Saturday, January 13, 2018

Mooby Reviews 1/13/18

Here's my newest batch of film bashings and whatnot...

Adventures in Babysitting (2016)                                OK

I am a fan of the Elizabeth Shue-starring Adventures in Babysitting.  I watched it quite a bit growing up and am still a fan.  As far as Disney Channel movies go, and remakes in general go, this update wasn’t too bad.  Some parts admittedly were a bit clever how they referenced the original’s scenes without outright duplicating them.  Since it’s a family movie on the Disney channel, there is no “Don’t fuck with the babysitter” here.  I will say I don’t feel like I wasted my time, although I still prefer the ‘80’s version, but you’re always going to prefer the one you saw first and/or grew up with.  If younger audiences do see this one first and like it, hopefully they’ll be interested in checking out the original.  Of course you know my response would be to just make them watch the original one to begin with.  1/8/2018

The Bar                                                                       G
Strangers become trapped together in a bar.  That’s the Netflix synopsis given for this thriller from Spain, but don’t let that deter you from watching this film that’s actually better than that simple description.  The entire film doesn’t take place entirely in one specific area and there’s excellent characterizations making this an above average strangers-trapped-inside-with-an-imminent-threat-outside film. There’s a reason for the entrapment but I’ll let you watch so you can vicariously go along with all the confusion and paranoia.  Interesting suggestion on how fleeting news stories are and how fabricated they may be presented to the world at large not witnessing the events.  1/3/2018

Black Mirror:  Season 4                                              G
Like most anthology shows, this British series revolving around advanced technology contains hit and miss episodes.  It’s not my favorite anthology show, but I like it enough.  Season 3 contained some of my favorite episodes and this season didn’t contain a single one I truly disliked.  The six segments were all at least decent with three being above average.  “USS Callister” was the longest and my least favorite but still worthy with a Tales from the Crypt-ish denouement rightfully deserved for the leading character.  It obviously references Star Trek and I, not being a fan, can honestly say you don’t need to be.  “Arkangel” directed by Jodie Foster is compelling and would certainly make teenagers paranoid if such a technology were ever introduced.  Parents would like that they could always monitor what their child sees while young, but curiosity would make them equally paranoid (especially as they age) causing them to see things they’d wish could be unseen.  “Crocodile” was an effective thriller with a character as cold as the frozen landscape.  The device would be very helpful in reality too.  “Hang the DJ” was basically the heterosexual equivalent to season three’s “San Junipero.”  Dates are arranged in an enclosed society via device and time limits are given to how long they last (could be 12 hours or 5 years).  While it may be advanced and easier for some to date, it also reverts back to when marriages and relationships were fixed whether the feelings were mutual or not.  It was very potent and a plausible commentary on the modern dating world.  “Metalhead” was the shortest and my favorite and also the best postapocalyptic tale I’ve seen in quite a while.  The title doesn’t refer to a fan of metal music but robotic dogs that are rather deadly.  I’d be curious to see how it would be stretched to feature length.  Finally, “Black Museum” contains stories within a story that I actually wished contained more.  The tales revolve around gadgets stored in the titular museum that caused damage in the outside world.  One involved a reverse Get Out scenario that would end up being Hell for both parties in any relationship.  I can’t imagine how hellish it would be to remain inside a stuffed toy forever either.  The ending has a stale revelation but also contains a rightfully deserved comeuppance honoring Tales from the Crypt (wow, I said the same thing for 2 episodes).  Season 4 of Black Mirror is worthy and I look forward to season 5 if made.  While technology can be beneficial, these episodes and the series in general prove it can be quite scary if in the wrong hands.  1/4/2018

Dark:  Season One                                                      G
Time travel has always been an interesting concept to me.  As a plot device, it can be intriguing and/or mind-fucking since there’s so many ways (both good and bad) it can be used while always defying logic.  This Netflix series from Germany alternates between 1953, 1986 and 2019 (33 years between each as you can see and as you’ll be informed) with a cave in a small town acting as the “DeLorean.”  By the way, it’s poorly dubbed so (if you’re like me) I suggest you adjust the audio and subtitles before each episode (yes, you have to do it each time unfortunately) to make it less distracting.  I watch lots of foreign films so subtitles never bothered me none.  Poor dubbing, when noticeable, does make something less worthy to me (I wasn’t crazy about High Tension the first time for this very reason).  Anyway, an explanation is eventually given for the time travel and why the cave is the gateway between times.  At least as best an explanation as can be.  It still might very much go over your head.  There is a lot to take in but it doesn’t make the entire series any less compelling.  I liked what I took from it.  I’m actually glad there’re plans for a season two because I feel there’s more room for this to expand and more to the story we haven’t been told yet.  Recommended.  1/13/2018

Dead of Night                                                              OK/G

Anthology film from 1945 that’s very dated (1945?  What do you expect?) but would’ve been very original at the time.  I want to lean more towards G since it appears to be a pioneer for anthology films but I’m still stuck in the middle since I saw it for the first time with 2018 eyes.  Not very fair, I know, because it’s not the film’s fault I haven’t seen it until now and I wasn’t born until 37 years after its release.  Two stories involving a bus accident and a game of hide-and-seek are outdated, one involving a mirror is kind of lame, and a ghost story involving golfers is more comical than spooky even for its time.  The standout tale involves a ventriloquist dummy (you know how I love my evil dolls) with a twist I haven’t seen matched to this day.  The film’s ending was very surreal (albeit overdone by now) and likely freaked out viewers at the time.  If you like anthology films, you should check it out.  Like all forms of entertainment (be it movies, music, writing, what have you), you may not prefer its forebears after being familiarized with current examples, but you should at least honor them.  1/3/2018

Despicable Me 3                                                         OK
I think the Minions had their 15 minutes.  Other than their standalone movie, the focus hasn’t primarily been on them for all three Despicable films anyway.  They don’t get as much screen time here either as the story revolves around Gru and his twin brother, Dru, introduced here for the first time.  I did like Bratt, a mullet-coiffed villain mentally stuck in the ‘80’s since that’s when he was a prominent child star.  A spinoff with him might be cool (doubtful).  Some parts are funny but I think this franchise and the yellow beings themselves (that I was once fond of) are becoming quite stale.  1/4/2018

Friend Request                                                            EH/OK
I mean, wouldn’t the popular girl think something was up when the “odd” girl (let it be known that I hate referring to her that way, that’s just the way she was portrayed) has zero friends (no family members or like-minded individuals from groups?), posts creepy animated videos, and requests to be friends with just her on facebook?  Lo and behold, the loner chick offs herself after being set up by popular chick and nothing turns out well for her and her friends.  There’s an interesting mythology added to this type of revenge tale, but it’s generally just a formulaic body count movie for the digital age.  Oh, and wasps (and any flying insect that stings for that matter) are very frightening in real life but not so much as swarming CGI.  1/10/2018

Insidious:  The Last Key                                              OK/G
This is the fourth one in the franchise.  Release-wise.  Chronologically, this is the second one.  The first one is the third one, the second one is the fourth one, and the third one is the first one, chronologically.  It’s not as confusing as it sounds if you’ve kept up with the series.  I’m a fan of InsidiousInsidious 2 was a very worthy sequel.  Insidious 3 was decent.  The Last Key wasn’t bad for what it’s worth.  The values seem to diminish upon each release, but all are watchable though.  I’m still a sucker for dark houses and dark scenes in general even though I despise jump scares that are more irritating than frightening.  Luckily one didn’t happen every time I thought one was coming, but there were still quite a few this time.  Ultimately, this one felt unfinished.  I know it’s part of a franchise and this was only part of the overall story, but each film should stand on its own.  I’m not deterring fans from seeing it, I’m just saying I felt unsatisfied and therefore can’t give it a strictly G rating.  1/10/2018

The LEGO NINJAGO Movie                                      OK
The LEGO Movie was great.  The LEGO Batman Movie was good.  The LEGO NINJAGO Movie was okay, barely.  I think I’m being a bit nice by giving it that rating.  I will though because many of the scenes were meticulous and looked like much effort was involved (like all the LEGO movies thus far).  Put it this way, if it was the same exact movie in live-action, I would’ve liked it a lot less.  The story and themes are way overdone (follow your path, your true power lies within, father and son make up after years of estrangement for reasons far from fresh, blah, blah, blah) and many of the characters were too silly and unfunny for me.  That says a lot for a LEGO movie aimed specifically at a young demographic.  Since the LEGO movies seem to get worse each time, I don’t have much hope for the next release.  1/3/2018

November Criminals                                                   EH
Very bland thriller involving a teen investigating the shooting death of his friend after feeling the authorities aren’t doing their job.  Gee, I’ve never seen or heard of that before.  It basically illustrates that you never truly know who people are, however well you think you may know them.  Gee, I’ve never seen or heard of that before either.  This comes off as an episode for a second-rate crime show where this would’ve been one of the worst episodes.  This is a very flat movie with a very lackluster payoff.  This is the type of movie you’d likely see at the dollar store and buy out of curiosity not expecting much and eventually either selling to Tunes (or any used media outlet) or letting it collect dust at the back of your movie collection.  You get the idea…1/9/2018

Psychopaths                                                                OK/G
This simple movie involving an executed murderer purportedly manifesting within several psychopaths over the course of the same night is quite nasty and I expected nothing less.  It’s also too short and underdeveloped, which is a shame because it’s so well-made.  1/11/2018

Serpent                                                                        OK/G
I was reminded of Backcountry while watching this.  Replace Canada with South Africa and replace a black bear with a black mamba though.  And unlike Backcountry, more than half this film takes place inside a tent where the couple is trapped with a black mamba.  If they stay calm, the snake stays calm as we’re informed.  It’s actually not as boring as it may sound being confined to one location with minimal action.  I won’t reveal whether the snake attacks someone or not, but I highly doubt any snake attack (however deadly) could ever rival or surpass the brutality of the bear attack in Backcountry.  If there’s a snake out there saying ‘hold my beer,’ I would love to stand corrected.  It’s a different kind of natural horror film and the outcome is slightly grim but, even as a simplistic story at roughly 82 minutes, it still felt mildly insufficient.  1/13/2018

Sharknado 5:  Global Swarming                                EH
Well, well, well.  Five Sharknado movies have been made.  I will admit that the first three were fun for what they were.  There’s not much you can expect from movies about sharks flying and killing in tornadoes.  The fourth one added other kinds of ‘nados since sharknados weren’t too original anymore…I guess.  The cheeky fun began to wear thin with the fourth one as well and this one was my least favorite so far.  Funny, I actually have favorites for a franchise like this.  I just wasn’t feeling it this time.  The only novel thing added was a massive shark comprised of sharks (Sharkzilla I think it was called), but even that was short-lasting and kind of corny looking.  I don’t mean to spoil anything, but a sixth one is already planned since a new storyline has been hinted at before ‘To Be Continued’ sprawled across the screen at the end.  Yes, I will keep watching until they decide to stop making them.  Perhaps people like me that keep watching are the reason they keep getting made?  1/8/2018

Sightings                                                                      OK/G
This low-budget, under-the-radar film was actually better than I thought it would be.  The title has a double meaning.  The plot involves Bigfoot but an interesting theory is presented connecting the cryptid being with aliens that I’ve never heard or seen before.  Points for that.  I just wish it was fleshed out more.  I have other reservations with the film too.  The creature appeared to be practical but we only get to see its lower half.  If the characters get to see its entirety, why can’t we?  I was reminded of the great Tales from the Cryptkeeper episode, ‘Grounds for Horror,’ in that regard.  Unless the budget was so low and they didn’t want the film ruined by something resembling Harry (and the Hendersons), I guess part of me wants to see how a practical Sasquatch looks each time.  I guess I wanted more creature violence too.  Oh, and ‘Rufio’ has a part (all you Hook fans) and doesn’t look any different other than being slightly heavier.  Not bad like I said, just missing something.  1/8/2018

Slumber                                                                       EH
Sleep paralysis and the demon associated with it seem to be popping up a lot lately in entertainment.  An interesting scenario is presented at first but this film eventually becomes completely uninspired.  Henry Fuseli’s painting The Nightmare, which depicts the sleep phenomenon and is featured here, is infinitely more frightening than the entire movie.  1/13/2018

The Villainess                                                              OK
The beginning and end of this Korean action flick are superb.  The in-between, not so much.  The first-person POV in the beginning is a bloody fun extravaganza that might be the best and most engaging sequence I’ve seen in quite some time.  It’s a shame the film drags after that until the not-as-good-but-equally-entertaining finale.  I would tell you to watch specifically for the beginning but I can’t quite recommend the entire film because you’ll be wasting almost 2 hours until the end.  1/8/2018

---Sean O.

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