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In case you haven’t seen the intro from my entry dated
1/26/19 (it’s in my archives whenever you want to read it), I’m no longer going
to review every single movie I see. I’m
going to review one, with the occasional bonus, and just give ratings for the
rest from now on (unless I decide to pick it up again in the future). You can always ask me why I gave the ratings
for the films without reviews though (via comments or the e-mail addresses
under the ‘About Me’ section).
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Slotherhouse EH
For those of you that may be unaware, yes, this is about a
killer sloth. Said sloth was snatched
from Panama and ends up in an American sorority house. Now, obviously my expectations weren’t very
high, and I was actually looking forward to it given there’s never been a
killer sloth movie before (a Google search yielded no other results). Well, apparently my expectations may have
been a little higher than I thought. I
thought this could’ve ended up pretty decent judging from the beginning wherein
our furry slasher slaughters a predatory animal. I didn’t have too much fun with it after
that, and given the inane concept, it could’ve been so much fun. It was a little too inane for me though, to
the point where I was laughing internally at how egregious it was, and not in
the so-bad-its-good way. Somehow this
sloth knows how to use a computer, drive a car, and basically anything else a
human can do. I know, I know, given this
inane concept I’m supposed to just set my brain aside and enjoy the ride,
right? There’s plenty of so-bad-its-good
flicks, or even just so-bad-its-watchable ones, but I just wasn’t digging
this. There are a few bloody moments,
but they definitely held back lots of times, because, oh yeah, this was only
rated PG-13 (I doubt that helped with ticket sales during its limited
theatrical release anyhow). Making this
a hard R and going all the way with the violence might’ve made this dud a bit
more worthwhile. 11/5/2023
Insidious: The Red Door B/EH
This fifth film, both chronologically and release-wise, of
the franchise was a cash grab and nothing more.
It takes place nine years after the second-released film, Insidious:
Chapter 2. In the beginning
(nine years prior to the primary storyline), the father of this family (played
by Patrick Wilson, who also directed this entry) and the one son, Dalton, are
put through a session in order to repress their time in The Further. Dalton (played by Ty Simpkins) is in college
now and an assignment requires him to dig into his subconscious which I don’t
think needs telling that nothing good comes from that. This film adds absolutely nothing new to the
franchise (hence the ‘cash grab’ comment).
It wasn’t fun and the intended frightening parts were akin to cheap jump
scares in that I knew something was coming and, when it did, was more irritating
than spooky, thus ineffective. This is assuredly
the top contender for most unnecessary sequel of the year. I could say I was more or less a fan of the
series before too. According to my
archives, I gave Insidious 3 ½ stars
out of 4 (when I used to give star ratings; that was based on my first viewing
too, because I definitely wouldn’t rate it that high after recently re-watching
it), Insidious: Chapter 2 a G rating, Insidious 3 an OK rating (that was my
least favorite entry before this), and you can read my review for Insidious:
The Last Key in here---https://vampireclown82.blogspot.com/2018/01/mooby-reviews-11318.html.
This franchise has overstayed its welcome.
I honestly would’ve been fine if they ended with Chapter 2. 11/8/2023
Bonus review:
Trauma Bond OK
I would’ve never heard of this short film written and
directed by Jaina Cipriano had Jaina herself not contacted me asking to review
it. Roughly 33-minutes, available on
YouTube (here is the link---https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=n5OvSeZDaw4),
it involves two women planning on hanging out for the night before another
woman shows up whom one of them invited.
This guest is very boisterous, bordering on the eccentric, and things
take a slight turn towards the bizarre after she does something to one of the
women. The film is well-shot and the
characterizations are surely notable, but there is definitely more to this
story than what we were shown. Perhaps
you have feature film ambitions for this project, Jaina? I’d be interested in an expansion. Clearly you’ve demonstrated you can make
movies. [Research tells me Jaina only
directed one other short film, You Don’t
Have to Take Orders from the Moon, also available on YouTube, which I
happened to check out as well; Trauma
Bond was better]. 11/5/2023
Other movies and TV show(s) I’ve seen and their ratings (see above):
American Horror
Stories (Season Three) >>>EH
(Hulu; 4 episodes)
Cobweb (2023) >>>OK
A Haunting in Venice >>>EH
The Mill (2023) >>>EH/OK
(Hulu)
---Sean O.
11/9/2023
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