Animal G
A group of people take a hike in the woods. It gets dark.
A creature attacks one of them.
They happen to run into a cabin.
They take shelter. One by one the
creature makes snacks of them. Sound
familiar? However, the creatures are
practical: +. The creature doesn’t look too bad: +.
(It’s almost an amalgamation of Pumpkinhead and the Feast monsters. Come to
think of it, that’s pretty much the set-up here: The setting evoked Pumpkinhead while the action closely resembles Feast) There’s plenty of
gore, not stomach churning: +. Yes, it’s slightly banal (my rating is a VERY
marginal G, it almost took some effort to get rid of the OK attached) but I had
fun with it and I don’t think horror fans or anyone knowing what they’re
getting into will expect anything less. 10/29/2016
Cherry Tree (The
Devil’s Sorceress) OK
Titled Cherry Tree
on Netflix (and originally) but called The
Devil’s Sorceress through Redbox. The Devil’s Sorceress makes it sound too
much like a run-of-the-mill direct-to-video pseudo-satanic yarn. I like Cherry
Tree better because it contradicts the dark subject matter and bears
significance to the story. Taking place
in Ireland I assume (somewhere over there), this film about witches
incorporates elements of a teen movie, Rosemary’s
Baby and Hellraiser. It’s surprisingly well done with worthy
special effects yet still feels empty.
The best witch movie is Suspiria
which was made in 1977! Why can’t there
be any new witch movies worth raving about and watching more than once? Sure, I enjoyed films like The Craft and Wicked Lake but they’re merely diverting and far from
masterpieces. I liked The Witches mostly when I was younger
but that’s not a horror movie. The Wizard of Oz has witches in it but it’s not strictly a witch
movie! I don’t count The Blair Witch Project since it’s only
based on legend and we don’t actually see a witch. Perhaps I can do better? One day I have to write a story involving
witches that I would like to see if made into a movie. Or, the recent Wytches (Image) comic should be adapted. I did enjoy that. 10/30/2016
Dementia OK/G
Starts off as one movie but quickly deviates into another
not far in. Luckily the revelations are
revealed shortly after the viewer figures them out; otherwise you would prematurely
anticipate the ending when the characters realize what you figured out much
sooner. It’s still somewhat trite but
does end on a downer, therefore it gets a G tacked onto the original OK
rating. 10/29/2016
Holidays G
Oh, anthology horror films, how I love thee. Each one taking place on a holiday. Awesome idea.
The results aren’t necessarily grade A but I reveled more than
suffered. It’s never swell having more
duds than gems in an anthology. I like
the brevity of each segment in that they don’t overstay their welcome and aren’t
blips hard to invest in like the ABCs of
Death series. Naturally some are
better than others with most being simply average. “Valentine’s Day” is predictable but no less
disturbing. “St. Patrick’s Day” is
basically a twisted Irish Rosemary’s Baby
that’s truly bizarre! “Easter” has a pretty
gnarly creature. “Mother’s Day” is the
weakest entry that I feel was a bit anticlimactic. “Father’s Day” is probably the best one,
being eerie and open-ended. “Halloween”
was interesting with brutal implications courtesy of Kevin Smith. “Christmas” was a corny albeit fun Tales from the Darkside-ish
segment. Finally, “New Year’s Eve” is a
standard
hunter-becomes-the-hunted/there’s-always-someone-out-there-crazier-than-you Hard Candy-ish yarn that’s still worth
watching for the bloodshed alone. Not a
bad selection. I can see this becoming a
franchise with different takes on each holiday, some omitted ones added in
future installments (Turkey Day, Arbor Day, April Fools Day, etc.). Pick and choose which holiday you wanna
celebrate here, you’re bound to enjoy at least one. 11/2/2016
Mom’s Got a Date with
a Vampire OK
I decided to watch this Disney channel movie (from 2000?!!)
because it was free on demand. There’s
also something mildly diverting about cheesy kiddie horror-comedies. (After
all, I could’ve chose to watch something else for free) These movies are the
best way to introduce feeble young minds to the horror genre. Corny, yes, but any age can enjoy especially
if you’re looking for something to do. I
was reminded of Fred 2: Night of the Living Fred starring that
crazy YouTube star, Lucas Cruikshank; I thought that movie was better if you
want my suggestion. 11/1/2016
MSF: Male Seeking Female EH
Briefly reading the synopsis I expected another “dollar
store” rehash of Fatal Attraction and
pretty much got it. While not the worst
of its ilk, it pretty much delivers exactly what I expected. Nothing else.
F.Y.I. My expectations were
low. I can’t complain too much since it
was free but I could demand the filmmakers add 90 more minutes to my life. 10/29/2016
Nas: Time is Illmatic OK
Nas is probably one of the best hardcore rappers still
making music today. He is intelligent
while delivering a brutally honest message about street life enveloped in a
humanistic manner. Running a scant 74
minutes, everything from how his parents met, to his family moving to New York
from the South, to beginning his career are included. Not a bad success story for a high school
dropout. It’s a shame this biopic
doesn’t differentiate from other rags-to-riches tales. If Nas’ movie ruled them all, imagine
that! 10/29/2016
Nerve G
Pretty simplistic story geared towards the modern generation
glued to their various social media outlets in this digital age. The ending may be a little dull, but there’s
a modicum of suspense sprinkled throughout and I thoroughly enjoyed it. 10/29/2016
Ouija: Origin of Evil G
I had absolutely no intention to see this sequel (prequel
actually) to the below average (but not as bad as everyone said it was) Ouija.
None! At least not right away…in
the theater. Curiosity got the better of
me when I read positive reviews from horror writers and fans that despised the
first one (or second technically). Turns
out they were right. Not excellent and
not even best picture of the year, but I actually did enjoy this film more than
Ouija. Admittedly creepy at times, both visually and
implicatively. Writing professors say
the most effective storytelling technique is to “show not tell” but there’s instances
here where telling freaked me out enough to spare the showing. (Another good example is in Jaws where Quint explains what happened
in the USS Indianapolis incident---probably the creepiest part of the
film) Make sure you stay until the end
of the credits or fast forward if you wait to see it on the small screen. 11/1/2016
The Purge: Election Year G
Third time is supposed to be a charm right? Blah, blah, blah. I enjoyed the first Purge film but felt something was missing. The second film added that missing
element. Here, the third time, it kept
that missing element and stayed put. You
would think after two films, they would’ve went all out this time. Usually sequels are meant to outdo the preceding
entries or fail at attempting. While I
did enjoy this threequel and blood was surely shed, it loses steam midway and
skimps out on the gore throughout. I
wanted more of the red stuff! Perfect
timing for the current Election Year. There’s endless ways to make one of these
movies. Make it leaner and bloodier next
time! 10/30/2016
Twitches EH
Yes, I used to watch Sister,
Sister way back in the early 90’s when it premiered. I was a prepubescent and loved it. The twins, Tia and Tamara Mowry, from that
show play witches (twin witches, get it?) separated at birth and reuniting on
their 21st birthdays, which also happens to be Halloween. It was part of the Disney channel Halloween
specials on demand and was free so I said why the hell not? I’m open-minded, love Disney and kid-friendly
entertainment. This is standard,
harmless, childish fare squarely for tweens and probably some teens. It felt a lot longer than 87 minutes
though. 11/3/2016
Twitches Too VB
Well, it was free and I had to watch it if I just watched
the first one. I thought the first one
was lame? This was 1,000 times
worse! In a review above I complained
about the lack of witches in cinema.
Shit like this will continue to neglect them. This wasn’t even really a witch movie. It was just girls with magic powers like the
first one. This was more like a princess
movie. There’s nothing wrong with that
(I’m open-minded) but I would hope a movie about anything would be better than
this. I hope they don’t make Twitches Three because my OCD would make
me have to watch it. If so, please don’t tell me about it. 11/4/2016
Within OK
This had a decent set-up.
I sometimes feel like someone is watching from behind and will disappear
when I turn around. It begins as a
semi-creepy haunted house film but the midway revelation is a bit of a
letdown. I actually liked the characters
though and it doesn’t end on a positive note---points! Just decent.
11/3/2016
---Sean O.
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