Wednesday, November 23, 2016

Mooby Reviews 11/23/16

Current movie reviews:

Arrival                                                                         G
We actually do get to see the aliens right away (within the first half hour) and they are awesome!  They’re tentacled Lovecraftian beings that look like they could do some major fucking damage if need be.  Therein lies the problem I had and what others might have as well.  Don’t expect any action like Independence Day, Fire in the Sky or (ahem) Mars Attacks!  This is strictly a thinking person’s film that’s more poetic than anarchic.  There’s nothing entirely wrong with that if the movie works.  I was intrigued mostly.  It’s basically a dramatic sci-fi picture that’s equal parts ominous and saptastic (but in the right way).  11/16/2016

Fort Tilden                                                                  EH/OK

Well, if Beavis and Butthead were live-action women in their 20’s, these girls would come close.  Only difference is we’re laughing with Beavis and Butthead, these women we’re laughing at.  I don’t know if they were aware of their idiocy or just acted naturally sans qualms.  Seriously, how dense can you be to purchase a trash can barrel from a bum for $200 when it wasn’t even his? Or ask for iced coffee at a convenience store, watch them simply put ice cubes into cups of hot coffee, accept it, pay for it and then immediately trash it when exiting the store?  Or notice a kid eyeballing your bike outside a store, watch him loosen the chain, get on and ride away while continuing to stand in line at the register?  At least the girl behind them was able to notice how dumb these girls were.  Aside from all that, some part of me enjoyed the trip they took, wondered what hardship was to befall them next, and wanted to see where it was all headed.  I also liked how uninhibited they were, like me.  I just wish they weren’t such stupid bitches.  11/23/2016

The Good Neighbor                                                    G
The Good Neighbor was actually good.  I was thoroughly engaged.  Sure, there’s elements of other movies like Rear Window, Disturbia, Alone with Her and others involving hidden cameras, but it had my attention and leaves no unanswered questions.  Next time you experience ghostly activity just remember that “Big Brother” might be watching and controlling.  It’s all fun and games until someone takes things the wrong way and someone dies.  The look on one of the actor’s faces at the very end shows that some people believe any media exposure is still exposure.  On a side note, I cracked up when hearing the plural of penis in a way I never heard before.  11/19/2016

Greetings                                                                     VB
Maybe I should stop adding (Netflix) recommendations or stop adding movies no one heard but sound good.  I guess it’s the feeling of having discovered an unknown movie and introducing it to the world (or at least people I know).  Columbus did NOT discover America, he invaded it.  There were people already living here so he didn’t “discover” it.  I do like “discovering” unknown movies that are actually good.  Lately I haven’t had any luck.  Since Ouija boards are currently all the rage, this 2007 movie came up on a list.  The “Ouija board” in question is just a small round table with nothing written on it and a glass cup used as the planchette.  As for the story, I’m guessing it’s about a “ghost” that locks several people in a house.  Various messages are split up and appear in several places like a mirror, book and even someone’s hand.  Menstrual blood is involved too somehow.  Don’t ask.  I lost interest way before that.  This movie was only 71 minutes but it felt like 271 minutes.  Instead of greeting this movie, bid adieu.  Let it stay in obscurity and allow no one else to “discover” it.  11/17/2016

Independence Day:  Resurgence                                 VB/B
Lately it seems sequels are made decades later instead of a year or two apart.  In this case, time doesn’t seem to heal bad sequels.  I was only half a fan of Independence Day.  I remember seeing it theatrically upon its release back in 1996 (I saw it in the cheap theater where movies were shown right before being released on video).  I enjoyed parts of it, hated parts of it and ultimately thought it was too long.  Thankfully, this movie wasn’t as long but it was still long enough.  I knew it wasn’t a good sign when I wanted this to be over right away.  Ironically, I prefer the inaction of Arrival (see above) over the action (entirely ineffective) of this.  I hated this movie.  The only thing I sorta liked was the Queen alien but that was too little too late.  If a third movie is made, whether 20 years from now or not, I hope it’s a lot better than this poop.  11/17/2016

Mojave                                                                                    EH
I got nothing out of this cat-and-mouse thriller.  I kept thinking it was going to get better but it ended before that could happen.  When it was over I felt like it was only part of the story.  Mark Wahlberg has an embarrassingly awful supporting role.  I feel like I’m being too kind by giving it an EH rating.  11/19/2016

Most Likely To Die                                                      OK/G
People like me (and horror fans) don’t watch slasher films expecting a masterpiece, or a well-written script for that matter.  We know beforehand they’re meant to be brainless bloody fun.  Sure, there’s many worse than others and some really good ones (Halloween, Black Christmas, Sleepaway Camp, etc.), but we generally know we’re about to see a group of people getting offed at a specific location.  It all comes down to the execution, characterization, gore, weaponry utilized, and the way the deaths occur.  I personally have an odd fascination with sharp weapons (knives, axes, machetes, etc.) and love to see them used in horror films.  It’s safe to say this film doesn’t entirely disappoint.  The killer has a creative way of eliminating his victims.  Everyone’s senior picture with their superlative (hence the title) written beneath hangs on the wall where the mini-ten year reunion is taking place.  Each one is killed relatively close to their superlative.  The kills are worthy enough.  I particularly like the “graduation cap knife.”  It meanders quite a bit and leaves open the possibility for a sequel like so many other body count films, but I think true (and not too picky) fans are most likely to enjoy11/17/2016

Satanic                                                                                    OK
I liked this at first.  It seemed like a fun movie about a group of friends visiting historical atrocity sites, only to befall something horrific eventually.  With a title like that, you know things aren’t going to end well for at least some of the characters.  Just a matter of how and when.  It loses steam in the middle but picks back up at the end.  The ending is slightly ambiguous and frustrating but the final scene is quite chilling.  I wanted more though.  11/21/2016

Shut In                                                                         OK
As of now, and before seeing it, this has a 0% rating on Rotten Tomatoes.  That’s why I was hoping I’d like it.  I figured out the twist right away.  I’ve seen too many movies to not figure out several outcomes for modern movies.  The reasoning behind the twist does make for a compelling psychological drama albeit a slightly twisted one.  Creepy houses especially surrounded by woods always get to me too.  Ironically, that’s my idea of a dream home; I like woods (I’m equally fascinated and frightened by them).  Anyway, while I don’t share the overall disdain as my fellow critics, I’m not entirely recommending it.  You don’t need to see it on the big screen, even during bargain times.  Wait to rent it from Redbox for $1.50 or free with a complimentary code, or get it through Netflix (most plans probably equal a little over $1 a movie if you return them regularly).  11/15/2016

---Sean O.

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