Mooby Reviews 8/23/17

I present to you my newest batch of film critiques...

American Fable                                                          G

I’m guessing this takes place in 1982 (the year I was born!) since I heard that year mentioned on a radio.  Ronald Reagan was on the TV so it’s sometime during that decade.  This simplistic film is basically about farmers struggling to keep their land and the drastic measures some resort to in order to prevent it from being taken away.  All this seen from the perspective of a young girl seemingly the only compassionate one in her family of four.  I was slightly reminded of an Italian film called I’m Not Scared although this wasn’t quite as disturbing.  It’s not without its dark undertones though.  I’m marginally recommending this well-acted, strangely captivating American fable (!).  8/23/2017

Annabelle:  Creation                                                   G

Well, I did enjoy this more than the first one.  Chronologically, this would be the first since it’s a prequel.  Annabelle disappointed me initially since I expected a killer doll movie and it was more akin to Rosemary’s Baby, which I have zero problems with in the slightest, it’s just not what I anticipated.  I appreciated it slightly more upon repeated viewings solely as a demonic feature.  Since I knew the doll was a conduit, I went into this not expecting it to walk and talk like Chucky.  This gothic haunted house film is a lot of fun, basically being a greatest hits homage to horror films of yore.  It’s as if the filmmakers were devising ways to incorporate several tropes of the genre.  Naturally, clichés abound.  It gets real quiet before knowing a “jump scare” is soon to follow and they always do.  The dark creepy house in the middle of nowhere works for the situations though.  I do suggest seeing this theatrically if possible, or watch it at night with no lights on and no interruptions.  The two teenage girls sitting next to me were freaking out the majority of the time and it undeniably added a bit of fun for this desensitized viewer.  Also, I still don’t see how characters can investigate sounds in the dark (or otherwise) especially if other unexplained events have occurred.  If I ever heard a strange noise in a spooky house, my ass would be under the covers until morning.  In all fairness, this took place in the ‘50’s so the characters haven’t yet seen too many movies to think about spooky clichés.  This was made in 2017 however, so the filmmakers should be very aware of them.  Besides, this is still a fun flick involving demonic activity with the titular doll being an added aesthetic.  Horror aficionados, pay attention in the beginning for a cameo played by an aged actor from a certain Stephen King movie bearing the same name from said movie.  Not very subtle.  8/17/2017

The Boss Baby                                                                        OK

Babies are worried that dogs are stealing people’s affections and not liking them as much.  I’m sure if a companion movie were made, dogs would be thinking the same about babies.  Some people have dogs before having a baby and I’m sure the canines probably feel a bit of competition.  Anyway, this animation is mostly harmless for the younger demographic, warrants a few chuckles, and might be bittersweet, but I think is only worth watching once.  8/21/2017

Colossal                                                                      OK/G

Is this supposed to be sci-fi, drama or comedy?  Or a combination of all three?  Perhaps a parody of giant monster flicks hailing from East Asia?  I’m not really sure.  It tonally shifts several times throughout from being comedic to melodramatic to occasionally serious.  It’s a genius idea handled in a somewhat asinine manner.  Basically, two Americans (Anne Hathaway and Jason Sudeikis) have the ability to teleport into giant monsters in Korea resulting from a childhood incident.  While I was impatient at times, I was curious to see how it would end and it does end creatively.  I’m still not exactly sure how I feel overall.  I’m not dismissing it so I’ll let you decide.  8/12/2017

The Dinner                                                                  B

Well that was a complete waste of two hours!  Sometimes I think any movie will be green-lit as long as famous names are attached.  Here, we have Richard Gere, Steve Coogan and Laura Linney amongst others attending the dinner in question at a fancy restaurant.  The actual dinner probably only constitutes one-third of the entire movie since we’re presented with multiple flashbacks and simultaneous events.  Sometimes it appeared as if the editor placed scenes out of order.  I think I might’ve preferred them eating dinner at the restaurant and conversing the whole time.  Even then I probably would’ve been bored.  I hated every inch of this movie.  8/10/2017

Everything, Everything                                                OK

Sappy, sappy.  You should figure that anyway.  It has its moments.  I particularly liked when the two characters acted out texting conversations.  It’s a bit progressive too despite being heteronormative.  An interracial romance is involved and never once did I hear anyone mention race, even facetiously.  I predicted the ending fairly early and so should most people even if they never read the book, which I did not.  The ending is entirely unoriginal, a bit cruel on one person’s part, and somewhat negates everything, everything that came before.  Hopeful romantic tweens and teens might enjoy but everyone else will likely think nothing, nothing of it.  8/22/2017

Once Upon a Time in Venice                                      EH

I guess Bruce Willis just needs a paycheck these days.  Or he’s just being nice to filmmakers, here being Mark and Robb Cullen, brothers responsible for writing the Kevin Smith dud, Cop Out, also starring Mr. Willis.  Bruce Willis is one of my first recollected celebrity crushes.  He definitely aged but he sorta almost still has it.  There’re several recognizable faces other than Bruce.  I guess they all need money too or are friendly with the Cullen brothers as well.  If this same movie were made with all unknowns, I doubt this would’ve been funded, at least not with a major studio.  The overall message is not to mess with a man’s dog, especially if it’s as cute as the one in this movie.  Didn’t I just see that in John Wick?  I’ll always love Bruce (more before than now) but not necessarily all his films.  At times I was reminded of Hudson Hawk, another silly movie of his from the early ‘90’s, only this time he skateboards naked.  8/17/2017

Shin Godzilla                                                               EH

I guess this is a modern reimagining or remake.  It takes place in Japan and features a giant creature monikered Godzilla or Gojira depending on the language.  I was never a huge fan of the giant lizard franchise but I can appreciate them and I’ll watch some of the movies.  Anything horror, sci-fi or creature feature related will always whet my curiosity.  I didn’t much care for the monster in this adaptation.  If I don’t like the creature in a creature feature, the movie is surely doomed.  The behemoth was more anatomical with the power to evolve and has a couple tricks up its sleeve.  The highlight of the film for me was when Godzilla caused some damage by utilizing one of these abilities.  Still, it was too little in a 2-hour film that’s 80% exposition and dialogue pertaining to defeating this monster.  Fans don’t care about all the yakking already in every other movie of this type, they just want to see some action!  Godzilla-philes might enjoy this entry but those with even just a passing interest probably won’t give a shit.  8/21/2017

The Transfiguration                                                    VG

Finally, a good vampire movie.  It’s debatable whether the protagonist actually was a vampire or simply the result of a fractured mind affected by a traumatic event.  He claims becoming one isn’t passed on but rather a disease and real vampires can be in the sunlight, eat garlic, and gradually develop a taste for blood with age.  He apparently doesn’t sprout fangs when feeding either.  Whatever the intention was, I didn’t feel cheated in the slightest and the potent ending felt just right.  Milo (the afflicted black teen) has a VHS collection of recorded vampire movies and keeps notebooks filled with vampire lore and rules to live by.  He lives in the inner city and befriends a white girl living with her cantankerous grandfather.  Not only does Milo have to deal with his “disease” but also with local bullies and gang members.  I was reminded of the Swedish Let the Right One In and Milo even admits to preferring that film over Twilight despite never seeing it since “vampires don’t twinkle” and feeling it’s not realistic enough.  One thing I never understood was how movie characters don’t watch movies themselves.  These characters talk endlessly about movies (movies I love) that I felt I was hanging out with friends.  This was basically a coming-of-age movie involving a “vampire.”  There is violence no doubt with at least two relatively disturbing scenes coming to mind.  Definitely worth checking out.  8/10/2017

Unforgettable                                                              B

Well if that isn’t a misleading title!  The Hand that Rocks the Obsessed Fatal Attraction seems more appropriate.  At least they would’ve been honest to some of the movies being ripped off.  I had a smidgen of hope beforehand considering this was Denise Di Novi’s (producer of several Tim Burton films and Heathers) directorial debut.  I should just copy and paste past reviews for similar movies since I feel I repeat myself way too often.  Girl begins relationship with guy.  Guy has kid from previous relationship.  Ex-wife is still in their life.  Ex-wife is obviously unhinged.  Ex-wife is jealous of new girl.  Ex-wife plots to make new girl look crazy despite us viewers knowing the truth.  People realize too late that ex-wife is the crazy one.  A final showdown between ex-wife and new girl ends badly for one.  I’ll be astonished if you’re unfamiliar with any of that.  Denise, I’m astonished you chose this completely derivative and forgettable (!) movie to be your directorial debut!  Stick to producing!  8/19/2017

The Visitor (1979)                                                       B

My buddy John Bowen from Rue Morgue magazine wrote an article detailing the extreme absurdity of this feature prompting me to find out for myself.  Poorly reviewed movies pique my interest just as much as critically acclaimed ones.  I always hope to like “bad” movies.  I got absolutely nothing from this atrocity.  A featurette on the disc claims this was supposed to be an homage to The Exorcist.  Not once did I think of that movie while watching.  The only slight comparisons would be that there’s a Jesus figure, a bitchy little girl, and implied possessions.  I think this is supposed to be an alien invasion film but I’m not exactly sure.  There’s a basketball game in the beginning appearing to be a real one which makes me wonder if it actually was and the director edited it in.  The one thing (and only thing) I did like in this 100 minute movie was the “bird knife.”  That was pretty cool.  I’m all for surrealism as long as I get something from it.  You can’t be bizarre just for the sake of being bizarre.  I’ve enjoyed most of David Lynch’s films.  Thanks for wasting my time by making me aware of this film, Mr. Bowen.  8/17/2017

Wind River                                                                  OK

Generic thriller at best.  It’s a shame too considering a good portion of the cast consists of Native Americans (actually played by them), whom are the most underrepresented demographic in pictures.  There’s a rather haunting statement at the end pertaining to Native American women.  Regardless of who’s playing these parts, this film doesn’t differentiate from much else I’ve seen.  Its effective build-up leads to a rather uninspired conclusion.  Don’t see it in the theater, wait for the DVD/Blu-Ray/OnDemand release.  8/17/2017

---Sean O.

Mooby Reviews 8/8/17

Here's my newest batch of critiques...

Berlin Syndrome                                                         EH

Get it?  Instead of Stockholm Syndrome, it’s Berlin Syndrome since it takes place in Germany and not Sweden.  If you’re unaware of what Stockholm Syndrome is, Google it!  Beauty and the Beast might be the most popular example even though it’s debatably not since she chose to take her father’s place.  Same principle though.  I personally think the captive is just as mentally unstable as the captor if they develop any feelings towards them.  This film is basically glossy, sophisticated, overlong torture porn.  The girl’s initial escape attempts are futile, but if her overall wish was to escape then how was it “Stockholm Syndrome?”  Oh, an Australian girl travels to Berlin, meets a handsome guy, goes to his place, sleeps with him, and he locks her in with reinforced windows that’s tucked away from civilization anyway.  I was assuming if you knew what Stockholm Syndrome was or researched it after I told you to (even though I basically defined it above), you wouldn’t need a plot explanation.  Don’t watch it anyway, it’s a waste of two hours!  7/23/2017

Fist Fight                                                                     EH/OK

Charlie Day and Ice Cube.  Sounds like a match made in cinematic heaven.  As proven before, and here, wise casting choices do not good movies make.  Sure, there’re a few chuckles here and there, but most comedies (even the really awful ones) are bound to have at least one LOL moment.  Just like most horror movies (even the extremely atrocious ones) are apt to have at least one “make you jump” moment.  It’s called having a pulse.  Most people naturally react (even if internally) to funny and scary situations.  This movie is predominantly juvenile with embarrassingly unfunny moments.  The titular fight at the end is rather entertaining though.  I was reminded of Three O’Clock High, a better unknown ‘80’s movie I saw not that long ago.  Charlie and Cube, I still think you’re cool, but I don’t think I’ll be revisiting this forgetful collaboration anytime soon, or ever again.  8/6/2017

Free Fire                                                                     EH

Reservoir Dogs much?  Slightly.  It has a similar set-up and similar location.  Where Quentin Tarantino’s first feature differentiates is its intriguing characterizations and genius execution.  This movie involves guns, money and an altercation with a woman that kickstarts the prolonged shootout that follows.  There were so many characters to keep track of that I got confused as to who was who, who was being shot at, and who was killed.  There are notable scenes of violence (i.e. nose shot, head squished by tire, guy shot anus through head from under car) but those are minor delights in an otherwise drab picture.  Ben Wheatley should’ve utilized Tarantino’s ‘less is more’ approach.  8/6/2017

House of the Witchdoctor                                            G

If the homeowner tells you not to go in the basement, you know something sinister is either down there or going to occur.  The title alone should suggest something.  You do find out of course.  There’s more afoot before that though.  This is at once a cold-hearted, harsh film in the vein of The Last House on the Left and I Spit on Your Grave before culminating in a ‘70’s demonic tale involving a ritual unfitting for the easily squeamish.  There’s more than one twist; one being cliché, the other making me wish the film were a bit longer.  Readers, if you ever escape a horrific situation, manage to stop someone(s) that promises to help, and they go to their house instead of straight to the police, keep running!  At least don’t accept anything they offer to drink or eat because they’re most likely involved in whatever you escaped.  People in movies still haven’t learned.  Screenwriters, if you watch movies, so should your characters!  Yes, there are clichés but most modern movies are apt to contain them.  Regardless, I did generally enjoy this film.  Ironically, its pervading brutality and shifting storylines kept me intrigued.  7/28/2017

Joysticks                                                                      OK/G

Yet another hidden ‘80’s flick I unearthed, this being from the director of Without Warning.  Arcades.  I still remember when they were widespread, particularly in malls and on shore boardwalks.  The advent of innumerous gaming systems basically rendered them obsolete.  I know they still exist albeit few and far between.  This film set mostly in an arcade complete with a snack bar screams totally ‘80’s.  The characters may be dopey (especially the heavy-set dude that farts frequently) but it’s mostly mindless fun typical of the “big hair” decade.  Clever editing tactic using Pac-Man as a transition between some scenes.  If you look closely, you’ll notice the uncle from Napoleon Dynamite as the punk regular.  7/23/2017

Lake Alice                                                                   EH/OK

Slasher flick made in 2017.  Let me list some clichés first.  \\ (1) We see a gloved hand in a car focusing on a chick walking to her car.  She drops her keys under the car (of course) and asks “Is someone there?”  Apparently she never saw Scream.  She bends down and can’t quite reach her keys before someone drags her away screaming.  (2) The spare garage key just happens to be missing and no one is suspicious at all about this considering they’re in the middle of nowhere?  (3) The minute the killer is mentioned, you know automatically.  You don’t even need to see them first; at least if you’re me and saw 80% of slasher films known to moviegoer-kind.  (4) Why can’t people make sure the person is actually dead so they don’t miraculously appear to either save the day or cause more damage depending on who was attacked?  // The killer does turn out to be who you thought but they do acknowledge how cliché it is for them to be.  At least someone in a movie actually watches movies.  This film begins as Slasher 101 before veering off into Straw Dogs meets The Strangers territory.  It has a momentary mean streak and supplies some of the red stuff.  Some, not buckets.  I give the creators credit for trying to subvert genre stereotypes but, at the end of the day, this still reeks of familiarity.  7/26/2017

Midnight                                                                      OK

As flabbergasted as I am when stumbling across any ‘80’s movie I haven’t seen nor heard of, I’m extremely flabbergasted when it’s an ‘80’s horror movie I haven’t seen nor heard of.  I don’t remember ever reading about this or seeing it on video store shelves in the days when that was our only option of seeing movies (pre-Internet) other than theatrically.  It baffles me much considering John Russo (he of George Romero’s Night of the Living Dead fame) wrote and directed it, plus the legendary FX maestro Tom Savini (Google him, he’s not just that guy in From Dusk Till Dawn) handled the effects.  I wonder if they disowned this picture like Mr. Savini supposedly did with the original Maniac?  Granted, Night of the Living Dead came out 14 years prior and was much better shot and way more effective.  That’s not to say this was a terrible film either.  It is poorly shot and contains bits of extremely horrible acting (the girl knocking out her stepdad on the bed was probably the least convincing performance I’ve ever seen), but it’s watchable for what it is.  A trio of fugitives and other unfortunate victims stumble across a satanic family in the countryside.  Nothing we haven’t seen before, even from the time.  I liked the “Psycho move” where two characters were killed after investing in them and thinking they were going to have a fighting chance.  I never get tired of the gritty aesthetic prevalent for that era’s horror titles.  Racial and religious themes were employed that are still relevant 35 years later!  Overall, this is no hidden treasure; more of an unearthed curiosity that’ll only be slightly appreciated by horror fans with a particular interest in that time period.  7/27/2017

Pray for Rain                                                              EH

Imagine pieces of Erin Brockovich, A Civil Action, a murder mystery, and some Gangland thrown in.  Therein lies the problem.  This movie doesn’t know what it wants to be since it doesn’t remain in one storyline for too long at a time.  The resolution is so lame it almost negates the entire film.  Pointless.  7/19/2017

Rupture                                                                       EH

Fear Factor by way of Hostel?  There actually is an ulterior motive behind all the madness but we’re not given enough reason to care by then.  The plot would make a swell short story or a decent anthology segment.  Maybe that’s it; my attention span is shrinking for movies.  I also feel like I’m repeating myself with certain reviews by saying they’d make better stories if condensed in either written or visual form.  7/19/2017

Slacker                                                                                    B

I finally got around to seeing this Richard Linklater film from 1991.  Sadly, I wasn’t a fan.  This is independent cinema in the vein of The ABCs of Death.  What’s the point of watching countless brief vignettes in which we have zero time to invest in the characters and their situations?  Why should I or anyone care?  Each character(s) came and went and I could’ve cared less about any of them.  Perhaps I might’ve enjoyed it more if Richard made an anthology TV series with each episode revolving around a different character.  A half-hour (or 22 minutes with commercials) should be ample time to form a general understanding of people.  100 minutes is too long to watch snippets of characters I don’t truly get to meet.  This might’ve been innovative in 1991 but innovative doesn’t equal compelling.  Luckily Mr. Linklater redeemed himself two years later with Dazed and Confused, which is arguably the best teen movie of all time.  8/6/2017

Star Crystal                                                                 B

This movie was made in 1986 but looks more dated than that.  This was so cheaply made.  With a better budget it could’ve had potential.  COULD’VE in big bold letters.  One area would’ve been the violence.  Not to undermine young filmmakers, but this looked like a high school production or even younger than that, wherein the crew had no previous experience and minimal funding.  The plot involves an alien forming from the star crystal inside an egg (from Mars) that ends up on a ship in space.  The alien looked like a silly (again, created by inexperienced young’uns) concoction of E.T., Mac (from Mac & Me) and the creature from Xtro.  The initially assumed malevolent creature actually ended up being benevolent after learning about the human race via the ship’s computer system, and that, in turn, made it more of a “pussy” movie.  As happy as I am to discover films I haven’t seen nor heard of, movies like this make me realize there’s a reason most people don’t know about them.  Neglect this unless you want to see how bad some movies can be to make you appreciate the good ones, but why would you want to waste time doing that?  8/6/2017

Wish Upon                                                                  OK/G

Someone comes across an item (here, a Chinese music box possessed by a Chinese demon) that grants wishes but never heeds an age-old warning (Be careful what you wish for) and things turn out worse than before.  People in movies still don’t know to be specific when making their wishes?!  Yes, this all felt familiar but something about it made me want to keep watching.  There’s a slight Final Destination vibe and it’s surprisingly dark at times.  There’s no happy ending either, so points for that.  You know what you’re going to get before seeing a movie like Wish Upon.  It’s equivalent to bar food:  not going to be quality (as expected) but satisfies momentarily.  Lacks originality (as expected) but better than most supernatural teen thrillers released in a long while.  7/19/2017

---Sean O.