Abattoir OK/G
Apparently this is based on a 6-issue comic book series with
the same name in my possession. Looks like
I have to browse my comic archives and do a post-movie comparison. Comparing a comic book will be easier than a
printed book since comics come with their own visuals. I don’t remember a single thing from the
comics, so I essentially went into this movie blind. Therefore, after I re-read the series, I
might reconsider my rating and possibly re-watch. Even though I don’t like to compare different
mediums like I used to, I can’t help the instinctual criticism. Anyway, the movie is really well-shot and
suspenseful. I didn’t expect less from
the same guy that helmed three of the Saw
movies and Repo! The Genetic Opera. He was also involved with the comic. A featurette included states the movie begins
like Seven, becomes The Wicker Man, and ends like Hellraiser. That’s a fairly accurate description. It’s certainly a novel idea involving crime
scenes. While I was engaged most of the
time, I also felt that style trumped substance.
Let me re-read the comics and get back to you. 2/9/2017
Blackway OK
Ray Liotta is Blackway.
Everyone in the surrounding area fears him. A girl (Julia Stiles) returns from Seattle
and is attacked by Blackway. Blackway
then kills her cat. She goes to the
cops. They “can’t” do anything. She takes matters into her own hands by enlisting
the aid of two gentlemen (one played by Anthony Hopkins and a younger
dude). They go all over trying to find Blackway
(sorta reminded me of Winter’s Bone)
with each person claiming not to know where he’s at. That’s basically all that happens until the
bland conclusion. No curveballs are thrown. The Pacific Northwest setting is what makes
this film. I’d like to visit the region
sometime and this movie is great to look at.
The performers are good too. Take
a look at this film if you have absolutely nothing else to do, there’s nothing
else to watch, and you have some time to kill.
Otherwise, you’ll probably think time was lost watching this straightforward thriller. 2/12/2017
Fun Size Horror:
Volume One OK
Here’s an anthology film in the vein of The ABCs of Death I stumbled across when browsing free movies via On
Demand. Much like the aforementioned
anthology, these bite size vignettes don’t allow enough time for investment. Anthologies like Creepshow, Creepshow 2, Trick ‘R Treat, Chillers and Tales from the Crypt episodes are
perfect because they give ample time to involve the audience without
overstaying their welcome. Some stories
end too soon, some actually run too long, and some are completely unnecessary. Standouts include “Persephone,” “Mr. Hendrix”
and “The Creepy Fucking Kid in Apartment B.”
“Persephone” I believe would make a good feature length film; I was
upset when the short ended. Ditto for
“Mr. Hendrix” which is kinda creepy and could possibly become iconic. “Happy Birthday” is slightly cruel. “A Dog and His Boy” is the funniest thing I’ve
seen lately. Like anthologies and fun
size candies in a Halloween bowl, you have to pick what you like and steer
clear of what you don’t. Also like fun
size candies, some of these films may be short, sweet and satisfying but not as
much as the regular size. I assume more
volumes are planned if this is titled Volume
One. Perhaps they might consider
condensing the trick-or-treat bowl and upgrading to bigger pieces next
time? 2/8/2017
Kevin Hart: What Now? G
I don’t love Kevin nor do I dislike him. I seem to like his stand-up more than his
feature films. I did think some of this
was funny, but primarily thought he was a good storyteller. I didn’t expect it to be over nor did I want
it to end when it did, so that’s a plus for me.
It’s also part of history since this was allegedly the first time a
comedian sold out an NFL stadium. I
noticed a diverse group of people attending in which Mr. Hart acknowledges at
the end, proclaiming “If y’all can laugh together, y’all can live together.” Could diversity be promoted any better? 2/12/2017
Morgan OK/G
Several reviews on Rotten Tomatoes compared this to Ex Machina. I never saw that but nothing is truly fresh
these days anyhow. Sure, this may be derivative
and I predicted the ending almost right away, but this is well-made and never
boring. However, I do think the fight
scenes are out of place and belong more in a Jason Bourne movie. Maybe I should watch Ex Machina. 2/6/2017
The 9th
Life of Louis Drax OK
I thought this movie looked interesting and curiosity won when
seeing it was directed by the same guy behind High Tension and the The
Hills Have Eyes and Piranha remakes. The story begins compellingly but the middle
is sluggish and sappy. It would’ve been
more involving to see more of the comatic subconscious world, but this wasn’t
directed by Tim Burton or Guillermo del Toro.
The ending’s actually slightly dark and mildly depressing. This movie is like a sandwich having good bread
with nothing so great in between. 2/9/2017
Phantom Boy OK
The story’s generic as they come but the animation is
astonishing. I was awe-struck by the
rendering of New York City from all angles, accomplished by Frenchmen. The boy in question does say he doesn’t know
how he can leave his body, he just can.
So can anyone else staying in the hospital apparently. Is it something only patients in that
specific hospital can do? He never
encounters anyone outside the hospital in his phantom state. Also, if he doesn’t know how he can
spectrally leave his body, how does he know he’ll disappear forever if not
returning to his physical body in time?
Like all movies with similar warnings, there is a way to return from
obsolescence. How did the rescuer know
how to accomplish this if they didn’t communicate with him as a phantom? He wouldn’t have known anyway if he thought
he was gonna evaporate. Perhaps I’m
being too critical and looking too much into it and should just enjoy its
bittersweet simplicity? I only notice
these things when noticeable and unanswered.
Oh, if you want to know how “Picasso Face” became that way, you’re going
to have to draw your own conclusion. 2/7/2017
Rings OK
I guess this would technically be The Ring Three? It’s more a
remake of The Ring, or re-imaging if
you will. In the beginning, I thought I
was watching Final Destination, and
at the end I thought I was watching Don’t
Breathe for a second. I still am a
fan of The Ring. The Ring Two was a typical sequel: not as good, okay, easily forgotten. That’s basically how I feel about this
one. While there are references and
flashbacks to the first two, Samara has a slightly different backstory this
time and was never found before. How
were more images on the tape never discovered before? Back when The
Ring came out, DVD players were still in their infancy and most people
still had VCR’s. In future installments,
the video is going to be solely digital.
I don’t think any more sequels are necessary though. 2/9/2017
Shark Exorcist B/EH
Satan with Jaws. What
an awesome tagline. Satan embodying a
shark. What an awesome idea. What a terrible movie. The fake shark with yellow eyes is actually
“okay” and gets a C- passing grade. A
major editing problem exists here. People
appear to be attacked before the shark is even near. You see the shark swim up after the victims start thrashing.
There’s also some poorly-executed and nonsensical Exorcist homage’s (hence the Exorcist
part of the title) happening in between.
I’m all for cheesiness (as anyone that knows me will attest to) but I
expect to enjoy it and for some effort to be involved. The idea and beginnings of a gnarly
constructed shark are the only things this has going for it. Also, there’s a 10-minute post-credits
sequence involving a young girl marveling over stuffed sharks in an aquarium,
ending with her spewing orange liquid outside a building. My only guess: To reiterate you just watched a pointless
movie involving sharks and exorcism? 2/6/2017
Trolls G
This movie brought out the kid in me. For the most part. It does lose steam halfway but not entirely. It’s so colorful and creative at times. It also has the age-old moral demonstrating
everyone, or everything in this case,
has the ability to be happy if they put their mind to it. I kinda wish the movie focused primarily on
the Trolls. I didn’t care much for the
Bergens, which were basically Shrek’s
uglier cousins. 2/12/2017
USS Indianapolis: Men
of Courage OK/G
I’ve always been curious about what exactly went down (!) on
the USS Indianapolis every time I hear Quint tell the chilling story in Jaws.
I was a newborn going in so it’s not my place to say whether any of this
is based on fact or not. As a movie
itself, it combines a decent mixture of war-based disaster and natural horror. Think U-571
meets Open Water with more shark
attacks. Some of the sharks are creepy
while others appear straight from a generic SyFy movie. There’s enough shark attacks to go around but
I still think Quint’s story is more frightening. Two of the men from the actual event retell
parts of their ordeal after the movie and they
make it sound more terrifying. Movies
based on true stories will never equal the terror for those that lived it. This is strictly popcorn entertainment. 2/6/2017
---Sean O.
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