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Hey, y’all.
This is going to be my last blog entry. I shouldn’t say ever, because we all know
when an artist says this is going to be their last movie, last album, last tour,
it isn’t true, more often than not. I
may even pop back every now and then to review a specific movie or TV
show. I am still going to randomly post
on Instagram and Facebook with brief opinions.
And I am still going to post year-end lists with my best and worst
titles (been doing that for years before doing this blog). I’m not going to stop watching movies/shows,
that’s for sure. My archives will always
be available, unless, of course, the site takes the page down or whatever, but,
even if that somehow happens, I’ll always have them in my personal files,
unless, of course, I somehow lose them.
For anyone that has ever read any of these reviews, or any of my blog
posts, once, a few times, or regularly, I really do appreciate it, sincerely;
you are one of the reasons why I continued doing it for all these years (9, to
be exact, this month). I just need to
try focusing on other things, try being the operative word. So, this isn’t necessarily goodbye, since I
may very well continue doing it again regularly, but, for now, enjoy this
“final” entry and thanks again for reading…**************************************************************************
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The Monkey EH
I did read the Stephen King-penned short story from Skeleton
Crew in which this feature-length film, directed by Osgood Perkins (Longlegs), is based. [You can read my review for Longlegs here---https://vampireclown82.blogspot.com/2024/07/longlegs.html]. They do differ a bit, but both involve a cursed
toy monkey with a drum that rightfully deserves a spot in Ed and Lorraine
Warren’s museum alongside Annabelle. (One
character here gets offended when it’s called a toy, so let’s just say it’s a
figurine, I guess). People nearby die
(randomly) after this toy/figurine is turned on. Simple enough story. A story that should’ve stayed on the page,
unfortunately. The monkey itself is
fine; best thing about this horror-comedy.
The genre hybridization just didn’t work for me here; it may come off as
a horror flick, visually, but it ultimately gets mired in the attempted, but
failed, comedy aspect. The violence, for
which there is plenty (there being maybe two or three scenes I was impressed
with), is mostly so over-the-top, belonging more in a parody. Complete disappointment for me. Several names attached too. Apparently it worked for the (currently) 79%
out of 241 critics on Rotten Tomatoes though…3/4/2025
Bonus reviews:
The Jolly Monkey OK
Mockbuster released just one week after The Monkey (reviewed above) from The Asylum, a production company
known for releasing them. Dare I say, it
was better. Not by much, and this isn’t
great, not by any means, but perhaps it might be I had higher expectations for The Monkey and not-so-high ones for
this. Whatever. This one does feature a toy monkey (more than
one) and people do die, but, here, the monkey isn’t cursed and the people are
offed by someone in a monkey suit. Yes,
this is a slasher movie, taking place at the titular motel in the middle of
nowhere (perfect setting, no?). I’ll
tell you what, had this contained the same budget as The Monkey and given a slight rewrite this might’ve been a fairly
exceptional slasher flick, as opposed to the largely tired one it ends up
being. I know, how original can you be
with the subgenre anymore, especially with a mockbuster? The big reveal isn’t shocking at all either,
but it’s also twisted in that Texas
Chainsaw Massacre kind of way (a blatant influence). At least this one knows it’s strictly a
horror movie and remains tonally consistent throughout, unlike that bigger
budget film it’s supposed to be “mocking.”
At least I can say that, I guess…3/12/2025
Lone Star Shark EH/OK
This is a Xumo Original.
Xumo is another streaming channel, much like Tubi, whereby you can watch
free entertainment, with ads. This is
probably the first movie I actually watched on the channel. (I only became aware of it because it
appeared on my Fire Stick homepage). As
you may be able to deduce from the title, it takes place in Texas, primarily on
a lake, and there’s a shark in the water (yes, in a lake; hey, Swamp Shark was a movie). A vacationing couple go out on a boat in this
lake, and they bicker, of course, for reasons not only due to their current
predicament, kind of reminding me of Open
Water without them being in the water.
Something else is going on here though, as you’ll see early enough, and as you can presume from the very
beginning. It wasn’t the worst movie
I’ve seen (considering the subgenre), obviously not award-worthy either, and it
is barely over an hour, but it did leave me with more questions than
answers. Research informed me though, afterwards, that there are two more
movies coming out, supposedly this year.
Maybe those two sequels will answer some questions…3/2/2025
Win or Lose G
Eight-episode animated Pixar series available on Disney+,
all available now after releasing two per week since the premiere. They’re all roughly 20 minutes each, the last
one a few minutes longer, therefore they go by pretty swiftly. Each one focuses on a different character
around the same timeframe, specifically the championship game for a youth
baseball team. I think that was a good
move. I enjoyed this, enough. Boo on them for not including the intended
trans storyline though…3/12/2025
Other movies and TV show(s) I’ve seen and their ratings (see above):
Cannibal Comedian >>>EH/OK
(Screambox)
Control Freak >>>EH/OK
(Hulu)
The Couple Next Door >>>EH
(Available on Starz; 6 episodes)
Crush (2013) >>>EH
Elevation (2024) >>>OK/G
Ghost Game (2024) >>>EH/OK
Heretic (2024) >>>OK
Human Resources (2023) >>>EH/OK
Late Checkout >>>B/EH
Little Bites >>>OK
(Shudder)
Megaboa >>>EH
Moana 2 >>>EH/OK
More Brains! A Return to the Living Dead >>>OK/G
Nosferatu (2024) >>>EH
The Parenting (2025) >>>OK/G
(Max)
The Radleys >>>EH
St. Patrick’s Day Massacre >>>EH
Starve Acre >>>EH
Things Will Be Different >>>EH/OK
Uncontained (2025) >>>OK
---Sean O.3/15/2025
