Almost Christmas OK
I’m a sucker for Christmas movies. Even if they’re not horror. I’m open-minded too. In addition to all the honky holiday movies,
I’ve watched other black (This Christmas,
Friday After Next), Puerto Rican (Nothing Like the Holidays) and American
Indian (Christmas in the Clouds)
Christmas films. I’m sure there’s an
Asian Christmas movie. If anyone knows
of any, let me know! It doesn’t
necessarily mean I liked any of those movies, but I will watch them. That goes for movies in general. I’ve watched movies from every continent and
with every type of people. This movie
about a black family from Alabama proves human emotions know not of race or
region. Sometimes this movie is funny,
sometimes it’s corny, sometimes it’s sappy, and sometimes it’s
predictable. It was decent but I don’t see
it being added to my roster every December.
3/29/2017
The Ardennes G
This Belgian film is as simple as they come. I recognized more than one face from a very
good Dutch film called Borgman. They must be popular in that region. Anyway, the film may be bland but it’s bleak,
short and slightly dark. Mild
recommendation. 3/26/2017
Cannibal OK/G
Spanish film about a tailor by day and cannibal
by…always. It’s ultimately a slow-burn
drama with a cannibal. Violence is off-screen (and rare) and the “meat”
is prepped like general cuisine. Cannibalism
disgusts me to no end yet it’s also a societal taboo I find oddly
fascinating. I am a fan of movies like Cannibal Holocaust, Cannibal Ferox, The Green
Inferno, We Are What We Are (the original
Mexican version), and look forward to seeing Raw. The notion is
horrifying and that’s what fascinates me.
I prefer it be implied or shown minimally like those mentioned. Other films like The Texas Chainsaw Massacre and The
Hills Have Eyes deal with it thematically, and even Fried Green Tomatoes and Alive
contain elements of it. I do like
movies dealing with cannibalism in the right measure. Extremely gory underground films gross me the
fuck out. I guess I’m selective like
with everything else. Deviant characters
always make simple stories more compelling.
(Boy Meets Girl would’ve been
bland if the transgender female was replaced with a cisgender female). If this film wasn’t about a cannibal I doubt
my attention-span would’ve lasted. It
was fascinating watching a seemingly average individual with that particular
desire. It goes on way too long
though. 4/1/2017
Don’t Hang Up OK/G
It’s all fun and games until someone takes your prank
seriously, tragedy results, and someone close to those affected exacts revenge. The whole time I thought I already saw this
movie several times, but part of me wanted to keep watching anyway. I sorta, kinda, marginally liked it. 3/27/2017
Good Kids OK
Teen comedies ceased being fun in the ‘90’s. Even then, some were too cliché. Naturally, there are exceptions and I give every
film a chance, but none will ever equal the ‘80’s and most pre-Millennium films. This is more of a fantasy teen movie. Come to think of it, most probably are. People aren’t necessarily as lucky as kids in
these movies and a “nottie” never ends up with a “hottie.” These “good kids” make a vow to do all the things
they’ve missed out on (parties, sex, relationships) during high school before
going to college. (Kinda sounds like
another movie involving a pie, doesn’t it?
Ironically, some of the same producers are involved). This being movie world, these kids get what
they want. One guy gets to hook up with
several older women while getting paid for it.
The girl hooks up with the hunky Australian dude. Do you think these good things end badly? The small dude into yoga-like techniques ends
up taking out a whole group of bigger men single-handedly. Uh-huh.
Amongst the group, there’s a guy and girl that have been friends
forever. Do you think at least one has
feelings for the other? This movie is watchable
but forgettable. 3/26/2017
Housebound EH
I hate anticipating a movie and being disappointed with an okay
or, even worse, less-than-okay one.
Here’s an example from the land farther
down under in “hobbit” country. It was
critically lauded in horror publications and received a 97% on Rotten Tomatoes,
so why the hell didn’t I like this film?
I thought I was going to love it in the beginning. There was an ominous set-up that turns completely
different after several clichéd twists. I
felt I’ve already seen almost everything that happens; The People Under the Stairs is one that came to mind. The violence was satisfactory but failed to
appease me. I’d be lying if I said I’d
stop looking forward to watching movies since my cinematic hunger is never
satiated until I watch them, even if I’m disappointed like with this movie. 3/28/2017
Hush G
A deaf woman becomes prisoner in her own home (in the woods)
when a killer threatens her from outside with weapons. He clarifies that he won’t enter until she “wants
to die,” so that answered my question to why he didn’t simply break the
windows. He only attacks when she tries escaping
more than once. The home is sanctuary,
temporarily. She’s very resourceful for
being deaf/mute but, like they say, without one sense, the others are magnified. Usually when prey is stranded because of a
predator, it’s an animal/creature stalking human(s). (For some reason, “The Raft” from Creepshow 2 came to mind first). Humans are
animals. This is simply a taut,
thoroughly engaging, occasionally bloody thriller. 4/1/2017
I Am the Pretty Thing
That Lives in the House OK
Here’s a poetic ghost story with lots of style but much less
substance taking place during the ‘70’s or ‘80’s. Indicators:
no cell phones, no computers, house phone hanging on the wall, Grateful
Dead shirt. Yes, that could mean ‘90’s
too, but it didn’t look like that era. I
like a good art-house film if I can take something from it. There was a slight indication for a really
good twist at the end, but it left me hanging and frustrated me. I love unconventional movies, but if style
isn’t enough to trump substance and vice versa, there needs to be a balance
between the two. 3/26/2017
The Lesson EH/OK
I liked this better in the beginning as a coming-of-age
film. One kid was rather detestable so
his torture wasn’t too harrowing. The
other kid just seemed to live in the wrong environment. The teacher kidnaps the two boys and tortures
them with weapons while teaching literary terms. He claims his students never respected him
for the past 20 years. Why did he take
only those two when it appeared most of the kids weren’t very docile? Perhaps it would’ve been more entertaining if
he somehow managed to torture the whole class in the vein of The Final. I get it, without rules, society would become
like The Lord of the Flies. A
whole movie wasn’t needed to relay that message. 3/26/2017
Let’s Be Evil OK
I love me some evil kiddy movies. Growing up, I loved them all (Children of the Corn series, Village of the Damned). Movies are always more fun with young
protagonists and even more fascinating when they commit violence. They don’t make killer kid movies like they
used to. Naturally there’re exceptions
like The Children and Eden Lake. This movie looks great, hypnotic even. I didn’t think there was enough evil kid
violence though. It starts off suggesting
something ominous is right around the corner and there are menacing moments,
but the second half becomes a bore. The
look of the film gets a G, the script gets an EH, so the final grade is OK. Like the late Roger Ebert once said, “life is
too short to see movies that are just OK.”
Someone make a good evil children movie!
3/27/2017
Loving OK
I’m always amazed if an interracial couple opposes same-sex
marriage considering their union
wasn’t legal until a half-century ago.
This film depicts the events leading up to the historical Loving vs.
Virginia case which validated interracial marriages. Opinions have changed but conservative
thoughts on the matter still persist.
From my observations, it seems ethnic minorities are more vocal about
it, but I’m not denying intolerance doesn’t exist on either side. I like history. I’d like to say I’m open-minded. This felt like a generic TV-movie dealing
with similar subject matter and it ultimately failed to move me. Loving actually refers to the man’s name, not
the emotion. 3/28/2017
Sing OK
This reminded me of Zootopia
since different animals lived like humans.
I liked Zootopia but Kubo and the Two Strings deserved best
animated picture much more. Anyway,
unlike Zootopia, there doesn’t appear
to be any prejudice in this world, they compete in a singing competition. I know it’s hard to be original these days, but
if I roll my eyes at clichés like I did several times here, that’s not a very
good sign. Examples: The gorilla that doesn’t want to be in the
family business, embarrasses/upsets his Dad, sings in the competition, Dad is
proud after hearing him. The shy elephant
that sings well but has stage fright, forced to sing at the end…she might steal the show making everyone
stand up and cheer. I hope I didn’t
spoil it for anyone. It’s fun at times
and the little ones unaware of clichés will probably enjoy, but I don’t think
anyone else will be impressed. 4/1/2017
Stranger Things: Season One G
Yes, I finally got around to seeing this once I got an X1
box and a free month of Netflix streaming.
Yes, I did like it. Love it? No, but I thought this 8-episode series was a
worthy throwback to ‘80’s cinema right down to the score. It takes place in 1983 (I would’ve been 1) and
homages films like Poltergeist, E.T. and The Thing without feeling like a cheap knockoff. I binge-watched the entire season in less
than 24 hours. Each episode whizzes by,
I didn’t look at the time once. The
creature was different resembling something Lovecraft-ian crossed with Pale Man
from Pan’s Labyrinth. The young kids were good actors. Common at 12 or 13, they were frequently at
each other’s throats but inseparable. Season
Two looks good. In October, I might have
to pay for streaming until it ends. 3/26/2017
Stray Bullets OK/G
Larry Fessenden. I
see the name more than the face. He has
a part in this action thriller directed by his son, Jack, who was only 16 at
the time. Jack directed, wrote,
produced, and edited among other things.
He’s also one of the main actors.
This film is extremely well-made.
Jack, you get an A++ for presentation.
That being said, I tried not thinking about his age in regards to giving
a better rating solely on those grounds.
This movie is thoroughly engaging but I felt it ended too soon. If an older director made the same film, and
Jack certainly proves he can play along with the big shots, it would be rather
ordinary. Jack Fessenden, you’re a young
dude that most definitely knows how to make movies. Just put more effort on the script next time,
I’ll definitely be watching if this feature debut is any indication. 4/1/2017
Trouble Every Day B
Two cannibal movies in the same blog! Rue Morgue wrote a companion piece
about the subgenre in conjunction with the feature article on Raw, therefore I added these movies to
my Netflix queue. This is shorter and
bloodier than Cannibal but way
worse. It involves a French woman and
American man in France dealing with the same cannibalistic impulses during sex
only. I think. I’m not sure if there’s supposed to be an
underlying message, but I got nothing from this movie. 4/1/2017
---Sean O.
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