Saturday, June 10, 2017

Mooby Reviews 6/11/17

Here's my newest batch of critiques...

Bachelor Games                                                         EH

Bunch of dudes from the U.K. having a stag party in South America that begins like Eurotrip or even the first half of Hostel.  They get wasted in the desert town they’re staying in and head out on a hike the next day.  They appear to be the only ones around which is never a good sign in a horror movie.  The excursion starts with a joke before getting dead serious with bodies piling up.  The demon we see briefly is actually pretty gnarly and a bow-and-arrow is an excellent weapon of choice.  Otherwise, this movie is a waste of time.  6/9/2017

The Blackcoat’s Daughter                                          OK/G
First off, what school has winter break at the end of February?  Apparently the all-girl boarding school in this movie exercising style vastly over substance.  Dread abounds for sure but patience is much needed to get through this.  There’s some violence that might make ol’ Beelzebub proud (yes, dark forces are involved).  This was actually originally titled February and that would’ve been more fitting.  There’s much I admired here but I can’t fully recommend it because I felt unsatisfied afterwards.  6/2/2017

A Dog’s Purpose                                                         G
An “anthology” film about a reincarnated dog living with different owners across decades that’s occasionally touching and never boring.  The connected first and last “vignettes” are the longest and most poignant.  One in between proves some dogs unfortunately end up with unloving/negligent owners.  Thankfully no physical abuse was ever dealt because I don’t know if I could’ve handled that.  I can’t deny tears were trying to fight their way out each time the dog passed.  There’re inevitable sappy moments common for these “dog companion” movies, but it’s generally enjoyable for all ages, especially canine lovers.  To paraphrase the dog, “The only purpose in life is just to be here now” and that’s the joy dogs give us in their short lives.  6/1/2017

Escape to Witch Mountain                                          OK

I’ve seen my fair share of bygone plus current live-action Disney flicks and I can honestly say I’ve never seen this one until now.  I never really had a desire to until recently mentioned in a Rue Morgue companion piece on Disney’s “kiddy horror” canon.  While films mentioned in the article (Mr. Boogedy, The Watcher in the Woods, Something Wicked This Way Comes) contain horror elements, they’re not particularly horror films as we know them.  I do think “kiddy horror” is an excellent way to introduce potential lifelong fans to the genre.  Are You Afraid of the Dark? and the Goosebumps book series (amongst others) were significant in piquing my general interest in the genre.  This movie is not horror at all.  It’s slightly sci-fi.  I don’t want to ruin it in case you never read the book, saw the remake, or heard it discussed before (all of which I haven’t).  The only thing that might frighten young viewers is the use of a real bear; something I wish would still be utilized instead of CGI or juxtaposing real footage with performances.  I love the ‘70’s film aesthetic which is apparent whenever watching something from that era.  The film was fun initially with the corny outdated effects and slight suspense, but interest wanes as the film goes on longer than necessary.  Perhaps if I was a child or watched this as a child, the length may not have bothered me, but as an official adult I’ll have to say I didn’t have the attention span for it.  5/30/2017

John Wick                                                                    OK
Since the sequel is coming out to rent, I thought it was time to see the predecessor.  I figured if a sequel was made and released theatrically, it must be worth watching.  As I was watching, I thought to myself that several Jason Bourne movies were released theatrically, 8 Fast and the Furious movies were released theatrically, more than one Transformers, X-Men and Mission: Impossible film was released theatrically, et cetera.  Sequels attached do not make the first worthy, or sometimes the first is the only worthy one.  What exactly sets this apart from similar action thrillers?  Absolutely nothing.  Sure, there was a bit of fun in its banal, repetitive violent action sequences, but there came a point where I was like ‘okay, enough is enough.’  I’ve heard comparisons to The Matrix.  Not even close.  They both star Keanu, that’s it.  The dog was cute as hell and unfortunately got minimal screen time.  Then, of course, this movie wouldn’t exist.  I’d be pissed and seek vengeance if someone did that to my cute little doggy too.  I am going to watch the sequel in hopes they do something different and possibly original.  6/10/2017

100 Streets                                                                   B
This is probably one of the worst ensemble films I’ve seen.  Not one segment in this U.K. film grabbed my interest.  My eyes rolled several times when coming across cliché after cliché.  There’s the has-been sports star (Idris Elba) who messed up his life and wants another chance to be a good father.  There’s the former gang member who wants to leave behind that part of his life.  There’s an older person the former gang member befriends who imparts wisdom and eventually meets a tragic end.  Been there, seen that!  There’s a scene involving a man meeting with the husband of the woman he accidentally killed.  The husband only wanted to know one thing---if she was smiling before he ran into her with his car.  One, he wasn’t paying attention to know.  Two, even if she was unhappy, I doubt a smile would be a natural reaction before getting rammed by a vehicle.  That’s just my logical opinion.  6/9/2017

Raw                                                                             G
A French/Belgian production that’s probably one of the more grisly coming-of-age stories.  The concluded message is that cannibalism could be genetic.  I don’t think that’s entirely true but, then again, I’m not a cannibal and don’t know any.  If I do unknowingly know any, I hope I’m not their intended meal.  The main girl with the affliction was forced to be a vegetarian her whole life, but her repressed desires surface after eating rabbit kidney as part of a hazing ritual while attending veterinary school.  This leads to eating meaty sandwiches, raw chicken and eventually human flesh when the opportunity presents itself.  There were reports of fainting during premieres.  Those weak-stomached people clearly aren’t desensitized enough.  This film is rather tame compared to other anthropophagist entries.  The only stomach-churning part involves our (anti)heroine enjoying a certain “finger food” for the first time, but not enough to appall anyone that saw their fair share of gory films (cannibal or otherwise).  It’s always more fascinating when dark subject matter is interposed amongst mundane settings.  The (almost) 100 minutes moves quite briskly for being presented as an arty film and the final scene is undeniably haunting.  6/1/2017

The Ticket                                                                    EH
Dan Stevens seems to be popular these days.  No surprise considering handsome faces shouldn’t have trouble getting roles.  Filmmakers don’t seem to comprehend that eye candy doesn’t necessarily make a dull script less dull.  A man (Dan Stevens) has been blind for years.  One day, he miraculously isn’t blind anymore.  He enjoys his “new” life with regained sight.  Improved sight apparently makes his heart “weaker.”  He loses everything before eventually going blind again.  That’s basically it.  There’s no excitement.  There’s talk of God throughout with the title metaphorically referring to the ways in which prayers are answered.  Whatever.  Check out The Guest if you want to see a much better movie with Mr. Stevens.  6/7/2017

The Void                                                                      G
I’m not fond of hospital-set films but I think this might be an added exception.  Far from perfect but contains a brooding sense of dread effectively leading to the Lovecraftian terrors in wait.  This movie is so gloriously bizarre, I have to recommend it.  I have a sense it requires more than one viewing though.  While I recognized elements of Hellraiser, Slither and The Thing, this is essentially its own movie.  Some of the effects might’ve been icky but less in the feeling of unintentional regurgitation and more in wanting a concentrated gander at all its grotesquerie.  5/30/2017

---Sean O.

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