Mooby reviews 7/29/2016

I know there hasn't been much time since the last post and there aren't that many (this time) but I'm going to be away for a week (possibly) and didn't want to have TOO many on the next post.

Film reviews:

Body                                                                            EH

Pretty lame thriller involving three young girls breaking into a house on Christmas Eve Eve.  The groundskeeper arrives and one situation after another goes awry.  I lost interest way before it was over.  It wasn’t even 75 minutes!  7/29/2016

The Invitation                                                              G

This slow-burner about a dinner party amongst old friends is thoroughly ominous.  You know something is going to happen; just unsure when, how and involving whom.  The climax isn’t too shocking but packs somewhat of a wallop.  It certainly had my attention before things turned sinister.  The final scene was a shocker.  Plus, there’s a hot gay couple---points!  7/26/2016

Lights Out                                                                   OK

Jump scares do not make a movie scary.  Anyone with a pulse would react.  That’s mostly what this movie relies on.  While I did think it was stylish at times (dark houses and basements are always chilling), I didn’t find it scary at all (if you saw a preview, there isn’t much else to see).  The fact that the characters are aware of the “ghost” and who she once was makes it less frightening than if they were all oblivious.  I couldn’t help but think of a Scary Movie entry parodying this while watching.  Wait to rent this on Netflix or Redbox but don’t expect anything phenomenal.  7/26/2016

The Lion Guard:  Return of the Roar                          OK

Another sequel to The Lion King made for TV.  My expectations were low beforehand.  Take away the made-for-TV aspect and this has (direct-to-video) animated sequel written all over it.  Corny songs abound amongst the less-than-theatrical-quality animation.  It isn’t that bad considering everything I just said.  Kiddies will probably get a kick out of it.  Their parents might be able to tolerate it too, if they were a fan of The Lion King.  It is less than an hour after all.  7/29/2016

No Men Beyond This Point                                         OK

Feminists would certainly revel if this were reality.  Lesbians probably wouldn’t mind either.  This mockumentary depicts a world where women are able to get pregnant asexually, spawning only females.  Therefore, men are slowly becoming obsolete.  The remaining men live in sanctuaries while women run the world.  This leads to heterosexuality becoming an abomination but some women still have feelings for men.  I would say this film is sexist but if the genders were reversed it wouldn’t even work for a sci-fi film since (cisgendered) men can’t hold babies (Junior with Sir Arnold was stupid, don’t even go there).  Unless they kept a few women whose sole purpose was to carry out the pregnancies, but then there’d be a 50/50 chance of only producing male offspring.  Even though it’s a mockumentary, the serious tone doesn’t mesh well with the comical premise.  I think it might be a decent idea, although sexist, if it were handled as a serious science fiction movie.  7/25/2016

Transfixed                                                                   EH

Talk about a title with a double entendre.  This Belgian film about a serial killer targeting trannies isn’t very suspenseful and the trite denouement is amateurish.  I didn’t care by then anyway.  There’s nothing transfixing about this.  7/26/2016

---Sean O.

Mooby Reviews 7/24/2016

This session's movie reviews.  Not a single horror film this time, wtf?!!!

Boy and the World                                                      OK

This Brazilian Academy Award nominated (largely) dialogue-free animation is simplistic yet imaginative and mesmerizing.  It’s also ambiguous and drags even at barely 80 minutes.  7/14/2016

Dream a Little Dream                                                 EH/OK

How did I not see an ‘80s movie starring the Coreys?  It probably bypassed my ‘80s loving radar because it’s not very good.  Lots of movies from that era weren’t that good but were still fun to watch.  I tend to think body-switch movies are fun, although none are that spectacular.  Here, the switch is somewhat explained but appears to happen implausibly.  Corey Feldman switches bodies with an old man that complains daily about him and his high school buddies cutting through his yard.  This is not a good movie by any means but, deep down, still fun to watch.  Somewhat.  7/23/2016

Dream a Little Dream 2                                              EH

I thought the first one wasn’t that good?  This “sequel” brings back the Coreys in an altogether different location and predicament.  This time they come across two pairs of sunglasses that, when worn, make one person do what the other wants or feels.  Or something like that.  None of it’s funny.  Most of it’s lame.  Ultimately, they could’ve at least let the audience “wear” those damn sunglasses.  You’ll wish this was a dream when it’s over.  7/23/2016

Everybody Wants Some!!                                            G

I want some too, YEAH!!!!!!!!!!!!!  How ‘bout you?  Yes, the Van Halen song is played during the movie at one time.  This film by the director of Dazed and Confused set in 1980 three days before college begins is pretty pointless but fun to watch nonetheless.  While it most likely won’t become a cult classic like Dazed and Confused, it’s still a worthy companion piece worth watching at least once.  Like most sequels or follow-ups, it had a lot to live up to though.  7/23/2016

Fun in Girls’ Shorts 2

Here are seven lesbian-themed short films.  I never saw Fun in Girls’ Shorts so I’m not sure if any of these are a continuation.  I’ll rate them on an individual basis since there’s always clunkers amongst diamonds in anthologies:

Crafty (B):  Here’s a short film with no punch line.  Just contains a stereotypical blonde idiot and a relentless (supposed) lesbian.  Pointless.

The Vicious and the Delicious (B):  A lesbian-themed soap opera with incest.  Terrible.  Ended with To Be Continued… Count me out in Fun in Girls’ Shorts 3!

Eddie (G):  Here’s a good story about a tomboy in the ghetto that I wish would’ve been longer.  I see a potential full-length feature.

Night Star (OK/G):  Interesting tale about an African girl simultaneously dealing with puberty and her attraction to a local tribal girl.  Nice change of location and culture involving universal themes.

Will You (OK/G):  Decent short film about a planned proposal going wrong every possible way.

Just Me? (G):  The longest film in this collection being the right length that would feel too long as a feature.  Gay people often wonder why they’re the only one in their families and this film shows that different times might prove otherwise.  Well done.

Operated by Invisible Hands (OK/G):  Different yet intriguing take on a lesbian relationship involving dolls with voiceover.

In conclusion:  It looks like only two were bad, two were good and three were in between okay and good.  Since OK/G is the average rating, that’s my score.  Check out the ones I recommended, skip the suckers!  7/19/2016

Looking:  The Movie                                                   OK

An “official” closure for the TV series about the lives of gay men in San Francisco.  While not a huge fan of the two-season series, I did watch every episode.  The whole non-stereotypical gay male hits close to home I guess.  I’ll admit I was somewhat bummed when I found out the series ended since I got used to watching.  This TV movie is all about the characters dealing with closure of their own and I think it’s good to end now before we get tired of seeing them go through the same situations over and over again.  Sappy at times and contains a somewhat hardcore sex scene in the beginning.  This is strictly for fans of the show.  You must watch the series beforehand to know who all the characters are and how they tie in to the overall story.  New audiences need not apply.  7/24/2016

The Mermaid                                                               B

Maybe I’m not meant to be a film critic?  This movie received 92% on Rotten Tomatoes?!!!  I hated this movie!  I’m just not into this type of humor.  Deliberately poorly-dubbed Asian actors in an extremely goofy (by the director of Shaolin Soccer and Kung Fu Hustle, am I really surprised?) movie about mermaids living in hiding amongst “evil” humans.  Inevitably, a human and mermaid fall in love with each other.  A shockingly violent climax and a nod to Jaws can’t save this annoying and unfunny comedy for me.  Apparently 24 out of 26 critics disagree with me though.  7/14/2016

---Sean O.

Mooby Reviews 7/11/2016

Andron                                                                        B

Basically a poor person’s Cube, The Hunger Games, any of the Saw films and even a movie called House of 9 (which was basically an independent version of a Saw film).  Somehow Alec Baldwin and Danny Glover are involved?!  Several strangers wake up somewhere with no recollection of how they got there or (some) who they are.  Yup, we’ve seen this all before.  There’s somewhat of a sci-fi touch added.  Don’t get lost (like the characters) in this lamefest that seems longer than it actually is!  7/6/2016

App                                                                              B

Apps.  They can be wonderful.  Here, they can be deadly.  This Dutch thriller about a killer app named Iris is fairly predictable and lacks suspense due to everything unfolding immediately after the protagonist finds out.  Even at less than 80 minutes, this overstays its welcome.  Go dutch (wink, wink) and skip this lamefest.  7/2/2016

I Saw the Light                                                            G

Hank Williams.  The only country musician I like.  Sort of.  I confess to not knowing much about the guy other than dying young.  Therefore, I can’t tell how much rings true or not.  As a movie alone, I thought it was pretty good.  I don’t know much about Tim Hiddleston either, other than being Taylor Swift’s current beau.  I think he did a pretty swell job.  He sure looked somewhat like Mr. Williams.  It currently has a very low rating on Rotten Tomatoes.  Maybe it was overly fabricated or wasn’t sufficient?  I’m just going with my personal opinion being an outsider on the biography and not the music.  I watched it with a buddy of mine who’s a big fan of Hank and he liked it, saying the film gave him a human quality.  7/11/2016

Krampus:  The Christmas Devil                                 EH

Skip this obviously low-budget film about the Christmas demon and watch Michael Dougherty’s Krampus instead.  This isn’t as bad as Krampus: The Reckoning but that’s just like saying a runny nose is preferable to a sore throat.  7/2/2016

Only Yesterday                                                            G

This animation came out in 1991 but was just recently released to North American audiences.  Not sure why.  I’m not the biggest fan of Anime but I’ll watch them if the story interests me or they’re critically acclaimed.  This comes from Studio Ghibli, the same studio that gave us films like Spirited Away and Ponyo.  A woman from Tokyo travels to the country while reminiscing about her past as a fifth grader in the 1960s (it’s apparently the 80s based on her age).  The grass is always greener on the other side, literally for her but metaphorically for the farmer who wishes he could’ve went to the city when he was young.  The film deals with real issues and looks amazing at times, particularly the countryside views and a scene inside a car while it’s raining.  The overall message appears to be that we must let go of our past if we ever want to move forward in life.  7/9/2016

The Other Side of the Door                                         OK/G

I told myself I wasn’t going to like this movie.  I did kind of hate it in the beginning.  I thought it was going to be a typical big-budget ghost movie that came and went theatrically.  Shot and set in India starring the chick from The Walking Dead and Prison Break, this actually isn’t the worst thriller I’ve seen.  It’s actually pretty effective throughout.  There’s a ghost obviously cribbed from The Grudge with the movements down to the emanating sounds.  It’s surprisingly well-shot but still not quite good, that’s why my rating is in the middle.  It still feels empty and I highly doubt it will become a classic.  Points though for being much better than I thought it would be.  7/7/2016

The Pack                                                                     OK/G

Decent natural horror flick from Australia about a family in the isolated countryside besieged by a pack of wild dogs.  Points for using real dogs and no CGI.  There are some rather bloody attacks too.  I didn’t quite buy that the dogs appeared to have human qualities (i.e. stalking before attacking).  I also didn’t understand how the dogs attacked sporadically as there were several times the opportunity arose.  Oh well, it’s shades above many current (and older) “animal attack” pictures.  7/10/2016

---Sean O.

mooby reviews 7/1/2016

The Canal                                                                   OK

This film looks great but feels underdeveloped and topped off with a predictable outcome.  The very end somewhat shocked me though and could be interpreted as either creepy or bittersweet.  6/25/2016

Darling                                                                        OK

Another horror movie demanding patience.  I appreciated the barely 75-minute runtime for this slow black-and-white film, but that doesn’t mean it withheld my interest.  A bloody part should please horror fans.  Overall, there really is no point to this movie.  I admire simplicity but allow me to take something away.  I was reminded of the story “The Lady, or the Tiger?”  As we anticipate the outcome only to be left hanging in that story, this film teases with the locked door.  All this buildup to know what’s behind that door only to allow the character to see and not the viewer.  There might not even have been a door at all.  Don’t tease me with an atmospheric mostly uneventful setup and leave me hanging!  6/30/2016

Decay                                                                          EH/OK

Ah, necrophilia!  There doesn’t appear to be any laws against it.  Gay necrophilia?  Maybe.  As long as the living and the dead are opposite genders I guess society wouldn’t have a problem with it.  Anyway, the title has multiple meanings.  One, being the mind of the socially awkward protagonist probably resulting from an abusive mother seen in flashbacks.  Two, being the off-season amusement park said protagonist works at with one other person, only conversing at lunch time.  Ultimately, it refers to the girl who died accidentally in said protagonists house after breaking-in and now referred to as his girlfriend “that likes to stay in.”  While this movie certainly proves you don’t need a big budget to be effective as long as there’s good use of location, good characters and enough action to keep the audience interested, it certainly didn’t need to be feature-length.  A half-hour to 45-minute episode would suffice.  Most moviegoers don’t have the attention span to remain engaged in slow-moving artsy cinema, whether or not that tactic’s necessary to portray the characters “decomposition.”  6/21/2016

The Funhouse Massacre                                             EH

Amusement parks are the perfect setting for horror.  Massacre in the title usually suggests bloody good fun or, at least, campy.  Why wasn’t this movie that good?  Psychos are “broken out” of an asylum and take over a local haunted attraction on Halloween.  The guests initially think everything is part of the act.  The police think the distressed calls are pranks.  I know it’s hard to be original nowadays but this movie was too tongue-in-cheek for me.  I couldn’t wait for it to be over…when it wasn’t even halfway over!  It just wasn’t as fun as yesteryear’s similar films.  6/25/2016

The Girl in the Photographs                                       B

Why did this have to be the last movie Wes Craven (executive producer) was attached to?  This movie was lame.  There’s some bloody parts but they don’t nearly make up for how pointless and boring the rest of the movie is.  At least other “pointless” slasher films are fun or creative with the kills.  I hated Kal Penn (Kumar) and everything else about this movie.  Luckily I used a free Redbox code but the 90-plus minutes I wasted will never be returned.  I’ll just pretend this wasn’t the last thing Mr. Craven left this mortal coil with.  R.I.P. Wes.  7/1/2016

Helicopter Mom                                                          G

Nia Vardalos plays the titular mom that would drive just about any child of hers nuts.  She metaphorically hovers over her teenage son to the point of being overbearing.  Instead of coming out to her, she actually wants him to come out (“outing” him to his school in the process) so she never has to worry about him “leaving her for another woman” and to get a college scholarship.  In this movie, sexuality actually does qualify (where was this when I was in school?).  The son has a realistic conversation with his Dad in a bar about accepting who he is which I thought was really well done.  This film handles most situations in a realistic manner.  I like how the son admits he doesn’t like labels as he’s unsure about his sexuality since high school is a confusing period (he himself never officially came out but he didn’t deny it either, plus he asks a girl to prom).  One of the better teen films I’ve seen recently.  6/25/2016

The Neon Demon                                                        G

What some people would do to make it in this world!  I like movies that are different.  Not different where style predominantly trumps substance or different for the sake of being different ending up pointless, but different by subverting traditional storylines and the uncertainty.  I have to enjoy it or take something from it.  Some parts of this film made me appreciate not being colorblind.  Style (especially here) certainly can be appealing.  There’s a mesmerizing ethereal aesthetic fitting the director’s (Fear X, Drive) style and you sense something ominous is lurking around the corner.  I totally didn’t see the finale coming.  It may disturb some.  It may delight some.  You must have patience to watch this beautifully brutal picture.  Not for all tastes.  6/28/2016

The Shallows                                                               VG

A theatrical shark film?  It has to be better than all the SyFy channel movies and direct-to-video cheese, right?  The answer is an emphatic yes!  This is the best natural horror shark movie I’ve seen in a very long time.  It might even be one of the best movies of the year thus far.  It is frightening, suspenseful and realistic above all.  This could happen.  In addition to contending with a shark, Blake Lively encounters coral reef, crabs and jellyfish.  At one point, she has to choose between swimming through a school of jellyfish over eventually becoming shark bait.  Desperate times they say (a dead whale is used for safety at first).  Beautiful scenery (set in Mexico but shot in Australia!) juxtaposed with the most realistic shark in recent memory.  Dive in!  6/25/2016

Steel                                                                             EH

I can appreciate eye candy as much as the next functioning homo(sexual)sapien.  The main character (who has an unexplained fear explained eventually) is very attractive but, as I may have said before, eye candy does not a good movie make.  I automatically predicted the ending due to years of watching movies.  Substitute the gay characters with heterosexuals and this would be a typically straight(pun intended)forward romantic drama…with a twist.  6/30/2016

The Wave                                                                    OK/G

Not bad natural disaster flick from Norway.  Rockslides apparently are a very real threat to parts of Norway and here one causes a massive tidal wave after crumbling into a fjord.  There’s a considerable sense of dread before the serene Nordic village is pummeled by the titular wave.  The wave effects are spectacular and last for maybe five minutes of screen time; this is essentially a before-and-after disaster movie.  Following the devastation, one family searches for one another amongst the destructed seaside town.  Far from great but boatloads better than any SyFy “disaster movie of the week.”  6/22/2016

---Sean O.