Mooby Reviews 3/23/2017

Here's my newest round of movie reviews:

The Belko Experiment                                                 VG

Tony Goldwyn.  Horror movie.  Director of Wolf Creek and Rogue.  I was in automatically.  There’re several recognizable faces in this Colombia-set film; IMDb-it for the full list.  Greg McLean certainly regains himself after last year’s dud, The Darkness.  Workers in an office building are told via intercom to kill two people in a half-hour.  Naturally most believe it’s a prank and, realistically, who wouldn’t?  Four people (double the amount) are killed when the task isn’t accomplished.  Every employee was embedded with a tracking device in their skull upon being hired so “Big Brother” simply has to press a button and their heads explode.  That’s a clever tactic in that no one can truly hide.  Escape is impossible since the building is boarded up with steel, armed guards are outside, and all forms of communication are cut off.  After the workers realize the situation is real, things quickly escalate and some release their inner savage as authentically possible in that scenario.  If you ever watched the original Twilight Zone, imagine a more extreme version of “The Monsters Are Due on Maple Street.”  This film is harsh, tense and bloody and that’s what I loved about it!  3/20/2017

Death Do Us Part                                                       OK

House in the middle of the woods.  Creepy caretaker.  Dead birds on the porch.  Do you really think nothing’s gonna happen?  Apparently these people don’t watch horror movies, but most movie characters never do (minus satires) and it’s why they make the same stupid mistakes continuously.  One character does make a vampire reference pertaining to the myths, no movies mentioned.  This isn’t a vampire movie though.  It’s a whodunit containing 3 men and 3 women involved in an upcoming wedding.  Secrets come out, fights ensue, bodies pile up.  Yada, yada, yada.  I actually did become invested with the characters however unlikeable most were.  There’s more than one twist too, but I care not about twists anymore.  I’m all twisted out.  It’s not the worst of its kind, but you can kill time with better movies.  3/19/2017

The Devil’s Candy                                                      G/VG

Heavy metal and horror movies.  My comforts growing up a queer loner (or loser perhaps).  Heavy metal plays a minimal (but no less significant) role in this film from Sean Byrne who also made The Loved Ones (an Australian film I’m a big fan of that made my top ten list the year it came out; I actually referenced it in my last blog---see Recovery review).  This was filmed and set in Texas.  Why come to America after making a success?  Where you’re from is what makes you unique.  Come to think of it, the wide open spaces of Texas probably don’t differ much from flat Australian landscapes.  The mythological entity iconic in both metal and horror is metaphysically involved in the plot (hint: It’s part of the title).  Cue the holy rollers claiming rock music and horror flicks are tools of the Devil.  The stereotypical premise is handled quite effectively though.  I liked this film.  I really did.  While I was upset with the happy ending, this is generally an engrossing dark thrill ride.  It’s short and sweet like…candy(!).  Mr. Byrne, you certainly have my attention.  3/19/2017

Elle                                                                              G

Here we have a French movie directed by the same guy that gave us Robocop.  It starts off with a rape executed so nonchalantly, I had no idea what I was getting into.  Was this going to be a comedy?  Thriller?  Tragedy?  The whole time I was curious about the title sharing the name of a fashion magazine.  The main character’s name was Michele with one L, so it couldn’t have been the second half of her name.  Turns out “elle” means “she” in French (my single semester during college came back to me) and that makes a certain sense.  The director also made Basic Instinct and, unlike that film, the female isn’t the villain here.  Michele developed a thick skin resulting from a traumatic time in her childhood and her resilience shows during several serious matters.  I know she’s acting but most other people would probably be institutionalized.  This film portrays the dark underside amongst seemingly classy individuals like Blue Velvet albeit much less surreal.  It can be quite dirty too (nothing wrong with that) and I shouldn’t have expected less from the guy that gave us Showgirls (vastly underrated in my opinion).  The film is fairly straightforward, but there’s something to be said when I didn’t doze off once during its two hour-plus run time while I was slightly tired.  For that I’m recommending it, but I most likely won’t watch it again.  3/19/2017

Eloise                                                                          B

I saw this had a 0% rating on Rotten Tomatoes beforehand, so that naturally left me little anticipation other than hoping I’d like it.  I almost feel proud when I like critically panned movies.  Sorry, can’t be a nonconformist this time.  This lame-ass movie contains elements of House on Haunted Hill (the remake), extreme instances of Fear Factor, and every single haunted abandoned asylum movie released in the last 30 years.  Even the dark hallways of the titular asylum reek of banality and never manage to be remotely creepy.  Avoid.  3/14/2017

The Eyes of My Mother                                               OK

This modern black-and-white film is rather dark and grisly.  It also has no point whatsoever.  Come to think of it, all movies are pointless.  All you do is sit on your ass accomplishing nada.  Unless, by chance, you obtain a livable wage reviewing movies (*dream job*).  But yes, I do like watching movies.  I liked where this was heading and the director certainly knows how to make movies (it’s a very well-shot gothic film), but it left me feeling cold.  In opposition to thinking certain movies would benefit from some fat-trimming, this really short movie could use some fattening up.  Otherwise, all the right stuff is there.  3/15/2017

Hacksaw Ridge                                                           EH/OK

War is horrific and so are most movies based on them.  Cue the Edwin Starr song, “War.”  Two of my favorite war films are Braveheart and The Patriot, both of which involve Mel Gibson who happens to be the director here.  This film gets pretty gruesome but feels indistinguishable from typical war movies.  Funny how the public at large doesn’t seem to mind violence if based on history, but fictional violent films are a problem.  Also, I didn’t realize how faith-based this film would be, almost making religion appear to be the focal point.  Cue all the religious folks claiming this man’s life was spared because of his faith.  Blah, blah, blah.  I have absolutely nothing against people that believe in God, but I do have a problem with people that pick and choose what to follow from the Bible.  I don’t understand how you could go into combat without protection solely because of your religious beliefs.  This guy was called a coward and still fought his way in, so I respect his determination.  Of course his fellow soldiers weren’t calling him a coward when he was saving their lives.  I almost felt like I was watching a sports movie where the underdog is lauded after winning the game.  Aside from those quibbles, the beginning contained a sappy romance and terrible acting.  I did like meeting everyone at base; I just wish we could’ve acquainted a little more so their misfortunes might’ve been more effective.  One of the most ominous scenes I’ve witnessed in a war film is when the soldiers climbed the rope ladder into war territory for the first time.  I’m sure this film has fans considering it was nominated for best picture (Oscars).  Sadly, I can’t necessarily say I’m one of them.  3/16/2017

Kong:  Skull Island                                                      G

When I see a monster movie, I don’t necessarily care much for exposition and characterization.  I want to see some action!  I understand we need to meet the people (their ends might be more tragic that way) and plan the arrival to where the monsters are.  While this movie has that, it definitely delivers the mayhem!  Thank goodness the creatures look amazing because I despise schlocky creature-features containing deplorable CGI.  While I dislike Kong being the (situational) good guy, it’s actually not handled in a cornball fashion.  Cue the evolutionists emphasizing our ape relations due to shared emotions.  I didn’t enjoy this as much as Jurassic Park/World or even Peter Jackson’s King Kong (that contained a lot more creatures but was also an hour longer), but it was way better than movies like Pacific Rim and the last Godzilla.  This is good old-fashioned monster movie fun.  Be sure to wait until the end of the credits if you’d like to see what’s (possibly) yet to come.  3/17/2017

The Love Witch                                                           OK/G

I had to make sure this actually came out now and not in the ‘70’s.  Congratulations to the set designers, wardrobe department and cinematographers for making this look authentic instead of failing to emulate that era.  This began as a highly stylized body count movie but isn’t quite horror despite having genre elements.  I’m not really sure how to categorize this since it tonally shifts like South Jersey winter weather.  It’s trippy, whimsical and occasionally bloody but never scary.  It’s ultimately a feminist witch movie even though the eponymous character acts humanistic one time, unless that was one of her many ploys.  A jar filled with more than one bodily fluid is rather distasteful.  This is the first time I’ve seen Gian Keys and I’m already a fan.  I have mixed feelings overall but probably lean more towards G because, similar to Elaine’s power over her victims, there’s a mesmerizing quality grabbing ahold until the end credits.  3/22/2017

Tower                                                                          G

Here’s a novel technique portraying the shooting that took place at the University of Texas in August of 1966.  It was essentially the starting point for modern mass shootings but isn’t referenced much.  The ordeal lasted 96 minutes and some people didn’t think it was real since school shootings weren’t common then.  It’s primarily presented in rotoscope animation (think A Scanner Darkly) detailing first-hand accounts from witnesses performed by actors/actresses playing the real people as if the event was currently happening.  Of course it’s always compelling to see the killer’s biopic, but that was a clever way to see witnesses and victims perspectives.  Those segments are intercut with news footage plus recent live-action interviews of the aged survivors.  Even at 82 minutes, this pseudo-documentary drags a little but it’s still recommendable for its ingenious presentation of a tragic event.  However, if someone else tries utilizing it, I’ll think its old hat and might not give it a G rating.  3/21/2017

---Sean O.

Mooby Reviews 3/11/2017

Here's my newest movie reviews:

Always Shine                                                               EH

This film about female competitiveness in the acting world begins interestingly but gets extremely boring midway on.  One girl is prettier and gets acting auditions, the other girl is not-so-pretty and frequently gets rejected.  Things don’t end too well as you can imagine.  Women can be nasty to each other and that’s normal, but when assumed misogyny is involved, they’re all for one.  The sisterhood, I know.  I’m tired of hearing about hypocritical feminism and how hard it is to be a woman.  We can play gender wars all day and no one will win because suffering is subjective.  Being a gay white male, I’m somehow “privileged” and oppressed simultaneously.  Anyway, this movie certainly didn’t shine for me.  3/10/2017

Before I Fall                                                                OK

Imagine Groundhog Day as a teen movie set in the Pacific Northwest.  Actually, I thought I was watching a movie from 1997 instead of 2017 at first with all the stereotypical high school cliques and the “mean girls” making fun of a lesbian.  I’m all for stories with alternate timelines and reversed situations being a fan of movies like Groundhog Day and The Butterfly Effect.  Those movies are original.  This movie started off fun.  I liked seeing how each situation would be altered and clichéd setups are subverted quite nicely, but eventually this falls into unoriginal sappy teen revelation territory.  She’s gonna be in this repetitive purgatory until she betters herself and makes others happy.  Blah, blah, blah.  Mean people always have a reason for their behavior.  Yada, yada, yada.  For once, I’d like to see Satan come up and tell them they either did right or wrong before he takes or releases them.  Nah, Hollywood doesn’t like originality, just the same old recycled rehash with popular or pretty faces.  Although that notion involving Satan was slightly hinted at in All Dogs Go to Heaven.  That’s a good movie about second chances!  3/10/2017

Creepy                                                                         EH

The neighbor may appear creepy, but there’s nothing remotely creepy about this Japanese film minus some scattered soundtrack music.  It begins as a compelling mystery leading to a super lame midway reveal in the vein of formulaic American horror movies, topped off with a lackluster ending proving how idiotic the psychopath was.  I thought Hollywood usually remade Japanese horror movies, not vice versa?  If they somehow tackle this one, I hope they make it better.  3/2/2017

Get Out                                                                       G

Jordan Peele is strictly behind the scenes for this one.  His other half, Keegan-Michael Key, doesn’t make an appearance either.  While there are traces of The Stepford Wives and The Skeleton Key, this is generally its own movie.  It’s not quite Guess Who’s Coming To Dinner?  I swear I heard the creepy violin music from Tales from the Hood (a near-perfect anthology) too.  As of this writing, it has a 99% rating on Rotten Tomatoes with the only negative review coming from a black man.  Interesting.  While initially containing stereotypical white folks saying unintentionally racist things, it all makes sense in the long run.  Seeing previews and watching the movie, you know something sinister is afoot and Mr. Peele keeps you focused until the somewhat clever reveal.  Some may find it comical but regardless of what you take away, it’ll give you something to think about.  Race is a touchy subject most people wish to sweep under the rug, but it’s also ubiquitous and inescapable (no matter who’s on the receiving end).  Everyone thinks racist thoughts whether they’d like to or not.  Racism against your own race counts too.  Some might peg this as racist against blacks despite being directed by a black man.  Similar to I Spit On Your Grave (either version, specifically the original) being labeled misogynist but arguably feminist (she does get her revenge after all), I personally think this movie might be pro-black.  I’d love to hear other opinions though.  I know I’m going to have to watch this again.  3/2/2017

The Girl With All the Gifts                                           G

I would’ve never come across this English zombie film if it weren’t for Rue Morgue.  Without them, I wouldn’t know about several movies other than the same crap released through Redbox and Netflix, now that video stores are obsolete.  Other critics besides them have praised this film for “people tired of zombie movies.”  Since I heard that going in, it was naturally tough not to expect a masterpiece.  While I didn’t think it was spectacular, there were some worthy ideas to be had.  Examples include sleeping zombies, “dog bait,” zombieblock (think sunblock), and the notion of the Girl’s generation (labeled “abortions”) being advanced.  The undead are called “hungries” and fungus is involved.  I thought it was too short and it was almost 2 hours, so that might be a good thing.  3/10/2017

London Town                                                              OK

This coming-of-age film set in England during 1978 contains touching, sappy and pointless moments.  The film prominently features The Clash as the protagonist discovers them through a punkish girl hiding her true identity much like, but dissimilar to, Molly Ringwald in Pretty in Pink.  I am a fan of The Clash but, while considered punk in their heyday, they’d more likely be alternative if coming out now.  I’d still like them though.  Their anti-government attitudes at the time (not much different 40 years later) melded with rock music lumped them with the Sex Pistols (whom were more anarchical and would still be considered punk today).  This film was primarily about the teenage boy growing up in troubled times.  It has its moments but ultimately feels hollow and The Clash deserve better representation.  3/10/2017

Minutes Past Midnight                                                EH

It’s hard for anthology films to contain all hits.  There are rarities (Trick ‘R Treat, Creepshow 2, V/H/S/2) but many times there’s a few misses amongst mostly hits.  Sometimes it’s half-and-half.  Sometimes the misses surpass the hits, like this collection of nine shorts.  I counted only two standouts that were placed towards the end.  I had high hopes too considering Rue Morgue promoted it and were involved in its distribution.  Uncork’d, the studio that releases non-theatrical subpar horror movies, were also involved so I’ll blame them more.  “Never Tear Us Apart” had a cool axe murder but contained some fake gross gore (common in Uncork’d films) and was unoriginally lame.  Then came “Awake” which was a waste of time regardless of brevity.  “Crazy for You” was fairly formulaic until the surprisingly morbid ending.  “The Mill at Calder’s End” was a good story with a kick-ass monster, props (!) for that, but the creepy clay-mated puppets just didn’t work for me.  Tim Burton could probably direct a better live-action version.  “Roid Rage” was the worst and longest unfortunately.  It’s also nasty.  Imagine Teeth in a disgusting dude’s asshole.  “Feeder” was interesting for a sell-your-soul-for-arts-sake tale but becomes relatively predictable.  “Timothy” was one of the best, and one of the shortest unfortunately, containing a killer “rabbit” deserving its own feature-length movie.  “Ghost Train” was the other standout worthy of a longer film involving an abandoned theme park.  The set design is amazing and there’s many possibilities to expand the story.  The film ends with “Horrific” which was almost decent and might’ve worked if the creatures were tweaked a bit.  There’s no wraparound segment unless you count (!) the clock ticking between each section.  Rue Morgue, I think you should stick to writing about movies if this collection is any indication.  Or, next time boot Uncork’d Entertainment since these vignettes typify their output.  3/2/2017

The Perfect Husband                                                  OK

Initially, I thought this thriller was going the route of domestic woes.  It actually turns into a bloody good surprise.  That is until the twist ending that might’ve worked 20 years ago.  This is one of those rare occasions where the movie works before the twist.  Being a filmmaker, I would imagine you’d watch lots of movies to pick up on styles, techniques and storytelling ideas.  I’d also think you’d pick up on what to avoid, how to transcend the forefathers, and how to tweak clichés.  Apparently not if modern filmmakers are still making the same movies and thinking the same twists will be innovative.  If you decide to watch this, turn it off about 20 minutes early (after she shoots him).  It’ll be a much better movie.  3/10/2017

Recovery                                                                     EH

This film isn’t fresh one bit.  Only the turning point or plotline would’ve differed 20 years ago.  There’d be no movie if the girl didn’t need to retrieve her phone (there’d be a different reason before the Millennium) at the house of psychos.  In the beginning, the father mentions to his son that God forgives white lies.  Right, white lies are still lies and I’m guessing God would overlook killing (Thou Shall Not Kill?) and kidnapping girls to date his son?  This movie could’ve been much darker and some of the characters are almost likeable, but this ultimately feels trivial.  I was reminded of a much better film from Australia called The Loved Ones.  Check that out, skip this.  3/10/2017

The Snare                                                                    EH

A trio gets locked in a high-rise hotel in the middle of nowhere during off-season when the power goes out.  Therefore the elevator doesn’t work.  Apparently stairways weren’t constructed, so if there was ever a fire, everyone would be fucked.  It’s not safe to try and climb down the building since the rooms are too far apart.  Also, no one knows they’re there.  Of course none of their phones work, one girl left hers in the car, and apparently these rooms don’t come with landlines.  How did this building pass regulations?  Or is this acceptable code in England?  I sure as hell wouldn’t feel safe staying in one of these rooms.  Food eventually runs out and water shut off with the electricity (rain provides minimal relief).  Demonic forces are hinted at towards the end which may explain all the unlikely scenarios that came before.  If so, it was a clever idea presented much too late.  Then something happens suggesting it all could’ve been psychological.  This movie’s a mess.  3/10/2017

---Sean O.