Jurassic World: Camp Cretaceous (Season Three)

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In case you haven’t seen the intro from my entry dated 1/26/19 (it’s in my archives whenever you want to read it), I’m no longer going to review every single movie I see.  I’m going to review one, with the occasional bonus, and just give ratings for the rest from now on (unless I decide to pick it up again in the future).  You can always ask me why I gave the ratings for the films without reviews though (via comments or the e-mail addresses under the ‘About Me’ section).

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Jurassic World:  Camp Cretaceous (Season 3)           G

…As of now, season three is not confirmed and it could very well happen considering this season didn’t completely end, and, if it does happen, I hope it’s better than this season… 

Those are the words I said towards the end of my season two review of this Netflix series (you can read the entire review for it here---https://vampireclown82.blogspot.com/2021/01/synchronic.html, as well as my review for season one here---https://vampireclown82.blogspot.com/2020/09/jurassic-world-camp-cretaceous.html).  Boy was this season better than the last one!  I enjoyed the first season enough to label it one of the best TV shows of last year, but the second season just didn’t work for me.  Sometimes you can’t truly explain why you don’t enjoy something, but sometimes you just don’t enjoy something as much as you do others, hence why criticism will always be subjective (I know at least my brother enjoyed season two).  Whereas the previous two seasons contained 8 episodes each, this one was 10, all of them 24 minutes each that all go by super fast!  I didn’t want to stop watching and that’s certainly always a positive.  Basically the same six kids from the beginning are still on the island and must try and survive amongst the dinosaurs that are always in pursuit (the herbivores are even dangerous this time).  This season was pure fun and should be as well to those that are fans of the movie franchise as well as this spinoff series, but, then again, that’s just my subjective opinion.  As of now, season four has not been confirmed, but it’s a high possibility given the ending of this season, and, if so, I’m guessing it’ll be released 4 months from now since that’s been the interval between each season so far.  Of course I’ll watch it, but it has a lot to live up to after this season; I just ask that it be better than season two!  5/23/2021

Bonus reviews:

The Stand (2020)                                                         EH

I finally got around to watching this miniseries remake available on CBS All Access/Paramount +, based on the novel by Stephen King, which was first released at the end of last year.  Confession:  I never read the book even though I’ve owned it for over 20 years now (I’ll get around to it eventually, but it’s as thick as a friggin’ Bible!  I’m surprised I did read similar-sized tomes like It and Under the Dome).  The original miniseries, which ran for 4 nights in 1994, isn’t my favorite adaptation of King’s, but I am enough of a fan to own the DVD, and I can only remember parts of it (I don’t even know how many times I watched it; it wasn’t a lot).  So, basically, I went into this adaptation somewhat blind, even though I remembered parts of the original as they happened here.  I don’t remember hearing too many good things about this one, and even though I try not to listen to the naysayers, or even the yaysayers for anything (I’ve liked films/shows that were panned and disliked ones that were praised, after all), I hate to say that the naysayers were right this time.  I did not care about this series after the first episode and definitely forced myself to continue due to my love of the King (damn you, Stephen!).  It’s 9 episodes, mind you, ranging from 48 to 65 minutes each, making it a total of roughly 8 ½ hours (the original was roughly 6 hours---damn, that would’ve been almost 2 hours of commercials when it first aired and, no, I didn’t watch it when it was initially released)!  Since I never read the book, I know not whether either adaptation was faithful and what may have been added or removed, but since this one was 2 hours longer, either this one added or the original left stuff out.  I’m guessing this one added since it was way too drawn out.  In a nutshell, for those that may not be familiar with the material, a virus decimates the majority of the population and new communities are formed with the surviving members; there is also talk of God and the Devil and end times and shit (ironically, I used the Bible as a comparison above).  Post-apocalyptic movies are definitely dead and this miniseries was boring with a cast of recognizable faces (i.e. James Marsden, Whoopi Goldberg, Greg Kinnear, Irene Bedard, Alexander Skarsgard, to name a few) that couldn’t even save it.  It’s pretty much needless to say this was an unnecessary remake to a work I wasn’t the biggest fan of to begin with, but I think I’ll stick with the 1994 version if I want to revisit the material, or, better yet, I might just decide to finally read the big ass book!  5/26/2021

Raya and the Last Dragon                                          G

(haiku review)

Decent Disney flick.

Captivating to behold.

More for the youngsters.  5/24/2021

Other movies I've seen and their ratings (see above):

Chaos Walking  >>>EH/OK

The Hand (1981)  >>>EH

The SpongeBob Movie:  Sponge on the Run  >>>EH/OK

The Village in the Woods  >>>EH

---Sean O.

5/29/2021

Army of the Dead

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In case you haven’t seen the intro from my entry dated 1/26/19 (it’s in my archives whenever you want to read it), I’m no longer going to review every single movie I see.  I’m going to review one, with the occasional bonus, and just give ratings for the rest from now on (unless I decide to pick it up again in the future).  You can always ask me why I gave the ratings for the films without reviews though (via comments or the e-mail addresses under the ‘About Me’ section).

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Army of the Dead                                                        EH/OK

In case you’ve heard/read nothing about this new Netflix movie, it’s a heist/zombie movie wherein a group of people are tasked with entering Las Vegas (which has been bordered off to contain zombies within) to retrieve a large sum of money with promises of a reward before the city is blown to smithereens in a few days.  Zack Snyder was at the helm, who was behind a bunch of superhero movies, but also the passable Dawn of the Dead remake, so he’s dabbled with the undead before (it was also his feature film directing debut).  Did this need to be 2 ½ hours?  Hell no!  I don’t think most movies need to be that long.  It wasn’t necessarily boring in the general sense, but it certainly felt as long as it was; I thought it was over 40 minutes before it actually was!  It is more of a zombie movie than a heist one, and I actually liked it better before they entered Sin City when we got to know all the characters; this ultimately felt like a subpar Resident Evil film (didn’t at least one of those take place in Vegas as well?).  There’s a group of undead that are more “intelligent” than other mindless gut-munchers, they don’t talk though, just grunt, and their existence is infinitely more silly than frightening.  There was a zombie tiger and horse that were pretty cool, plus a pretty cool mauling by the tiger that would’ve impressed me whether the big cat was a zombie or not.  That’s really all that stood out in this overlong heist/zombie film that was fairly standard in regards to both genres.  5/21/2021

Bonus review:

Tom & Jerry                                                                EH/OK

I did watch Tom & Jerry as a young‘un enough to say I was a fan, but it wasn’t one of my favorites.  I did like the movie that came out in 1993 (at least back then), also called Tom & Jerry: The Movie (this movie is labeled both Tom & Jerry and Tom & Jerry: The Movie in some places), which I still own the VHS for.  The thing I remember about the show and the other movie though was that they were 100% animated.  This movie takes the animated characters and merges them with real people and real locations (the Big Apple, to be exact; mainly a hotel hosting a celebrity wedding).  In fact, all the animals are the only things animated.  Why couldn’t the entire film be animated?  As a film itself, it’s not as bad as it could’ve been, but it’s still not exactly worth watching and I’m glad this wasn’t my introduction to Tom & Jerry, which, unfortunately, will be for some of today’s young‘uns.  [I reviewed at least one feature-length animated film featuring the titular cat and mouse contained in this blog---https://vampireclown82.blogspot.com/2017/11/mooby-reviews-111617.html].  5/19/2021

Other movies and TV show(s) I’ve seen and their ratings (see above):

The Funeral Home  >>>OK

   (In Spanish with subtitles)

Minari  >>>OK/G

   (Mostly in Korean with subtitles)

The Nest  >>>EH

Time Lapse (2015)  >>>EH

Trickster  >>>OK

   (6 episodes; currently available on Shudder) 

---Sean O.

5/22/2021

The Woman in the Window/The Strange House

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In case you haven’t seen the intro from my entry dated 1/26/19 (it’s in my archives whenever you want to read it), I’m no longer going to review every single movie I see.  I’m going to review one, with the occasional bonus, and just give ratings for the rest from now on (unless I decide to pick it up again in the future).  You can always ask me why I gave the ratings for the films without reviews though (via comments or the e-mail addresses under the ‘About Me’ section).

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The Woman in the Window                                         EH

I didn’t realize this new Netflix movie based on a book of the same name was another remake of Rear Window.  There’s even a brief clip of the original Hitchcock film on a TV in the beginning (how’s that for subtlety?).  In it, an agoraphobic woman (played by Amy Adams) witnesses a murder across the street from her New York apartment.  No one believes her because there’s no proof and of course she could just be delusional since she takes medication.  In these films, she could either actually be delusional or is actually correct and isn’t believed until there’s actual proof.  After about midway, a “twist” is revealed in regards to her agoraphobia which is nothing new at all.  Since the movie wasn’t over yet, another “twist” was eventually revealed that wasn’t surprising in the least and didn’t make the movie any better.  In fact, the “twists” made the movie a whole lot worse since it started out with decent performances and a bit of a mystery that I was hoping wouldn’t end in clichés.  I know it’s hard to be original anymore, but this Hitchcockian psychological thriller just isn’t worth watching.  5/14/2021

The Strange House                                                      EH

This haunted house film recently released on Netflix comes from Austria (as research informed me) and is in German, so you know what that means---yes, you have to read subtitles if you don’t understand German, but I’m sure you can adjust the audio to English or whatever other language is available if you don’t mind poor dubbing.  It may start off a bit intriguing and it has its moments, but every cliché you can imagine is here.  Let’s see, a family moves into a new home in which a murder took place at one time, the ghosts of the victims have a message, a séance of sorts is performed, the wrong people are initially assumed to be villains…and the final reveal is as clichéd as it gets.  To top it all off, the ending was a little too sweet, and, yes, that can mean clichéd too.  5/17/2021

Other movies and TV show(s) I’ve seen and their ratings (see above):

Dead Ant  >>>EH/OK

Extraordinary Tales  >>>EH/OK

Hunted (2020)  >>>OK

   (Shudder)

Land (2021)  >>>OK

Oxygen (2021)  >>>EH

   (Netflix; In French with subtitles)

The Reckoning (2021)  >>>OK

Sator  >>>EH/OK 

Son (2021)  >>>OK

These Streets We Haunt  >>>EH

The Valley  >>>OK

   (6 episodes; In German with subtitles)

Wander Darkly  >>>EH

---Sean O.

5/18/2021

Clown Doll/Fried Barry

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In case you haven’t seen the intro from my entry dated 1/26/19 (it’s in my archives whenever you want to read it), I’m no longer going to review every single movie I see.  I’m going to review one, with the occasional bonus, and just give ratings for the rest from now on (unless I decide to pick it up again in the future).  You can always ask me why I gave the ratings for the films without reviews though (via comments or the e-mail addresses under the ‘About Me’ section).

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Clown Doll                                                                  OK/G

The title is one word (ClownDoll) in some places and The Clown Doll in others, but apparently this is the only movie with that title, so whatever.  I do love clown movies and I do love doll movies.  The doll here is life-size and the clown design is obviously a mask and wig, so this is really a slasher movie with a clown as the slasher.  Is that a complaint?  Not at all.  I actually liked the way the clown looked.  I want to recommend this film based on that alone.  Plus, there are some kills, some of them worthy too.  It is slow at times and it is a low-budget film, that much is obvious, but it’s not as bad as it could’ve been based on that, although, yes, it would’ve benefitted from a better budget.  I was hoping it wouldn’t contain an overdone twist I thought it was leading towards, and while it does feel a bit ambiguous at the end, it’s actually exactly what you think it is after I pondered about it afterwards…I hope.  Even if it does contain one of those “open to interpretation” endings, I’m sticking with my conclusion because it’s a much better movie that way.  Not a bad addition, nor a masterpiece, to the clown horror subgenre.  5/3/2021

Fried Barry                                                                 B

The titular character is abducted by aliens and undergoes an ordeal that puts the ones from Fire in the Sky to shame.  It could just be his drug-induced state, so I don’t know.  A synopsis tells me an alien inhabits his body and uses it to travel through Cape Town, which is in South Africa, if you didn’t know.  Whatever, the movie didn’t work for me as an alien abduction film or a drug-induced one.  I read that it’s an acquired taste and I wonder if it’s one of those films in which you yourself need to be fried to enjoy it.  I can see it likely becoming a cult film, as some are already labeling it, and hence the “acquired taste,” but I’m definitely not one of those fans, nor do I see myself ever becoming one; I think it’s one of the worst movies of the year.  It currently has an 83% score out of 42 critics on Rotten Tomatoes though, so what do I know?  5/7/2021

Bonus review:

June 9                                                                          OK

(haiku review)

Is found footage dead?

Some may say, but what isn’t?

This one’s just okay.  5/8/2021

Other movies I've seen and their ratings (see above):

Butchers  >>>EH

The Little Things  >>>EH/OK

Sonic the Hedgehog (2020)  >>>OK

---Sean O.

5/8/2021

Creepshow (Season 2)/In Search of Darkness: Part II

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In case you haven’t seen the intro from my entry dated 1/26/19 (it’s in my archives whenever you want to read it), I’m no longer going to review every single movie I see.  I’m going to review one, with the occasional bonus, and just give ratings for the rest from now on (unless I decide to pick it up again in the future).  You can always ask me why I gave the ratings for the films without reviews though (via comments or the e-mail addresses under the ‘About Me’ section).

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Creepshow (Season 2)                                                            OK

Bring on more seasons!  That’s what I wrote at the end of my review for the first season, which you can read in its entirety here---https://vampireclown82.blogspot.com/2020/01/creepshow-season-onejay-and-silent-bob.html.  I really enjoyed the first season of this Shudder series based on the film franchise, the first two films of which I’ve been a fan of since way before I was of legal age, enough to name it the best TV show of the year it came out.  I was also a fan enough of the two specials released, the animated and holiday one, both of which you can read my review for here---https://vampireclown82.blogspot.com/2021/03/the-dark-and-wickedthe-mortuary.html.  As you can see at the end of that review, I stated this about this particular season---I, for one, am looking forward to it and hope it’s as good as the first season.  Well, I hate to say it, but I didn’t enjoy this season as much, making it a contender for “Most Disappointing TV Show” of this year.  No, I don’t regret watching it, because I was looking forward to it and I will watch any future seasons released, not only due to my admiration for the franchise, but also due to my love for anthology entertainment (as much as I always say it).  The only two episodes that stood out for me this time were “Dead and Breakfast” and “Sibling Rivalry,” and even they weren’t so spectacular.  “Model Kid” utilized worthy creature designs, but was ultimately a typical revenge story.  As much as I love The Evil Dead, it overstayed its welcome in its own spinoff series (Ash vs. Evil Dead), let alone used here in “Public Television of the Dead,” but it still wasn’t bad for fans of that franchise…I guess (I thought this was a Creepshow property).  “Pesticide” did use practical creatures (as this franchise is known for), but that was the only thing barely memorable about that forgettable segment.  “Pipe Screams” involved a silly creature even though I don’t recall ever seeing it done before, and that’s not necessarily a compliment for this ultimately lame episode featuring a typical comeuppance for a reprehensible character.  The final episode, “Night of the Living Late Show,” was basically just watching clips of two movies (Horror Express and Night of the Living Dead) with the current actor (Justin Long) digitally added in due to a VR device created.  There was a worthy ending although it wasn’t really deserved and there was a creative Night of the Living Dead videogame in the beginning that incorporated its two subsequent sequels (Dawn and Day) at the end, but more movies should’ve been featured, especially since this segment was the length of two (40-plus minutes opposed to 20-plus minutes).  The remaining two, “The Right Snuff” and “Within the Walls of Madness” were probably the worst ones, “Snuff” involving Ryan Kwanten (of True Blood fame) and Breckin Meyer (where the hell has he been?) in a space-set tale, “Madness” being a Lovecraftian one that didn’t work at all.  I didn’t hate this season, but it doesn’t hold the brightest candle to season one, and I hope I like season three better, otherwise I won’t be saying Bring on more seasons!  4/30/2021

In Search of Darkness:  Part II                                   OK/G

Part deux of this Shudder exclusive documentary on Eighties horror films (you can read my review for the first part here---https://vampireclown82.blogspot.com/2020/08/three-horror-documentaries.html).  I’m just going to crib from that review since the same synopsis applies here---What they did was discuss horror films from 1980 to 1989, picking a handful from each year, while other topics were discussed in between.  They can probably make an endless amount of these movies since another almost 4 ½ hour film obviously didn’t cover the entire genre for each year during the “iconic” decade.  That’s fine with me since part of the fun in being a movie fanatic is discussing movies and/or hearing others discuss them visually or in writing.  [I would like them to take the same concept and cover Seventies and Nineties horror as well].  Sometimes I don’t mind hearing movies I’m not a fan of discussed to gain another perspective and just to hear other opinions; film criticism is very subjective after all, and, like one of my past professor’s once said (along these lines), “a film isn’t a classic just because people say it is.”  I should’ve put ‘sometimes’ in big, bold letters at the beginning of the previous sentence because there were quite a bit of titles featured in this documentary I haven’t seen (nor do I plan on seeing) or I’m not too keen on, more so than last time it seemed (yes, as much as the Eighties put out good movies, the decade probably put out an equal amount of shit, but, again, that’s a subjective opinion).  It makes me wonder how the titles are picked to be featured for each year.  Even though it was 4 ½ hours though, and I did split my viewings into 2 segments, it seemed to go by rather quickly as I enjoy the topic of movies, especially from a genre I’m obviously obsessed with (for those that know me and/or read my reviews) and coming from a decade that put out some of the best.  I may not have liked it as much this time, but I’m absolutely not dismissing it for those that enjoyed the previous entry and are fellow fans of the subject matter.  4/28/2021

Bonus review:

Shudder Guides                                                           G

(haiku review)

Five five-minute eps.

Horror subgenres discussed.

Brief and to the point.  4/29/2021

*Obviously available on Shudder*

Other movies and TV show(s) I’ve seen and their ratings (see above):

Attack of the Demons  >>>G

Deadhouse Dark  >>>EH/OK

   (Shudder; 6 episodes)

Driveways  >>>OK

The Mitchells vs. the Machines  >>>OK

            (Netflix)

Ms. 45  >>>EH/OK

Semper Fi (2019)  >>>EH/OK

Things Heard & Seen  >>>OK

            (Netflix)

---Sean O.

5/2/2021