Mooby Reviews 8/28/2016

It's been a while since the last post:

Addicted to Fresno                                                      EH

Lesbian filmmaker Jamie Babbit has made a dud here.  I was a fan of But I’m a Cheerleader, thought Itty Bitty Titty Committee was decent and The Quiet was somewhat disturbing (even for my tastes).  This film shows sibling rivalry at its harshest.  The black comedy scenario starts off well but quickly dissolves into unfunny (but I doubt unintentional) comedy, sappy epiphanies and everything being resolved and tied up with a fancy red bow.  I’m still going to watch Jamie’s movies though.  She has an eclectic style and queer filmmakers need to be supported!  8/13/2016

The Angry Birds Movie                                               OK

I never played the app game.  I essentially knew nothing beforehand other than the way some of the birds looked.  Basically it’s about birds and green pigs living in the same world inharmoniously.  I’m sure the intended target audience will get a kick out of it.  For everyone else, it’s basically harmless albeit forgettable.  8/17/2016

Apparition                                                                   B

Yawn.  Guy kills fiancé in a car accident.  Guy is haunted by said fiancé.  Hence the title.  If you happen to be paying attention and not yawning, a minor character practically gives away the ending early on.  If you happen to still be caring and haven’t fallen asleep, the ending shouldn’t surprise anyone that’s seen ghost or haunted house movies for the last couple decades.  Unless you were paying attention to the aforementioned minor character and you figured it out already but kept watching anyway like me.  Maybe one day I’ll get rid of my OCD and turn off movies I don’t want to waste time on.  8/27/2016

Don’t Breathe                                                             OK

This new thriller is decent enough to watch during bargain times or when available on Redbox or Netflix.  Just don’t expect a masterpiece.  Somehow I was reminded of the recent yet dissimilar Lights Out, possibly due to dark hallways in a dark house.  I thought this was better than that movie.  8/27/2016

End of the Line                                                            G

I saw this movie years ago but wanted to revisit after reading a thorough review in a Rue Morgue writer’s book.  I remember liking it but forgetting what happened.  I did enjoy this thriller depicting how dangerous religion can be.  While I’m not religious, I’ll never forget a saying Marilyn Manson once said about religion.  I’m paraphrasing but he said that whether he hates religion or not, it will always be a part of his life.  I feel the same way being raised in a Catholic household.  I like the notion of Hell, Satan and demons even though I don’t believe in them.  An eerie subway station is an ideal setting for innocent passengers being targeted by religious zealots that believe they’re “saving” the people they kill with sharp daggers.  The French-Canadian director stated in the above book how his father passed during the making of this film and he couldn’t plan his funeral nor mourn due to the fixed time and budget he had.  Poor guy!  Luckily the film he made during that dark time was worthy and I’m not liking it solely out of pity.  8/27/2016

Hardcore Henry                                                          G/VG

This bloody first-person Russian film is like watching someone else play a feature-length video game.  It’s a lot of fun too.  I was only bored once, briefly.  I was tired when I watched this yet I stayed awake and was hooked from beginning to end!  8/27/2016

Kwaidan                                                                      EH

Outdated Japanese anthology film from 1964.  It’s a little over three hours with four stories so that means lengthy vignettes, especially the third one.  None of them are scary even for the time.  Good movies are good movies no matter when they came out or what country they come from.  Black Sabbath came out around the same time and is still effective today---it only inspired the name of one of the pioneering metal bands.  The first tale, “The Black Hair,” drags and the climax is elusive.  “The Woman of the Snow” is certainly outdated and possibly inspired a segment of the Tales from the Darkside movie.  “Hoichi the Earless” might be long enough to be its own movie and is more dramatic than frightening, but does have the bloodiest scene of all (for its time) and the most atmospheric shots.  The final segment, “In a Cup of Tea,” is the shortest but silliest.  I think I might have enjoyed these more if read as short stories.  They’re all ghost stories but one must have lots of patience to sit through this collection.  Sorry, patience isn’t something I had with this anthology.  8/16/2016

The Orphanage                                                           EH

Not to be confused with the much-better Spanish thriller of the same name.  This movie starts off as a pretty good drama with good characterization, but enters lame city once the mystery is revealed.  Adopt the aforementioned movie instead of investing any consideration at this institution!  8/21/2016

Pontypool                                                                    OK/G

This has long been on my Netflix queue but just kept getting pushed back to make room for new movies.  Was it worth the wait?  Yes and no.  Takes place 99% of the time in a radio station with about 95% of the action happening off-screen via on-air radio.  Set up as a zombie movie but not necessarily so since the people don’t rise from the dead.  Apparently speech is the theorized reason for the affected humans erratic behavior which includes slurred speech and attacking un-infected people.  If it’s intended to be a zombie movie, the approach is somewhat effective but if it’s played over the air why not just listen to the radio ourselves instead?  It starts off slow but gets intriguing and perplexing simultaneously.  Much like the incoherent “zombies,” the ending is loopy.  It kept my interest though.  8/27/2016

Sausage Party                                                             G

I’m not the biggest Seth Rogen fan.  I don’t hate him and I don’t particularly care for him.  Luckily only his voice is present here.  This adult animation about talking foods in a supermarket is pretty stupid overall.  It’s fun though and I can’t resist edibles cursing like hell.  This is absolutely, positively, without a doubt, definitely inappropriate for children despite being presented as a kiddy ‘toon.  Race relations and religion are creatively used metaphorically.  I personally dug how it was subliminally anti-religion.  I’ll probably watch this again when it comes out on DVD, but as far as foul-mouthed cartoon characters go, I still prefer those 4^th graders from Colorado.  8/13/2016

Submerged                                                                  EH

You can probably guess this doesn’t take place entirely in the submerged limo.  That would be too tedious (it’s 99 minutes according to the Netflix envelope), more than the movie itself already is.  Therefore we’re treated to flashbacks leading up to the submersion and what follows when some escape.  I didn’t enjoy the before, during and after underwater predicament timelines.  I actually couldn’t wait for it to be over.  Claustrophobic thrillers are D.O.A. and were always hard to be thoroughly engaging.  During the time the people are trapped in the limo, we’re presented with the typical accusations and paranoia associated with the people-in-a-closed-space subgenre.  Yawn, yawn, yawn.  8/27/2016

Sun Kissed                                                                   G

This movie somewhat reminded me of the French thriller Swimming Pool.  Only it takes place in America and involves men instead of women.  It was easy to figure out after years of filmgoing, but I personally dug it because of the eye candy.  Generally mysterious and frustrating but might beg another viewing.  For me at least.  8/21/2016

---Sean O.

Mooby Reviews 8/12/2016

Here's some new film reviews:
(Been two weeks....)

The Adonis Factor                                                      OK

Looks aren’t everything?  “That’s just something ugly people say (Jim Carrey, Liar Liar).”  This documentary about the superficiality of gay men could pertain to anybody.  We’re all arguably superficial when it comes to sexuality.  How would we know who we’re attracted to?  Gay men have generally been portrayed as skinny, muscular and smooth-skinned in the media.  Therefore, that’s what most gay men want whether they fit that description or not.  Everyone has their own idea of beauty and this feature emphasizes that.  Being an ugly gay man is very unfortunate, I would know!  Then again, Bruce Vilanch appears and look how successful he is.  8/11/2016

Gravy                                                                          B

A cannibalistic trio take over a restaurant on Halloween.  The dark subject matter doesn’t mesh well with the facetious tone.  There’s gore but nothing is funny nor fun.  It’s too tongue-in-cheek and I couldn’t wait for it to be over!  8/11/2016

Monsterland                                                                OK/G

Horror anthologies.  Oh, how I love thee!  I can’t get enough of them.  Even if they mostly suck I always look forward to watching them.  This fun, campy collection contains ten (if you include the wraparound segment) short films involving different “monsters” that are all actually worth watching.  Even “Happy Memories” which is basically a puppet show probably enjoyed better with hallucinogens or liquor.  Roughly under five minutes about an unseen monster, “Don’t Go into the Lake,” is my personal fave.  I didn’t much care for the parasite resembling an uglier version of the worm in Labyrinth in “The Grey Matter” but the story was decent overall.  True horror fans will recognize an evil kiddie from a certain Stephen King adaptation in “Hag.”  Like I implied, I didn’t hate any of these entries.  This film is like bar food:  it may not be the best quality but it satisfies in the moment.  8/9/2016

Puerto Ricans in Paris                                                EH

A title like this suggests parody.  If not parody, definitely not something to be taken seriously.  The title says it all, but I didn’t think it was too funny.  Take away the Puerto Ricans and call it Dominicans in Paris, Cubans in Paris, Cherokee Indians in Paris, Koreans in Paris, you get the idea, and it would be the same movie.  Perhaps if Rosie Perez (who plays the wife of one of the police officers sent to the titular city to retrieve a handbag) tagged along it might’ve been funnier and more distinctive since she’s known for being stereotypically Boricua.  8/6/2016

Restoration                                                                  B

Yet another non-theatrical modern horror release (directed by Zach Ward---the bully “with the yellow eyes” from Christmas Story; he also has an acting part) with a slow build-up, occasional jump scares and an ending you should’ve foreseen or probably won’t care by then if not.  I fell asleep on and off so that’s what I remember.  Good movies are what need restoring nowadays.  8/7/2016

Road Games                                                               G

I guessed several outcomes for this French thriller (in both English and French) and only one of them happened.  I’ve seen enough movies to figure out modern endings or if I somehow don’t figure it out, I’m usually not surprised anymore.  Twist endings are overdone.  A lot of times filmmakers cheat by tacking them on terrible movies to make us rethink or rewatch.  The entire movie, or most of it, should enthrall beforehand with the twist being an added bonus.  That being said, this movie is tense, ominous and interesting enough to recommend.  The twist is old hat but works somewhat and made me rethink and possibly want to rewatch.  In a positive way though, not just because I know how it turns out.  Make sure you watch (or fast-forward) to the end of the credits, unless you like things more open-ended.  8/8/2016

Sharknado:  The 4^th Awakens                                     OK

Well, here we go again!  Here’s a portion of my Sharknado 3 review a couple months ago:  It delivers exactly what you would expect (for the third time) but the series should end here, lest the “guilty pleasure” will no longer be a pleasure.  Well, the guilty pleasure may be dimming but considering a fourth one was made and I’m reviewing it, says a whole lot.  Basically, the beginning and end are awesome with the middle being filler.  Innumerous cameos abound like usual.  There’s several references to The Wizard of Oz and a too-cheeky-for-its-own-good nod to The Texas Chainsaw Massacre (with Caroline Williams from Texas Chainsaw Massacre 2 no less).  Sharknados aren’t the only thing our heroes have to battle.  This time there’s bouldernados, oilnados, lavanados, lightningnados, cownados (yes, seriously) and other ‘nados.  Inevitably, the ending left it open for a 5^th.  I made it this far so if they keep making them, I’m gonna keep watching.  8/6/2016

Viral                                                                            OK/G

This film begins as a high school teen movie and gradually becomes a lock-ourselves-in-a-house thriller about a parasitic virus causing the end of the world.  As far as apocalyptic movies go, you could do a lot worse.  8/6/2016

Zombieworld                                                               OK

Structured as an anthology but more like a Quentin Tarantino film (where the characters never intertwine) or Love Actually (with zombies).  There’s several stories of the undead (presented as news stories in the “wraparound” segment) in different parts of the world and one at a different time (Biblical times to be exact).  The Jesus segment in the beginning and the final entry on the beach are the goriest.  The Jesus segment uses a certain seafood as a weapon and piles on the gore Dead Alive-lawnmower style.  Most of the entries offer nothing relatively novel which I understand is hard in these post-Walking Dead times but they should be distinguished like Zombieland.  Personal standouts include a “misunderstood” zombie tale set in West Virginia, a first-person POV taking shelter in an abandoned house before being consumed, and a Zombieland-like interspersed trilogy about surviving a zombie apocalypse.  Currently, this is paired with Monsterland (reviewed above) at Walmart for only $10.  Think of it as paying for a Grindhouse double feature you can keep forever.  8/10/2016

---Sean O.