mooby reviews 5/29/2016

Some film reviews (5/29/2016):

Drown                                                                         OK/G

This Australian movie is so gay.  Literally.  I don’t see how anyone other than gay men or straight women would somehow enjoy this film about a male lifesaving swim team (I guess that’s right?) with endless homoerotic images.  Unless, of course, one is open-minded.  There’s not much story other than a gay man joining the team amidst another character’s homophobia due to his possible homosexuality.  I can appreciate eye candy but it does not a good movie make.  If I want to look at porn or scantily clad people, something called the internet and magazines were invented; keep the mediums separate.  So, if you like to see shirtless men, naked men or men in skimpy outfits, you might be grateful to have eyes.  Otherwise, this might not be the movie for you.  5/22/2016

400 Days                                                                     OK/G

The first half of this mystery/sci-fi film shows the overly proven theory that people tend to go crazy when living in enclosed spaces for too long.  Luckily it doesn’t overstay its welcome by taking place entirely in the underground bunker, which is a tested stand-in for being in space.  The second half is nightmarish as our four protagonists exit the bunker to see something apparently went wrong before the 400 days were up.  The ambiguous ending is what stopped me from giving this film a strictly G rating.  I can appreciate ambiguity and subjective conclusions (David Lynch fan here) but this film left me with unanswered questions and my conclusion sorta negates the entire film.  5/28/2016

JeruZalem                                                                   G

Here we have a different kind of zombie film.  From Israel.  Hence the Z in the title.  They’re actually more like winged demons from Hell and probably only called zombies due to “resurrection” mentioned.  We’re told in the prologue that Jerusalem is one of three openings to Hell.  The film is seen through “smart glass” which are advanced glasses including every modern technological advancement---these glasses can take pictures, you can text on them, use GPS, play music, you name it.  Forget phones having everything at your fingertips, everyone will be using their glasses in the near future!  The girl wearing said glasses plus her friend, both American, travel to Israel intending to go to Tel Aviv.  Don’t characters watch movies?  They meet a “cute” boy on the plane ride over and decide to follow him (usually never ends well in movies---here, we wouldn’t have had one) to Jerusalem instead.  The film begins as a travelogue a la Hostel before segueing into thriller territory by beginning with a possible terrorist attack leading to the aforementioned winged demons attacking on Judgment Day (or night).  Another idiotic movie mistake:  someone doesn’t want to kill their infected friend/loved one until it’s too late (again, not ending well).  This movie was actually better than I anticipated so I’m giving it a mild recommendation.  The zombies are more like a backdrop as they don’t appear much.  Perhaps less is more? 5/28/2016

Kindergarten Cop 2                                                    EH

I still remember seeing Kindergarten Cop in the theater almost 25 years ago.  Yes, 25 years ago!  How come a sequel was made ¼ of a century later, released straight-to-DVD?  This is more of a remake than a sequel since made so far apart, plus none of the original characters make an appearance nor are referenced.  Would I have liked it less if it was a remake over a sequel?  Not likely.  Is this movie harmless?  Yes, for the most part despite being rated PG-13.  Is it absolutely terrible?  Not entirely.  Well, kinda.  I liked it better when “The Terminator” was the teacher.  5/20/2016

Norm of the North                                                       EH

Maybe I’m not too keen on modern animation that doesn’t have the Disney or Pixar trademark attached?  Sure, this film about a talking polar bear moving to New York from the Arctic and back is harmless, but it’s also bland and instantly forgettable.  Everything happens as is expected.  Undestined to become a classic but if society proves me wrong in the future, I might give this movie another shot.  Might.  Years from now.  5/28/2016

Pick-Up Summer                                                         G

80s teen/comedy film (1980 to be exact) from the director of the original My Bloody Valentine.  That’s how I heard about this Canadian film and wanted to see it when I read about that slasher film from the Great White North.  80s movie I haven’t seen yet sealed the deal more though.  Contains everything you would expect from a teen film:  rivalries, getting in trouble, getting laid, teens obviously played by older actors.  Arcades and pinball machines give it that 80s touch.  Apparently transgenders were acknowledged in 1980 as one character jokes about another getting a sex change (Sleepaway Camp came out three years later).  Fun.  5/25/2016

Regression                                                                   G

Here’s a decent thriller from the director of The Others, which is probably the best post-millennium Gothic ghost film in my opinion.  That being said, he certainly has style.  This film is a dark police procedural akin to Seven (stylistically), dealing with Satanism in Minnesota circa 1990.  Ethan Hawke is very good.  Addresses the notion that memories are ultimately what we make of them and sometimes we perceive what we want to believe.  Certainly style over substance but gets a marginal recommendation for the style and performances.  Everything remains a mystery, much like the film itself, by the conclusion.  Similar to my above comment about memories being subjective, this film will surely warrant different interpretations.  5/20/2016

Vendetta                                                                      EH/OK

I hate to admit I’m not the biggest fan of the Soska sisters.  It’s a shame because I admire their ambition, eclecticism and love for horror.  Evidently, I like their reputation more than their actual filmography.  I liked their first feature, Dead Hooker in a Trunk; I thought it was different, but that’s the last good film they made so far.  I like Katharine Isabelle but wasn’t a fan of American Mary because I’m not into body modification.  See No Evil 2 was no different than any old slasher flick, plus I wasn’t the biggest fan of the first one.  Plus I’m not really a fan of hospitals and films set in them (confession:  I’m not the biggest fan of the original Halloween II for this reason).  Now, here’s Vendetta, a bloody revenge flick set in a prison.  Bloody for sure, but I like gore in the right movie.  Horror movies specifically.  Similar to disliking hospitals, I’m not really a fan of prison-set media.  Unless it’s written by Stephen King, stars Wentworth Miller and Dominic Purcell, or Shutter Island…there might be more.  This movie isn’t entirely bad.  It’s good for the type of film it tries to be and its intended audience.  I like Ben Hollingsworth too.  Does anyone even know him?  He stars in the new medical show Code Black (which I don’t watch…hospitals remember?) and appeared sporadically in the cancelled Backstrom, plus Joy Ride 3 and The Joneses.  I wish he was in it more.  Oh well, I’m going to continue supporting the Soska twins hoping they make a film I actually like other than Dead Hooker.  5/20/2016

---Sean O.

movie reviews 5/19/2016

Some more film reviews:

The Darkness                                                              EH

Such a shame this movie wasn’t that good.  It stars Kevin Bacon and was directed by the same guy that made Wolf Creek and Rogue, both of which I’m a fan.  While not extremely terrible (I could say that about lots of modern horror releases) it’s far from good, barely even okay.  The whole time I thought it was going to get good but was continuously teased by built-up dread being cut away each time.  Similar to many films of yesteryear, once we find out the reasoning for the curse and how to defeat it, interest instantly dissipates.  The bittersweet ending only makes it worse.  Skip this and watch Poltergeist.  The original, not the unworthy remake!  5/15/2016

Green Room                                                                G

Thriller displaying how each wrong choice continuously leads to disastrous results.  None of the events here would’ve happened if someone didn’t forget their cell phone in a certain room (green maybe?).  Had this film taken place around the time the band’s music (hardcore punk a la Minor Threat and Dead Kennedys) blossomed, there would’ve been no cellular forgotten.  But then, of course, we wouldn’t have a mooby.  Dumbfounding at first and pointless overall, but I’m recommending it due to unknowing where it goes and being pretty fucking violent at times!  5/18/2016

#Horror                                                                       VG

#disturbing #nasty #harrowing

Those hashtags don’t refer to the horror element either.  With a title like #Horror I expected a typically lame direct-to-video modern horror release.  I actually got something much better from a female director’s first feature.  I was engrossed by almost every inch of this movie.  These girls were so mean to each other that I think this should’ve been called Mean Girls over the Lindsay Lohan vehicle---they were nice compared to these rich preteens.  Realistic portrayal of middle school-ers hypocritically dishing out hurtful words yet devastated when receiving verbal abuse.  Proof this kind of behavior transcends class and being rich doesn’t necessarily equal happiness.  One of the characters states that “it sucks to be 12” especially since (SPOILER but not really since “based on a true story”) none of them will live to be teenagers.  #goodstuff  5/9/2016

Laughing Matters…The Men                                      OK

I have to be bias and say I looked forward to watching this over the women segments of Laughing Matters.  Being a gay man myself, I like to see others represented.  Even though we’re all (gays and lesbians) in the same fight, gay men generally have different struggles than lesbians.  How many times have you seen “straight” men experiment with other men or knew about men openly dating other men to break from women?  Like most stand-up films, there’s hits and misses equally.  Out of the six comedians, we are presented with one stereotypical gay man (also Filipino), Bruce Vilanch and four non-stereotypical gay men (one black, one Jewish).  Personally, I thought only one was good-looking, ironically agreeing with one of his statements the most.  I enjoyed the special features which included more performances plus interview sessions.  Like one of the men states on an interview, as evident in this film, gay people (men in particular here) are all different.  Much like straight people.  We just need more media like this to prove that.  5/14/2016

Laughing Matters…Next Gen                                     OK

Laughing Matters and Laughing Matters…More! involved lesbian comedians.  Laughing Matters…The Men dealt with gay male comics.  Now we have Laughing Matters…Next Gen that combines both gay (three, two being stereotypical) and lesbian (three as well, one being stereotypical) stand-up comedians.  Similar to the previous entries, this one consists of a multi-ethnic, relatively unknown group using their “uncommon lifestyle” as a platform for their stand-up routines.  If you enjoyed the other films, even slightly, you mine as well give this a shot.  I don’t know what else you would expect if you keep watching after three times?  5/18/2016

The Mountain of the Cannibal God                            OK/G

Decent entry in the “cannibal” subgenre from the late 1970s starring an almost unrecognizable Stacy Keach, the recognizable actor with the cleft lip from American History X and other films.  I quoted cannibal only because it was marketed as such, has the word in the title and, ultimately, it’s really only a cannibal film during the last quarter of its past 100-minute run time.  The first ¾ are an adventure/jungle film with some amazing wildlife footage; my favorites being a turtle attacking a gator and a gator attacking a human in the river.  The cannibal portion of the film doesn’t necessarily disappoint (for horror fans) but other viewers will be disappointed, simultaneously repulsed, due to the sudden shift in narrative.  Unless you don’t mind seeing genital mutilation, bestiality, female masturbation and a midget’s head-bashing I suggest you stop watching after the 75-minute mark (the director himself said he wasn’t happy with the ending but it’s what the distributors demanded).  There is a slight twist that was probably ahead of its time and the aforementioned atrocities certainly look convincing, but there’s a reason why this never achieved the cult status of Cannibal Holocaust and Cannibal Ferox (aka Make Them Die Slowly).  5/10/2016

Mustang                                                                      OK

Somewhat intriguing yet sluggish Turkish film that should make American women grateful for all their unrealized privileges.  Unsure of the time period; could be timeless but no one has cell phones, televisions aren’t digital and there’s no computers in sight.  Women are labeled whores just for having shoulder wars with boys in the ocean, forced into unwanted marriages and a long-haired man is called queer.  I don’t think it takes place in present time but maybe Turkey hasn’t progressed?  I’m not sure.  Ultimately it’s a coming-of-age tale centered around five sisters living sheltered lives in a patriarchal society.  I just wish it held my interest throughout, not just parts.  5/12/2016

---Sean O.

movie reviews 5/8/2016

Movie reviews since last post.  Check my profile for rating meanings.

Backtrack                                                                    G

The preview I saw made this film look like a typical ghost story.  My expectations were even lower considering this wasn’t released theatrically.  I’m now wondering why?  Adrien Brody does a worthy performance plus each time I figured something out, the character(s) would as well, so there’re reasons to continue watching.  This received a very low rating on Rotten Tomatoes (www.rottentomatoes.com) but don’t listen to the naysayers.  Listen to me!  Not perfect nor necessarily original but intriguing from start to finish.  See this thoroughly entertaining thriller!  5/8/2016

Bongo Killer Clown                                                    B/EH

There’s not enough evil clown movies.  Not enough good evil clown movies.  I personally can’t get enough of them.  I hate disliking one being they’re a minority horror subgenre.  Maybe there’d be more if bad films like this weren’t made.  Barely a clown, the eponymous killer looks more like a demented Rocky Horror extra or a heavier version of Rob Corddry in Children’s Hospital.  I know he’s supposed to be a mental patient but he could’ve done a better paint job than just a red circle around his lips and blue circles around his eyes.  I would’ve preferred a film about Mr. Jakko, whom is the televised clown inspiring Bongo to carry out his murderous impulses (He looked like a clown and would’ve made a great killer---an idea for the filmmaker?)  An obvious low-budget complete with toy body parts being consumed by the cannibalistic clown, off-screen violence and an ambiguous ending that kinda negates the film; topped off with a deceiving cover displaying a better-painted clown holding a bloody carving knife (a toy sword-like “knife” is used in the film).  Originally apprehensive about the upcoming It remake I’m now sorta looking forward to It after seeing this.  Support evil clown cinema!  Just not this one.  5/2/2016

Clown                                                                          VG

I’ve been anticipating seeing this for quite some time.  I guess it’s safe to say the wait was worthwhile.  There’s not enough clown horror movies and it’s refreshing to see a well-made original film like this, especially when there’s dreck like Bongo Killer Clown (I saw these both on the same day) coming out.  Substituting the usual murdering psycho dressed as a clown, this guy murders uncontrollably while possessed by a Nordic demon after putting on a costume.  Bloody good fun.  This is a strictly subjective review due to my affinity for evil clowns.  Probably could’ve shed 10 to 15 minutes off but here’s hoping for this overlooked subgenre’s resurgence.  5/2/2016

Emelie                                                                         OK

Decent thriller I feel I’ve seen several times before.  Age-old, or more age-modern, tale suggesting to be cautious of who you let in your home.  5/3/2016

The Hoarder                                                               OK

This is mostly a lame “body count” movie taking place in a storage facility wherein we know exactly when certain characters will meet their grisly end.  However, once revealed, the titular hoarder’s motive twists what came before and slightly altered my perspective.  That doesn’t necessarily mean it redeemed itself as a whole.  Some of the violence isn’t bad and the villain puts Strangeland’s Captain Howdy to shame after what’s done to each victim’s mouth with staples, but ultimately this film will likely be forgotten shortly after viewing and locked away in storage!  5/6/2016

Kottentail                                                                     EH/OK

Low-budget horror film from 2004 undeniably has heart and laughs as well but, as usual, its budgetary restrictions undermine its ambitions.  Interspersed with comic book images, a semi-decent bunny creature (far from Donnie Darko’s Frank) and scantily-clad females in bunny suits that should please anyone into women (I questioned my own sexuality).  Come to think of it, I believe this would make an awesome comic book *hint to filmmakers*.  Some ideas are better on paper; or make sure there’s enough money to execute a story properly.  5/6/2016

Laughing Matters…More!                                           OK

Continuing the same format as Laughing Matters with four different Sapphic comedians doing stand-up and interviews interchangingly.  Not as funny this time around but, again, addresses different views on being gay in a heteronormative world.  5/2/2016 

Shark Lake                                                                  OK

Dolph Lundgren in a movie called Shark Lake?  Did I like it?  Kinda.  Maybe.  I don’t know.  Pros:  Well-shot.  Bloody at times.  Cared for the characters.  Effective homages to films like Jaws and Open Water.  Excellent underwater footage.  Cons:  Interspersing real footage with not-so-good CGI at times…I dislike cinematic creatures that look bad.  I don’t always expect realistic but I can forgive it if it looks good.  Jaws wasn’t entirely realistic but worked and was scary as hell.  Amazing how Jaws still looks better than any modern movie shark over 40 years later!  Back to the cons:  Lengthy boring parts.  Not enough shark action or too sporadic.  Looks like the pros outweigh the cons.  While it’s not the two aforementioned films, it’s certainly better than most Syfy channel entries and countless other “sharksploitation” flicks including the recent hybrid trend.  If you’re a fan of Natural Horror, give it a shot; otherwise I don’t know why you would bother with a movie called Shark Lake starring Dolph Lundgren.  5/7/2016

Unveiled                                                                      G

German film from 2005 about an Iranian lesbian forced out of her country, assuming a dead man’s identity.  Seeing films like Boys Don’t Cry we, as an audience, can basically foresee how everything will turn out.  There’s no surprises but this film actually doesn’t end predictably.  Amazing how it’s still hard being yourself in different parts of the world.  Bi-curious American girls have it so easy (bet they wouldn’t be so experimental if they lived elsewhere and struggled like the girl in this film)!  5/2/2016

---Sean O.