Berlin Syndrome EH
Get it? Instead of
Stockholm Syndrome, it’s Berlin
Syndrome since it takes place in Germany and not Sweden. If you’re unaware of what Stockholm Syndrome
is, Google it! Beauty and the Beast might be the most popular example even though
it’s debatably not since she chose to take her father’s place. Same principle though. I personally think the captive is just as
mentally unstable as the captor if they develop any feelings towards them. This film is basically glossy, sophisticated,
overlong torture porn. The girl’s
initial escape attempts are futile, but if her overall wish was to escape then
how was it “Stockholm Syndrome?” Oh, an
Australian girl travels to Berlin, meets a handsome guy, goes to his place,
sleeps with him, and he locks her in with reinforced windows that’s tucked away
from civilization anyway. I was assuming
if you knew what Stockholm Syndrome was or researched it after I told you to
(even though I basically defined it above), you wouldn’t need a plot
explanation. Don’t watch it anyway, it’s
a waste of two hours! 7/23/2017
Fist Fight EH/OK
Charlie Day and Ice Cube.
Sounds like a match made in cinematic heaven. As proven before, and here, wise casting
choices do not good movies make. Sure,
there’re a few chuckles here and there, but most comedies (even the really
awful ones) are bound to have at least one LOL moment. Just like most horror movies (even the extremely
atrocious ones) are apt to have at least one “make you jump” moment. It’s called having a pulse. Most people naturally react (even if
internally) to funny and scary situations.
This movie is predominantly juvenile with embarrassingly unfunny
moments. The titular fight at the end is
rather entertaining though. I was
reminded of Three O’Clock High, a
better unknown ‘80’s movie I saw not that long ago. Charlie and Cube, I still think you’re cool,
but I don’t think I’ll be revisiting this forgetful collaboration anytime soon,
or ever again. 8/6/2017
Free Fire EH
Reservoir Dogs
much? Slightly. It has a similar set-up and similar
location. Where Quentin Tarantino’s
first feature differentiates is its intriguing characterizations and genius
execution. This movie involves guns,
money and an altercation with a woman that kickstarts the prolonged shootout
that follows. There were so many
characters to keep track of that I got confused as to who was who, who was
being shot at, and who was killed. There
are notable scenes of violence (i.e. nose shot, head squished by tire, guy shot
anus through head from under car) but those are minor delights in an otherwise
drab picture. Ben Wheatley should’ve
utilized Tarantino’s ‘less is more’ approach.
8/6/2017
House of the
Witchdoctor G
If the homeowner tells you not to go in the basement, you
know something sinister is either down there or going to occur. The title alone should suggest
something. You do find out of course. There’s more afoot before that though. This is at once a cold-hearted, harsh film in
the vein of The Last House on the Left and
I Spit on Your Grave before
culminating in a ‘70’s demonic tale involving a ritual unfitting for the easily
squeamish. There’s more than one twist;
one being cliché, the other making me wish the film were a bit longer. Readers, if you ever escape a horrific
situation, manage to stop someone(s) that promises to help, and they go to
their house instead of straight to the police, keep running! At least don’t accept anything they offer to
drink or eat because they’re most likely involved in whatever you escaped. People in movies still haven’t learned. Screenwriters, if you watch movies, so should
your characters! Yes, there are clichés
but most modern movies are apt to contain them.
Regardless, I did generally enjoy this film. Ironically, its pervading brutality and
shifting storylines kept me intrigued. 7/28/2017
Joysticks OK/G
Yet another hidden ‘80’s flick I unearthed, this being from
the director of Without Warning. Arcades.
I still remember when they were widespread, particularly in malls and on
shore boardwalks. The advent of
innumerous gaming systems basically rendered them obsolete. I know they still exist albeit few and far
between. This film set mostly in an
arcade complete with a snack bar screams totally ‘80’s. The characters may be dopey (especially the
heavy-set dude that farts frequently) but it’s mostly mindless fun typical of
the “big hair” decade. Clever editing tactic
using Pac-Man as a transition between some scenes. If you look closely, you’ll notice the uncle
from Napoleon Dynamite as the punk
regular. 7/23/2017
Lake Alice EH/OK
Slasher flick made in 2017.
Let me list some clichés first. \\
(1) We see a gloved hand in a car focusing on a chick walking to her car.
She drops her keys under the car (of course) and asks “Is someone
there?” Apparently she never saw Scream.
She bends down and can’t quite reach her keys before someone drags her
away screaming. (2) The spare garage key
just happens to be missing and no one is suspicious at all about this
considering they’re in the middle of nowhere?
(3) The minute the killer is mentioned,
you know automatically. You don’t even
need to see them first; at least if you’re me and saw 80% of slasher films
known to moviegoer-kind. (4) Why can’t
people make sure the person is actually dead so they don’t miraculously appear
to either save the day or cause more damage depending on who was attacked? // The killer does turn out to be who you
thought but they do acknowledge how
cliché it is for them to be. At least
someone in a movie actually watches movies.
This film begins as Slasher 101 before veering off into Straw Dogs meets The Strangers territory. It
has a momentary mean streak and supplies some of the red stuff. Some,
not buckets. I give the creators credit
for trying to subvert genre stereotypes but, at the end of the day, this still
reeks of familiarity. 7/26/2017
Midnight OK
As flabbergasted as I am when stumbling across any ‘80’s movie I haven’t seen nor heard
of, I’m extremely flabbergasted when it’s an ‘80’s horror movie I haven’t seen nor heard of. I don’t remember ever reading about this or
seeing it on video store shelves in the days when that was our only option of
seeing movies (pre-Internet) other than theatrically. It baffles me much considering John Russo (he
of George Romero’s Night of the Living
Dead fame) wrote and directed it, plus the legendary FX maestro Tom Savini
(Google him, he’s not just that guy in From
Dusk Till Dawn) handled the effects.
I wonder if they disowned this picture like Mr. Savini supposedly did
with the original Maniac? Granted, Night
of the Living Dead came out 14 years prior and was much better shot and way
more effective. That’s not to say this
was a terrible film either. It is poorly
shot and contains bits of extremely horrible acting (the girl knocking out her
stepdad on the bed was probably the least convincing performance I’ve ever
seen), but it’s watchable for what it is.
A trio of fugitives and other unfortunate victims stumble across a satanic
family in the countryside. Nothing we
haven’t seen before, even from the time.
I liked the “Psycho move”
where two characters were killed after investing in them and thinking they were
going to have a fighting chance. I never
get tired of the gritty aesthetic prevalent for that era’s horror titles. Racial and religious themes were employed that
are still relevant 35 years later! Overall,
this is no hidden treasure; more of an unearthed curiosity that’ll only be
slightly appreciated by horror fans with a particular interest in that time
period. 7/27/2017
Pray for Rain EH
Imagine pieces of Erin
Brockovich, A Civil Action, a
murder mystery, and some Gangland
thrown in. Therein lies the
problem. This movie doesn’t know what it
wants to be since it doesn’t remain in one storyline for too long at a
time. The resolution is so lame it
almost negates the entire film.
Pointless. 7/19/2017
Rupture EH
Fear Factor by way
of Hostel? There actually is an ulterior motive behind
all the madness but we’re not given enough reason to care by then. The plot would
make a swell short story or a decent anthology segment. Maybe that’s it; my attention span is
shrinking for movies. I also feel like
I’m repeating myself with certain reviews by saying they’d make better stories
if condensed in either written or visual form.
7/19/2017
Slacker B
I finally got around to seeing this Richard Linklater film
from 1991. Sadly, I wasn’t a fan. This is independent cinema in the vein of The ABCs of Death. What’s the point of watching countless brief
vignettes in which we have zero time to invest in the characters and their
situations? Why should I or anyone care? Each character(s) came and went and I could’ve
cared less about any of them. Perhaps I
might’ve enjoyed it more if Richard made an anthology TV series with each episode
revolving around a different character.
A half-hour (or 22 minutes with commercials) should be ample time to
form a general understanding of people.
100 minutes is too long to watch snippets of characters I don’t truly
get to meet. This might’ve been
innovative in 1991 but innovative doesn’t equal compelling. Luckily Mr. Linklater redeemed himself two
years later with Dazed and Confused,
which is arguably the best teen movie
of all time. 8/6/2017
Star Crystal B
This movie was made in 1986 but looks more dated than
that. This was so cheaply made. With a better budget it could’ve had
potential. COULD’VE in big bold letters.
One area would’ve been the violence.
Not to undermine young filmmakers, but this looked like a high school
production or even younger than that, wherein the crew had no previous
experience and minimal funding. The plot
involves an alien forming from the star crystal inside an egg (from Mars) that
ends up on a ship in space. The alien
looked like a silly (again, created by inexperienced young’uns) concoction of E.T., Mac (from Mac & Me) and the creature from Xtro. The initially assumed malevolent
creature actually ended up being benevolent after learning about the human race
via the ship’s computer system, and that, in turn, made it more of a “pussy”
movie. As happy as I am to discover
films I haven’t seen nor heard of, movies like this make me realize there’s a
reason most people don’t know about them.
Neglect this unless you want to see how bad some movies can be to make
you appreciate the good ones, but why would you want to waste time doing
that? 8/6/2017
Wish Upon OK/G
Someone comes across an item (here, a Chinese music box
possessed by a Chinese demon) that grants wishes but never heeds an age-old
warning (Be careful what you wish for)
and things turn out worse than before. People
in movies still don’t know to be specific when making their wishes?! Yes, this all felt familiar but something
about it made me want to keep watching.
There’s a slight Final Destination
vibe and it’s surprisingly dark at times.
There’s no happy ending either, so points for that. You know what you’re going to get before
seeing a movie like Wish Upon. It’s equivalent to bar food: not going to be quality (as expected) but
satisfies momentarily. Lacks originality
(as expected) but better than most supernatural teen thrillers released in a
long while. 7/19/2017
---Sean O.
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