Here are my current film reviews...
Call Me by Your Name OK/G
Northern Italy. Summer
of 1983. A time when homosexuality was
still largely kept secret not only in the Mediterranean, but the “land of the
free” as well. I’m surprised this wasn’t
called American Peach based on a scene
you’ll understand why if or when you see it (or saw it already). This was essentially two different movies,
the first half being rather uneventful where the characters hide their true
selves (like usual). The second half
delves into what the film was meant to be, involving a relationship between the
teenager and the older American staying in his house while working with his
father for the summer. Armie Hammer
looks great but the teen, played by Timothy Something, looks rather young
(despite being of age) so any intimate scenes failed to personally turn me
on. The speech Timothy’s father gives
towards the end informing him he knew about their relationship may have been
sweet, but it also reeked of a fairy tale Hollywood film since it didn’t feel
authentic (especially taking place in 1983).
While it’s nice the Oscars recognized this film, considering many people
tend to only mention gender and race in diversity discussions and gay white men
are minorities on the inside only, I can’t deny this gay love story hasn’t been
told quite often already. For these
films, it always appears two men are cosmically put together and both happen to
be gay with mutual feelings. And yes,
it’s very heartbreaking to see true love like this never get to last because of
societal standards (at least in 1983 and still in some parts of the world
today), but like I said, it’s nothing new under the sun (in Italy or otherwise). 3/14/2018
Children of the
Corn: Runaway OK/G
This is the tenth film in the franchise if you include the
remake. Yes, I’ve seen them all (are you
really surprised?) and really only recall disliking the eighth one, Genesis, and thought that annoying
redheaded actor was miscast in the fifth one, Fields of Terror. None are
masterpieces and some are better than others (naturally), but they’re all corny
(!) fun and I’ve always been a fan of evil kid movies. Plus, I’m a Stephen King nut and it’s amazing
ten films (nine if you exclude the remake) spawned from his short story (in Night
Shift) that’s 20 pages give or take.
The only connection this film has to the other entries is its mention of
the diner massacre from the beginning of the first film (there’s even an homage
to that scene). The subtitle tells you
it doesn’t take place in Gatlin (where the rest of the series took place in and
around) or even Nebraska, but another rural small town in (I’m guessing) Oklahoma
since that’s where it was filmed and Tulsa was mentioned. The film is fairly bloody (I’m not surprised
since John Gulager, the man behind all three Feast films and Piranha DD,
was at the helm) and there’s a twist that’s not so fresh but actually works
here. Basically, you can take the person
out of the cornfield but not the cornfield out of the person, and the apple
doesn’t fall too far from the tree.
There’s not much you can expect from a Children of the Corn film (especially after nine times) and there’s
not too much you can do with the concept more than a few times, but this entry
wasn’t exactly unnecessary in my opinion.
3/14/2018
Hangman OK
Surely everyone played hangman at some point in their lives
by adulthood, or are at least aware of it?
If not, you think of a word, draw blank spaces next to a gallows symbol,
and other players guess a letter. If the
letter is part of the word---it is placed on the space(s) where it fits in the
mystery word. If the letter isn’t part
of the word---a body part is drawn on the gallows. Basically you have to guess the word before a
stickperson is drawn on the noose, hence hangman. In this film, a killer hangs his victims,
carves a letter on their bodies, and draws the gallows and filled-in letters at
each crime scene. The first half seemed
like it was going to be somewhat engaging despite coming off as written by
someone still in high school. The second
half becomes far too conventional. We
also never meet the killer before the reveal, so that eliminates any modicum of
suspense if you like those guessing games in whodunits. And I’m sorry, but Al Pacino is way past his
acting prime. You’ll likely have more
fun playing the actual game with a bunch of people. 3/13/2018
Mexico Barbaro EH/OK
Horror anthology from Mexico containing eight short films
where most are gory, some are sexual, and none are exactly spectacular. Anthology films are usually hit and miss, but
the few standouts here don’t make the film as a whole worth watching. It begins with an ominous story involving
human heads in an Aztec sacrifice, but the tale ends right when I thought it
was going somewhere. The second contains
the bloodiest and most bizarre instance of cunnilingus I’ve ever witnessed on
film, but the vampiric creature revealed at the end is the only worthwhile aspect
of the segment. The following story also
involves blood and a vagina and is completely pointless with an outlandish
ending. I enjoyed “The Most Precious
Thing” before being introduced to a rapist creature resembling a leprous cousin
of those from The Descent; you get to
see its deformed penis too! The next one
involves a child killer with sinister motives at a housing development. The ending is gross in more ways than one. Biology always disgusted the shit out of me,
plus there’s an incident that’s disturbing without being compelling in the
slightest. Of course a little girl unable
to communicate properly is the only one that knows how evil the guy truly is (no
one ever believes kids in horror movies anyway). There’s one called “Dolls” that’s a decent
backwoods/Texas Chainsaw-like tale
that might’ve benefited from being expanded upon. There’s an unworthy supernatural revenge tale
before finishing with a decent entry called “Day of the Dead” which reminded me
of From Dusk Till Dawn without vampires. Definitely not the best anthology film so,
for now, I think I’ll stick with the better ones north of the border. 3/16/2018
Moka OK/G
A woman’s son was killed in a car accident. The driver and passenger fled. A detective is able to obtain records of
possible cars involved via witness accounts.
The woman tracks down the people fitting the described profiles. She infiltrates both their lives separately. Sounds like a typical revenge movie
right? This French film actually kept me
fairly engaged, making me unsure of how and when she was going to get
retribution. I was afraid it would lead
to an unsatisfying conclusion and, unfortunately, it did. This is a character study above all else. 3/16/2018
Mom and Dad OK
This film straddles somewhere between black comedy and
horror. It involves “savaging” in which
parents suddenly go crazy and want to kill their offspring. People only go after their own kids and it
appears to skip a generation as one person didn’t want to attack his
grandson. There’s no apparent origin for
this frenzy although at least two instances occurred when a static TV screen
was nearby. The premise actually didn’t
wear thin like I thought it would, but the film still felt incomplete and ended
too abruptly. Part of me wants to praise
it for not overstaying its welcome, but the fact I have to contemplate my
overall thoughts at all shows I can’t give it a higher rating. 3/8/2018
Murder on the Orient
Express (2017) OK
Let it be known I’ve never seen a previous adaptation prior
to this, nor read the novel by Agatha Christie.
A murder occurs on the train of the title and obviously the culprit is
on board due to transpiring after the train’s derailment in the mountains. The conclusion is actually rather clever but
not enough to demand a re-watch due to being a fairly generic detective story
beforehand. I’m not going to tell you
whether to watch this or not. It won’t
hurt if you do and you won’t be missing much if you don’t. Put it this way, I would tell you to watch
this over Crooked House (another
recent Christie adaptation) if I absolutely had to make a decision for
you. 3/6/2018
My Friend Dahmer OK/G
I read the graphic novel by Derf Backderf who actually knew
Jeffrey Dahmer, hence My Friend, and
thought it was quite interesting. Entertainment
involving real serial killers can be a very controversial thing. On one hand, you’re promoting them and
basically telling modern serial killers they’ll too be made famous one
day. On the other hand, you can’t deny
they’re part of history and do make for morbidly compelling sociological
studies. I remember the graphic novel
covering a bit more, but this film covered the gist of it during 1978 when
Dahmer (played by Ross Lynch of Austin
and Ally fame) was a senior in high school before picking up his first
victim after graduation. It does make
for a different serial killer biopic by excluding any murders and instead being
a character study of a stoic, insecure, closeted teenager, and Ross did a good
job making me forget he was “Austin” (yes, I’m guilty of having watched that
Disney channel show). Without knowing
this was based on a true story (it does post that in the beginning in case you
somehow didn’t know), this is just an ordinary teen drama, but knowing who the
focused subject turned out to be makes it situationally eerie. 3/14/2018
Tell Me How I Die EH
Imagine a lame Final
Destination movie without any gruesome death sequences. In a nutshell, a bunch of young people,
mostly college students, participate in a paid study ($2,000 each time? Doesn’t
sound bad at all) involving drugs intended to improve memory but, for some,
show a glimpse of the near future, including deaths. Naturally, an irritated test subject from the
past wants revenge on the doctor(s) and vows to kill anyone in the building if
the doctor on site doesn’t off himself. I’m sure you can guess what the doctor
chooses; otherwise we wouldn’t have this pseudo-slasher movie. *Cue sarcasm* Good job screenwriters for
setting it in an isolated building during a massive snowstorm. Good job for having the test subjects hand in
their car keys beforehand. Don’t give
anyone an easy way out or allow any help an easy way in! Good job for having a skeleton crew on hand
since it happens to be a holiday weekend, making less people for any psycho
killer to deal with. Obviously you’ve
watched so many formulaic thrillers before!
*End sarcasm* And where’s the suspense if we see a “premonition” before
it actually happens the exact same way?
I wish I had some of those drugs to warn me of how lame this movie was
before I actually watched it! 3/10/2018
Thoroughbreds OK
A girl and her friend plan on offing her stepfather, but even
as the friend says, he didn’t exactly make the girl feel unsafe and I don’t see
why she hated him that much. Sure, he may have had an attitude with the
stepdaughter and her mother at times, but there was no evident physical or
sexual violence, and that’s just how families function. People fight and parents/stepparents make
rules and forbid their kids/stepkids from doing things. The girl was just crazy. Initially, the girls reminded me of Daria and
Jane (from Daria in case you didn’t
know) with their deadpan, apathetic mannerisms.
All in all, it’s basically an arty film containing elements of Heavenly Creatures, The Quiet and many other thrillers involving two girls (or women)
and murder. I wish I could say I liked this
more than I did, but like the one girl mentions how her life and life in
general is meaningless (a sad but honest philosophy), I can’t help but think
this film itself was pretty meaningless.
3/12/2018
Three Billboards
Outside Ebbing, Missouri G
As one character puts it, “anger just begets more
anger.” In other words, one action leads
to another and possibly another. The
three billboards in question are the starting point for the rippling effects in
the titular town containing people the world at large pretty much expects of small
southern towns in America. Many of the
people, including law enforcement, are still racist and/or homophobic, some
even anti-midget. I did like this film
that contains a few surprises up its sleeve, and some of the performances were
superb even if some characters weren’t particularly likeable. 3/7/2018
Veronica G
Yet another movie “based on a true story” and yet another
horror film involving a Ouija board.
While this Spanish film taking place in 1991 is far from great, it’s
better than most films involving them. I
have a feeling the titular character’s late burgeoning puberty tied in with
something, in addition to an eclipse occurring simultaneously when she and two
other girls tampered with the spirit board.
I don’t think the ending made too much sense, but I thought this was
generally an engaging thrill ride. 3/6/2018
We Don’t Belong Here EH
This is mostly a boring drama involving a rich family in New
England. Even when containing hints of
dark subject matter, as well as suggestions of interesting concepts like time
travel and purgatory, it’s so wearisome thereby nullifying any chances of becoming
better. The time travel instances were
inexplicable but I believe they were just part of at least one of the demented
family’s psyche. Allegedly this was Anton
Yelchin’s final performance and it’s a shame this had to be his swam song,
posthumous or not. Green Room will always be his final performance to me! 3/12/2018
Wonder Wheel EH
If you’ve seen one Woody Allen movie, you’ve pretty much
seen them all. Of course there’s always
going to be a standout or below average entry, and this ‘soap opera’ set in
Coney Island during the 1950’s falls into the latter. I kind of had low-hopes from the beginning
when Justin Timberlake breaks the fourth wall.
His performance overall was almost as bad as his dreadful Super Bowl
appearance. A man’s (Jim Belushi)
daughter (Juno Temple) arrives in Coney Island seeking shelter from her
husband’s mob partners. You think
they’re not going to eventually show up?
The man’s wife (Kate Winslet) is obviously unhappy in her marriage and having
an affair with the lifeguard (Justin Timberlake). The daughter develops a crush on the
lifeguard and vice versa, but obviously no one can know about the lifeguard and
wife. You think there’s not going to be
any complications? You think it’ll end
badly for most? Frankly, I didn’t give a
damn and neither should any of you. 3/15/2018
---Sean O.
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