The Autopsy of Jane
Doe G
I’m not sure I would’ve been interested with that title, but
curiosity always gets the better of me when a movie is praised in the horror
world. It’s always dangerous expecting a
masterpiece and ending up less than satisfied, much like a critically panned
film not being as bad as expected.
That’s why sometimes I wish I could see movies before anyone writes or talks
about them. Since I would’ve had no
initial desire like stated, I might’ve liked this even better than I did. I did like it though. It began as a predetermined predictable film I
kept focused on due to being critically lauded.
It’s certainly not for the squeamish at first. I’m personally repulsed by biology. The mortuary scenes weren’t too grotesque
though and were actually necessary. They
were very realistic but no more gross than the one Saw sequel (where the actual stomach is pulled out and cut open)
and I was able to keep my Chinese food down.
Things take a radically different turn halfway through. Morgues (or any place containing dead bodies)
are inherently creepy and adding walking corpses on a stormy night seals the
deal. I was actually surprised by the
final revelation which might make for better successive viewings. Like mentioned, I think I might’ve been more
surprised if unaware what I was getting into.
Then again, with no knowledge, I might’ve predicted an outcome and lost
interest well before the ending. Maybe
hype isn’t so bad after all? Sometimes. 1/29/2017
Closet Monster OK/G
Movies like this make me hate reviewing because I don’t know
what to write or what rating to give.
This coming-of-age movie about a mostly closeted kid growing up in
Newfoundland is thoroughly engaging with moments of creativity, but delivers a
fair portion of what I’ve seen before. I
hate when a gay kid meets a guy he’s attracted to and they somehow end up
together at least once, whether the other guy is straight or not. It doesn’t work that way in reality. Yes, I know this is a movie but if you’re
trying to replicate real life, don’t turn it into a fairy (no pun intended)
tale like much of what I’ve been seeing lately.
One particular standout is when the kid’s mother gives him a speech
about how he’s never had it easy and probably never will so it’s best to
develop a thick skin. Brutal
honesty! It’s what some people need to
hear however unwarranted. 1/29/2017
Come and Find Me B
I hated this movie. I
couldn’t wait for it to end after 20 minutes.
It was almost 2 hours. Yes, she
is still alive just like he (and I) figured out. Well, at least she’s still alive until the very end. I think.
I just spoiled it for you. I
don’t want you to waste 2 hours of your life like I did. 1/26/2017
Death Race 2050 OK
I hated this in the beginning. I thought the violence was corny and the
characters irritating. Undeniably, it
ends up being quite a bit of fun. It’s
never boring. Seeing yet another
post-apocalyptic futuristic America is interesting. The violence is equally nauseating and cheap. The characters are generally irritating throughout
but I guess they had to be in order to rack up points by running over
pedestrians for sport; babies and senior citizens tallied more! I suppose once 2050 comes around, Death Race 2100 will be made. 1/26/2017
Girl Asleep G
Here’s an imaginative allegorical film about a girl’s transition
into early womanhood from the Land Down Under obviously set in the ‘70’s. Combining elements of Alice in Wonderland, Napoleon
Dynamite and Wes Anderson, I only hated a few parts. I think it could’ve been a little longer
too. 2/1/2017
Maximum Ride EH
This is basically a “dollar store” version of X-Men with elements of Twilight and Species tossed in. I didn’t
know this was based on part of a series of books written by the renowned James
Patterson. I also didn’t think the title
would be the name of a character. I have
no intention of watching any probable sequels.
I think I’ll stop here. 1/31/2017
Neither Heaven Nor
Earth OK
I liked the mystery of this French film taking place in
Afghanistan. Sadly, that’s all there is
to it. This felt like the equivalent of
a Joyce Carol Oates short story: good build-up
with an incomplete conclusion. I know
some stories are meant to end that way, but I felt cheated when this ended. Perhaps I might appreciate this more after reading
other reviews, specifically from horror writers? Perhaps, but everyone is their own
critic. Yeah, there’s several movies I
wasn’t initially crazy about but ended up loving after getting other opinions
and having repeat viewings. So perhaps I
might like it better the second time
but I’m giving you my first impression for now.
1/29/2017
Sugar Mountain EH
Lying gets you nowhere and into more and more trouble with
more than one person. That’s basically
what this forgettable movie set in Alaska (my birthplace) tries to portray. Also that money is the root of all
problems. Also that people will do
anything to make money. Two hard-up
brothers devise a plan to have one of them “go missing” while hiking on the
titular mountain, thinking the story will make them famous. Of course things don’t necessarily go as
planned and, like the hoax itself, the movie turns into a complete joke and a
waste of time. The movie isn’t tonally
synched with the subject matter. I think
I’ll just let Mr. Neil Young tell me about “Sugar Mountain” instead. I also think Cary Elwes is desperate for a
paycheck these days. 1/26/2017
Train to Busan G
Pretty good zombie flick from South Korea. At least it didn’t take place entirely in a train because that
would’ve been too limiting.
Highlights: Zombie deer. Zombie pile-ups bursting through glass. Zombies only reacting to sighted movement in
light (halfway like Jurassic Park’s T-Rex, no?). You could do worse in this dead (!) subgenre. 1/26/2017
---Sean O.
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