I Like Moobies

Friday, April 28, 2023

Scream VI

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In case you haven’t seen the intro from my entry dated 1/26/19 (it’s in my archives whenever you want to read it), I’m no longer going to review every single movie I see. I’m going to review one, with the occasional bonus, and just give ratings for the rest from now on (unless I decide to pick it up again in the future). You can always ask me why I gave the ratings for the films without reviews though (via comments or the e-mail addresses under the ‘About Me’ section).

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Scream VI G

Before the initial release, comparisons were made to Friday the 13^th Part VIII: Jason Takes Manhattan due to both franchises (slasher ones) taking place in New York while the preceding entries did not (I don’t recall any nods to that film, but I could swear there were at least two to Jurassic Park). Whereas this film took place entirely in the Big Apple, the Friday entry did not (not even half the time). Jason Takes Manhattan is my least favorite of the Friday franchise (I don’t count the remake), but I didn’t feel that way about this entry for this franchise. I liked it better than the fifth one released last year (you can read my review for it in here---https://vampireclown82.blogspot.com/2022/01/last-night-in-sohoscream-2022.html) and some of the other sequels. It follows some of the survivors from the previous film as they’re now in New York instead of Woodsboro. In true slasher fashion, of course, they may live somewhere else, but Ghostface will follow (as Ghostface is always someone different behind the mask and can easily go anywhere in the world). [You will need to have seen the other entries before this as there are spoilers, but, like always, why would you watch a sixth film in a series before watching the preceding ones? My OCD would never allow it, even if some had nothing to do with the others]. Sure, some of this may be predictable (what do you expect from a slasher feature, meta or not, in 2023?) and I feel they held back on some of the violence, but they do still play around with the tropes at times, and considering how stale the subgenre is by now (hell, how stale movies in general are by now), I enjoyed it enough to recommend it. As of now, a seventh entry isn’t confirmed and I’m not exactly sure there needs to be one, but I didn’t think a sixth entry for this franchise made in 2023 would be passable, so…4/26/2023

Other movies and TV show(s) I’ve seen and their ratings (see above):

Black Circle Boys >>>OK

Fear (2023) >>>B

Florida Man >>>EH

(Netflix; 7 episodes)

Little Witches >>>VB

---Sean O.

4/28/2023

Sunday, April 23, 2023

Bury the Bride

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Bury the Bride G

Spider One, a.k.a. Rob Zombie’s little bro, a.k.a. the singer of Powerman 5000 (real name, Michael David Cummings), certainly made a much better film here with this Tubi Original (Tubi meaning free) than his debut, Allegoria (you can read my review for that in here---https://vampireclown82.blogspot.com/2022/11/speak-no-evil.html). In it, a woman travels with four other women to celebrate her bachelorette party. The friends never met the fiancé and he’s not on any social media. That’s not shady at all! The house they are celebrating at is in the middle of nowhere. Again, not shady at all! They also find a dead animal in the hot tub. Shady! Eventually said fiancé shows up with some of his buddies and shortly reveal they’re not who they initially appear to be (Movies 101 should tell you there’s obviously something shady about them from the get-go). Let’s just say things don’t turn out so well for this bachelorette party. While flawed, it really wasn’t bad for the type of film it was (it does fall into a specific subgenre). Like I said, hell of a lot better than Spider’s previous effort. Perhaps he does have some filmmaking in his bones in addition to music, just like his big bro (who himself is in need of a comeback). 4/22/2023

Other movies and TV show(s) I’ve seen and their ratings (see above):

Beef (Season One) >>>OK/G

(Netflix; 10 episodes)

Easter Bunny Massacre (Easter Killing) >>>EH

Easter Bunny Massacre: The Bloody Trail >>>B

Marlowe (2023) >>>B

Obsession (2023) >>>OK

(Netflix; 4 episodes)

Of an Age >>>OK

Phenomena (2023) >>>EH/OK

(Netflix; In Spanish with subtitles)

Wicked Games (2023) >>>OK

---Sean O.

4/23/2023

Monday, April 17, 2023

Infinity Pool/Doll Shark

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Infinity Pool

I thought the title made it sound like another superhero movie upon first hearing of it before finding out it was a horror flick. Well, horror, thriller, sci-fi; whatever it is it clearly isn’t for everyone. It is helmed by Brandon Cronenberg, the son of the other Cronenberg, who also gave us Possessor and Antiviral (you can check out my review of Possessor here---https://vampireclown82.blogspot.com/2020/12/possessor.html; my thoughts on Antiviral are included which I only gave a B rating to back when it came out). I didn’t know much about this film other than it receiving lots of positive reviews and involved a vacation gone wrong. ‘Vacation gone wrong’ is a pretty accurate description, but don’t make any generalized assumptions. A couple (the dude played by Alexander Skarsgard) is vacationing in a foreign country (the name is mentioned more than once) wherein certain crimes may lead to execution. This country has more than one way of executing though. Things get trippy, bizarre, and depraved from there. [Mia Goth’s performance is probably equally as psychotic as her eponymous Pearl character]. It doesn’t really entail much when all is said and done, but I have a feeling I’m going to be revisiting sometime in the future. It’s certainly not forgettable…4/16/2023

Doll Shark EH/OK

What will be thought of next for the toothy predators? Yes, this is exactly what you think it is. A shark stuffie kills people. Is this roughly 75-minute feature dumb? Obviously, but WTF do you expect? It will undoubtedly make people like me curious enough to check it out. Is it funny? Or at least laughably bad? Sometimes. There are kills; it’s not lacking in that department. And what enables the innocuous and cuddly plush toy to become sentient (and downright evil-looking) is actually pretty plausible. In movie world, that is. This particular kind of movie world, that is. Proceed only if you’re curious like me. As I mentioned, it is exactly what you think it is…4/15/2023

Other movies and TV show(s) I’ve seen and their ratings (see above):

Bumblef***, USA >>>OK

Creature from Black Lake >>>EH/OK

Dead Hot: Season of the Witch >>>EH

(Tubi)

The House of the Dead (1978) >>>OK

The Lost Footage of Leah Sullivan >>>OK

Missing (2023) >>>OK/G

Plane >>>OK

Red Velvet >>>EH/OK

School Spirits (Season One) >>>OK/G

(Paramount+; 8 episodes)

Wake in Fright (2017) >>>OK/G

---Sean O.

4/17/2023

Saturday, March 25, 2023

Knock at the Cabin

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Knock at the Cabin OK/G

M. Night Shyamalan’s newest film based on the book, The Cabin at the End of the World, by Paul Tremblay, a book I did read, long before I knew it was going to be adapted. I remember not being as impressed as I thought I would be with the novel, and I don’t recall much other than there being a cabin and people arriving with weapons, so I’m not even going to bother doing the whole book and film comparison. I read this film was going to be a bit different anyway, M. Night having co-wrote the screenplay with two others (none being Paul Tremblay). In this film, two men with their young daughter are staying at a cabin when four adults arrive, three with weapons, demanding one of them needs to die by one of their own hands or the rest of the world will perish, leaving them three the only survivors. There are rules given and, of course, there are consequences the longer they make their decision. The reasoning behind their demands sound just as shady as them being there in the first place. Even as possible evidence gradually mounts, our protagonists (particularly one of the men) are still skeptical (naturally, who the hell wouldn’t be?). It was generally an engaging film, but I thought the ending was a little too pat (or anticlimactic, if you will) considering how dark it was beforehand, and coming from the director behind it. 3/24/2023

Bonus reviews:

Marcel: The Shell with Shoes On OK

This was nominated for ‘Best Animated Feature Film’ at this year’s Oscars (Guillermo del Toro’s Pinocchio rightfully won, I think). This is a live-action film containing animated characters though, the animation being stop-motion, although I would’ve guessed CGI (The Chiodo Brothers---Killer Klowns from Outer Space, Critters, Ernest Scared Stupid---were involved). Apparently it’s based on some short films, none of which I’ve seen. The eponymous character is just that, a one-inch shell with one eye that wears shoes, living in an Airbnb with his grandmother. He’s documented by an “amateur” filmmaker and becomes somewhat of a celebrity after the videos are posted online. This is cute and funny at times, but speaking of shorts, it would’ve worked better as a short film (maybe 30, 40-minutes at most) since it feels drawn-out. It’s a shame too, because Marcel really is charming, but a feature-length film (almost 90-minutes) he did not belong. 3/20/2023

John and the Hole EH

[SPOILERS IN THIS REVIEW]

Here’s a movie that exists in its own universe. John (of the title) puts his family (dad, mom, sister) into a bunker (the hole of the title) near their home. I think it’s only for a couple days and he only gives them food and drink twice. Somehow he’s able to drive a car no problem and use an ATM to take money out (he’s 13). A family friend does send a cop to the house after getting suspicious, but wouldn’t she have been suspicious from the get-go when John says his entire family (excluding him) went to see his grandfather at the hospital? What parents would leave their 13-year-old kid home alone, but take their older kid with them to see a possibly dying relative? Not only do you not get a motive at the end, but the family resumes their lives as if nothing happened. Oh, we get glimpses of a parallel story involving a young girl and her mother. The young girl asks her mother to tell the story of ‘John and the Hole,’ hinting it is all just a story. What was the point of it though?! Was it all a form of teenage rebellion? Did he want independence? Later on, the mother tells the daughter she is leaving and never coming back, stating there’s money for her that’ll last roughly 10 months if she spends it wisely. Okay??? If there was a point to this movie, I would really like to know what it was…3/22/2023

You (Season Four) EH

I hate to say it, but I think this Netflix series (originally on Lifetime) featuring serial killer Joe Goldberg (played by Penn Badgley) should’ve ended already. I did enjoy the first two seasons (my review of season two can be read here---https://vampireclown82.blogspot.com/2020/01/7-reviews-17-ratings.html), but season three is where I began to lose interest (my haiku review of it is in here---https://vampireclown82.blogspot.com/2021/10/oldahs-double-feature.html). If you don’t read that haiku review of last season, I said this---First two were better. Not as addicting this time. Maybe next season? Ha, this season wasn’t addicting at all. I found the majority of it a chore to sit through, forcing myself to continue (never a good sign, needless to say) since I made it this far. The setting is now England and Joe is a university professor named Jonathan. There were too many characters to keep track of and the ten episodes (half were released a month before the other half, likely due to Netflix screwing people with the free trials), which were roughly 50 minutes each (give or take), mostly seemed like three hours a piece! There was a twist in one of the last episodes that wasn’t even shocking since it’s been done so many times, and I didn’t really care by that point; it didn’t make me consider rewatching the season again either (you’re given flashbacks to all the relevant scenes anyhow). Not even the occasional grisly scene (at least two come to mind) could save this season for me. As of now, there is no season five confirmed, but the end of this season hints there very well could be. I really don’t wish to continue (I know, I know, I say that now), but if they make at least one more and know for sure that will be the end, maybe I’ll tune in one more time…maybe! Can’t creators just end things? 3/16/2023

Other movies I've seen and their ratings (see above):

Adoration (2019) >>>OK

(In French and Dutch with subtitles)

Alleluia >>>OK

(In French with subtitles)

Cram >>>B

Eve’s Bayou >>>OK

Marfa Girl >>>EH

Marfa Girl 2 >>>EH/OK

Margaux >>>EH

Mona Lisa and the Blood Moon >>>OK/G

PussyCake >>>EH

(In Spanish with subtitles)

Re/Member >>>EH

(Netflix; In Japanese with subtitles)

The Ritual Killer >>>B/EH

---Sean O.

3/25/2023

Friday, March 3, 2023

Cocaine Bear

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Cocaine Bear OK/G

Are you supposed to take a movie called Cocaine Bear seriously? It is based on a true story, yes, but stops where the bear gets into some cocaine (this is one site you can read about the incident---https://www.washingtonpost.com/lifestyle/2022/12/01/cocaine-bear-movie-true-story/). [Bear attack movies may not be as abundant as say shark attack movies, but there’s been enough (somewhat) to have its own subgenre; Backcountry and The Edge are probably the best to date, and Grizzly is fine too (does The Great Outdoors count?)]. This is a horror-comedy, but never feels like a parody despite the premise. Like the real incident, it takes place in the Eighties (there’s some popular tunes on the soundtrack) in the Southern U.S. (although filmed in Ireland). There is violence, yes, and as gory as it gets at times, I feel there were parts even more violence was restrained (I sense an unrated version will be released). The bear was CGI (obviously) and I knew it was beforehand, but it doesn’t look too, too obvious, and realistic enough without being distracting. It wasn’t ultimately as fun as I thought it would be, or could be (at least not yet; first viewings and all), but I still think it was enjoyable enough and a worthy addition to the “bearsploitation” subgenre. R.I.P. Ray Liotta. 2/28/2023

Other movies I've seen and their ratings (see above):

Devil’s Peak >>>EH/OK

House Party (2023) >>>B

We Have A Ghost >>>OK

(Netflix)

---Sean O.

3/3/2023

Sunday, February 26, 2023

M3GAN

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M3GAN OK/G

It received a rating of 93% (as of this writing) out of roughly 300 critics on Rotten Tomatoes, there were memes created, and a sequel is already planned. Surely there must be something special about this killer doll film, no? I watched both the rated and unrated versions (both currently available on Peacock), and I usually like to watch the rated version first (if given the option since that’s what the general population is initially given). There are only a few scenes (you can count them on one hand) that are a bit gorier in the unrated one, but there may have also been a few more “F” bombs, if I’m not mistaken. In other words, go for the unrated version if you prefer your films a tad more violent. [Sometimes an unrated version is completely different, such as Dead Alive, that zombie movie Peter Jackson did before The Lord of the Rings films, which was much, much gorier than the rated version, which I saw first]. The titular creation (the spelling is an acronym) comes about when a woman is forced to care for her niece and thereafter given an idea for a plaything (that being a 4-foot doll with sentient qualities). As with all technology in entertainment that seems too good to be true, eventually bad things happen. Do you think Megan goes after the ignorant neighbor and her aggressive dog, plus the bully of the little girl she’s created to protect? Of course she does; it’s just a matter of how and when. Although this is marketed as a killer doll flick, it’s more of a killer robot flick. Whatever, it involves an item that kills. Was it overrated? Possibly, but not necessarily. I enjoyed it, a little, for being nothing more than what it set out to be, but I don’t think it was anything super, super special. 2/25/2023

Bonus reviews:

From (Season One)

Ten-episode series on MGM+ (which I believe is the new Paramount+), all roughly 50-minutes each. There’s a small town surrounded by woods wherein anyone who happens to enter it cannot leave (you try and you’ll just end up right back in town). People stuck there have come from all over. There are creatures that look like people until they attack that only come out at night. Are they vampires? Possibly; I don’t recall the name ever mentioned; they’re just labeled “monsters.” You must be inside somewhere protected by a talisman that prevents them from entering. Are these people in some kind of purgatory? Like all of life’s questions, everyone in town has speculations. There is a Stephen King quality to it all in that there are many characters we get to know that are stuck in a predicament. It does drag at times (no surprise given there are ten episodes not much shorter than an hour a piece), but I never felt like I forced myself to continue, and I am curious as to what the big mystery is, which wasn’t revealed this season. There is a season two coming this April, and I will tune in for at least one more round (two at the absolute most), but I hope they don’t plan on going longer than that. 2/22/2023

Sorority Babes in the Slimeball Bowl-O-Rama 2 EH

This is actually a sequel (released at the end of last year) to the 1988 film, as it refers to the events in it (providing a brief flashback), but I think it’s more of a remake. Was it unnecessary? Hell, to those that actually saw it, was the first movie even necessary? [I know, are any movies really necessary? All you do is sit on your ass. On a side note---Static-X used a quote from the film on one of their Wisconsin Death Trip tracks]. With a title like that (I’m referring to the first here), I don’t think you’re supposed to take it seriously. It (the predecessor) was slightly (I stress the word slightly) fun in that cheesy Eighties horror-comedy way, it involving babes in a sorority (no way, really?) initiating other babes, horny dudes that get caught spying on these babes, and the initiated babes forced to break into a bowling alley (again, really?) with these busted dudes to steal a trophy. The trophy they happen to steal contains an imp that grants them all wishes, but, in the age-old ‘be careful what you wish for’ scenario, these wishes end up doing more harm than good (what do you expect from a demon?). That imp is what I found most irking about the film despite being practical---he didn’t belong in a movie that should’ve been cheesy Eighties fun. I think I would’ve enjoyed it more had the sorority babes and the horny dudes simply break into the bowling alley and just bowl in addition to doing typical cheesy Eighties movie stuff. It was directed by David DeCoteau (a filmmaker with a slew of less-than-B-movies to his name) and featured recognizable B-movie actresses Linnea Quigley (Silent Night, Deadly Night; The Return of the Living Dead; Night of the Demons) and Brinke Stevens (The Slumber Party Massacre), the latter directing this sequel and making an appearance as her character from the first (I met her at my first horror convention years ago; nice lady). This sequel follows the exact same formula with different performers (one being another recognizable face from Eighties films), a different bowling alley, and a slightly different imp (albeit with a similar persona---you’ll find out why); different sorority house too probably (hence why I say it’s more of a remake). I think the only people that will watch this are those that have seen the first one and will do so out of curiosity (yours truly certainly was curious, especially for a sequel to a film like that made 34 years later!). It is barely even an hour, but, if anything, I would just tell you to waste roughly 20 extra minutes with the predecessor, even though I would suggest spending your time with even better films than that. 2/19/2023

Other movies I've seen and their ratings (see above):

Boiling Point (2021) >>>OK

The Fabelmans >>>OK

#Float >>>EH

House of Darkness (2016) >>>EH

The Retaliators >>>OK/G

The Strays >>>OK/G

(Netflix)

The Visitor (2022) >>>EH/OK

---Sean O.

2/26/2023

Monday, February 13, 2023

Bones and All/Deadstream

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Bones and All G

A cannibal romance. Perfect for Valentine’s Day, no? Will romance fans enjoy it? Hard to tell, but the cannibal scenes (and there are some) aren’t too disturbing (says I) and aren’t lingered on too long. Will horror fans be turned off by the romance? Not necessarily. Hell, Shaun of the Dead is a romantic comedy with zombies and was fully embraced by the horror community (I’m a fan even though it is a bit overrated). Horror fans are typically more open-minded as long as there are horror, or just horrific, elements. This is a coming-of-age romance with cannibals, the cannibal aspect making it a bit more unique than other coming-of-age romances (obviously). In this film, they are labeled “eaters” and apparently have the ability to smell other eaters. Whereas cannibals in other films seemingly do it by choice, these cannibals (excuse me, eaters) appear to do it innately, possibly through genetics, even feeling bad after certain instances. It’s never disclosed as to why they need to do it, they just do (they also eat regular food too). They can’t stay in one place after they eat, therefore this is also a road movie (never staying in one setting for too long). It does feel a tad lengthy towards the end at a little over 2 hours, but it’s generally a compelling take on the cannibal subgenre. Yes, it’s ultimately a cannibal film, being the common theme, which, again, makes it a more unique coming-of-age romance since they don’t often contain dark subject matter. [The director, Luca Guadagnino, also helmed Call Me by Your Name and the awful Suspiria remake, so perhaps romance and horror are his specialties? You can check out my review for the former, which also stars Timothée Chalamet, in here---https://vampireclown82.blogspot.com/2018/03/mooby-reviews-31818.html; the latter I just gave an EH rating]. Happy Valentine’s Day! 2/12/2023

Deadstream OK/G

Found footage movies are dead. Aside from the Paranormal Activity films, the majority of them were kind of old after The Blair Witch Project (a film I hated initially, but grew to at least appreciate), which is said to have started the trend (even though Cannibal Holocaust is said to have inspired that; in style only, obviously). Naturally, with any genre/subgenre, there are always going to be exceptions. This is actually one of them. Available on Shudder/AMC+, it involves a dude trying to win back fans for his livestreaming (get the title?) series after an incident by visiting a haunted house in Utah. It’s kind of a meta-found footage film as it calls attention to many of the tropes. At first I thought I was watching a parody (a subgenre that’s always kind of been dead to me), but it gradually does get a bit serious (Need I say ‘obviously’ or ‘of course it does?’ Doesn’t it always get a bit serious when ghosts/haunted settings are involved in found footage?). Serious in the horror-comedy sense, which this film most definitely is, it often being a hybrid genre that doesn’t always work. This does manage to pull it off, for the most part---I actually did laugh out loud more than once, and, I don’t care what anyone says, but, found footage or not, seemingly empty houses at night, be they abandoned or not, are always going to be inherently creepy. Sure, there may be clichés and predictable moments (need I say ‘obviously’ or ‘of course there are’ in a 2022 release?), but I generally had some fun with this. 2/11/2023

Bonus review:

In Search of Darkness: Part III OK/G

The third and allegedly final (as it’s labeled The Final Journey Into ‘80s Horror) film in this documentary trilogy covering Eighties horror. [You can read my review of the first film in here---https://vampireclown82.blogspot.com/2020/08/three-horror-documentaries.html, and the second film in here--- https://vampireclown82.blogspot.com/2021/05/creepshow-season-2in-search-of-darkness.html]. I watched this in segments being that it’s roughly 340-minutes, and I’d like to meet someone that actually sat through the entire feature in one sitting without taking at least one break! I don’t see a need to explain what it entails (you can check out my other two reviews above for descriptions), but basically films are picked from each year in the 1980’s and discussed by celebrities, both esoteric and exoteric (there’s also about 20 minutes worth of everyday fans discussing their love of the decade and genre during the end credits). I’m just curious as to why and how the specific films were picked each time (Was there a voting process? Were titles picked out of a hat?). I have seen the majority of films picked all three times, but there have been some I haven’t (yeah, if you can believe it, I actually haven’t seen every single movie out there, nor do I desire to). It seems there were more titles this round I haven’t seen though, and the majority of them I don’t care to after seeing them discussed. Those were really the only times I was bored, but there were also instances my mind wandered when too much time was spent on films I have seen. Still, I like the format of this doc trilogy and wouldn’t mind ones covering 70’s and 90’s horror, as I mentioned in my review of Part II. Plus, it’s always fun conversing about movies, even if you watch other people do it. 2/6/2023

Other movies I've seen and their ratings (see above):

Attachment >>>OK

(In Danish and English with subtitles)

The Friendship Game >>>B

Saloum >>>OK

(In French and Wolof with subtitles)

Sorry About the Demon >>>OK

(Shudder/AMC+)

---Sean O.

2/13/2023

Monday, February 6, 2023

Skinamarink

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Skinamarink EH/OK

I didn’t watch any trailers beforehand; just saw images and what others (particularly horror fans) have said and those alone made me want to see it. Turned out images are all you need to see anyhow to get a gist of what to expect. All it primarily entails is lowly-lit interior shots of a house at night and what’s contained within. It takes place in 1995 and there are two young kids, a boy and a girl (their parents appear, disappear, and reappear randomly like other items). You catch glimpses of them, see their legs walking and such, and you hear them talking, but never get to know them on an intimate level. A traditional narrative this is not. It is as arty as arty gets. Put it this way, if you don’t like the style within the first five minutes, I don’t think you’ll want to continue since it doesn’t change during the entire 100-minutes; it does get more and more bizarre though. This is a classic example of a film that’s “not for everyone.” Someone labeled it as akin to “Home Alone in Hell,” which makes it sound cooler than it is, but I could sort of see the description---there are two kids seemingly home alone, there being no burglars, but there is some type of presence in this abode with them. Someone else described it as if David Lynch directed Poltergeist, and I get that too, but this is even more experimental than the average Lynch project (at least we get to know the characters more intimately in his works). I ultimately had a like-hate relationship with it. It did have a strange way of making me want to continue (as any “innovative” feature likely would) and there are some eerie moments, and it didn’t really seem like 100-minutes when finished, but style obviously trumps substance and experimentation can only go so far. There is substance buried within though. I’d be curious to see the same movie presented in a typical narrative form, one, to see how much different it would be, and, two, to see which version is more effective. 2/5/2023

Bonus review:

Goodnight Mommy EH/OK

The original Austrian film was released just 8 years ago. I rated it OK, according to my archives, and I probably would’ve given it the same rating after I re-watched it before checking out this remake released last year on Amazon Prime. In the original, young twin boys have a strange suspicion their mother, whom they are staying with at an isolated house in the country, isn’t their real mother due to her behavior and bandages she’s wearing over her face after surgery. The twist isn’t hard to figure out from the get-go, at least for me since I’ve seen too many movies. It’s still an okay film (as I mentioned), albeit a bit of a slow burn, with an ending that may be ambiguous to some (the very ending, not the aforementioned twist). This remake is not much different save for one or two scenes that are part of a dream (I don’t count that). Even if I never saw the original, I think I would’ve still figured out the twist (it may have been even more obvious here). Can I add this to the list of unnecessary remakes? Sure. I don’t see why you would watch this if you saw the original, especially not long beforehand, unless you want to see different performers, don’t want to read subtitles (if English is your primary language), or are just curious to see if anything will be altered (yours truly fell into the latter camp, in addition to OCD). Everything happens exactly how you expect, right up to the ending that may be ambiguous for some. I think I’m being a bit nice by giving it half an OK rating (I definitely lean more towards EH), but I actually didn’t completely dislike it even though no curveballs were thrown. If you haven’t seen many movies in your lifetime, or never saw the original, you might like it better and possibly be shocked by the twist. 2/3/2023

Other movies and TV show(s) I’ve seen and their ratings (see above):

The Banshees of Inisherin >>>OK/G

The Menu >>>OK

Shady Grove >>>OK

Strays (1991) >>>EH/OK

Tár >>>B

Three Pines (Season One) >>>OK

(Amazon Prime; 8 episodes)

The Uncanny (1977) >>>OK

---Sean O.

2/6/2023

Sunday, January 22, 2023

Kids vs. Aliens

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Kids vs. Aliens G

Spin-off film of a segment in V/H/S/2, both directed by Jacob Eisener (I recommend the short film he also directed, Treevenge, which you can check out on YouTube). This roughly 75-minute feature is fast-paced with barely enough room to breathe. I enjoyed it though (as I did the vignette in the aforementioned anthology film). As you can deduce from the title, it involves kids (and teenagers) that must fight for their lives after aliens crash a Halloween party at one of their houses (the teen girl and young boy’s parents definitely aren’t going to win any ‘Parents of the Year’ awards). These aliens don’t want to be anyone’s friend; they simply want to annihilate in more ways than one. There is violence, yes, towards both humans and aliens. It did end too soon, but I have a feeling this may not be all we’re going to see since the story obviously isn’t over…1/22/2023

Bonus reviews:

All Eyes OK/G

[POTENTIAL SPOILERS IN THIS REVIEW]

After being fired for a certain incident on his podcast, a dude takes an offer for a decent sum of cash. The offer? Tell this one man’s story about claims of a monster living in the woods near his home in Oklahoma. First he has to meet this guy at the post office in town. Then he has to follow him a ways before being told to hop in his truck blindfolded to avoid knowing where he lives. That’s not suspicious at all! He lives in the middle of nowhere, the house being booby-trapped inside and out, he claiming to forget where some of the traps may be. Yeah, this dude’s not off his rocker! He actually ends up not being the one you need to worry about. Our protagonist eventually labels the house “the escape room from Hell,” and it wouldn’t be out of place in Maximum Overdrive. I wasn’t sure if I should reveal whether there is actually a monster and if we do get to see it, but there is one and you do see it briefly at the end and I wasn’t a fan. Otherwise, this movie generally isn’t that bad for not getting any known exposure (I stumbled across it by accident when searching for other movies). I really didn’t know what to expect. There is a bit of suspense with a few surprises in store. 1/20/2023

Among the Living EH

(haiku review)

Fresh subgenre take?

Nope, not really; not to me.

Standard zombie flick. 1/20/2023

Other movies I've seen and their ratings (see above):

Angel (1984) >>>EH/OK

The Batman >>>EH

Croc! >>>B/EH

The Night Shift (Ghost Mansion) >>>OK

(In Korean with subtitles)

---Sean O.

1/22/2023

Saturday, January 14, 2023

Crabs!

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Crabs! EH

Giant horseshoe crabs created by a briefly seen nuclear explosion attack a nearby town. Some of the crabs transform into giant creatures. There’s a giant robot too. It is gory. Is it fun? Unfortunately…no. Not as much fun as a B-movie, or even Z-movie, should be. Is it funny? Sometimes, but not nearly enough to make up for its lack of fun. I couldn’t stand the foreign kid (played by an American), and that goes for the extremely dopey song he sings during the end credits too. Complete disappointment. It’s a shame too since the effects were practical, or at least they all appeared to be, and it’s barely 80-minutes. 1/11/2023

Bonus reviews:

Interview with the Vampire (Season One) EH/OK

I’ll be honest; I don’t think I would’ve watched this adaptation (available on AMC) had it not been voted best TV series of 2022 in Rue Morgue Magazine. I may not always agree with them, as much as I love the publication, but they do always make me curious. I never read the source material, or anything by Anne Rice, for that matter, and the 1994 film starring Brad Pitt and Tom Cruise was never one of my favorites, but I don’t remember disliking it. The story likely remains intact---a vampire during the present recounts a time in the past (Louisiana, 1920s) when he was turned and lived with his “creator.” The characterizations are fine and there is violence, but this series is a slow burn; very, very slow, testing my patience a couple times (there are seven episodes all passing the 40-minute mark, the pilot being over an hour). Looks like I disagreed with one of my favorite magazines again, but you never know until you check something out yourself, right? There is a season two planned, but I don’t think I’ll continue; I gave this a shot. Plus, I’d likely need to re-watch this season again beforehand which I don’t intend to do (I know, I say that now, but…whatever). 1/11/2023

Toga OK

Upstate Story is an independent feature I was a fan of; I’ve since become friends with its multi-hyphenate star/director, Shaun Rose (you can check out my review for the film in here---https://vampireclown82.blogspot.com/2020/03/the-outsider-season-one.html, and my review for the documentary on the making-of it, Making and Unmaking, in here---https://vampireclown82.blogspot.com/2020/12/soul.html). This film is a sequel to Upstate, so I suggest you watch that first (if you haven’t already). It picks up seven years later as we witness Ellis (played again by Mr. Rose) living in a different location, but returning to his hometown (that being Saratoga Springs, New York) to take photos for an independent movie he’s working on. This is once again a character study that’s mostly voiceover, Ellis being rather drab with the occasional sardonic wit, but someone we likely can all relate to. Seeing media with characters that rival our own miserable lives, or having even worse ones, is often welcome due to its relatability (Roseanne is one of my favorite sitcoms for that reason, and I’ve been keeping up with The Conners too; these people are real!). I totally related to some aspects of Ellis’s life---I, too, fear having to go to the bathroom while out in public (yes, getting old sucks); I, too, hated high school with a passion; I, too, still enjoy going on the swings in a park. However, much like many sequels, I didn’t enjoy this as much as its predecessor, but it’s still a decent follow-up (at least the tone is consistent). I also felt like it was too short---it is barely over an hour just like Upstate, but this time it seemed like it was cut off too soon---ultimately feeling like it was just part of another subsequent film to be. If that is the case, I will definitely keep watching what you put out Shaun. 1/13/2023

***You can get the links to view Upstate Story and Making and Unmaking in the link above for the latter’s review, and you can view Toga here---https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=h64_fy-bB-M.***

Other movies I've seen and their ratings (see above):

Chilling Visions: 5 Senses of Fear >>>EH/OK

The House (2022) >>>G

(Netflix)

Hypochondriac >>>EH

The Lair >>>EH/OK

The Murder Podcast >>>OK

The Pale Blue Eye >>>EH/OK

(Netflix)

Sick (2023) >>>OK

(Peacock)

Werewolf by Night >>>OK

(Disney+)

---Sean O.

1/14/2023

Monday, January 2, 2023

The Harbinger

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The Harbinger G

I am a fan of director Andy Mitton’s The Witch in the Window (you can read my review for it here---https://vampireclown82.blogspot.com/2019/05/the-witch-in-window.html). I gave his other film, We Go On, an OK/G rating, and YellowBrickRoad (which he co-directed) 2 ½ stars out of 4 when I used to give star ratings (Looks like I gave them decent ratings, but I think I might need to revisit those films). Therefore, I was looking forward to this new movie directed by him, especially after seeing it featured in the last issue of Rue Morgue. It involves a woman reluctantly going to visit an old college roommate during the pandemic due to distressing nightmares she’s been having. Eventually she begins to have nightmares too, ones containing the titular demon resembling a Plague Doctor, whom has a rather eerie agenda. I think the paranoia and precaution dealt with during the beginnings of the pandemic were depicted really well, likely rivaling many of our own experiences. Imagine enduring unsettling nightmares on top of that. The themes may feel familiar, but there’s a generally disquieting air to the majority of screen-time. I do get annoyed when you can’t tell if what you’re watching is real or imagined, and sometimes it did vex me here, but never in any major way (I think Andy made it work). I also thought it was too short; some films overstay their welcome, while this one’s welcome didn’t stay enough. The pros definitely outweigh the cons though, and Mr. Mitton is clearly a filmmaker I’ll keep an eye on. 1/1/2023

Bonus review:

Terror Train 2 EH

The Terror Train remake was just released two months ago (you can read my review for it in here---https://vampireclown82.blogspot.com/2022/10/spirit-halloween-movie.html)! This sequel, also released on Tubi (meaning free), picks up a year later wherein survivors of the first film aboard the same train in order to move on from the past. That’s usually not the best idea in movies, but then, of course, we wouldn’t have this unnecessary sequel to an unnecessary remake to a film that wasn’t great to begin with. Did this film suck? What do you think? More importantly, what did you expect? The kills were mostly lame and the script was poorly written. Again, what did I expect? I only watched it to be festive since it takes place on New Year’s and I watched it on New Year’s Eve. Yeah, that’s probably what I tell myself, but my OCD would say different. I really hope they don’t make a Terror Train 3, because that damn OCD will force me to watch it. Happy New Year! 12/31/2022

Other movies I've seen and their ratings (see above):

Christmas Freak >>>EH

The Day After Halloween >>>EH/OK

Do Revenge >>>OK

(Netflix)

Incantation (2022) >>>B

(In Mandarin with subtitles)

Peppermint Soda >>>B

(In French with subtitles)

Strange World >>>OK

White Noise (2022) >>>OK

(Netflix)

---Sean O.

1/2/2023

Saturday, December 24, 2022

Nanny/Glass Onion

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Nanny OK/G

New film on Amazon Prime marketed as a horror drama, emphasis on the drama. It works best as a character study above all. The few “horror” elements we do see are kind of lame and the worst parts of the movie actually. It involves a Senegalese woman in New York watching a couple’s young daughter in hopes of making enough money to bring over her young son from Africa. She appears to be welcome at first until eventually she’s scolded for things like feeding the girl food she prepares herself and for not always keeping an eye on her (pertaining to one incident in the park). The matriarch also hasn’t paid her for quite some time. The ending is such a sucker punch to the gut; it is very depressing, thereby making it the most horrific aspect of the entire film. 12/17/2022

Glass Onion: A Knives Out Mystery OK

According to my archives, I only gave Knives Out an EH rating; I definitely would’ve rated it higher the second time I watched it. Only Daniel Craig’s detective character returns in this sequel (now available on Netflix) with a new set of characters, all of which congregate at the titular structure on an island in Greece for a murder mystery. Initially things don’t go as planned, or so we’re lead to believe. There are only so many ways to do a whodunit, let alone most types of movies, so a good group of characters are surely needed, which we do get to know most of them here a good deal. Conventions are tinkered with a bit (it is sometimes well-written), but it is (expectedly) rather indistinguishable and does overstay its welcome at almost 2 ½ hours. Like I said, there’s not too much you can expect from a whodunit/murder mystery/whatever-you-want-to-call-it anymore. 12/23/2022

Other movies I've seen and their ratings (see above):

Eyes Wide Shut >>>OK/G

The Loneliest Boy in the World >>>EH

The Minute You Wake Up Dead >>>EH/OK

Perfect Blue >>>EH

(In Japanese with subtitles)

Sole Survivor (1984) >>>EH

Spooky+ >>>B/EH

---Sean O.

12/24/2022