Some film reviews (5/29/2016):
Drown OK/G
This Australian movie is so gay. Literally.
I don’t see how anyone other than gay men or straight women would
somehow enjoy this film about a male lifesaving swim team (I guess that’s
right?) with endless homoerotic images.
Unless, of course, one is open-minded.
There’s not much story other than a gay man joining the team amidst
another character’s homophobia due to his possible homosexuality. I can appreciate eye candy but it does not a
good movie make. If I want to look at
porn or scantily clad people, something called the internet and magazines were
invented; keep the mediums separate. So,
if you like to see shirtless men, naked men or men in skimpy outfits, you might
be grateful to have eyes. Otherwise,
this might not be the movie for you. 5/22/2016
400 Days OK/G
The first half of this mystery/sci-fi film shows the overly
proven theory that people tend to go crazy when living in enclosed spaces for
too long. Luckily it doesn’t overstay
its welcome by taking place entirely in the underground bunker, which is a
tested stand-in for being in space. The
second half is nightmarish as our four protagonists exit the bunker to see
something apparently went wrong before the 400 days were up. The ambiguous ending is what stopped me from
giving this film a strictly G rating. I
can appreciate ambiguity and subjective conclusions (David Lynch fan here) but
this film left me with unanswered questions and my conclusion sorta negates the entire film. 5/28/2016
JeruZalem G
Here we have a different kind of zombie film. From Israel.
Hence the Z in the title. They’re
actually more like winged demons from Hell and probably only called zombies due
to “resurrection” mentioned. We’re told
in the prologue that Jerusalem is one of three openings to Hell. The film is seen through “smart glass” which
are advanced glasses including every modern technological advancement---these
glasses can take pictures, you can text on them, use GPS, play music, you name
it. Forget phones having everything at
your fingertips, everyone will be using their glasses in the near future! The girl wearing said glasses plus her
friend, both American, travel to Israel intending to go to Tel Aviv. Don’t characters watch movies? They meet a “cute” boy on the plane ride over
and decide to follow him (usually never ends well in movies---here, we wouldn’t
have had one) to Jerusalem instead. The
film begins as a travelogue a la Hostel
before segueing into thriller territory by beginning with a possible terrorist
attack leading to the aforementioned winged demons attacking on Judgment Day
(or night). Another idiotic movie
mistake: someone doesn’t want to kill their
infected friend/loved one until it’s too late (again, not ending well). This movie was actually better than I
anticipated so I’m giving it a mild recommendation. The zombies are more like a backdrop as they
don’t appear much. Perhaps less is more?
5/28/2016
Kindergarten Cop 2 EH
I still remember seeing Kindergarten
Cop in the theater almost 25 years ago.
Yes, 25 years ago! How come a
sequel was made ¼ of a century later, released straight-to-DVD? This is more of a remake than a sequel since
made so far apart, plus none of the original characters make an appearance nor
are referenced. Would I have liked it less
if it was a remake over a sequel? Not
likely. Is this movie harmless? Yes, for the most part despite being rated PG-13. Is it absolutely terrible? Not entirely.
Well, kinda. I liked it better
when “The Terminator” was the teacher. 5/20/2016
Norm of the North EH
Maybe I’m not too keen on modern animation that doesn’t have
the Disney or Pixar trademark attached?
Sure, this film about a talking polar bear moving to New York from the
Arctic and back is harmless, but it’s also bland and instantly forgettable. Everything happens as is expected. Undestined to become a classic but if society
proves me wrong in the future, I might give this movie another shot. Might. Years from now. 5/28/2016
Pick-Up Summer G
80s teen/comedy film (1980 to be exact) from the director of
the original My Bloody Valentine. That’s how I heard about this Canadian film
and wanted to see it when I read about that slasher film from the Great White
North. 80s movie I haven’t seen yet
sealed the deal more though. Contains everything
you would expect from a teen film:
rivalries, getting in trouble, getting laid, teens obviously played by
older actors. Arcades and pinball
machines give it that 80s touch. Apparently
transgenders were acknowledged in 1980 as one character jokes about another
getting a sex change (Sleepaway Camp
came out three years later). Fun. 5/25/2016
Regression G
Here’s a decent thriller from the director of The Others, which is probably the best post-millennium
Gothic ghost film in my opinion. That
being said, he certainly has style. This
film is a dark police procedural akin to Seven
(stylistically), dealing with
Satanism in Minnesota circa 1990. Ethan Hawke is very good. Addresses the notion that memories are
ultimately what we make of them and sometimes we perceive what we want to
believe. Certainly style over substance
but gets a marginal recommendation for the style and performances. Everything remains a mystery, much like the
film itself, by the conclusion. Similar
to my above comment about memories being subjective, this film will surely
warrant different interpretations. 5/20/2016
Vendetta EH/OK
I hate to admit I’m not the biggest fan of the Soska
sisters. It’s a shame because I admire
their ambition, eclecticism and love for horror. Evidently, I like their reputation more than
their actual filmography. I liked their first
feature, Dead Hooker in a Trunk; I
thought it was different, but that’s the last good film they made so far. I like Katharine Isabelle but wasn’t a fan of
American Mary because I’m not into
body modification. See No Evil 2 was no different than any old slasher flick, plus I
wasn’t the biggest fan of the first one.
Plus I’m not really a fan of hospitals and films set in them
(confession: I’m not the biggest fan of
the original Halloween II for this reason). Now, here’s Vendetta, a bloody revenge flick set in a prison. Bloody for sure, but I like gore in the right
movie. Horror movies specifically. Similar to disliking hospitals, I’m not
really a fan of prison-set media. Unless
it’s written by Stephen King, stars Wentworth Miller and Dominic Purcell, or Shutter Island…there might be more. This movie isn’t entirely bad. It’s good for the type of film it tries to be
and its intended audience. I like Ben
Hollingsworth too. Does anyone even know
him? He stars in the new medical show Code Black (which I don’t
watch…hospitals remember?) and appeared sporadically in the cancelled Backstrom, plus Joy Ride 3 and The Joneses. I wish he was in it more. Oh well, I’m going to continue supporting the
Soska twins hoping they make a film I actually like other than Dead Hooker. 5/20/2016
---Sean O.
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