Friday, June 30, 2023

Cocaine Shark

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In case you haven’t seen the intro from my entry dated 1/26/19 (it’s in my archives whenever you want to read it), I’m no longer going to review every single movie I see.  I’m going to review one, with the occasional bonus, and just give ratings for the rest from now on (unless I decide to pick it up again in the future).  You can always ask me why I gave the ratings for the films without reviews though (via comments or the e-mail addresses under the ‘About Me’ section).
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Cocaine Shark                                                             VB
It was only a matter of time right?  Of course I knew not to take it seriously; hell, I didn’t even take Cocaine Bear seriously and that was released theatrically with a bigger budget (you can read my review for that here---https://vampireclown82.blogspot.com/2023/03/cocaine-bear.html).  Whether I take it seriously or not and however low my expectations may be, it’s still a matter of whether you should spend roughly 70-minutes of your mortal existence with it, free or not (it is on Tubi, meaning free, with ads).  Well, if my rating didn’t make it clear enough, the answer is an emphatic no!  The one involving the bear was a masterpiece compared to this.  I almost want to give it a teeny, tiny bit of credit for utilizing stop-motion effects in these highly digitized times, but the scenes involving them were constructed extremely poorly (the kills being some of the worst I’ve seen; yes, even for this type of movie).  The titular creature is the result of an incident making it become a “crab shark,” and there are two other creatures as a result of this incident we barely get to see (a subplot involving a “man shark” would’ve been an interesting concept, at least theoretically); hell, we barely even get to see the titular shark itself in its scant run-time!  No loss considering how awful the effects look.  The rest of the movie involves drugs (No way! Really?) and bad people that good people try to avoid (or something like that).  Of course a film with a title like this is going to make myself and those like myself curious, but, my dear readers, you need not satiate your curiosity all the time, as hard as it may be, and this is one of those times you best save 70-minutes for something worthwhile.  Did I mention I wasn’t a fan of this movie?  6/30/2023

Bonus reviews:

Skull Island (Season One)                                           EH/OK
(haiku review)
Pros?  Short episodes.
Cons?  Series more lame than not.
Not over either!  6/26/2023

*Netflix; 8 episodes*

The Possessed                                                             B
(haiku review)
A TV movie.
1977.
It’s awful.  Awful!  6/26/2023

Other movies I've seen and their ratings (see above):

Aged  >>>OK

Cryptid  >>>EH/OK

Run Rabbit Run  >>>EH
            (Netflix)

Who Killed Cooper Dunn?  >>>EH

You’re Killing Me  >>>EH

---Sean O.
6/30/2023

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