Mooby Reviews 4/24/17

Here are my newest critiques...

Aberration                                                                   B

Stop me if you heard this before.  A girl has the ability to see ghosts.  One ghost in particular.  The girl foresees deaths.  Someone’s wrongfully accused even though they’re obviously innocent.  Still want me to continue?  The ghost knows its killer.  The girl has to figure it out.  The killer is someone the girl knows.  The girl’s realization automatically sets the ghost free.  Alright, I’m stopping whether you want me to or not.  The “jump scares,” and there’re many, don’t make you jump nor are scary.  They’re predictable and annoy the hell out of you because the volume raises several decibels.  This should be called Abhorrent instead.  4/15/2017

Blackbird                                                                     OK

While LGBT struggles are universal, experiences differ per region and community.  This film is about a black teen from Mississippi who’s obviously gay but represses it until others push him towards being himself.  Moonlight this is not.  That’s a better movie depicting a modern gay southern black experience, even though I don’t think it was best picture material.  This is mostly a sappy coming-of-age/coming out story with added faith-based tones.  It was set in a southern Baptist region after all.  4/23/2017

Black Mirror

I’m not going to rate this since it was a 3-season anthology series with no connecting episodes.  The tales range from extremely boring to fairly interesting to good.  I wouldn’t say I was a huge fan, but there were many interesting scenarios revolving around technology.  Privacy is basically non-existent in these advanced media times.  Back in the day, we relied on eye witnesses and word-of-mouth to ruin our lives.  This Netflix series is predominantly sci-fi drama.  Season one contained three episodes that weren’t too spectacular.  “The National Anthem” was too slow but contained a rather disturbing outcome.  “Fifteen Million Merits” starred Get Out’s Daniel Kaluuya and was basically about a society surviving off points earned through riding exercise bikes.  Too stretched out.  “The Entire History of You” was an improvement suggesting a useful application where no one can ever deny or forget anything, and you can delete memories you’d rather not remember.  Season two was slightly better with “White Bear” being the best.  “Be Right Back” was decent and “The Waldo Moment” had a funny icon but neither are worth raving over.  “White Christmas” was the worst from all seasons and one of the longest.  Most of the episodes are generally between 45 and 60 minutes with a few exceptions.  Season three was the best in my opinion.  “Nosedive” had an interesting premise, a slightly depressing ending, and was never boring.  “Playtest” was thoroughly engaging, slightly reminding me of 1408.  “Shut Up and Dance” was my favorite overall.  It was the most suspenseful and left me feeling uneasy afterward.  I liked “San Junipero” too.  It was a poignant tale about desiring to be in one specific place and time for eternity.  “Men Against Fire” would probably be the only one falling into horror territory as it was set-up like an apocalyptic undead tale.  “Hated in the Nation” was the longest at 90 minutes and absolutely did not need to be that long.  It proposed an interesting premise involving mechanical bees that would’ve sufficed in half the time.  Overall, I wouldn’t say I loved this series but I did find a lot of the storylines intriguing.  Most would make great written short stories.  If you like anthology shows, science fiction themes and English entertainment, you might find enough to satisfy.  I don’t think the show would appeal to the general population though.  4/23/2017

From Beyond the Grave                                             EH

An anthology film from the ‘70’s I actually never saw before.  It might be because it’s not particularly that good.  The best of the bunch was just okay.  There’s four tales revolving around an antique shop and the items bought there.  The first involves a mirror harboring a spirit demanding souls from the new owner.  There’s zero excitement since that’s all there is to it---the owner “feeding” victims.  The second involves an unhappy family where at least one member gets what they want; it’s slow but leads to a mildly morbid ending I kinda dug.  Then there’s one about an “elemental” wanting to possess a man.  Silly poltergeist events ensue leading to an ending outdated by today’s standards.  Lastly, there’s a story involving a door occasionally leading to a room from centuries past containing a soul-seeker (funny how the first and last tales involve soul-taking).  The solution is rather goofy yet plausible.  This collection should stay in the grave.  Check out Tales from the Crypt instead.   The anthology film from the same time, not the show (even though you should watch the show too).  4/10/2017

The Institute                                                                 OK

James Franco is everywhere these days, acting and directing.  Here, he does both.  This took place in a Baltimore institution near the end of the Victorian Era.  It’s based on a true story and real asylum but that never makes me favor movies more, regardless of authenticity.  It proposes some intriguing concepts but takes too long to present them.  It’s occasionally loopy too.  Focus should’ve been on structure; all the right elements are there.  4/23/2017

Isolation                                                                      OK

This is a fairly plain thriller involving Dominic Purcell and Luke Mably with their women in the Bahamas.  I like Luke Mably.  Not too many people know his name.  He appeared in 28 Days Later briefly, The Prince & Me and several independent movies.  There’s not too much I can reveal other than some characters are bad and some are innocent.  Part of me may have liked this once upon a time.  Perhaps that part of me is in a sunken place that crazy white lady from Get Out put me in.  I liked the characters if anything.  4/23/2017

Mercy                                                                          B

I knew not this was an adaptation of the Stephen King short story, “Gramma,” until seeing the beginning credits.  That story was also adapted into a Twilight Zone episode (the ‘80’s version).  This movie is slightly different.  Perhaps it should only be a TV episode being based on a short story, not a novel or novella.  This was a tedious movie starring “Carl” from The Walking Dead and Dylan McDermott.  I couldn’t wait for it to be over.  Not exactly something I’d like to say with Mr. King attached.  4/12/2017

The Most Dangerous Game                                        OK

Thriller from 1932 (before all my grandparents were born) involving a hunter living on an island taking in shipwreck survivors.  There’s a scene intercutting real shark footage with film footage that might’ve been revolutionary in 1932.  Of course it looks horrendous now but some modern filmmakers can’t do much better.  The hunter has sinister plans for his survivors, letting them loose in the jungle.  There’s not much to the story but it is only an hour, so if you have that much time to kill, you could do worse.  4/15/2017

Ocean Waves                                                              EH

This Japanese animation from 1993 apparently wasn’t released (globally) until the end of last year.  It’s basically about a complicated love story and not much else.  Sometimes I think movies are too long.  This 73-minute movie could’ve been longer.  I didn’t see why I should’ve cared about this uninteresting relationship between two regular people.  4/23/2017

Shelley                                                                         EH

Rosemary’s Baby much?  They all try to emulate Roman Polanski’s masterpiece but none ever came close to equating it.  This Danish movie is no exception.  There’s just a bit more explicit sex.  Slow.  Forgettable.  4/23/2017

Stung                                                                           G

I hate anything that flies and stings.  The sight of them alone frightens me.  I’ve been stung by honey bees when younger and don’t recall it being excruciating, but there’s just something about stinging insects that horrifies me.  Insects in general disgust me.  Anyway, a mutated swarm of wasps (the reasoning behind the mutation is explained later) attack guests at a garden party.  Giant wasps hatch out of humans when stung.  The script is fairly standard but the special effects are actually grade-A.  Points for being practical!  It’s generally a fun B-movie, in both senses of the word!  4/23/2017

The Whole Truth                                                         OK

Strictly a by-the-numbers courtroom drama where the whole truth is basically non-existent.  If you already think lawyers are full of shit, this movie won’t change your opinion.  It’s the second feature from Courtney Hunt whose debut was the very good Frozen River.  Sorry Courtney, but placing more than one A-lister (Keanu Reeves, Renee Zellweger, Jim Belushi) into a hackneyed story doesn’t make it worth watching.  Using mostly no-names in an original story seemed to work for you though.  4/12/2017

The Windmill                                                               EH/OK

A tour bus of “sinners” is taken to the Dutch countryside where they each fall victim to a scythe-wielding killer resembling an uglier unmasked Jason Voorhees.  The tourists see their wrongs deserving of eternal damnation before getting sliced and seemingly dragged to the netherworld via windmill.  The windmill is a gateway to Hell.  What an awesome idea.  We never see this underworld though.  Some of the kills are rather gory, but the plot’s as conventional as they come.  4/23/2017

---Sean O.

Mooby Reviews 4/11/17

Here's my newest film (and one miniseries) critiques...

Angel in the House                                                      OK

I only watched this because it starred Ioan Gruffudd (pronounced Yo-hahn Griffith).  I’d like to bang him, not that any of you needed to know that.  It’s titled Foster on AllMovie.com and Christmas Angel in the House during the credits.  I didn’t know it was a Christmas movie.  It was called Angel in the House on Netflix so that’s where I’m cataloguing it.  Don’t be surprised when you find out the orphan boy wasn’t “real” the whole time.  You should know right away by the title.  There’s actually a bit of charm and fun to be had, but it’s still a sappy holiday movie set in the UK.  I could care less anyway, Ioan is what kept me watching.  He can appear in anything and make me watch.  I watched the entire series of Forever but couldn’t tell you a damn thing other than how he looked.  He has that power.  Come to think of it, he hasn’t really been in anything good.  King Arthur was decent, that’s it.  Alright, this is getting gay!  Only if you like Ioan as well (or Toni Collette perhaps), will you want to waste any time on this saccharine yuletide rom-com.  4/10/2017

Check Point                                                                 OK

Here’s an action movie featuring Goldberg (all you ‘90’s wrestling fans), Kane Hodder (Jason Voorhees several times) and an unrecognizable “You’re so cool, Brewster!” from the original Fright Night.  It begins with typical hand-to-hand combat but segues into an initially interesting story about laying low in a small southern town.  There’s too many subplots with a really good movie underneath it all.  This might make for a good miniseries (one season and done) since this felt like a TV show with too much crammed into one episode.  4/10/2017

Easter Sunday                                                             B

This is why I shouldn’t look forward to seeing movies.  I waited four years for this to come out!  All the promo shots were great, the bunny mask looked eggcellent, and the weapon (axe) was a good choice.  This movie sucked bunny ass!  I always hate to criticize filmmakers, especially budding or independent ones, because they clearly have the passion.  Like my production teacher said in college, “content is key.”  The population at large only cares about overall content and won’t notice the other moviemaking aspects unless done poorly.  General audiences would notice a whole lot wrong with this movie.  The acting is terrible.  The filming is amateur.  The violence is subpar and that’s a shame because there were some potentially creative kills.  The intentional comedy was unabashedly annoying and unfunny.  Films from the ‘70’s and ‘80’s, which this seemingly tries to emulate, looked better than this movie and those filmmakers didn’t have many alternative shooting options.  In the hands of John Carpenter, Wes Craven (R.I.P.), or even aspiring directors using the appropriate budget, this movie could’ve been fucking awesome!  The mask, the kills, the characters, the plot, they’re all there.  The Easter Bunny deserves a worthy horror movie!  4/4/2017

Evolution                                                                     B

This French film about a dreary sea-side community populated solely by young boys and adult women (predominantly pre-middle age) began intriguingly.  There might’ve been an explanation to why but I was lost.  This movie was too artsy-fartsy for me.  I’m all for open-ended interpretations (I’m a David Lynch fan after all), but I couldn’t even form my own meaning when it was over.  Complete waste of time.  4/4/2017

Incarnate                                                                     OK

Here’s a modern possession movie unlike the other ultra-lame garbage typically titled The Possession of *insert name*.  It’s a shame it’s underdeveloped because I actually liked where this was going.  I’d probably tell you to see this, just don’t expect to be completely satisfied.  4/5/2017

Lavender                                                                     B/EH

Child witnessing a tragedy?  Said child, now grown, repressed said tragedy?  Little girl sees and speaks to ghosts no one else can see?  Ghosts won’t find peace until all is resolved?  Ghosts can appear but can’t reveal the perpetrator because survivor has to figure it out?  Survivor instantly recalls tragedy when in location it occurred?  Revelation is no surprise at all?  If you didn’t recall any of those scenarios, you might enjoy this.  If you recalled any or most, steer clear.  Lame, lame, lame!  4/4/2017

Mockingbird                                                                OK

This film depicting three intersecting viewpoints has style but less structure.  It was directed by Bryan Bertino who made last year’s hit, The Monster plus The Strangers, so clearly he knows how to make movies.  It contains a clown, a dummy and lots of red balloons---all the makings for a great horror movie.  There’s too much seesawing between segments that I occasionally forgot which POV I was watching.  The game is actually real so don’t predict it’s all a hoax like I assumed.  The ending was a big case of what the fuckery? with me asking, ‘is that what I think it was?’  Mr. Bertino, if I tell you my interpretation, will you tell me your intended one?  If so, I’ll possibly change my rating.  4/10/2017

13 Reasons Why                                                          G

I watched the first episode on a whim, got hooked and binge-watched the entire Netflix series (13 episodes) in two days.  I never read the book so I expected nothing.  There are typical high school issues like rape, rumors and gossip, but the execution makes it worthwhile.  I recall a writing course I took years ago that stated there’s essentially only ten different stories; it’s unique in the way they’re told.  A girl killed herself after making cassette tapes detailing each person and event leading her to do so.  Utilizing a tape per episode adds a tinge of suspense and being a miniseries allows us time to familiarize with everyone, unlike underdeveloped teen films with too many supporting characters.  The revelations aren’t too original but, like I said, its presentation keeps you watching.  I read about the author’s original ending and I’m glad he nixed it, because I was actually hoping that wasn’t going to happen.  I’m unsure if a second season is intended since this was labeled season one.  I don’t think a similar story needs to be told again, unless they somehow make it darker and utilize another innovative technique.  4/10/2017

Under the Shadow                                                      G

This is the first Iranian-set horror film I recall seeing.  It takes place in Tehran during the Iraq-Iran war (1980-1988) when even owning a VCR was punishable.  A mother and her daughter live in an apartment building while the father goes to war.  A bomb crashes through the building without detonating causing everyone to flee except the mom and daughter.  Not only are bombs a threat, but the two appear to be menaced by Djinn (supernatural creatures prominent in Islamic folklore).  The supernatural elements appear late and I thought it ended too soon, but I’m recommending it because there’s a very ominous build-up that secured my attention.  4/10/2017

Waffle Street                                                                G

It’s never too late to change your life.  While true, it’s generally easier said than done.  The guy in this movie goes from working in finance to serving at a waffle house after getting fired and desiring change.  He soon learns it’s not much easier working in the restaurant business.  Anything and everything goes wrong for this guy.  It’s a brutally honest portrayal of trying to make it in this world.  Yes, there’s a wise old man (played by Danny Glover) giving life advice, ultimately enabling the young protagonist to make an honest decision about his career.  What Mr. Glover imparted may be as cliché as his character, but it’s a life motto everyone should abide by.  You should always work as if you weren’t getting paid.  If applicable of course because bills still need to be paid.  I generally enjoyed this slice-of-(hard)-life film however cliché it was at times.  4/10/2017

---Sean O.

Mooby Reviews 4/3/17

Current film critiques (quite a bit this time)...

Almost Christmas                                                        OK

I’m a sucker for Christmas movies.  Even if they’re not horror.  I’m open-minded too.  In addition to all the honky holiday movies, I’ve watched other black (This Christmas, Friday After Next), Puerto Rican (Nothing Like the Holidays) and American Indian (Christmas in the Clouds) Christmas films.  I’m sure there’s an Asian Christmas movie.  If anyone knows of any, let me know!  It doesn’t necessarily mean I liked any of those movies, but I will watch them.  That goes for movies in general.  I’ve watched movies from every continent and with every type of people.  This movie about a black family from Alabama proves human emotions know not of race or region.  Sometimes this movie is funny, sometimes it’s corny, sometimes it’s sappy, and sometimes it’s predictable.  It was decent but I don’t see it being added to my roster every December.  3/29/2017

The Ardennes                                                              G

This Belgian film is as simple as they come.  I recognized more than one face from a very good Dutch film called Borgman.  They must be popular in that region.  Anyway, the film may be bland but it’s bleak, short and slightly dark.  Mild recommendation.  3/26/2017

Cannibal                                                                     OK/G

Spanish film about a tailor by day and cannibal by…always.  It’s ultimately a slow-burn drama with a cannibal.  Violence is off-screen (and rare) and the “meat” is prepped like general cuisine.  Cannibalism disgusts me to no end yet it’s also a societal taboo I find oddly fascinating.  I am a fan of movies like Cannibal Holocaust, Cannibal Ferox, The Green Inferno, We Are What We Are (the original Mexican version), and look forward to seeing Raw.  The notion is horrifying and that’s what fascinates me.  I prefer it be implied or shown minimally like those mentioned.  Other films like The Texas Chainsaw Massacre and The Hills Have Eyes deal with it thematically, and even Fried Green Tomatoes and Alive contain elements of it.  I do like movies dealing with cannibalism in the right measure.  Extremely gory underground films gross me the fuck out.  I guess I’m selective like with everything else.  Deviant characters always make simple stories more compelling.  (Boy Meets Girl would’ve been bland if the transgender female was replaced with a cisgender female).  If this film wasn’t about a cannibal I doubt my attention-span would’ve lasted.  It was fascinating watching a seemingly average individual with that particular desire.  It goes on way too long though.  4/1/2017

Don’t Hang Up                                                           OK/G

It’s all fun and games until someone takes your prank seriously, tragedy results, and someone close to those affected exacts revenge.  The whole time I thought I already saw this movie several times, but part of me wanted to keep watching anyway.  I sorta, kinda, marginally liked it.  3/27/2017

Good Kids                                                                   OK

Teen comedies ceased being fun in the ‘90’s.  Even then, some were too cliché.  Naturally, there are exceptions and I give every film a chance, but none will ever equal the ‘80’s and most pre-Millennium films.  This is more of a fantasy teen movie.  Come to think of it, most probably are.  People aren’t necessarily as lucky as kids in these movies and a “nottie” never ends up with a “hottie.”  These “good kids” make a vow to do all the things they’ve missed out on (parties, sex, relationships) during high school before going to college.  (Kinda sounds like another movie involving a pie, doesn’t it?  Ironically, some of the same producers are involved).  This being movie world, these kids get what they want.  One guy gets to hook up with several older women while getting paid for it.  The girl hooks up with the hunky Australian dude.  Do you think these good things end badly?  The small dude into yoga-like techniques ends up taking out a whole group of bigger men single-handedly.  Uh-huh.  Amongst the group, there’s a guy and girl that have been friends forever.  Do you think at least one has feelings for the other?  This movie is watchable but forgettable.  3/26/2017

Housebound                                                                EH

I hate anticipating a movie and being disappointed with an okay or, even worse, less-than-okay one.  Here’s an example from the land farther down under in “hobbit” country.  It was critically lauded in horror publications and received a 97% on Rotten Tomatoes, so why the hell didn’t I like this film?  I thought I was going to love it in the beginning.  There was an ominous set-up that turns completely different after several clichéd twists.  I felt I’ve already seen almost everything that happens; The People Under the Stairs is one that came to mind.  The violence was satisfactory but failed to appease me.  I’d be lying if I said I’d stop looking forward to watching movies since my cinematic hunger is never satiated until I watch them, even if I’m disappointed like with this movie.  3/28/2017

Hush                                                                            G

A deaf woman becomes prisoner in her own home (in the woods) when a killer threatens her from outside with weapons.  He clarifies that he won’t enter until she “wants to die,” so that answered my question to why he didn’t simply break the windows.  He only attacks when she tries escaping more than once.  The home is sanctuary, temporarily.  She’s very resourceful for being deaf/mute but, like they say, without one sense, the others are magnified.  Usually when prey is stranded because of a predator, it’s an animal/creature stalking human(s).  (For some reason, “The Raft” from Creepshow 2 came to mind first).  Humans are animals.  This is simply a taut, thoroughly engaging, occasionally bloody thriller.  4/1/2017

I Am the Pretty Thing That Lives in the House           OK

Here’s a poetic ghost story with lots of style but much less substance taking place during the ‘70’s or ‘80’s.  Indicators:  no cell phones, no computers, house phone hanging on the wall, Grateful Dead shirt.  Yes, that could mean ‘90’s too, but it didn’t look like that era.  I like a good art-house film if I can take something from it.  There was a slight indication for a really good twist at the end, but it left me hanging and frustrated me.  I love unconventional movies, but if style isn’t enough to trump substance and vice versa, there needs to be a balance between the two.  3/26/2017

The Lesson                                                                  EH/OK

I liked this better in the beginning as a coming-of-age film.  One kid was rather detestable so his torture wasn’t too harrowing.  The other kid just seemed to live in the wrong environment.  The teacher kidnaps the two boys and tortures them with weapons while teaching literary terms.  He claims his students never respected him for the past 20 years.  Why did he take only those two when it appeared most of the kids weren’t very docile?  Perhaps it would’ve been more entertaining if he somehow managed to torture the whole class in the vein of The Final.  I get it, without rules, society would become like The Lord of the Flies.  A whole movie wasn’t needed to relay that message.  3/26/2017

Let’s Be Evil                                                                OK

I love me some evil kiddy movies.  Growing up, I loved them all (Children of the Corn series, Village of the Damned).  Movies are always more fun with young protagonists and even more fascinating when they commit violence.  They don’t make killer kid movies like they used to.  Naturally there’re exceptions like The Children and Eden Lake.  This movie looks great, hypnotic even.  I didn’t think there was enough evil kid violence though.  It starts off suggesting something ominous is right around the corner and there are menacing moments, but the second half becomes a bore.  The look of the film gets a G, the script gets an EH, so the final grade is OK.  Like the late Roger Ebert once said, “life is too short to see movies that are just OK.”  Someone make a good evil children movie!  3/27/2017

Loving                                                                         OK

I’m always amazed if an interracial couple opposes same-sex marriage considering their union wasn’t legal until a half-century ago.  This film depicts the events leading up to the historical Loving vs. Virginia case which validated interracial marriages.  Opinions have changed but conservative thoughts on the matter still persist.  From my observations, it seems ethnic minorities are more vocal about it, but I’m not denying intolerance doesn’t exist on either side.  I like history.  I’d like to say I’m open-minded.  This felt like a generic TV-movie dealing with similar subject matter and it ultimately failed to move me.  Loving actually refers to the man’s name, not the emotion.  3/28/2017

Sing                                                                             OK

This reminded me of Zootopia since different animals lived like humans.  I liked Zootopia but Kubo and the Two Strings deserved best animated picture much more.  Anyway, unlike Zootopia, there doesn’t appear to be any prejudice in this world, they compete in a singing competition.  I know it’s hard to be original these days, but if I roll my eyes at clichés like I did several times here, that’s not a very good sign.  Examples:  The gorilla that doesn’t want to be in the family business, embarrasses/upsets his Dad, sings in the competition, Dad is proud after hearing him.  The shy elephant that sings well but has stage fright, forced to sing at the end…she might steal the show making everyone stand up and cheer.  I hope I didn’t spoil it for anyone.  It’s fun at times and the little ones unaware of clichés will probably enjoy, but I don’t think anyone else will be impressed.  4/1/2017

Stranger Things:  Season One                                    G

Yes, I finally got around to seeing this once I got an X1 box and a free month of Netflix streaming.  Yes, I did like it.  Love it?  No, but I thought this 8-episode series was a worthy throwback to ‘80’s cinema right down to the score.  It takes place in 1983 (I would’ve been 1) and homages films like Poltergeist, E.T. and The Thing without feeling like a cheap knockoff.  I binge-watched the entire season in less than 24 hours.  Each episode whizzes by, I didn’t look at the time once.  The creature was different resembling something Lovecraft-ian crossed with Pale Man from Pan’s Labyrinth.  The young kids were good actors.  Common at 12 or 13, they were frequently at each other’s throats but inseparable.  Season Two looks good.  In October, I might have to pay for streaming until it ends.  3/26/2017

Stray Bullets                                                                OK/G

Larry Fessenden.  I see the name more than the face.  He has a part in this action thriller directed by his son, Jack, who was only 16 at the time.  Jack directed, wrote, produced, and edited among other things.  He’s also one of the main actors.  This film is extremely well-made.  Jack, you get an A++ for presentation.  That being said, I tried not thinking about his age in regards to giving a better rating solely on those grounds.  This movie is thoroughly engaging but I felt it ended too soon.  If an older director made the same film, and Jack certainly proves he can play along with the big shots, it would be rather ordinary.  Jack Fessenden, you’re a young dude that most definitely knows how to make movies.  Just put more effort on the script next time, I’ll definitely be watching if this feature debut is any indication.  4/1/2017

Trouble Every Day                                                      B

Two cannibal movies in the same blog!  Rue Morgue wrote a companion piece about the subgenre in conjunction with the feature article on Raw, therefore I added these movies to my Netflix queue.  This is shorter and bloodier than Cannibal but way worse.  It involves a French woman and American man in France dealing with the same cannibalistic impulses during sex only.  I think.  I’m not sure if there’s supposed to be an underlying message, but I got nothing from this movie.  4/1/2017

---Sean O.