V/H/S/85

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In case you haven’t seen the intro from my entry dated 1/26/19 (it’s in my archives whenever you want to read it), I’m no longer going to review every single movie I see.  I’m going to review one, with the occasional bonus, and just give ratings for the rest from now on (unless I decide to pick it up again in the future).  You can always ask me why I gave the ratings for the films without reviews though (via comments or the e-mail addresses under the ‘About Me’ section).

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V/H/S/85                                                                      OK/G

Sixth entry of this anthology franchise taking place in the much-beloved Eighties.  According to my archives, this is how I rated the others:  V/H/S---OK/G, V/H/S/2---VG/E, V/H/S: Viral---OK, V/H/S/94---OK, and the only one I wrote a review for before this, a haiku one, was V/H/S/99 in here---https://vampireclown82.blogspot.com/2022/11/speak-no-evil.html.  Looks like I didn’t dislike any of them, the second being my favorite (I do remember liking it a lot when watching for the first time, but I highly doubt I’d rate it that high if I watched it now, but who knows?).  This one has five tales with a wraparound I wasn’t too crazy about, it involving an otherworldly specimen being studied in a facility (might’ve been too weird for me by the time it concluded).  The first one follows a group of friends spending some time at a lake before their excursion turns very deadly.  I thought it ended too soon, but it luckily ties in with another (later) segment, featuring an ingenious form of revenge.  Even though questions were answered, I actually wouldn’t mind these two segments adapted into a feature-length film (I feel there’s still more to the story); hey, it worked with Siren and Kids vs. Aliens (reviews for those are in here---https://vampireclown82.blogspot.com/2016/12/mooby-reviews-121316.html, and here---https://vampireclown82.blogspot.com/2023/01/kids-vs-aliens.html).  Two other ones were merely just okay, not terrible at all, one involving an earthquake in Mexico causing some to come across ancient deities underground whom aren’t exactly benevolent, the other involving a virtual reality program with the ability to cross over into reality.  The final one was pretty good, about murders being recorded on video before they happen; it certainly doesn’t skimp on the violence.  Therefore, I didn’t dislike any of them (except for maybe the wraparound), at least three out of five definitely passing, making this entry worth a gander and a worthy addition to the series.  11/22/2023

Bonus review:

Creepshow (Season Four)                                           OK

This season of the Shudder series began with a whimper before getting a little better.  The series itself started off with a bang in season one (review in here---https://vampireclown82.blogspot.com/2020/01/creepshow-season-onejay-and-silent-bob.html), and then just became okay subsequently (my review for season two is in here---https://vampireclown82.blogspot.com/2021/05/creepshow-season-2in-search-of-darkness.html,  season three in here---https://vampireclown82.blogspot.com/2021/11/candymancreepshow-season-3.html); the two specials weren’t bad (review in here---https://vampireclown82.blogspot.com/2021/03/the-dark-and-wickedthe-mortuary.html).  There are six episodes with 12 segments total here, the first three I wasn’t crazy about at all.  “Twenty Minutes with Cassandra” began as what could’ve been a decent creature feature before becoming more of a drama, thus making it much less effective, maybe even silly; “Smile” was lame and totally unoriginal, dealing with a camera that takes photos of near-future events (an original Twilight Zone episode is just one example I’ve seen the concept before);  and “The Hat” is just uber-goofy, involving a “hat creature” (uh-huh) enabling a writer to pen numerous stories (horror-comedy doesn’t always work for me, and way to be subtle containing a writer named Stephen Bachman.  Stephen King?  Richard Bachman? Soooooooo clever!).  The fourth segment, “Grieving Process,” was a bit better than those that came before in a twisted variation of  ‘what one wouldn’t do for those they love.’  Next, in “The Parent Deathtrap,” our protagonist is haunted by the ghosts of his parents he murdered; there’s a bit of a Beetlejuice/The Frighteners vibe going for it.  “To Grandmother’s House We Go” features corny werewolf effects, but they are practical at least, and not entirely detestable, the entry itself being minimally satisfactory.  “Meet the Belaskos” is about a world in which humans and vampires co-exist, not necessarily harmoniously (of course), and may be more of a sappy romance between two young lovers (human and vampire), but it kind of works (conditionally) and does deliver the gory goods when necessary.  “Cheat Code” is a gateway horror segment about a cursed video game with deadly consequences for anyone playing it, and would pass as an acceptable Are You Afraid of the Dark? episode, albeit an R-rated one.  “Something Borrowed, Something Blue” is just okay, slightly, and “Doodles” has been done before (an artist’s drawings eventually occur in reality), the gore likely being its sole redeeming quality, but it did have a pretty clever denouement.  “George Romero in 3-D!” was a decent zombie tale (surprise, surprise) about an unearthed, unpublished comic book series coming off the page after viewing it through the titular glasses, and the final segment, “Baby Teeth,” I wasn’t a fan of largely due to the terrible creature design of a certain childhood mythical being.  So, in essence, this series began and ended with a whimper.  I would absolutely not go so far as saying the middle was a bang, because the segments most certainly were not grand, but they were okay, passable (8 out of 12), and I think it’s safe to say that even just an “okay” entry in an anthology format would be enough to classify more as a hit than a miss.  11/24/2023

Other movies I've seen and their ratings (see above):

Good Burger 2  >>>B

       (Paramount+)

Monument (2018)  >>>EH

   (In Polish with subtitles)

Night of the Hunted (2023)  >>>OK

When Evil Lurks  >>>OK

   (Shudder; In Spanish with subtitles)

---Sean O.

11/26/2023

Thanksgiving

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In case you haven’t seen the intro from my entry dated 1/26/19 (it’s in my archives whenever you want to read it), I’m no longer going to review every single movie I see.  I’m going to review one, with the occasional bonus, and just give ratings for the rest from now on (unless I decide to pick it up again in the future).  You can always ask me why I gave the ratings for the films without reviews though (via comments or the e-mail addresses under the ‘About Me’ section).

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Thanksgiving                                                               G

There may be a plethora of Halloween and Christmas horror movies, but there aren’t too many taking place during that time sandwiched between the two holidays (I’ve never really been a fan of Thanksgiving; I’m just not crazy about the foods associated with it; I can eat turkey any time of the year, and I prefer it as a deli meat anyway, thank you).  There’s Blood Rage, ThanksKilling, (its sequel) ThanksKilling 3, and The Last Thanksgiving (which I just recently saw), none of which are exactly spectacular (ThanksKilling was kind of fun, lasting a little over an hour, not quite deserving of any honors, but far better than the abysmal sequel that only has an Evil Dead II reference going for it); Pilgrim (part of the Into the Dark franchise) was decent.  Here, we have a slasher film based on a faux trailer created for the Grindhouse double feature.  Now, there’s not much one can expect from a slasher movie (now or in the past), whether you are a fan of them or not (like yours truly)---someone kills people and the motive is generally based on revenge or territory, as a Fangoria article recently affirmed.  My expectations were a bit higher for this one though given Eli Roth was behind it (as well as the aforementioned trailer), a filmmaker whom always proudly wore his lifelong love for the horror genre on his sleeve, even hosting a show based on the history of it (you can read my reviews for all three of the seasons in these blogs---https://vampireclown82.blogspot.com/2018/12/mooby-reviews-12218.html, https://vampireclown82.blogspot.com/2020/11/growing-up-with-i-spit-on-your.html, and https://vampireclown82.blogspot.com/2021/11/chapelwaitenight-at-eagle-inn.html; the only film of his I penned a review for before was the gateway horror flick, The House with a Clock in Its Walls, in here---https://vampireclown82.blogspot.com/2018/10/mooby-reviews-10718.html).  The killer here, primarily donning a mask of the town’s first mayor, the town being Plymouth, Massachusetts, is out for revenge (motive!) after a Black Friday incident the year prior (does Black Friday with Bruce Campbell count as a Turkey Day flick?  It’s not even that great, if so).  This holiday slasher delivers enough to receive a passing grade.  I wasn’t too impressed with the first kill (I’m referring to the slashed victims, not the Black Friday ones), but the succeeding ones were, by and large, suitable (I can’t say I ever saw someone murdered on a trampoline before).  The rest of the film when people aren’t biting the big one is engaging enough too.  Not a perfect movie, but definitely a worthy addition to not only slasher flicks, but to the meager list of Thanksgiving horror films as well.  11/17/2023

Bonus reviews:

Goosebumps (Season One)                                         OK

New series consisting of ten episodes (roughly 40-minutes each, give or take, currently available on Disney+ and Hulu) loosely, not directly, based on the books by one of my favorite authors, R.L. Stine.  It is a narrative show, as opposed to the original anthology one, taking place in a Pacific Northwest town involving a group of teenagers and their parents whom did something wrong when they were teenagers.  I didn’t dislike this new iteration, but I wasn’t wholeheartedly impressed with it either.  I wasn’t a fan of most of the effects (particularly those in the episodes “The Cuckoo Clock of Doom” and “Go Eat Worms”) and the story just didn’t appeal to me that much.  Slappy was passable here, and it does have its moments (i.e., the puppet people), but why couldn’t they just make another anthology series, if anything, even if they remade some of the books that were already adapted?  [I wish they kept the Are You Afraid of the Dark? revival an anthology show too].  I wasn’t even the biggest fan of the original Goosebumps TV series, but I still enjoyed it somewhat in terms of gateway horror (and anthology shows are always fun).  As of now, there are no second season confirmations, but the story obviously isn’t over.  Yes, I’m still going to continue if there is one (I can’t stop now, right?), but I think I just prefer the original book series from the Nineties over any adaptation.  [The two Goosebumps films were just decent (my review of the second one is in here---https://vampireclown82.blogspot.com/2018/10/mooby-reviews-101718.html)].  11/17/2023

Crazy Fun Park (Season One)                                    OK/G

Ten-episode series (all barely a half hour each; currently available on Hulu) from Australia taking place primarily in the titular abandoned amusement park.  This fun park contains dead teenagers (whom all died in the park somehow) that only come out at night.  They mustn’t be seen by the living (which, of course, does happen), cannot exit the park (with exceptions, of course), and must be in the park by sunrise (if they happen to go out).  If the living happen to be in the park, they must exit before sunrise lest they remain with the dead forever.  One living teenager visits the park basically every night since his best friend died there (he’s given a pass for being his friend and for bringing the other dead teens food and other items).  It was a fun series, for the most part, containing intro music redolent of Danny Elfman in a Tim Burton film.  Some parts are sappy, but others could be heartfelt, which should be expected, I guess, given there are dead teenagers and surviving loved ones.  I saw no plans for a second season as of yet, and, while it did end well enough if this is it (despite there being a few things I wouldn’t mind getting answers for), I don’t think I’d mind at least one more round.  11/10/2023

Other movies I've seen and their ratings (see above):

The Bad Guys  >>>EH/OK

The Breach (2023)  >>>OK

The Killer (2023)  >>>B/EH

               (Netflix)

The Last Thanksgiving  >>>OK

Susie Searches  >>>OK/G

---Sean O.

11/19/2023

Slotherhouse/Insidious: The Red Door

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In case you haven’t seen the intro from my entry dated 1/26/19 (it’s in my archives whenever you want to read it), I’m no longer going to review every single movie I see.  I’m going to review one, with the occasional bonus, and just give ratings for the rest from now on (unless I decide to pick it up again in the future).  You can always ask me why I gave the ratings for the films without reviews though (via comments or the e-mail addresses under the ‘About Me’ section).

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Slotherhouse                                                                EH

For those of you that may be unaware, yes, this is about a killer sloth.  Said sloth was snatched from Panama and ends up in an American sorority house.  Now, obviously my expectations weren’t very high, and I was actually looking forward to it given there’s never been a killer sloth movie before (a Google search yielded no other results).  Well, apparently my expectations may have been a little higher than I thought.  I thought this could’ve ended up pretty decent judging from the beginning wherein our furry slasher slaughters a predatory animal.  I didn’t have too much fun with it after that, and given the inane concept, it could’ve been so much fun.  It was a little too inane for me though, to the point where I was laughing internally at how egregious it was, and not in the so-bad-its-good way.  Somehow this sloth knows how to use a computer, drive a car, and basically anything else a human can do.  I know, I know, given this inane concept I’m supposed to just set my brain aside and enjoy the ride, right?  There’s plenty of so-bad-its-good flicks, or even just so-bad-its-watchable ones, but I just wasn’t digging this.  There are a few bloody moments, but they definitely held back lots of times, because, oh yeah, this was only rated PG-13 (I doubt that helped with ticket sales during its limited theatrical release anyhow).  Making this a hard R and going all the way with the violence might’ve made this dud a bit more worthwhile.  11/5/2023

Insidious:  The Red Door                                            B/EH

This fifth film, both chronologically and release-wise, of the franchise was a cash grab and nothing more.  It takes place nine years after the second-released film, Insidious:  Chapter 2.  In the beginning (nine years prior to the primary storyline), the father of this family (played by Patrick Wilson, who also directed this entry) and the one son, Dalton, are put through a session in order to repress their time in The Further.  Dalton (played by Ty Simpkins) is in college now and an assignment requires him to dig into his subconscious which I don’t think needs telling that nothing good comes from that.  This film adds absolutely nothing new to the franchise (hence the ‘cash grab’ comment).  It wasn’t fun and the intended frightening parts were akin to cheap jump scares in that I knew something was coming and, when it did, was more irritating than spooky, thus ineffective.  This is assuredly the top contender for most unnecessary sequel of the year.  I could say I was more or less a fan of the series before too.  According to my archives, I gave Insidious 3 ½ stars out of 4 (when I used to give star ratings; that was based on my first viewing too, because I definitely wouldn’t rate it that high after recently re-watching it), Insidious:  Chapter 2 a G rating, Insidious 3 an OK rating (that was my least favorite entry before this), and you can read my review for Insidious:  The Last Key in here---https://vampireclown82.blogspot.com/2018/01/mooby-reviews-11318.html. This franchise has overstayed its welcome.  I honestly would’ve been fine if they ended with Chapter 2.  11/8/2023

Bonus review:

Trauma Bond                                                              OK

I would’ve never heard of this short film written and directed by Jaina Cipriano had Jaina herself not contacted me asking to review it.  Roughly 33-minutes, available on YouTube (here is the link---https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=n5OvSeZDaw4), it involves two women planning on hanging out for the night before another woman shows up whom one of them invited.  This guest is very boisterous, bordering on the eccentric, and things take a slight turn towards the bizarre after she does something to one of the women.  The film is well-shot and the characterizations are surely notable, but there is definitely more to this story than what we were shown.  Perhaps you have feature film ambitions for this project, Jaina?  I’d be interested in an expansion.  Clearly you’ve demonstrated you can make movies.  [Research tells me Jaina only directed one other short film, You Don’t Have to Take Orders from the Moon, also available on YouTube, which I happened to check out as well; Trauma Bond was better].  11/5/2023

Other movies and TV show(s) I’ve seen and their ratings (see above):

American Horror Stories (Season Three)  >>>EH

                        (Hulu; 4 episodes)

Cobweb (2023)  >>>OK

A Haunting in Venice  >>>EH

The Mill (2023)  >>>EH/OK

            (Hulu)

---Sean O.

11/9/2023

Five Nights at Freddy's

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In case you haven’t seen the intro from my entry dated 1/26/19 (it’s in my archives whenever you want to read it), I’m no longer going to review every single movie I see.  I’m going to review one, with the occasional bonus, and just give ratings for the rest from now on (unless I decide to pick it up again in the future).  You can always ask me why I gave the ratings for the films without reviews though (via comments or the e-mail addresses under the ‘About Me’ section).

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Five Nights at Freddy’s                                               OK

I’ve never played a single one of the video games (I saw there are at least 13) or read any of the books or comics (at least 28 I saw) on which this film is based.  Therefore, I went into this movie with zero knowledge of what to expect, other than it containing killer animatronic characters in a Chuck E. Cheese-style establishment (here, a place called Freddy Fazbear’s, an abandoned place popular in the Eighties still in need of night security guards because the owner “just can’t let the place go;” it takes place in 2000).  I would imagine it’s somewhat faithful considering the creator, Scott Cawthon, had a hand in the screenplay and production.  I can see comparisons made to Willy’s Wonderland (you can read my review for that here---https://vampireclown82.blogspot.com/2021/04/willys-wonderland.html), and it most certainly came to mind before and during watching, but the plots are a bit different.  This one is also rated PG-13, so the majority of violence is implied (yes, people are killed), but implied violence can be effective in gateway horror, and this film does manage to succeed in being suitable for those that might be a bit too young for violence.  I do think it falls short in terms of a general horror film though, at least in how the film could’ve been, but I have a feeling we’re going to see more of this world (Cawthon said there will be more depending on this film’s success; surely there’s enough to tell with all those games, books, and comics!).  Currently, it has a 29% rating out of 144 reviews on Rotten Tomatoes.  It definitely wasn’t that bad, but had the rating been much higher, I might’ve thought it was overrated (at least based on this first viewing).  I will say that for surpassing 100-minutes, it really didn’t feel that long.  10/28/2023

Bonus reviews:

Saturn Bowling                                                           EH/OK

French film (yes, that means subtitles if you don’t speak French) in which I was only interested due to being a new thriller containing a bowling alley.  Said (titular) bowling alley was left to two half-brothers after their father (the owner) passed and is only featured for about half the time, if that.  One of the sons is a detective, so he lets the other son run the bowling alley, even though he obviously doesn’t know how to.  The film focuses on both the men separately, the second part on the police officer investigating some local murders.  There’s no mystery though since we know who the murderer is; it’s just a matter of when the detective will find out and what will ensue.  The characterizations are fine, but the content is very underwhelming; the ending is just so tacky too.  Ultimately, not worth watching.  10/30/2023

The Fall of the House of Usher (Netflix)                    EH

(haiku review)

I wasn’t a fan. 

Forced myself to finish it.

Eight eps.; too drawn out.  11/3/2023

Other movies and TV show(s) I’ve seen and their ratings (see above):

All Hallows’ Eve:  Trickster  >>>EH/OK

Bargain (Season One)   >>>OK

   (Paramount+; 6 episodes; In Korean with subtitles)

Soft & Quiet  >>>OK

Thunderbird (2021)  >>>OK

The Unknown (1927)  >>>OK/G

               (Silent film)

---Sean O.

11/5/2023