Mooby Reviews 1/22/18

Here are my newest film criticisms...

Camp Cool Kids                                                         EH

Movies set at camp always appeal to me.  Misspent youth I guess.  Camp movies are fun.  At least they’re supposed to be, even if they wouldn’t particularly be labeled good.  Ernest Goes to Camp fits that category.  Plus, it’s subjective bias stemming from nostalgia---it’s the first movie I recall seeing theatrically.  Meatballs is fun but far from being a masterpiece.  The Sleepaway Camp movies are fun, campy (!) and violent---always a welcome combination stemming from personal bias again.  This movie is neither fun nor good.  It’s as lame as the early ‘90’s Nickelodeon sitcom, Salute Your Shorts.  No, I was never a fan of that show despite being part of my generation.  This movie is probably even lamer than that.  It’s faith-based too which is always a downer for me.  I personally don’t care if people choose to be religious, I just don’t agree with any of it (especially if it’s hypocritical).  It wasn’t shoved in our faces the entire film, but still.  It’s a typical underdog tale where the “losers” eventually become the winners and an “underdog” eventually conquers his fear when the situation calls for it.  Spare me!  You won’t be a “cool kid” if you watch this.  1/14/2018

Circle                                                                          G

Fifty people wake up in a room with no recollection of how they got there.  Sounds like a rather familiar setup doesn’t it?  It is, but I wasn’t bored once.  The people are all placed on red circles in a circular pattern.  If they step off the circle, they die.  Each person has something implanted in their hand which allows them to “vote” (via arrows only each individual can see) for who gets to die.  If no one is chosen, someone is picked randomly.  The group consists of different backgrounds and ages so naturally that causes tension.  Someone or something is observing and controlling the machine (in the center of the circle) that doles out the killings; it’s no surprise but you do find out and it doesn’t ruin the film one bit.  This simplistic thriller is proof that recycled storylines can work if executed effectively and properly.  Imagine a feature length reimagining of the original Twilight Zone episode, “The Monsters Are Due on Maple Street.”  1/15/2018

Cold Moon                                                                  OK/G

In the beginning, I thought I was watching a sequel or update of I Know What You Did Last Summer set in Florida.  I liked how the killer was revealed right away instead of becoming a formulaic mystery.  Then it becomes a rather silly supernatural movie but does get darker and more serious towards the end.  It’s a slightly different, albeit nothing new, ghost story than what’s been released lately.  The conclusion is open-ended too but I was satisfied with either of my theories.  The film has the look, feel and pacing of a TV movie with elements of The Gift thrown in (the Sam Raimi movie, not the 2015 one), but I’d recommend it for horror fans to see at least once.  1/20/2018

Creep 2                                                                       EH/OK

Creep was decent, read the review in my archives (http://abcreviewarchive.blogspot.com, under the ‘All my reviews alphabetized A-M’ section).  Mark Duplass returns as the “creep” and this time allows a girl to film him for her website.  This treads roughly the same ground before the inevitable outcome.  The outcome could go one of two ways---either he eventually kills her or she kills him instead.  Well, one scenario does happen or at least appears to since we only assume someone was killed.  You know how characters somehow survive for sequels anymore.  Regardless of who survived at the end, I can see how this might continue.  If so, I hope Creep 3 is better because the gimmick wasn’t so fresh this time.  1/15/2018

Dunkirk                                                                       EH

However much this is based on fact matters to me none.  History has always been slightly fabricated throughout time.  I only care about the film itself and whether I enjoyed it.  I doubt Troy was entirely based on fact, but it was a good movie.  This movie was often ominous yet very much desultory and felt empty overall.  Thankfully it wasn’t over 2 hours like most war-based films are because this seemed long at just 106 minutes.  Sorry, Dunkirk lacked cohesion and failed to make me feel any kind of emotion.  1/15/2018

Hollow in the Land                                                     OK

I was reminded of Winter’s Bone while watching this.  Substitute Missouri with Canada though.  Leading lady, Dianna Agron, has the same determination as Jennifer Lawrence in a similarly bleak small town.  Instead of searching for her father, Dianna looks for her brother (often in trouble with law enforcement) after he goes missing following a murder he’s suspected of.  It’s a decent mystery but ultimately feels, how shall I say it, hollow!  I wasn’t a fan of Winter’s Bone initially either until I appreciated it as a dreary, Southern Gothic tale over time.  1/18/2018

Most Beautiful Island                                                  G

What some wouldn’t do for money and what those with money wouldn’t do for entertainment.  An immigrant woman in New York accepts a job from an immigrant friend without realizing it’s a front for something sinister.  Sure, we’ve seen and heard many ‘struggling immigrant’ tales before, but this short indie film is tense and foreboding with an interesting reveal.  1/20/2018

My Little Pony:  The Movie                                         EH

This is the recent Friendship is Magic-era movie despite bearing the same name as the 1986 original My Little Pony movie.  I am a brony, a grown male fan of My Little Pony for those that don’t know.  I don’t think sexuality plays a factor just as long as you have a penis and like My Little Pony.  I guess you can say I’m a hibernating brony since I haven’t kept up with it, don’t own any toys, nor love it like other self-proclaimed bronies.  I am a fan though.  I watched some of the Friendship is Magic episodes around its infancy and, being an ‘80’s kid, I used to watch the original cartoons and play with my older sister’s toys.  I vividly recall one where you twisted its head to suck its tail into its ass and then pull the tail back out.  Anyway, it’s a good thing this movie wasn’t my first impression of the magical fillies.  I suggest unfamiliars not see this before any of the episodes, both new and original, if you want to become fans.  I actually suggest no one, bronies and little girl fans included, see it even though I’m curious to hear what other fans would think of it.  This movie was flat and no fun with mostly corny songs.  1/16/2018

The Snowman                                                             EH

One of the most critically maligned movies of 2017 currently holding a 7% rating out of 161 critics on Rotten Tomatoes.  Poorly reviewed movies, especially if A-list, arouse my curiosity just as much, if not more, as critically acclaimed ones.  How bad could it really be being a thriller set and filmed in Norway starring Michael Fassbender?  It’s not the absolute worst film I’ve seen, but it’s still pretty bad.  There’s an interesting serial killer MO too involving human body parts juxtaposed with snowmen, but it happens too little.  Whodunit films aren’t impressive anymore.  Filmmakers need to understand we have to be engaged before the reveal.  I don’t even care who the killer turns out to be anymore (and it wasn’t such a shocker here) as long as I like the journey.  The film is mostly a bland police procedural with a hackneyed conclusion.  If this is a faithful adaptation of the famous Jo Nesbo book, I have no intention of reading it.  1/18/2018

---Sean O.

Mooby Reviews 1/13/18

Here's my newest batch of film bashings and whatnot...

Adventures in Babysitting (2016)                                OK

I am a fan of the Elizabeth Shue-starring Adventures in Babysitting.  I watched it quite a bit growing up and am still a fan.  As far as Disney Channel movies go, and remakes in general go, this update wasn’t too bad.  Some parts admittedly were a bit clever how they referenced the original’s scenes without outright duplicating them.  Since it’s a family movie on the Disney channel, there is no “Don’t fuck with the babysitter” here.  I will say I don’t feel like I wasted my time, although I still prefer the ‘80’s version, but you’re always going to prefer the one you saw first and/or grew up with.  If younger audiences do see this one first and like it, hopefully they’ll be interested in checking out the original.  Of course you know my response would be to just make them watch the original one to begin with.  1/8/2018

The Bar                                                                       G

Strangers become trapped together in a bar.  That’s the Netflix synopsis given for this thriller from Spain, but don’t let that deter you from watching this film that’s actually better than that simple description.  The entire film doesn’t take place entirely in one specific area and there’s excellent characterizations making this an above average strangers-trapped-inside-with-an-imminent-threat-outside film. There’s a reason for the entrapment but I’ll let you watch so you can vicariously go along with all the confusion and paranoia.  Interesting suggestion on how fleeting news stories are and how fabricated they may be presented to the world at large not witnessing the events.  1/3/2018

Black Mirror:  Season 4                                              G

Like most anthology shows, this British series revolving around advanced technology contains hit and miss episodes.  It’s not my favorite anthology show, but I like it enough.  Season 3 contained some of my favorite episodes and this season didn’t contain a single one I truly disliked.  The six segments were all at least decent with three being above average.  “USS Callister” was the longest and my least favorite but still worthy with a Tales from the Crypt-ish denouement rightfully deserved for the leading character.  It obviously references Star Trek and I, not being a fan, can honestly say you don’t need to be.  “Arkangel” directed by Jodie Foster is compelling and would certainly make teenagers paranoid if such a technology were ever introduced.  Parents would like that they could always monitor what their child sees while young, but curiosity would make them equally paranoid (especially as they age) causing them to see things they’d wish could be unseen.  “Crocodile” was an effective thriller with a character as cold as the frozen landscape.  The device would be very helpful in reality too.  “Hang the DJ” was basically the heterosexual equivalent to season three’s “San Junipero.”  Dates are arranged in an enclosed society via device and time limits are given to how long they last (could be 12 hours or 5 years).  While it may be advanced and easier for some to date, it also reverts back to when marriages and relationships were fixed whether the feelings were mutual or not.  It was very potent and a plausible commentary on the modern dating world.  “Metalhead” was the shortest and my favorite and also the best postapocalyptic tale I’ve seen in quite a while.  The title doesn’t refer to a fan of metal music but robotic dogs that are rather deadly.  I’d be curious to see how it would be stretched to feature length.  Finally, “Black Museum” contains stories within a story that I actually wished contained more.  The tales revolve around gadgets stored in the titular museum that caused damage in the outside world.  One involved a reverse Get Out scenario that would end up being Hell for both parties in any relationship.  I can’t imagine how hellish it would be to remain inside a stuffed toy forever either.  The ending has a stale revelation but also contains a rightfully deserved comeuppance honoring Tales from the Crypt (wow, I said the same thing for 2 episodes).  Season 4 of Black Mirror is worthy and I look forward to season 5 if made.  While technology can be beneficial, these episodes and the series in general prove it can be quite scary if in the wrong hands.  1/4/2018

Dark:  Season One                                                      G

Time travel has always been an interesting concept to me.  As a plot device, it can be intriguing and/or mind-fucking since there’s so many ways (both good and bad) it can be used while always defying logic.  This Netflix series from Germany alternates between 1953, 1986 and 2019 (33 years between each as you can see and as you’ll be informed) with a cave in a small town acting as the “DeLorean.”  By the way, it’s poorly dubbed so (if you’re like me) I suggest you adjust the audio and subtitles before each episode (yes, you have to do it each time unfortunately) to make it less distracting.  I watch lots of foreign films so subtitles never bothered me none.  Poor dubbing, when noticeable, does make something less worthy to me (I wasn’t crazy about High Tension the first time for this very reason).  Anyway, an explanation is eventually given for the time travel and why the cave is the gateway between times.  At least as best an explanation as can be.  It still might very much go over your head.  There is a lot to take in but it doesn’t make the entire series any less compelling.  I liked what I took from it.  I’m actually glad there’re plans for a season two because I feel there’s more room for this to expand and more to the story we haven’t been told yet.  Recommended.  1/13/2018

Dead of Night                                                              OK/G

Anthology film from 1945 that’s very dated (1945?  What do you expect?) but would’ve been very original at the time.  I want to lean more towards G since it appears to be a pioneer for anthology films but I’m still stuck in the middle since I saw it for the first time with 2018 eyes.  Not very fair, I know, because it’s not the film’s fault I haven’t seen it until now and I wasn’t born until 37 years after its release.  Two stories involving a bus accident and a game of hide-and-seek are outdated, one involving a mirror is kind of lame, and a ghost story involving golfers is more comical than spooky even for its time.  The standout tale involves a ventriloquist dummy (you know how I love my evil dolls) with a twist I haven’t seen matched to this day.  The film’s ending was very surreal (albeit overdone by now) and likely freaked out viewers at the time.  If you like anthology films, you should check it out.  Like all forms of entertainment (be it movies, music, writing, what have you), you may not prefer its forebears after being familiarized with current examples, but you should at least honor them.  1/3/2018

Despicable Me 3                                                         OK

I think the Minions had their 15 minutes.  Other than their standalone movie, the focus hasn’t primarily been on them for all three Despicable films anyway.  They don’t get as much screen time here either as the story revolves around Gru and his twin brother, Dru, introduced here for the first time.  I did like Bratt, a mullet-coiffed villain mentally stuck in the ‘80’s since that’s when he was a prominent child star.  A spinoff with him might be cool (doubtful).  Some parts are funny but I think this franchise and the yellow beings themselves (that I was once fond of) are becoming quite stale.  1/4/2018

Friend Request                                                            EH/OK

I mean, wouldn’t the popular girl think something was up when the “odd” girl (let it be known that I hate referring to her that way, that’s just the way she was portrayed) has zero friends (no family members or like-minded individuals from groups?), posts creepy animated videos, and requests to be friends with just her on facebook?  Lo and behold, the loner chick offs herself after being set up by popular chick and nothing turns out well for her and her friends.  There’s an interesting mythology added to this type of revenge tale, but it’s generally just a formulaic body count movie for the digital age.  Oh, and wasps (and any flying insect that stings for that matter) are very frightening in real life but not so much as swarming CGI.  1/10/2018

Insidious:  The Last Key                                              OK/G

This is the fourth one in the franchise.  Release-wise.  Chronologically, this is the second one.  The first one is the third one, the second one is the fourth one, and the third one is the first one, chronologically.  It’s not as confusing as it sounds if you’ve kept up with the series.  I’m a fan of Insidious.  Insidious 2 was a very worthy sequel.  Insidious 3 was decent.  The Last Key wasn’t bad for what it’s worth.  The values seem to diminish upon each release, but all are watchable though.  I’m still a sucker for dark houses and dark scenes in general even though I despise jump scares that are more irritating than frightening.  Luckily one didn’t happen every time I thought one was coming, but there were still quite a few this time.  Ultimately, this one felt unfinished.  I know it’s part of a franchise and this was only part of the overall story, but each film should stand on its own.  I’m not deterring fans from seeing it, I’m just saying I felt unsatisfied and therefore can’t give it a strictly G rating.  1/10/2018

The LEGO NINJAGO Movie                                      OK

The LEGO Movie was great.  The LEGO Batman Movie was good.  The LEGO NINJAGO Movie was okay, barely.  I think I’m being a bit nice by giving it that rating.  I will though because many of the scenes were meticulous and looked like much effort was involved (like all the LEGO movies thus far).  Put it this way, if it was the same exact movie in live-action, I would’ve liked it a lot less.  The story and themes are way overdone (follow your path, your true power lies within, father and son make up after years of estrangement for reasons far from fresh, blah, blah, blah) and many of the characters were too silly and unfunny for me.  That says a lot for a LEGO movie aimed specifically at a young demographic.  Since the LEGO movies seem to get worse each time, I don’t have much hope for the next release.  1/3/2018

November Criminals                                                   EH

Very bland thriller involving a teen investigating the shooting death of his friend after feeling the authorities aren’t doing their job.  Gee, I’ve never seen or heard of that before.  It basically illustrates that you never truly know who people are, however well you think you may know them.  Gee, I’ve never seen or heard of that before either.  This comes off as an episode for a second-rate crime show where this would’ve been one of the worst episodes.  This is a very flat movie with a very lackluster payoff.  This is the type of movie you’d likely see at the dollar store and buy out of curiosity not expecting much and eventually either selling to Tunes (or any used media outlet) or letting it collect dust at the back of your movie collection.  You get the idea…1/9/2018

Psychopaths                                                                OK/G

This simple movie involving an executed murderer purportedly manifesting within several psychopaths over the course of the same night is quite nasty and I expected nothing less.  It’s also too short and underdeveloped, which is a shame because it’s so well-made.  1/11/2018

Serpent                                                                        OK/G

I was reminded of Backcountry while watching this.  Replace Canada with South Africa and replace a black bear with a black mamba though.  And unlike Backcountry, more than half this film takes place inside a tent where the couple is trapped with a black mamba.  If they stay calm, the snake stays calm as we’re informed.  It’s actually not as boring as it may sound being confined to one location with minimal action.  I won’t reveal whether the snake attacks someone or not, but I highly doubt any snake attack (however deadly) could ever rival or surpass the brutality of the bear attack in Backcountry.  If there’s a snake out there saying ‘hold my beer,’ I would love to stand corrected.  It’s a different kind of natural horror film and the outcome is slightly grim but, even as a simplistic story at roughly 82 minutes, it still felt mildly insufficient.  1/13/2018

Sharknado 5:  Global Swarming                                EH

Well, well, well.  Five Sharknado movies have been made.  I will admit that the first three were fun for what they were.  There’s not much you can expect from movies about sharks flying and killing in tornadoes.  The fourth one added other kinds of ‘nados since sharknados weren’t too original anymore…I guess.  The cheeky fun began to wear thin with the fourth one as well and this one was my least favorite so far.  Funny, I actually have favorites for a franchise like this.  I just wasn’t feeling it this time.  The only novel thing added was a massive shark comprised of sharks (Sharkzilla I think it was called), but even that was short-lasting and kind of corny looking.  I don’t mean to spoil anything, but a sixth one is already planned since a new storyline has been hinted at before ‘To Be Continued’ sprawled across the screen at the end.  Yes, I will keep watching until they decide to stop making them.  Perhaps people like me that keep watching are the reason they keep getting made?  1/8/2018

Sightings                                                                      OK/G

This low-budget, under-the-radar film was actually better than I thought it would be.  The title has a double meaning.  The plot involves Bigfoot but an interesting theory is presented connecting the cryptid being with aliens that I’ve never heard or seen before.  Points for that.  I just wish it was fleshed out more.  I have other reservations with the film too.  The creature appeared to be practical but we only get to see its lower half.  If the characters get to see its entirety, why can’t we?  I was reminded of the great Tales from the Cryptkeeper episode, ‘Grounds for Horror,’ in that regard.  Unless the budget was so low and they didn’t want the film ruined by something resembling Harry (and the Hendersons), I guess part of me wants to see how a practical Sasquatch looks each time.  I guess I wanted more creature violence too.  Oh, and ‘Rufio’ has a part (all you Hook fans) and doesn’t look any different other than being slightly heavier.  Not bad like I said, just missing something.  1/8/2018

Slumber                                                                       EH

Sleep paralysis and the demon associated with it seem to be popping up a lot lately in entertainment.  An interesting scenario is presented at first but this film eventually becomes completely uninspired.  Henry Fuseli’s painting The Nightmare, which depicts the sleep phenomenon and is featured here, is infinitely more frightening than the entire movie.  1/13/2018

The Villainess                                                              OK

The beginning and end of this Korean action flick are superb.  The in-between, not so much.  The first-person POV in the beginning is a bloody fun extravaganza that might be the best and most engaging sequence I’ve seen in quite some time.  It’s a shame the film drags after that until the not-as-good-but-equally-entertaining finale.  I would tell you to watch specifically for the beginning but I can’t quite recommend the entire film because you’ll be wasting almost 2 hours until the end.  1/8/2018

---Sean O.

Mooby Reviews 1/4/18

Here are my newest film critiques...

Birth of the Dragon                                                     OK

Bruce Lee.  I never really knew much about the guy other than him being a legendary kung-fu fighting celebrity.  I also knew his son was killed during the filming of the best gothic superhero movie ever (more like antihero movie but also one of the best movies period).  I’ve never been a fan of kung-fu movies.  The only one I can recall liking was Rumble in the Bronx and that’s probably not the best example.  I always like to be educated about historical figures and history in general though.  This biopic takes place nine years before (as we’re informed) the release of Lee’s renowned Enter the Dragon.  Kung-fu masters wanted to keep their techniques strictly within the Chinese community at the time and Bruce Lee was criticized for teaching it to Westerners (namely whites).  This film mostly focuses on the fight between Lee and Wong Jack Man (another Chinese kung-fu fighter that was more spiritual than ass-kicking as Lee was known for) and how it forever altered the way Bruce fought.  Since I knew nothing before, I can’t tell how accurate any of this was.  As a movie from my viewpoint, it was okay.  Some of the fight scenes were horribly choreographed and I still don’t feel like I truly know the guy since this was only one small part of his life.  The film also spent a good deal of time focusing on Lee’s Caucasian protégé and his relationship between Bruce and Wong.  12/21/2017

Boys in the Trees                                                         OK

I heard about this Australian film via an online list containing “good” 2017 horror movies that “flew under the radar.”  Well, it is a horror movie occasionally.  It’s also a fantasy and ultimately a teen drama taking place on Halloween night.  Apparently their school year ends on Halloween so I wonder if the land down under celebrates it a different time of year or their school year is just different?  It also takes place in the late ‘90’s as popular tunes from that time permeate the soundtrack.  The title refers to immaturity and the underlying theme seemed to be that no one ever truly wants to grow up because it’s one step closer to death.  I really thought this movie had something going for it initially and it almost goes to dark places at times, but it shifted genres each time I thought it was going somewhere.  In other words, the genres weren’t meshed well.  The ending wasn’t surprising one bit either.  It’s debatable whether it should’ve been on a horror movie list and I understand why it probably flew under the radar because it wasn’t that great.  Still wasn’t bad either.  12/24/2017

Brawl in Cell Block 99                                                OK/G

The first half was typical while the second half was often brutal (albeit over-the-top) and gritty.  Vince Vaughn plays a guy resorting to drug dealing after being laid off and planning to have a child with his wife that’s been cheating on him (hell of a way to stay together).  As usual, things don’t go so well when drugs are involved and he ends up in prison.  He’s given an ultimatum to get himself transferred to another prison (and given a name to eliminate) if he wants his wife and unborn child to live.  He manages to end up in cell block 99 and nothing goes well for anyone.  I liked the second half immensely better but can’t give the film a strictly G rating since I wasn’t drawn in during the first half.  12/29/2017

Bright                                                                          OK

Take away the orcs, elves, and magic wands coexisting with humans, and this is just another buddy cop movie where the underdog eventually becomes the hero.  It is a social commentary on the way humans interact amongst different races, but that’s nothing we haven’t already seen either.  The payoff wasn’t too grand and it almost felt like this movie was just the beginning for something grander.  I didn’t hate the film.  I’m not praising it either.  12/23/2017

A Christmas Story Live!                                              OK/G

When I saw this musical update was three hours, I was like, “you’ve got to be fucking kidding me?”  It’s probably closer to two hours with all the commercials though (but I couldn’t fast forward when I watched it).  I can honestly say I didn’t hate it like others apparently did (mainly critics and social media comments I’ve seen).  It would help to be familiar with the Bob Clark original to know what’s being referenced.  If you contain no knowledge of A Christmas Story, you’d likely think this was a corny musical (most musicals are kind of silly) and it definitely is corny.  It’s still slightly creative when homaging scenes from the original.  It’s basically a remake with song-and-dance numbers added that definitely won’t replace Bob Clark’s holiday classic (that usually runs for 24 hours on Christmas), but I would say to watch this at least once and never again…if you care for little Ralphie’s adventures from the 1940’s that is.  I’m apparently the only one in my immediate family that’s ever been a fan.  12/20/2017

Circus of the Dead                                                      OK/G

The Dead part of the title doesn’t refer to zombies as suggested.  It’s about circus clowns that kill people at each town visited.  The clowns are vile and irritating at times, but there be some decent kills (a head bashing with a giant wooden sledgehammer is a personal fave) and the film has an undeniable appeal despite being a trashy geek show.  If you already dislike clowns, this film likely won’t make you hate and/or fear them any less.  We’re promised a sequel at the end of the credits.  I’ll watch it but I don’t quite think it’s necessary, unless this film was a test to see how they can up the ante next time.  12/29/2017

Clown Kill                                                                   OK

Somewhat decent evil clown flick from the U.K.  At only 79 minutes, it takes quite a bit for the clown to make an appearance (I don’t count the brief prologue involving a bathroom rape).  The clown isn’t scary at all either, not even for coulrophobes.  The kills are passable if not spectacular but at least a different weapon is used each time.  I was actually surprised by something towards the end, but the very end confused me a bit unless the same actors played different characters (the credits didn’t indicate such).  Strictly for killer clown fans only, but even us fans deserve a little better.  12/29/2017

Detroit                                                                         OK

I thought I was watching a war movie at times.  It took place right here on American soil in 1967 though.  Fifty-years later, the issues are still very relevant, namely riots and tensions between police officers and black Americans.  If you already harbor anti-cop sentiments, this film won’t make you feel any different.  It might even piss you off more since it actually shows how corrupt some cops (one in particular here) may be and how those bad cops make good cops look bad.  It probably wasn’t the smartest idea for the one guy to shoot a fake gun towards cops and the National Guard from the hotel either; otherwise the unnecessary events that ensued wouldn’t have occurred.  There’s some powerful stuff on display here, but the film overstays its welcome by a long shot (at 2 hours and 20 minutes) and the outcomes (however factual) aren’t really that fresh anymore since we’ve been presented with so many similar stories (and cases) lately.  Basically bad cops get away with killing innocent people (largely black males) without enough “evidence.”  12/29/2017

Gook                                                                           G

Somewhat potent albeit poignant film occurring during the Rodney King trial and verdict in April of 1992.  It involves Korean brothers running a shoe store their father used to own in a black neighborhood close to South Central where post-trial riots happened.  The title is rather derogatory, and its meaning is explained in the very beginning for those that may not know, but significant due to the everyday discrimination the two face.  I highly doubt a film titled a slang term for blacks or Latinos would be very marketable or even acceptable though.  I like when racism in entertainment isn’t just between black and white (ironically this film is shot in black and white), even though it’s never acceptable, because all of its forms should be made aware of.  I slightly grew fond of these characters (mainly the relationship between the Korean brothers and a young black girl) and, even though you should always acknowledge your life could be worse, movies like this should make some appreciate not being in similar financial and social situations.  12/23/2017

Jeepers Creepers 3                                                      OK/G

I am a fan of Jeepers Creepers.  The second one wasn’t great but it was watchable.  That’s basically how I felt about this one.  It wasn’t bad for a threequel (or midquel really).  It takes place directly after the first one and right before the second one chronologically, so it should probably be called Jeepers Creepers 1 ½.  One thing that disappointed me was the fact some people were able to see the Creeper’s possible origins by touching its severed hand, but we don’t get to see what they saw.  I think that’s something all fans would like to know.  Where did it come from?  Where does it normally go after 23 days for 23 years?  Why does it only have 23 days to return and feed?  Why is it specifically 23 years it disappears (or hibernates)?  Since it’s a creature (and not a human killer), I would like to know a little more about its mythology.  Ironically, I actually do want an origin story for once.  This film offers no revelations so it’s basically a typical horror sequel where the Creeper offs whoever happens to be in its way.  It does contain some similar ominous setups present in the first film though and the ‘BEATNGU’ truck has some interesting tricks up its sleeve never presented before.  [Potential Spoilers Ahead] Jeepers Creepers 2 ended with Ray Wise’s character readying to attack the creature 23 years later and this one ended with a specific character from Jeepers Creepers recounting all three films 23 years later as well, so I have a feeling Jeepers Creepers 4 might be in the works and contain both characters (or at least one) trying to eradicate the creature once and for all (or at least until the next 23 years).  I thought this film would’ve picked up directly after the second one though.  12/21/2017

Kingsman:  The Golden Circle                                   OK/G

Gets off to a rough start with a silly action sequence befitting a modern superhero movie.  This sequel is almost a superhero movie.  I enjoyed the first one because it was a spy movie that wasn’t really a spy movie.  This film has a lot of good going for it but I think the novelty may have started to wear thin already.  I still like many of the characters and the violence doesn’t disappoint (meat grinder, slicing lasso, giant scissors anyone?).  If there’s a third one, (SPOILER ALERT) I wouldn’t be surprised if Mark Strong’s character somehow returns.  If you’ve seen previews or the cover or heard people talk about it, surely you must know that Colin Firth returns in this one despite “dying” in the first one.  The one thing I will say is that I’m definitely Team Kingsman over Team Bond any day.  12/29/2017

Lady Bird                                                                    OK

Why aren’t original movies made anymore?  This coming-of-age movie featuring the eponymously nicknamed girl during her senior year from 2002-2003 in Sacramento is no different than many other coming-of-age movies I’ve already seen.  Let me give you a rundown:  [Potential Spoilers] Lady Bird thinks Sacramento is the Midwest of California and yearns to attend college on the East Coast (the grass is always greener on the other side).  The first boy she falls for from her theater group turns out to be gay (shocker) and the next guy takes her virginity but turns out to be a player (oh, the drama).  She decides to hang out with a “cool” girl thus neglecting her other “not as pretty or popular” friend (I understand people are still insecure senior year but many insecurities Lady Bird faces seem more apt during middle school).  She eventually makes up with her other friend after realizing they have more in common than her new “cool” friends (yada, yada, yada).  After being accepted and attending a school in New York, it’s hinted that “lame” Sacramento may not be as bad as she made it out to be (home is where the heart is?).  Currently this has a 99% rating on Rotten Tomatoes.  Maybe I’m not cut out to be a critic even though everyone is one.  Sorry, this film wasn’t that fresh for me.  If you want to see a good female-centered coming-of-age movie, watch Welcome to the Dollhouse, Ghost World, or Thirteen.  12/21/2017

Leatherface                                                                 OK

I’m a big fan of Tobe Hooper’s The Texas Chainsaw Massacre.  I told people at one time that it was my favorite movie.  It’s timeless.  I did like the original sequel but naturally not quite as much.  Part three was just okay in the standard sequel sense.  The Next Generation (which was a parody of the first) is the worst in the franchise, worse than any remakes and their sequels/prequels.  Speaking of the remakes and sequels/prequels, I didn’t quite mind them actually.  The Jessica Biel-starring one was serviceable in the least, as was The Beginning and the “sequel to the 1974 original” simply titled Texas Chainsaw.  None, of course, were nearly as exemplary as Tobe Hooper’s first.  As much as I can’t stand the notion of remakes and sequels, backstory prequels detailing the formative years of iconic killers irks me to no end.  We didn’t need to see Michael Myers’ childhood in Rob Zombie’s Halloween nor see Leatherface being pre-Leatherface here.  Not knowing who they were before or what made them that way is what made the original films so frightening and effective to begin with.  BUT, if they’re made and they’re there, you know (if you know me) I can’t stop myself from watching them.  This film wasn’t too bad now that I said that.  No, it wasn’t excellent and I won’t likely ever own it.  There is some impressive gore and the film has a general mean streak perfectly fitting the Sawyer family themselves.  It’s hard to tell how I would’ve felt if it was a similar movie with no ties to the Chainsaw franchise.  If it was an “imitator,” I would’ve thought it wasn’t a worthy one.  Knowing it was a prequel of sorts to a franchise I’m a fan of instinctively lowered my expectations beforehand.  If you’ve already seen the other movies, you’re likely going to watch this one anyway (unless that’s just my personal OCD talking).  12/20/2017

Lore:  Season One                                                      OK/G

Six-episode Amazon Prime series using folkLore as the basis for less-than-an-hour segments combining alleged historical documents with voiceover narration and narrative reenactments.  The content isn’t fresh one bit, but fans of dark mythology and horror tales should be pleased if even slightly.  “They Made a Tonic” is an effective, somewhat creepy tale about the origin of vampires leading to the creation of Bram Stoker’s groundbreaking novel (Dracula).  “Echoes” is more historical than narrative about a doctor performing the first lobotomies via eyeball and indicates how certain medications spelled the downfall of certain procedures (like lobotomies).  “Black Stockings” was an interesting albeit overdone tale about a changeling from Ireland.  Why was the Annie Oakley bit included?  They did mention men dealing with strong women but the reference had nothing to do with the main narrative.  “Passing Notes” was a pretty good ghost story that might’ve worked as a feature.  There’re killer curtains too and, trust me, it actually looks much better than it sounds.  There exists no abundance of werewolf flicks, at least worthy ones, and “The Beast Within” would’ve made a bloody (literally) good one.  An interesting thesis is presented connecting the feral “monsters” to real killers like the Son of Sam.  The final episode, “Unboxed,” was a personal fave because it dealt with dolls.  The reenactment was about Robert the doll (it seems I’ve been hearing about Robert a lot since visiting Key West) and the doll resembled the real one much more than the one in the Robert movies.  Since I know so much about the legend now, the reenactment was old news (at least for me) but I did enjoy the documentary on specific doll histories.  In conclusion, while it wasn’t uneven at all integrating historical segments with narrative ones, I prefer they be one or the other.  I think these stories would’ve worked better as an anthology series using narrative storytelling only.  The documentary segments might’ve made a decent companion piece afterwards.  I still think there’s enough to enjoy though.  12/29/2017

Mayhem                                                                      OK

“Glenn” (Steven Yuen) slaughters infected co-workers instead of “the walking dead” in this uneven amalgamation of Office Space and The Belko Experiment.  It’s not as funny as Office Space nor as serious as The Belko Experiment.  Workers are quarantined in a building for 8 hours due to a contagious virus causing repressed emotions (lust, anger, depression, etc.) to surface recklessly.  It’s an intriguing notion for sure (who wouldn’t want to release animalistic aggressions without repercussions at times?) and there’s some impressive violence, but the tone was just too silly for me to take it seriously.  12/29/2017

Revenge of the Green Dragons                                   OK

Some immigrants feel that leaving their homeland with minimal opportunities and coming to America (the “land of opportunities”) will provide a better life only to discover it’s not necessarily much better.  That’s the predicament facing two Chinese boys arriving in Queens after joining a gang because, after all, “it’s better to be part of something (bad or not) than be nothing” (poor and working in a restaurant for life).  One character (authority figure) hinted that immigration always leads to problems and it should be controlled.  This took place between 1983 and 1992 so the immigration debate will never dissipate.  Many people seem to forget that unless you’re an American Indian, everyone was an immigrant to this nation since its formation.  Whether this film deals with immigration issues or gangs (all of them are Asian so apparently it’s not one-for-all in America, plus one of the Green Dragon rules is not to kill whites since the cops will give them shit), I didn’t feel it was fully developed however effective some of it may have been.  Martin Scorsese was involved in the production which makes sense since this felt like a movie I’ve seen several times before, namely one of his, with Italians (or Irish or whoever) replaced by Asians.  12/21/2017

The Shape of Water                                                     OK

Guillermo del Toro most certainly has vision and is a unique individual.  He’s made notable films like The Devil’s Backbone, Pan’s Labyrinth, Crimson Peak, and even Hellboy.  Naturally, he’s made misfires like Pacific Rim and Hellboy II as well.  I wouldn’t say this latest offering is a misfire but it was definitely a disappointment, at least for me it was (221 out of 238 critics disagree as of this writing).  Guillermo has a keen eye for detail, especially for specific time periods, and he certainly doesn’t fail in that department for this film.  He stated in interviews that this movie’s intention was to show how he wished the relationship between the creature and Julia Adams would’ve been in Creature from the Black Lagoon.  I say he passed in making that happen too.  So why didn’t I love this film?  It lacks any ounce of originality other than containing an intercreature(?) romance in the same recycled plotline.  It’s another “Beauty and the Beast” story, although arguably both the woman and creature are the “beasts” in this world where humans are the real monsters (blah, blah, blah), with some E.T. sentiments thrown in.  I knew everything that was going to transpire and you’ll most likely as well if you’ve seen enough movies.  I really wanted to like this adult fairy tale more than I did and I can’t deny it has beautiful touches, but I also can’t deny that its overdone familiarity ultimately failed to move me.  12/19/2017  

Trolls Holiday                                                             G

The Trolls movie charmed me with its creative childishness as did this short quasi-sequel involving troll holidays.  It doesn’t involve any particular holiday (it just happened to be released recently), therefore it can be viewed any time of the year.  You should watch Trolls first since a brief synopsis is given of the entire film here.  I don’t know why you would bother with this anyway if you’re not a fan of the DreamWorks movie, or at least saw it.  Even if you don’t like this film, it will only take up barely 22 minutes of your time.  12/19/2017

A Very Murray Christmas                                           EH

This was a dismal experience and I’m unsure if it was supposed to be.  What was the intention of this Netflix special involving Bill Murray performing (or witnessing) popular Christmas songs alongside celebrities such as Chris Rock, George Clooney and Miley Cyrus?  A snowstorm basically shuts down New York City so a planned concert is cancelled and that, in turn, makes Mr. Murray bitter.  The improv musical numbers and giving advice to an unhappy soon-to-be married couple make him appear a bit more jovial before finishing with a “Scrooge”-like ending.  There’s an idea---I wouldn’t mind seeing yet another Christmas Carol adaptation with Bill Murray starring.  Wait, that already happened in Scrooged.  I’m a big fan of Bill Murray.  At least I was back in the day, pre-Millennium mostly.  He’s a funny man.  This barely-hour long feature wasn’t funny though.  I wasn’t crazy about any of the musical performances either, save the Phoenix one (now I know where that catchy motivational song originated).  Bill Murray, I still think you’re great, but I don’t plan on revisiting this holiday special annually.  12/19/2017

---Sean O.