Plus, there's quite a bit of reviews this time...
Alice Through the
Looking Glass OK
Of course it’s not as good as the first one. That’s probably because Tim Burton didn’t
direct it; he was one of five
producers. Admittedly, it took me two
viewings to warm up to Burton’s Alice in
Wonderland. I never read the book
this is based on nor saw any adaptations (are there any others?) until
now. Of the many versions of Alice in Wonderland I’ve seen (it was
one of my favorite stories as a kid), the Disney one tops them all
(unsurprisingly). This sequel was
equally impressive and lame. I doubt it
will become a classic. 10/25/2016
Baskin OK
This film had me intrigued until it got very bizarre. There’s more than one way to interpret this
Turkish movie and I kinda like how mine might be. I might have to read other interpretations to
compare and possibly watch again with a different mindset. This is the first Turkish horror movie I’ve
seen. Turks are some fucked up
people! If this movie was my only
knowledge of them that is. The horror
community does welcome that shit with open arms though. Bring on another! 10/16/2016
Clown Town EH
If you know me or actually read any of my past reviews you
know I have a fascination with evil clowns.
Even after all these idiots in the news are frightening and sometimes
killing people. I’ve been obsessed with
clowns way before that shit. Any time a
new evil clown movie comes out, I gotta see it, even if I have to order it
cheap online if unavailable on Netflix/Redbox/OnDemand. Clown
Town was a big disappointment. The
subgenre is already limited so I hate when I dislike a movie. The “clowns” here look more like mimes with one
of them resembling an old hag with makeup (who also hisses). Some of the violence is decent but take away
the “clowns” and this is just another horror flick where a group of people take
a wrong turn (Wrong Turn, ha!) and
get attacked by the local crazies. Sadly,
the best part of this movie was when I saw clown memorabilia during the opening
credits. 10/16/2016
Ghostbusters OK
I know I didn’t want to see it, but I had to. All the hype?
I couldn’t resist. Plus, as much
as I badmouth and loathe the idea of remakes and unnecessary sequels, I still
HAVE to watch them. It won’t get out of
my mind until I do, whether I wait for the DVD/Blu-Ray release (like I did here
through Netflix) or pay extra to see it on the big screen. I guess you can say I have a bit of OCD in
that regard. Even though sequels and
remakes sometimes ruin the originals (first in the series included), I feel
like I leave something unfinished if I don’t watch them even if I hate them
beforehand. Anyway, I doubt people
(women especially) would’ve liked this as much if it was the same movie with
modern male actors. To me, this remake
was all about feminist propaganda. I
guess I’m misogynistic for saying that since I have a penis? I’m all for equality in every regard but there’s
many ways you can depict female empowerment in original movies. That being
said, I didn’t hate this movie. Some
parts were funny. Some parts were trying
to be funny but weren’t. Some of it was
shockingly inappropriate to be family-friendly. (Hence the PG-13 rating. The original was PG). I didn’t like how Slimer had a
girlfriend. What, he couldn’t have a
boyfriend? Am I allowed to blame this
modern “revolutionary” picture for being homophobic? Nevermind.
Actually, I like how none of the women “experimented” with each other (I
hate fake lesbians or women that hook up with women and say they don’t like
labels, they just “love” whomever.
Please!) I didn’t like Slimer’s
new look period! Everything looks too
modern. I know they say the first one
you see will always be the one you like better and they are certainly right about this movie. The ghost balloons were very cool
indeed. Nice touch that wasn’t in the
original. Still, I missed my Slimer, the demon dogs and my Stay Puft Marshmallow Man. 10/14/2016
Ghost Team OK/G
This starts off as a silly comedy. The middle segues into dark haunted house
territory. There’s a twist during the
final third that’s somewhat creative and possibly spits in the face of reality
ghost hunting shows. Some of the
characters are annoying. Most of the
actors are recognizable (“Napoleon Dynamite” being one). Wasn’t great but I can’t deny there’s quite a
bit of fun to be had overall. 10/16/2016
The Girl on the Train OK
I didn’t read the book but once I heard the movie was
“Hitchcock-ian,” I was in. I’m probably
going to hint spoilers so if you haven’t seen this and want to, I suggest you
wait to read this review. This is
basically feminist cinema (wow, reviewing two “feminist” movies in the same
blog!). Written by a woman (uh-huh) it
ultimately suggests that men are usually the reason behind crazy women. The sense of mystery is initially involving
and introducing us to different characters grabs your attention, but the payoff
is kinda lame and unsurprising in the least.
If the genders were reversed, the movie would, no doubt, be criticized for
misogyny. If it was a woman that played
three different men and two of them eventually kill the woman because of it,
many people (feminists especially) would complain that everyone involved was
implying that women are crazy and cause men to do crazy things. Why my anti-feminist attitude you ask? To me, feminism is essentially women (and men
too, I think some male feminists are worse) preaching the same shit they’re
trying to preach against and getting away with it. No, I will never know what it’s like to be a
woman and I’m open-minded enough to listen to people’s experiences, but I can
attest that not many people know what it’s like to be a gay male. At least with women and ethnic minorities,
people know what you are upon meeting and the fact that those people are
talking to you means they have no problem with what you are. Me, I have to always wonder if people will
still like me after learning my sexuality.
Since we live in a heteronormative world, everyone sees a cisgendered
white male and probably assumes I’m straight since I have none of the
stereotypical gay traits. I heard from
somewhere that you should never compare suffering because you always think your
pain is greater than another group. I
never felt like I fit in anywhere because I have a penis but don’t prefer women
sexually. I have male anatomy so I’m
expected to do all the hard work a man is supposed to do, I never got any
respect from either gender and I
don’t get freebies (like how women get in bars for free or pay half price on
certain nights whether they’re gay or not---you have a vagina, you get the
freebie) for how I was born. Getting your period every month for roughly
30 years and then menopause when you’re older does sound like it sucks, so that
I’ll never be able to compare to. For
me, that’s all that ever seemed to suck about being a woman. Like I said, don’t ever think you have it
harder than someone else. No one has it
easy. In my experience, women have
always been treated better and had less requirements (chores and money-making
are examples). For all you women that
get by with no help and continuously fight uphill battles, I congratulate and
fully back you. Until I see instances
where gay men are treated better than straight people just for the fact or
bars/clubs have “Gays Nights” (gay men get in for free or pay half price) then
I’ll shut up about feminism and “women’s rights.” Again, I’m probably a misogynist for thinking
these things because I was born with a penis.
I don’t pick sides. If you’re a
good person and have my back, you’re cool with me whether you have a penis or
vagina, cis- or trans-gendered. Okay,
enough with my sexist double standards (I just had to get that off my chest,
sorry to bore whoever actually reads these posts. I could say more but that rant is for another
time and discussion) and back to the movie itself. Like I said, it had a good beginning but
leads to an unsatisfying conclusion.
That’s my objective, humanistic opinion.
I just don’t think this movie is meant for cis-gendered males. I like Mr. Aniston too, even if he was the
bad guy. 10/15/2016
The Hatching OK
If you don’t read the synopsis (I didn’t. I only saw it was a new horror/thriller with
a gator/croc going after someone on the cover.
That’s why I was simultaneously surprised/disappointed), you might be
surprised at the twist halfway in this natural horror/serial killer hybrid set
in the English countryside. Starts as a
killer alligator flick with a semi-decent practical model. I could’ve dealt with it compared to many
subpar CGI gators dominating SyFy movies for the past 15 years. Turns out the gator is just a red herring for
a serial killing familial duo. I’m all
for hybridization especially amongst the many different horror subgenres, but
once you realize the gators are just acting instinctively and not causing the
deaths, the movie drastically changes tones and doesn’t know what it wants to
be. I like the effort but don’t tease me
with a decent natural horror movie and switch gears. I guess I’m going to have to read the summary
beforehand for every movie I watch. 10/21/2016
Hurricane Bianca OK/G
A gay guy (Latino as well) leaves the big city (New York) to
teach at a conservative Texas high school.
He gets kicked out because the school obviously has a problem with his
sexuality. Enter Bianca, the alter ego
of fired gay dude, to “get even” with the traditional close-minded school’s
inhabitants. Not a trans movie per se
since he goes Mrs. Doubtfire mode and
doesn’t intend to be a woman forever, but I guess it could be viewed as both a
gay and trans film (the two are NOT interchangeable and don’t attempt to argue
with me about it). Predictably, the
majority of the school eventually warms up to the “female” teacher and the gay
dude upon learning of the transvestism, and the most ignorant ignoramuses get
put in their places. (Seriously, the entire school doesn’t realize the only
Hispanic to possibly ever attend is the same person within a short period of
time?). Yes it’s predictable and
annoying at times, but gosh damn it if it isn’t quite a bit of fun! 10/21/2016
The Invited B
No wonder this 2011 film bypassed my radar. It must’ve popped up as a recommendation on
Netflix and I added it due to sounding good. Sometimes I forget movies I add to my
queue. It’s a shame this wasn’t
completely forgotten nor near the top of my list. Beginning with a lackluster prologue
featuring a member of Papa Roach (remember that has-been group from the early
2000s? I didn’t like them then, so they’re
a never-been to me) it only gets worse there on out. One scene was laughably horrendous and probably
unintentional. A Ouija board is involved
(in the plot) but looks more like a sundial (it was made in 1920 apparently so
I probably can’t fault it there). Maybe
that’s why I added it, because I find the demonic boards fascinating but not
too many movies have given them justice.
Satan is involved too and it deeply upsets me when the dark lord is
depicted in drivel. To be clear, I don’t
believe in Satan but I am obsessed with him (or her possibly) as a mythological
icon and look forward to movies involving him or Hell. If Lucifer was real, he would surely put a
curse on everyone involved with this piece of shit. Two very big thumbs down! Needless to say, I hated this movie. 10/22/2016
The Rocky Horror
Picture Show EH/OK
Yes, I’m a fan of Rocky
Horror. The original. No, I never attended any midnight screenings
dressed up as characters. I like the
movie because it’s fun with catchy songs.
Fans are probably going to watch the TV movie remake anyway, so I guess
I’ll say watch it and get it out of your system because you’re most likely going
to forget about it and watch the original here on out. Yes, some of the songs are catchy this time
and an actual transsexual plays Frank-N-Furter in these progressive times. It seems to me that the actors and actresses
lip-synced all the songs and no effort was made to make it look authentic. All in all, it was almost a shot-for-shot (and
song-for-song) rehash like the gosh-awful Psycho
and Cabin Fever remakes. Newbies will undoubtedly and unfortunately
like this one and care less about the original.
Well, they say wah-ter and I say wood-er. 10/22/2016
The Tale of Princess
Kaguya EH
Japanese animation from the same studio that gave us Spirited Away, Kiki’s Delivery Service and Ponyo. It’s a good story about a princess born from
bamboo sent from the moon but didn’t need to be almost 2 ½ hours! A vignette would’ve been sufficient. It’s too drawn out (no pun intended) plus
lacks the charm and creativity of Spirited
Away. 10/25/2016
Volumes of Blood OK/G
Horror anthology? You
know I had to, however possible. If not,
you don’t know me or read anything else I write. This indie film contains several stories set
in the same library, including the wraparound segment. Fairly predictable but enjoyable. The ghost tale is lame and my personal fave
involved an ex-boyfriend returning from Hell.
My rating leans more towards G because its heart is in the right place,
but doesn’t quite reach since it’s not the best quality. Very good example for budding filmmakers to
see how time and money could possibly be saved by utilizing one location
creatively. 10/25/2016
The Wailing OK/G
Horror tale from Korea.
It’s setup as a ghost story but incorporates demons, possession, zombies
and police procedural into the plot. I
enjoyed this 2 ½ hour movie to a point.
There’s only a few boring parts and it’s well-shot with many interesting
ideas. The ending left me dumbfounded
though. There’s more than one way to
interpret it with no easy answers. I’m
all for ambiguous endings (David Lynch fan here) but if I can’t take away any
meaning at all, I get frustrated. That’s
what this movie did. I don’t want to
hear other people’s opinions either. I
want to take my own meaning away from it yet be relatively close to the
intended meaning. 10/15/2016
---Sean O.
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