---perhaps a testament to how engrossed I was beforehand?  4/13/2016

Creep                                                                          G

Sure, found footage and Blair Witch/Cloverfield see-it-as-it-happens-type films are overdone but still effective if done properly.  The whole time watching this I knew something was eventually going to happen.  Something does all right.  Good build-up from beginning to end.  The eponymous creep sure is one too.  4/10/2016

The Diary of a Teenage Girl                                       OK

Typical coming-of-age tale about a blossoming/sexually curious (you guessed it) teenage girl set in the flower-power, feminist 1970s San Francisco.  Nothing new, kinda lame.  I personally can’t stand when “straight” women experiment with other women, not labeling themselves Lesbian or Bisexual.  Then again, that’s just me.  4/10/2016

Flight 7500                                                                  G

Another movie to recall while on a plane?  Coming from the director of Ju-On and its Hollywood remake The Grudge, Takashi Shimizu makes effective use of its aerial setting.  Sure, horror/thriller fans will probably see the outcome (flyers) miles away, but I enjoyed taking the journey.  It’s hard to be original nowadays and everything’s inevitably compared to something that came before.  It’s how each film is shot, executed and well-acted that differentiates.  This flight contained all of the above; at least for this passenger.  4/14/2016

The Lady in the Car with Glasses and a Gun             G

I had no knowledge of this being a remake until searching on AllMovie.  Had I seen the original, there’s a high possibility I wouldn’t have liked it as much.  Therefore, I was able to view this as a standalone piece.  Decent French indie mystery/thriller taking place in 1972 (certainly looks like it).  I do enjoy watching movies that don’t adhere to Hollywood’s tried-and-true predictability.  4/12/2016

Lake Fear                                                                    EH

Where’s the lake of the title?  The four female protagonists waddle through a small lake before arriving to the cabin in a field.  The lake isn’t seen again.  This started off promising but eventually goes down an incoherent rabbit hole.  Is this supposed to be a surreal film?  It’s not surreal in the Lynchian sense, more like an 82-minute Un Chien Andalou---and that film was barely 20 minutes!  There’s a cool-looking doll and a cool-looking creature (entering and exiting briefly at one part) but there’s too many “non-sequiturs.”  The film is very ambitious with good special effects proving this wasn’t cheaply made, but there’s no structure.  I’ll keep an eye out for this filmmaker’s future endeavors hoping they’re more organized; he certainly knows how to make movies.  Why can’t anyone make a decent horror movie set at a cabin anymore?  I guess I’m gonna have to keep watching The Evil Dead and Evil Dead 2:  Dead By Dawn until that happens.  4/10/2016

Sharknado 3:  Oh Hell No!                                         OK/G

Oh Hell Yes!  One of the most asinine concepts has managed to become a trilogy!  The fact you would take the time to watch part three of this franchise means you somewhat enjoyed the previous installments.  That, or you just want to say you watched it; or you didn’t enjoy the first two and curiosity took the better.  If you enjoyed Sharknado and Sharknado 2: The Second One, and I slightly did, you should find enough to enjoy here.  It delivers exactly what you would expect (for the third time) but the series should end here, lest the “guilty pleasure” will no longer be a pleasure.  4/12/2016

---Sean O

movie reviews

K.I.S.S. REVIEWS

-Reviews can’t be more than two paragraphs and no less than one sentence.

Ratings:          E-excellent                  VG-very good                        G-good           OK-ok                                    EH-less than ok                B-bad              VB-very bad

Breathe                                                                        EH

This French film was mostly a bore.  I liked the notion of how fake some friendships can be no matter where you’re from, but this just wasn’t executed in such a way to make it interesting the entire running time.  3/27/2016

Cabin Fever (2016)                                                     VB

Movies can now be remade 13 years later?  This is the most unnecessary and worst remake since Psycho, and there’s been lots of bad remakes.  Almost shot-for-shot with some of the same lines as the original, just with worse actors and rushed scenes.  Sure, some things may be tweaked a very little here and there but they do nothing to make this any better or equal to the much better original (made just 13 years ago like I said).  I would say Eli Roth should sue but he was somehow involved with this!  Total waste of celluloid, time and money (however you watch it).  Top honors for worst picture of the year so far.  I hated, hated, hated, hated, hated, hated, hated, hated, hated, hated this movie (Thanks Roger Ebert and R.I.P.).  3/29/2016

Carol                                                                           G

Good movie depicting a time not that long ago (less than a century) when same-sex relationships still had to be discreet, even amongst women.  My how things have changed. 3/27/2016

Curve                                                                          OK

Thinking this was going to be a typical cat-and-mouse thriller actually ends up being a very few notches better.  Far from perfect and not entirely novel, it’s still pretty engaging throughout to invest your time just once.  Nice eye candy gives it some extra points. 3/27/2016

The Danish Girl                                                          G

Pretty good movie about the life of the first pre-op transgender, according to the movie.  Mostly a slow burn but subversive content is always what makes these types of period pieces interesting.  Amazing how less than a century ago, these types of behaviors were considered a mental illness and still are in some circles to this day.  Had this period piece been a typical love story or straight narrative (pun intended), I don’t think it would’ve been that interesting unless it was a good story with intriguing characters.  Nonconformity almost always makes any story a tad more engaging.  3/29/2016

Grandma                                                                     G/VG

What a surprise this movie was.  Lily Tomlin plays the titular sassy, widowed lesbian whom I’d probably want on my side in certain situations.  Predictably, there’s some sappy moments towards the end but a short running time doesn’t overstay its welcome.  Overall, it shows real people in real situations with real dialogue and proves the old adage that miserable/unhappy people always have a “reason” to be that way, usually having a heart underneath it all.  Great, now I’m getting sappy.  Grandma is worth watching.  4/5/2016

The Hallow                                                                 OK/G

Initially I thought this movie was going to be ruined by crappy CGI with a predictable story.  Well, the creature effects aren’t that bad.  They’re not entirely cool-looking but they’re practical (kudos) and look better than the alien in Signs (a perfect example of an otherwise great movie ruined by awful CGI)---they kinda look like Pumpkinhead’s even-more deformed cousins.  The story isn’t entirely predictable either.  Sure, it’s got all the standard Irish folklore tropes but it’s well shot and makes effective use of its creepy Irish countryside.  Not exactly original but better than most contemporary films dealing with Celtic mythology.  4/6/2016

He Knows You’re Alone                                             OK

An 80s slasher film I actually didn’t see until now!  This came out in 1980 which was shortly after the beginning of the subgenre but before its peak which was the mid-to-late-80s.  The killer in this one doesn’t have a mask, so there’s no whodunit aspect, and we learn through flashback that his motive is to kill brides-to-be and members of her bridal party due to being dumped before his wedding.  The mute killer is actually kinda creepy.  This film was cheaply made and isn’t wholly suspenseful since we generally know when someone is going to die, but isn’t that what many slasher films are anyway?  There’s not much to expect seeing a movie titled He Knows You’re Alone coming out in 1980.  If you like slasher films and sharp objects used as weapons, you can find enough to slightly enjoy here.  Horror and/or slasher connoisseurs will appreciate its place in film history and there’s a few recognizable faces including a now-famous actor in his first role.  4/5/2016

The Peanuts Movie                                                      OK/G

In the beginning, I was a little thrown off by the “modern” look of the beloved Peanuts characters.  It generally gives Peanuts fans exactly what they would expect.  I felt the concurrent Snoopy story was distracting and I thought the movie ended too soon.  Am I being too heartless?  Maybe.  Ditch the Snoopy story, expand the Charlie Brown story, animate the original way and I’ll be less heartless.  I still think kiddies and Peanuts aficionados will find enough to enjoy.  Even in the movies (cartoons included), I’m quite amazed that the “blockhead” was able to read War and Peace, make detailed notes and write a 1,000 word book report over one weekend!  Charlie Brown is far from “completely hopeless” in my eyes.  4/7/2016

Robert the Doll                                                            OK

I’ve always had a fascination with dolls (especially evil ones), so whenever a movie with an evil doll comes out I get very excited.  Especially when the doll is cool-looking and somewhat creepy like Robert.  He’s also very ugly and looks nothing like the real “Robert” doll located in Key West, Florida which I happened to visit last summer, hearing about this legend for the first time.  There’s lots of boring parts and not enough doll action.  I was very happy with the minimal doll violence though.  I think this would work better as a half-hour anthology episode or even an hour.  Less filler, more doll killer! 3/28/2016

Roboshark                                                                   EH/OK

Is there anything they haven’t tried doing with sharks yet?  Apparently a robotic shark hasn’t been done until now.  The design looks really good and the story actually works considering it’s a robot shark and can do stuff regular sharks can’t, like go on land and still kill people.  Throughout the film, this shark does other stuff no other cinematic shark has done before, but given that it’s a robot from space it doesn’t really seem too far-fetched and is actually pretty novel.  Overall, it still suffers from the overlong, predictability associated with other “innovative” shark pictures.  3/27/2016

Southbound                                                                 G

I expected this to be an anthology flick along the lines of Creepshow and Creepshow 2 but was more of a linear story that just happened to take place with different characters throughout.  Closer to Trick ‘r Treat with all the “stories” being connected but more linear than that.  Nonetheless, I still enjoyed this dark film and probably should watch it again to pick up on stuff I may have missed the first time.  3/28/2016

Spotlight                                                                      EH

Proof that I don’t trust the Oscars and that everyone is their own critic.  While I love any film that makes organized religion look bad, this film was too talky and un-suspenseful knowing how it was going to end before watching it, but dragging us through a 2-hour film showing how they got there.  Deliver Us From Evil and Religulous are 2 documentaries that are much more interesting dealing with some of the same topics.  3/27/2016

10 Cloverfield Lane                                                     G

One could argue this is only an “in-name” sequel.  The title refers to the name of the address in which most of the film takes place.  That being said, don’t go into this expecting anything like the first movie, which is Cloverfield, only because the name is in the title and we know this was marketed as a sequel.  Change the title to 10 Something/Anywhere/Whatever Lane and this could be a stand-alone movie.  This film isn’t anywhere near as fun and frightening as the first one, kind of drags but is still worth watching.  I’m not gonna deny the suspense factor and we do see creatures at the end, but again, they’re not as cool as the creature(s) in the first one.  3/29/2016

The Texas Chainsaw Massacre:  The Beginning        OK/G

Not necessarily a fan of prequels to movies, especially years after the film (and considering this is a prequel to the remake), I actually didn’t hate this film.  Totally unnecessary, like most sequels/prequels/remakes, but surprisingly worth watching.  Good gore scenes throughout.  I’m particularly fond of the exploding cow totaling the car.  3/27/2016

They Found Hell                                                         B

It’s never a good sign when you want a movie to be over shortly after it begins!  Terrible special effects ruin what probably looked good on paper.  3/28/2016

Zoombies                                                                     OK

Very good idea that’s mostly (maybe half-ly) executed well with some decent effects.  I just wish there were more zombified animal attacks.  We can’t always get what we want though.  Some of the “Zoombies” were pretty cool looking.  I think this would be a kick-ass movie if given the same budget as Jurassic World and all the creatures were predominantly practical effects.  3/27/2016

---Sean O.