Mooby Reviews 12/26/16

Current film reviews:

The Bride                                                                    EH

This is basically a tamer I Spit On Your Grave ripoff involving an Apache princess reviving and possessing a slaughtered bride to take revenge on some backwoods rednecks.  The kills are kinda lame and the movie itself is a whole lotta lame.  Yawn.  12/26/2016

A Christmas Carol                                                      OK

‘Tis the season.  Here’s a black-and-white version from 1938 I never saw before.  I added it to my queue upon browsing under the holiday section.  Yes, I do like Christmas movies and not just the horror ones.  As much as I enjoy Black Christmas, Silent Night Deadly Night and Jack Frost, I also enjoy Home Alone, Elf and A Christmas Story (ironically Bob Clark directed this and the original Black Christmas).  I’m not prejudiced against old movies.  Good movies are good movies no matter how old.  How many damn versions of Charles Dickens’ holiday tale does there need to be?  If you never saw this one before, there’s nothing you haven’t seen in the innumerous subsequent versions.  My personal favorite adaptations include A Muppet Christmas Carol, Scrooged and the Mickey Mouse version I grew up with.  It’s only 69 minutes as well, so if you decide to give this one a try, it won’t take up too much time.  Included on the DVD were two short films.  One called Christmas Party is simply a bittersweet short involving kids having food together at MGM studios.  The other is a surprisingly grim cartoon called Peace on Earth about a cheery post-apocalyptic world inhabited solely by animals implying life is much better without humans.  12/21/2016

Imperium                                                                     G

I guess “Harry Potter” can act.  I know his name is Daniel Radcliffe but he will always be known as the adapted literary wizard.  Here, he infiltrates a white supremacist community to prevent another Oklahoma bombing.  Some of the Nazis are more intelligent than usual in being suspicious of his possible infiltration.  This isn’t as hard or gritty as American History X but it’s definitely more thrilling and suspenseful.  In contrast to movies being lame until the ending (twist or not), this movie was good until the everything-wrapped-in-a-neat-little-bow ending.  Everything concluded as expected by both the characters and audience.  (I know it’s based on a true story but movies are allowed to be somewhat fabricated and what isn’t based on fact anymore?).  That’s what prevented it from being very good instead of good.  12/18/2016

Kubo and the Two Strings                                           VG

Released from the same studio that put out two of my favorite modern movies, Coraline and Paranorman, this film is definitely a winner.  I loved this movie!  It continuously amazes as it progresses.  While it’s still too soon to call it one of my favorite movies like the aforementioned two, it’s definitely one of the year’s best.  It better win best animated feature!  This was much better than the average Moana.  I’m gonna start looking forward to what Laika Studios churns out.  Not only is Coraline one of my favorite books but I love the movie as well.  I loved Paranorman more each viewing; the first time I didn’t love it so Kubo might just end up being one of my faves.  The Boxtrolls was kinda blah but I didn’t hate it.  One (below average) out of four movies is far from failing for Laika.  I’m Team Japan over Team Polynesia come awards season.  12/23/2016

Nocturnal Animals                                                      G

The beginning is certainly attention-grabbing albeit unwarranted, unless you enjoy seeing nude overweight women dancing.  Anyway, this thriller containing a story-within-a-story is an example where the performances outweigh the script.  Jake Gyllenhaal and Michael Shannon (as ugly as he always was) are phenomenal and elevate the stale material immensely.  Usually I don’t pay particular attention to acting as much as content but I guess I do when it’s this good.  (I guess I should say I notice acting when it’s either really good or really bad).  I’m not saying I didn’t actually enjoy the story itself, I just didn’t feel it offered anything fresh.  The ending slightly seemed inconclusive but gave me something to think about.  12/15/2016

Phantasm:  Ravager                                                   G

The fifth and final film for the Phantasm franchise.  Newbies will undoubtedly have no idea what they’re getting into but if you haven’t seen any of the preceding movies, I don’t see why you would care to see this.  As a standalone movie, it’s pretty good.  I was never really a huge fan of this phranchise to begin with.  I liked the first one but didn’t love it.  It felt more sci-fi than horror to me.  I did see all the sequels but can’t remember too much about them.  I don’t recall hating them but if none of them stand out, they couldn’t have been too great either.  A few flashbacks are sprinkled throughout but I still think novices will feel as confused as anyone entering the Tall Man’s dimension.  It’s suggested that the entire storyline may have all been in Reggie’s (ice cream man, main character in franchise) head.  Whether or not that’s true, I was still fascinated by the bouncing back and forth between the Tall Man’s world and perceived reality.  The iconic spherical balls cause plenty of carnage here; go out with a bang I say.  I’d be curious to hear the opinion of someone watching this before the other four.  As of current memory, I only seem to like the first and last one.  Perhaps I need to have a Phantasm marathon to refresh my memory now that all is concluded?  I met Reggie Bannister; very nice guy.  R.I.P. Angus Scrimm.  12/23/2016

Spa Night                                                                    EH/OK

There’s a part in this movie where the protagonist shadows a family friend at his college for a day.  That’s exactly what I felt I was doing with this closeted Korean-American character as he lived his mundane life working at a health spa contemplating going to a college his hard-up parents can’t afford all at once.  He was obviously closeted but never embraced it nor came to terms with it.  I’m a huge fan of slice-of-life flicks.  They have to be compelling though and I didn’t find this guy’s life interesting at all.  Maybe that was the point?  To depict most people live lives they don’t necessarily want in order to get by?  Fine and dandy, but if I’m going to shadow someone I don’t want to be bored.  12/15/2016

Suicide Squad                                                              OK

Well, this certainly wasn’t as bad as other critics proclaimed.  It has good characterization, enough action that’s not endlessly annoying, and a diverse cast.  How are you gonna have the First Nations actor from Smoke Signals and Wind Talkers named after a metal band and eliminate him right away?  Where are all the indigenous American protesters?  Anyway, while not as bad as other recent superhero garbage (Batman vs. Superman, Iron Man movies, many others I’m sure) it still overstays it’s welcome and is not my preferred cup of tea.  I still say give it a shot and decide for yourself.  At least I didn’t contemplate doing the first half of the title while watching.  12/20/2016

The Unspoken                                                             OK

Wow, my rating surely changed by the end.  Initially it went from EH to B to OK.  Begins as a standard haunted house film with a tragic history incorporating elements of Poltergeist and Monster House in a “poor man’s fashion.”  There’s a rather clever twist that not only makes the movie better but might make me have to revisit.  This is one of those rare examples where a twist works in a movie’s favor.  However, in contrast to movies being good until a twist ruins it, this wasn’t good enough beforehand to warrant a better rating.  Like I said though, if I ever watch it again knowing the twist, I might have a different opinion.  I particularly liked the nails-through-the-floor attack.  12/15/2016

Witchery                                                                      EH

A title like that starring Linda Blair and David Hasselhoff from the late ‘80’s involving some form of Hell?  Why the hell wasn’t this a better movie?  This is basically a poorly-shot, poorly-edited, slightly incoherent mess that probably looked really good on paper.  12/24/2016

---Sean O.

Mooby Reviews 12/13/16

Here's my current film critiques:

The Amityville Terror                                                  OK/G

I had very low hopes for a movie with Amityville in the title not associated with the franchise.  It was a horror movie through Redbox I hadn’t seen and I had a code to use so I took a chance.  It actually wasn’t too bad.  The special effects people clearly don’t know how to make a burning person look authentic.  Those fire effects were awful.  Some things actually turned out slightly different than I imagined.  Still just okay.  If you have a Redbox code and are unsure what to get, why not?  The only thing you’ll end up wasting is time if you feel like you made the wrong choice.  12/7/2016

The BFG                                                                     OK/G

Roald Dahl was one of my favorite authors at one point.  What am I talking about?  He’s always been a good writer and always will be whether written for children or adults.  I remember liking the book this movie was based on and recalled some of it while watching.  It’s been over a decade since I last read it (yes, I’ve read his books more than once; Charlie and the Chocolate Factory is one of my favorite books).  This movie had a decent amount of fun and lots of imagination.  I’m still not quite a fan of merging live-action with computer-generated imagery; it makes you remember you’re watching a movie.  I don’t remember watching the animated movie (from 1989) so I can’t compare the two.  I guess I expected more being based on a renowned late author’s novel directed by the renowned Mr. Spielberg.  I will say that one part made the child in me laugh for about three minutes.  It involved dogs and frobscottle.  12/8/2016

Jack Goes Home                                                         OK/G

Decent psychological thriller starring one of the younger Culkin brothers.  Attention-holding despite being generic and containing an overdone twist.  Perhaps if it remained tonally consistent and shaved off a few minutes…it almost works.  12/12/2016

Kicks                                                                           VG

All the unnecessary violence in this movie over a pair of sneakers?!  Goes to show that the environment we live in can dictate how we handle such situations.  This is probably the best movie in recent memory about life in the ‘hood since Menace II Society and Boyz n the Hood before that.  Good stuff.  Compelling.  12/10/2016

The Land                                                                     G

Two ‘hood movies in one blog!  This time it takes place in Cleveland where the biggest threat seems to be a biker gang controlled by a middle-aged woman that runs a food stand.  While this wasn’t as raw as Kicks, it doesn’t mean it’s any less real.  Four skaters hope to escape their neighborhood by being discovered by sponsors at competitions.  In order for them to do that they need money.  First, they rob cars and sell them.  When one of the cars contains drugs (owned by food stand lady) they see that as an easier way to make money.  Of course things never end peachy for everyone when the drug owner comes after those that take them.  Produced (amongst many) by Nas and containing a slightly unrecognizable Erykah Badu, the director has a promising career ahead if this is his first feature.  All those kids wanted to do was skate.  Does it have to be so hard for people to accomplish their dreams no matter where they come from?  12/13/2016

Pete’s Dragon                                                             OK/G

Well, this certainly isn’t as corny as the original from memory.  There’s no singing.  The dragon isn’t animated amongst live-action.  It is CGI and has the ability to become invisible.  I expect dragons to blow fire and cause death and destruction.  That’s why there’s movies like Reign of Fire.  This is a family movie.  The dragon does cause some damage by breathing fire at one point.  That part was cool.  The cinematography is breath-taking but ultimately this is harmless fluff for all ages.  12/12/2016

The Remains                                                               OK/G

This was a decent haunted house film.  The house is cool and the characters are mostly likable.  The significance of the giant dollhouse in the hallway is never quite explained which makes me wonder why it was even present at all.  There is no happy ending which is always welcome.  Not all movies have to end peachy-keen.  Life itself sure isn’t always.  12/7/2016

Siren                                                                            G

A spinoff that’s actually good.  Originally a segment in V/H/S/ featuring the titular creature.  We’re presented with the origins of the winged demon that paralyzes and kills men after singing.  Usually when someone promises a better “hotspot” that’s exclusive and located away from civilization, it doesn’t end well.  I generally enjoyed this movie though.  There’s a considerable sense of dread.  The first V/H/S/ wasn’t the best anthology to begin with.  Perhaps other segments will get expansions?  12/7/2016

Yoga Hosers                                                                EH

Kevin Smith was one of my favorite directors at one time.  That was pre-Jersey Girl with the exception of Clerks II.  I think Hollywood warped his indie mentality.  Jersey Girl wasn’t too bad but it still wasn’t a signature Smith movie.  Zack and Miri was decent but *see previous comment*.  Cop Out was awful.  Red State was decent but Kevin clearly wasn’t ready to make a horror movie yet.  Tusk was pretty good.  I think this might be his worst yet.  The two Colleens (one played by Smith’s daughter, the other is Johnny Depp’s) who made an appearance in Tusk get their own movie here.  They battle Bratzis (miniature bratwurst Nazis filled with sauerkraut when stomped, sliced and eradicated in any possible way) in a Canadian convenience store.  The Bratzis are quite detestable and irritating.  I didn’t find them interesting one bit.  Everyone in this movie seems to be juvenile dunderheads.  The blatant “Canadian-speak” wears off quickly and got on my last nerve.  I doubt any Canadian ever speaks that way.  Funny how Kevin Smith’s first movie over 20 years ago was more mature and brilliant.  If this had been his first movie, he would’ve never had a filmmaking career.  I miss those days when he was a (fellow) Jersey independent filmmaker.  I never listened to any of his Smodcasts.  My poor time management doesn’t allow me to listen to any podcast as much as I would like to.  Perhaps fans of his Smodcasts are more tailored to this kind of movie?  I sure am not.  According to the end credits, the two Colleens will return in another movie helmed by Mr. Smith called Moose Jaws.  I sure hope it’s a lot better than this, eh?  12/7/2016

---Sean O.

Mooby Reviews 12/4/16

Here's some current film reviews:

Front Cover                                                                G

Pretty good realistic portrayal of being gay in the modern world involving an open Chinese-American and a closeted Chinese actor in New York.  It shows how some people still have to be discreet in certain cultures and industries.  The mildly depressing ending further emphasizes the harsh world we sometimes have to hide our true selves in.  The movie ultimately shows that certain struggles are universal.  12/3/2016

The Gateway                                                               G

I actually did enjoy this unheard-of indie film released through Uncork’d Entertainment which is known for releasing (generally) below-average horror flicks.  A few minor plotholes aside, it had my attention during its scant 74 minutes.  The practical creature(s) isn’t too bad either and the evolution of it is quite intriguing albeit mildly perplexing.  11/28/2016

Moana                                                                         G

This wasn’t as good as Inside Out.  I have to see every Disney movie that comes out.  At least that’s one thing I never grew out of.  What am I talking about?  I’m very young at heart.  This film looks amazing for an animation.  With Disney’s name attached, I expect nothing less!  Moana would be a better example of female empowerment over the Ghostbusters remake which basically rubbed feminism in our faces.  There’s some funny moments (kids laughed in the theater) and some of the songs are catchy but most of them are dull.  Much of the film is silly and appears to be solely for the young’uns and not their adult counterparts.  I guess I’m not so young at heart after all?  Shut up, yes I am!  I can’t find it in my mostly-darkened heart to ever truly dislike a Disney movie.  Although I did dislike Cars and Cars 2 and apparently a 3^rd one is coming out!  It better be better than the first two!  I liked this when all was said and done.  I just don’t think it’s going to be remembered along the same lines as Disney classics (The Little Mermaid, Beauty and the Beast, Sleeping Beauty, Aladdin and many others) of yesteryear.  11/29/2016

Night of the Living Deb                                               OK/G

Another zombie movie?  Cribs the title from the George Romero classic but is more in tune with Shaun of the Dead.  I liked the two protagonists.  It was funny and fun tagging along.  It becomes conventional once more characters enter the picture.  I would’ve enjoyed this more if it revolved solely around Deb and the “one-night stand” guy.  There is a slight twist at the end that puts the entire movie in a different light.  It’s not jaw-dropping by any means, just makes it a slightly different movie and I kind of dug it.  11/28/2016

Nine Lives                                                                   OK/G

This body-switch film is actually quite creative at times and Kevin Spacey is quite convincing as a cat.  It’s funny sometimes too.  It’s cliché as hell too.  It contains the typical I didn’t realize how good I had it in my other body plus I observe how nasty I may have been to those around me revelation present in these types of films.  It wasn’t the worst I’ve seen.  Kiddies will probably enjoy it.  Cat lovers might too.  Everyone else will most likely wish this is the only lifetime (not the next eight!) they’ll see this movie.  11/30/2016

The Ones Below                                                          EH

Do we really need another Rosemary’s Baby imitator?  Maybe if it was actually worthy unlike this movie.  No curveballs thrown here.  Good fences make good neighbors unless you live in an apartment, half-house or condo.  12/3/2016

Paperhouse                                                                 G

I can’t believe I never saw this late 80’s film directed by the same guy that made Candyman.  This film was imaginative and thoroughly enjoyable.  There’s sappy moments but there’s also dark moments and a dash of suspense.  I mean, who wouldn’t want to escape to a world they concocted when their own world is getting to them?  11/29/2016

Summertime                                                                OK

Just because it’s a good story doesn’t mean it needs to be feature-length.  This French film about a lesbian romance amidst women’s rights in the early 70’s fits that description perfectly.  It points out some of the hypocrisies of movements like women’s rights and depicts how same-sex relationships were still considered perverted not that long ago, but it didn’t need to be so boring.  Many short stories and short films have provided long-lasting messages and influences.  This film would’ve benefitted from a shorter format.  11/28/2016

The Unbidden                                                             EH/OK

Ever imagined The Joy Luck Club as a horror movie?  Yes, that was a racist joke because, after all, only honkies (regardless of sexuality) can be racist right?  Barely a horror movie and more of a drama involving a murder all the Asian women keep secret for years (one of them appeared to be Caucasian when younger but became at least half-Asian when older?---whatever, all the older women were pale-skinned anyway).  Oh, there is a ghost that isn’t really involved until the end.  Although I expected a straight-up horror movie (it was marketed as such and in the horror section on Redbox), it doesn’t make for a bad dramatic thriller.  Far from perfect and ends sappily.  When most of the cast and crew are Asian-American and involved in something subpar like this, I am going to mention the race!  I love Asian horror movies and many different Asian foods.  I hate everyone, leave me alone!  11/28/2016

---Sean O.