Mooby Reviews 5/27/2017

Here's my current critiques...

Beaches                                                                       B

Yes, I saw the original.  I have an older sister and in those days we (like most people) had one TV and one VCR in the house, so everyone usually watched the same things.  I only remember bits and pieces so obviously I didn’t think it was a masterpiece.  I also don’t remember despising it as much as this version.  To the creators:  ♪Did you ever know that you’re NOT my hero.  This remake is everything I expected it to be.  I would fly higher than an eagle.  If I could, that would be awesome♪.  Yes, this remake is as bad as you think.  I don’t know why I expected anything less.  One, it’s a Lifetime movie.  Two, everything happens too fast (don’t get comfortable during any part).  Three, Idina Menzel can’t act for shit (perhaps she should “let it go” and stick to singing?).  Like I mentioned many times before, my OCD forces me to watch any remake or sequel (despite badmouthing their existence), especially if I hate it beforehand.  I am always proud when I like critically panned movies.  Sorry, can’t be supportive when bad movies like this actually suck.  5/13/2017

Blind                                                                            EH

Norwegian film about intertwining stories in the city where none might have existed at all.  I’ll let you decide.  If you want to waste your time that is.  I’m not recommending it.  Fans of Norwegian cinema might think it’s worth the investment.  Are there many?  The director himself said on a featurette that he wasn’t content with his own country’s movies.  I’m fascinated with Scandinavia itself (particularly Norway and Sweden) if that counts.  Trollhunter, Dead Snow and Next Door are the only Norwegian films I recall being a fan of, but I’m sure there’s more.  Anyway, I should totally relate to the introverted protagonist with an overactive imagination (besides me having eyesight).  Similar to her complaint about another character being boring, I wish this movie wasn’t either.  There’re several sensually explicit scenes too.  5/20/2017

Bus Driver                                                                   OK

Ephemeral action film redolent of yesteryears Steven Seagal and Jean-Claude Van Damme flicks that’s a little too simple.  One character even claims to be in a Steven Seagal movie (pronouncing it Seagull before being corrected).  Another character claims to be in a Breaking Bad episode.  I’ve never seen that show, so people that have need to be the judge of that.  There are drugs involved and that’s all I can connect with the Breaking Bad reference.  At least these characters watch movies and TV.  There’s quite a bit of bloodshed, equally mediocre and impressive.  It’s about as much fun as a typical genre film starring the aforementioned action stars, so basically it’s decent but forgettable.  It’s available at Redbox, so use a promo code if there’s nothing else to select.  Unless you want to spend $12 On Demand and, frankly, no movie (especially this one) is worth that if you’re not owning it.  5/25/2017

Child Eater                                                                  OK

The setting and cinematography are perfect.  An abandoned amusement park (or whatever it was) is a great location for a horror movie, as are woods and creepy houses.  That’s all this film has going for it.  The barely iconic killer is more ugly than creepy.  It’s boring too and overlong at 82 minutes!  Some movies, like this, are best admired aesthetically.  This is a movie though, not an art book.  Movies are supposed to engage as well as entice.  5/13/2017

Dheepan                                                                      OK

Uneven film involving a Sri Lankan “family” fleeing to France from their war-torn country only to realize life isn’t much better there.  I never forgot what an English professor in college told me specifically in regards to writing any type of article:  Grab their attention in the beginning and end with a bang since people generally browse the middle section.  The same philosophy doesn’t necessarily apply to movies.  The longest feature article will generally be read much quicker than watching the shortest feature-length film.  This movie begins as a compelling immigrant tale, contains an extremely plodding middle, and ends powerfully with a bit of violence.  It’s almost 2 hours so I can’t quite forgive the sluggish central filler and I started drifting off momentarily.  That’s a shame too.  This might’ve been excellent as a profile feature article or literary short story.  5/26/2017

The Great Wall                                                            EH

This movie could’ve worked.  It makes for an engaging action film and women are warriors too, so it gets certain things right.  The fact it’s based on legend bothers me none.  I like alternate histories in the right measure.  The creatures are where it completely disappoints.  I’ve said many times I’m not a fan of modern special effects.  It makes me wonder how today’s burgeoning youth will view effects 20 years from now after being programmed to think CGI is the norm.  The creatures really do make the film look no different than a medieval-era SyFy-channel monster movie.  Those that accused the film of “whitewashing” prior to its release:  I counted three or four Caucasian actors amongst a large cast being several shades of yellow.  It was also acknowledged that Matt Damon’s character was a Western fighter, so I don’t fault it on being racially inaccurate.  The story is there, the action scenes are grand, but with improved creatures this could’ve been a much better movie.  I’m not sure if I would’ve preferred Mongolian invaders instead since that’s allegedly why the wall was built in the first place, but then it might’ve been a typical historical action epic.  5/24/2017

Monsters:  Dark Continent                                          OK

You don’t necessarily have to see Monsters, but you should to know their origination (you won’t get an explanation here).  Actually, you should just watch Monsters (if you haven’t already) because it’s better.  This is essentially a war film with monsters in it.  I’m all for genre-mashing if done well.  I had some hope at first.  The war scenes during the first half rival most fact-based epics with their raw verisimilitude and brutal violence.  The monsters are impressive and it’s a shame they’re underutilized.  They appeared infrequently the first time too, but Monsters had likable characters and pervading dread so the creatures were an added bonus.  This is a good example of dichotomous successive movies.  The first film reaffirms that less clearly is more.  This sequel is generally loud and, during the second half, its idiosyncrasies get the best of it much to our chagrin.  Whereas many war story/monster film mash-ups fail in presenting relatively decent creatures, this movie failed to completely impress even with excellent designs and well-choreographed combat.  I think I’m being too kind by (reluctantly) giving this an OK rating.  5/14/2017

Monster Trucks                                                           EH

Winner for polysemic title of the year.  This Nickelodeon film about tentacled, luminescent creatures from lakes below North Dakota is dull and overlong with minimal entertainment value.  The monsters are kinda cute, I guess.  How witless can one be to pull up to the gas station knowing full well your truck runs solely by monster, attempt to fill up the inessential gas tank, and then feed the monster $400 worth of fuel?  This is the type of movie you might put on in the background while hanging out and chatting on couches, occasionally watching between conversations and either criticizing it together or being apathetic to what’s transpiring.  5/24/2017

My Life as a Zucchini                                                  G

Here’s a quirky-styled Swiss/French film nominated for Best Animated Feature at the previous Oscars.  While I wouldn’t have been upset it lost (Kubo and the Two Strings was better than this and Zootopia---the actual winner), it definitely deserved the nomination.  It’s a fun, bittersweet tale involving young children at an orphanage.  It’s not quite family friendly at times either.  It is rated PG-13, so you might want to watch it first to see if it’s appropriate for the young’uns.  I liked that about it.  Kids are exposed to adult situations and curse in real life (South Park is very good at depicting that), so I always felt that shouldn’t be sugar-coated in any media.  I don’t recall much, if any, bad language but there’s sexual references that are quite hilarious coming from this film.  A post-credits sequence slightly diminishes what came before, but not enough to eradicate its overall charm.  It’s barely over an hour too, so I think this movie is entirely worth your time.  5/24/2017

Newtown                                                                     G

Mass shootings are always tragic for surviving relatives and friends.  The one that took place in Newtown, Connecticut on December 14, 2012 was the only one that pulled at my dark heartstrings unwittingly getting those tear ducts flowing.  Come on, 20 little kids were killed that probably had no idea what was happening and I thought about my 2 little nieces that weren’t in school yet at the time.  I know kids are slaughtered constantly in other countries but we’re not presented with all those stories.  Newtown seems like most peaceful suburban towns never expecting these tragedies to befall.  This documentary presenting interviews with surviving family members and some with relatives of surviving kids is very depressing during the first half.  Its potency forces you to keep watching regardless of how much your heart (however dark) begs you not to.  One thing I did like, which I was hoping wouldn’t happen beforehand, is no one brought up God.  What God would allow 20 six and seven-year-olds to die so horribly before ever having a chance at a full life?  Shy of two weeks before Christmas no less.  Those families are never going to truly heal.  Another thing I liked is when one of the surviving mothers stated she wouldn’t forgive the shooter if he lived and doesn’t know if she’ll ever truly forgive him or his mother for providing easy access to firearms.  Since 20 kids and 6 staff were killed that day, I would’ve liked to see more interviews.  Less than half the surviving relatives were included here.  I can understand how upsetting it would be and some might prefer being out of the spotlight, but an explanation for their exclusion would’ve been nice.  I’m sure this isn’t going to be the last film based on the tragedy though.  No matter where you stand with the 2^nd Amendment, they can outlaw guns but that obviously won’t stop people from obtaining them.  Didn’t work for alcohol and never worked for weed (which is still mostly illegal).  Plus, if single-digit aged children being victims wasn’t enough reason for gun bans or strictly enforced regulations, they’re never going to be outlawed.  5/17/2017

Rock Dog                                                                    OK/G

Someone (or something) expected to fulfill specific duties (here, a Mastiff dog next in line to guard his village from wolves) has a different calling (rock star) and decides to follow their bliss (in the city), eventually being congratulated for making the right decision.  Yes, this animated film based on a Chinese comic book reeks of familiarity, but I actually thoroughly enjoyed it.  Some clichés are slightly subverted.  The young pup is encouraged by his father to follow his dreams quite early on instead of being spiteful and leaving for the city on his own.  The village inhabitants consisted of several musicians before all instruments were banned for being a “distraction” from learning to guard, so perhaps it was intrinsic for the protagonist to play guitar?  Yes, it contains the tired message about going your own way, but it doesn’t mean it’s completely dismissible.  I can honestly say I lean more towards G than OK but not wholly due to its conventionality.  I liked this better than Sing.  5/25/2017

Welcome to Happiness                                                EH/OK

Is it possible to hate a movie and almost like it simultaneously?  Theoretically, I think it’s a great idea for a story.  Practically, it’s bland as they come and too whimsical for its own good.  Hypothetically and undeniably, we’d all like to change/erase something from our past.  If given the chance, I believe most would “butterfly effect” that shit.  Of course people in this movie are given the contrasting pep-talk about how altering something in the past could make things worse for you or someone else in the present.  You might not be the person you are today if you change that one thing.  You might not meet people you care about now if you change that one thing.  Blah, blah, blah.  Yes, people will always ask that big ‘what if?’ when dwelling on past mistakes or regrets and I think most would be curious to see how different their lives might’ve turned out.  Okay, besides being convinced how life might not have been better, why couldn’t we be provided with examples of people that did push the red button?  This movie is strictly ideas stacked onto more ideas with no elaboration.  I was unsatisfied by the conclusion and certainly didn’t wanna clap along with the characters.  Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind is a much better movie about altering that one moment from your past.  5/17/2017

---Sean O.

Mooby Reviews 5/7/2017

Here's my newest film critiques...

Bay Cove                                                                     B

A movie from 1987 involving witches with Tim Matheson and Woody Harrelson?  I continually amaze myself at what I haven’t seen.  I also continually remind myself there’s probably a reason why.  “Bad movie” is a connotative term of course.  I’m a huge fan of movies like Killer Klowns from Outer Space, Maximum Overdrive and the Sleepaway Camp movies.  Many consider those “bad movies.”  While they may not be culturally praised movies (outside part of the horror community), they’re good to me.  Bad movies like this are so predictable where enjoyment exists not even in the so-bad-its-good sense.  A young couple move to an island where witches have performed sacrifices for 300 years and new members are needed for their coven.  This is all figured out well before the climax, so everything happens as expected with distractions, denials and unsurprising twists fleshing out the time.  Late ‘80’s?  Witches?  Satan?  Recognizable faces?  I should’ve loved this movie.  I only liked when the church blew up at the end.  That’s the only thing I liked in a 90-plus minute movie?  4/29/2017

Bigger Fatter Liar                                                       OK

I saw Big Fat Liar when it came out 15 years ago and I don’t remember hating it.  Here’s what I remember:  It starred Frankie Muniz and Amanda Bynes; Frankie’s school assignment was stolen by Paul Giamatti and made into a movie; Frankie and Amanda go confront Paul; Frankie over-caffeinated with Coke at one point.  This time, the kid’s assignment is stolen and turned into a videogame.  It probably closely resembles the first (perhaps I need to revisit Big Fat Liar?) but being a direct-to-video sequel 15 years later with a title like that, I had to.  Of course I expected no masterpiece, which it absolutely wasn’t, but I can’t say I hated it.  Undeniably, I had a smidgen of fun with it and modern technology was utilized quite creatively at the end, but it still suffers from direct-to-video sequel-itis (or general sequel-itis).  The director also wrote Prom Night II (worthy sequel better than the first) and directed Prom Night III (my favorite entry in that franchise) plus many episodes of Are You Afraid of the Dark? (including two of my favorites) and Goosebumps.  My man Ron Oliver certainly has directing credentials.  I’m not quite sure who this movie would appeal to since fans of the first are all grown.  Perhaps people like me that watch anything despite badmouthing sequels and remakes?  Whatever, I’ll probably never watch it again unless Biggest Fattest Liar is made.  One thing I can say is that this was better than Mr. Oliver’s Mostly Ghostly entry from last year, One Night in Doom House.  I have no life.  4/27/2017

Blood Glacier                                                              EH

A surprisingly plausible scientific explanation is presented for hybrid monstrosities resulting from the titular landmark in the Swiss Alps.  Attacks happen too swiftly though so there’re no decent shots of these creatures.  Perhaps that might’ve revealed how horrendous they actually were?  Perhaps, but most appeared to be practical.  Some probably belonged in an ultra-cheesy SyFy channel movie.  Besides, this movie is very boring.  4/29/2017

Bokeh                                                                          OK/G

The title refers to a photographic effect.  Research if you want a thorough definition.  This film is about a couple vacationing in Iceland when a flash of light in the night sky seemingly wipes out everyone but them.  Naturally, the two enjoy having the country to themselves at first.  They pick a bigger house to stay in, clear out the supermarket, and explore.  As much as some may dislike people theoretically (guilty!), we still need other people to provide our resources.  Eventually the food will run out and, before long, the two bicker about eating expiring foods first.  Cell phones and internet don’t work either (only pre-event material shows up), so there’s no way of returning home.  While I got restless at times, I was curious to where this bleak thriller was headed.  Apocalyptic movies are dead (pun intended) but style and characterization can make them worth watching.  They do run into one other person whose appearance doesn’t last long nor enhances the plot, so I didn’t see why the character was introduced at all.  Filler!  There’re speculations pertaining religious revelations, but don’t expect an explanation for the apocalypse because there isn’t one.  Perhaps that was intended to be in their shoes, realistically leading to the depressing yet inevitable ending.  4/27/2017  

Here Alone                                                                  EH

Recommended only if you’ve never seen a single post-apocalyptic movie with or without “infected” peeps.  The title’s slightly misleading considering the lady was alone for less than half the time.  If there ever were a post-apocalyptic society, one thing I wouldn’t mourn is new movies being made.  There’d be plenty pre-apocalyptic movies to choose from better than the same shit (like this) released year after year.  5/3/2017

The Red Turtle                                                                        OK/G

Studio Ghibli always presents stunning animation.  Their newest feature slightly resembles Hans Christian Andersen tales and is dialogue-free.  The Triplets of Belleville proved that works if actions speak louder.  This movie does drag even at 80 minutes (mainly during the second half), but the poignant ending makes you look back and moderately adore this simple fable.  5/3/2017

Soaked in Bleach                                                         OK

There’s been many theories and films surrounding Kurt Cobain’s death, so I doubt this documentary would dispense much else to aficionados.  Some information was new to me but I never much followed the case.  Sure, I’ve had speculations.  Many believe Courtney Love murdered him and made it look like a suicide.  While sketchy, I believe she could’ve had something to do with it.  Isn’t it ironic how Hole (Courtney’s band for those born yesterday) quickly gained popularity following Kurt’s death?  I don’t remember hearing much about them while her husband was still breathing.  Besides, Courtney comes off as vile so if she didn’t murder him or hire someone to do so, she certainly seems capable of driving someone to off themselves.  I do like Hole’s music even if I don’t care for her (no, I don’t know her personally but I do go by observations).  I’ll admit I wasn’t the biggest Nirvana fan during their heyday in the mid-‘90’s but I didn’t dislike them.  Mostly everyone I went to school with loved them.  I like them more now.  I have all their albums (I still own the cassette of Nevermind actually) and even bought a shirt for $5 at Walmart about a year ago.  Whether he decided to die or not, one thing is certain…Kurt’s legacy lives on to this day and most people don’t care for Courtney who is still with us.  5/6/2017

Surrender at Crow Lake                                             B

Here’s a worthless 10-minute short available through Streampix On Demand.  A man fishes on a tranquil lake.  A car blasting music drives up to the loading area.  A body wrapped in sheets is pulled out and dropped near the water.  The person is still alive.  The driver grabs a gun from the car.  Maybe it’s just me, but shouldn’t the driver peruse the surrounding area before attempting an execution in broad daylight?  The guy in the rowboat is in plain view from the loading area.  Plus, entering an area blasting music isn’t exactly being discreet.  Muffling sounds won’t do shit if there’s eye witnesses.  Also, assuming the shooter is that absent-minded, why would the fisherman try bringing attention to himself?   His only defense would be to quickly row away, but I would assume bullets could outrun the fastest rower.  Anyway, it works out for most involved but the conclusion is outdated even for a short.  Just add an extra ten minutes to your nap instead.  4/29/2017

The Undying Monster                                                 OK/G

A werewolf film from 1942 that’s actually quite good…until the creature is shown.  Modern movies suffer the same fate (Signs comes to mind as well as most sci-fi creature features released after the millennium).  I could probably be more forgiving here considering the era and we do only see the monster briefly at the end.  A hairy face is the only make-up effect but it looks like a poorly-rendered hologram.  Everything else is fine.  It’s well-shot in black & white, the story is engaging, the sets are very gothic, and some scenes were probably creepy for the time.  Modern audiences would more likely be stylistically impressed.  I highly doubt anyone born well past the release would be frightened.  The soundtrack, like many horror flicks of the time, were more orchestral and lacked the ominous tone prevalent in modern horror movies.  It is only an hour so, sure, I’ll recommend it for those that don’t mind delving into the past.  5/6/2017

The Wolf of Waubamik Woods                                    EH

Short film from the Great White North containing an indigenous woman being picked up by a shady white guy.  Ironically, his last name is White.  It would be funny if her last name was Red.  It all leads to a predictable ending.  Moral of the story:  Don’t accept rides from people.  Drivers are warned about picking up hitchhikers, so the same should apply vice versa.  Well, it is only 14 minutes and I’m sure you’ve all wasted more time browsing the candy aisle in Wawa (or your geographical convenience store).  Available through Streampix On Demand.  4/27/2017

---Sean O.

Mooby Reviews 4/24/17

Here are my newest critiques...

Aberration                                                                   B

Stop me if you heard this before.  A girl has the ability to see ghosts.  One ghost in particular.  The girl foresees deaths.  Someone’s wrongfully accused even though they’re obviously innocent.  Still want me to continue?  The ghost knows its killer.  The girl has to figure it out.  The killer is someone the girl knows.  The girl’s realization automatically sets the ghost free.  Alright, I’m stopping whether you want me to or not.  The “jump scares,” and there’re many, don’t make you jump nor are scary.  They’re predictable and annoy the hell out of you because the volume raises several decibels.  This should be called Abhorrent instead.  4/15/2017

Blackbird                                                                     OK

While LGBT struggles are universal, experiences differ per region and community.  This film is about a black teen from Mississippi who’s obviously gay but represses it until others push him towards being himself.  Moonlight this is not.  That’s a better movie depicting a modern gay southern black experience, even though I don’t think it was best picture material.  This is mostly a sappy coming-of-age/coming out story with added faith-based tones.  It was set in a southern Baptist region after all.  4/23/2017

Black Mirror

I’m not going to rate this since it was a 3-season anthology series with no connecting episodes.  The tales range from extremely boring to fairly interesting to good.  I wouldn’t say I was a huge fan, but there were many interesting scenarios revolving around technology.  Privacy is basically non-existent in these advanced media times.  Back in the day, we relied on eye witnesses and word-of-mouth to ruin our lives.  This Netflix series is predominantly sci-fi drama.  Season one contained three episodes that weren’t too spectacular.  “The National Anthem” was too slow but contained a rather disturbing outcome.  “Fifteen Million Merits” starred Get Out’s Daniel Kaluuya and was basically about a society surviving off points earned through riding exercise bikes.  Too stretched out.  “The Entire History of You” was an improvement suggesting a useful application where no one can ever deny or forget anything, and you can delete memories you’d rather not remember.  Season two was slightly better with “White Bear” being the best.  “Be Right Back” was decent and “The Waldo Moment” had a funny icon but neither are worth raving over.  “White Christmas” was the worst from all seasons and one of the longest.  Most of the episodes are generally between 45 and 60 minutes with a few exceptions.  Season three was the best in my opinion.  “Nosedive” had an interesting premise, a slightly depressing ending, and was never boring.  “Playtest” was thoroughly engaging, slightly reminding me of 1408.  “Shut Up and Dance” was my favorite overall.  It was the most suspenseful and left me feeling uneasy afterward.  I liked “San Junipero” too.  It was a poignant tale about desiring to be in one specific place and time for eternity.  “Men Against Fire” would probably be the only one falling into horror territory as it was set-up like an apocalyptic undead tale.  “Hated in the Nation” was the longest at 90 minutes and absolutely did not need to be that long.  It proposed an interesting premise involving mechanical bees that would’ve sufficed in half the time.  Overall, I wouldn’t say I loved this series but I did find a lot of the storylines intriguing.  Most would make great written short stories.  If you like anthology shows, science fiction themes and English entertainment, you might find enough to satisfy.  I don’t think the show would appeal to the general population though.  4/23/2017

From Beyond the Grave                                             EH

An anthology film from the ‘70’s I actually never saw before.  It might be because it’s not particularly that good.  The best of the bunch was just okay.  There’s four tales revolving around an antique shop and the items bought there.  The first involves a mirror harboring a spirit demanding souls from the new owner.  There’s zero excitement since that’s all there is to it---the owner “feeding” victims.  The second involves an unhappy family where at least one member gets what they want; it’s slow but leads to a mildly morbid ending I kinda dug.  Then there’s one about an “elemental” wanting to possess a man.  Silly poltergeist events ensue leading to an ending outdated by today’s standards.  Lastly, there’s a story involving a door occasionally leading to a room from centuries past containing a soul-seeker (funny how the first and last tales involve soul-taking).  The solution is rather goofy yet plausible.  This collection should stay in the grave.  Check out Tales from the Crypt instead.   The anthology film from the same time, not the show (even though you should watch the show too).  4/10/2017

The Institute                                                                 OK

James Franco is everywhere these days, acting and directing.  Here, he does both.  This took place in a Baltimore institution near the end of the Victorian Era.  It’s based on a true story and real asylum but that never makes me favor movies more, regardless of authenticity.  It proposes some intriguing concepts but takes too long to present them.  It’s occasionally loopy too.  Focus should’ve been on structure; all the right elements are there.  4/23/2017

Isolation                                                                      OK

This is a fairly plain thriller involving Dominic Purcell and Luke Mably with their women in the Bahamas.  I like Luke Mably.  Not too many people know his name.  He appeared in 28 Days Later briefly, The Prince & Me and several independent movies.  There’s not too much I can reveal other than some characters are bad and some are innocent.  Part of me may have liked this once upon a time.  Perhaps that part of me is in a sunken place that crazy white lady from Get Out put me in.  I liked the characters if anything.  4/23/2017

Mercy                                                                          B

I knew not this was an adaptation of the Stephen King short story, “Gramma,” until seeing the beginning credits.  That story was also adapted into a Twilight Zone episode (the ‘80’s version).  This movie is slightly different.  Perhaps it should only be a TV episode being based on a short story, not a novel or novella.  This was a tedious movie starring “Carl” from The Walking Dead and Dylan McDermott.  I couldn’t wait for it to be over.  Not exactly something I’d like to say with Mr. King attached.  4/12/2017

The Most Dangerous Game                                        OK

Thriller from 1932 (before all my grandparents were born) involving a hunter living on an island taking in shipwreck survivors.  There’s a scene intercutting real shark footage with film footage that might’ve been revolutionary in 1932.  Of course it looks horrendous now but some modern filmmakers can’t do much better.  The hunter has sinister plans for his survivors, letting them loose in the jungle.  There’s not much to the story but it is only an hour, so if you have that much time to kill, you could do worse.  4/15/2017

Ocean Waves                                                              EH

This Japanese animation from 1993 apparently wasn’t released (globally) until the end of last year.  It’s basically about a complicated love story and not much else.  Sometimes I think movies are too long.  This 73-minute movie could’ve been longer.  I didn’t see why I should’ve cared about this uninteresting relationship between two regular people.  4/23/2017

Shelley                                                                         EH

Rosemary’s Baby much?  They all try to emulate Roman Polanski’s masterpiece but none ever came close to equating it.  This Danish movie is no exception.  There’s just a bit more explicit sex.  Slow.  Forgettable.  4/23/2017

Stung                                                                           G

I hate anything that flies and stings.  The sight of them alone frightens me.  I’ve been stung by honey bees when younger and don’t recall it being excruciating, but there’s just something about stinging insects that horrifies me.  Insects in general disgust me.  Anyway, a mutated swarm of wasps (the reasoning behind the mutation is explained later) attack guests at a garden party.  Giant wasps hatch out of humans when stung.  The script is fairly standard but the special effects are actually grade-A.  Points for being practical!  It’s generally a fun B-movie, in both senses of the word!  4/23/2017

The Whole Truth                                                         OK

Strictly a by-the-numbers courtroom drama where the whole truth is basically non-existent.  If you already think lawyers are full of shit, this movie won’t change your opinion.  It’s the second feature from Courtney Hunt whose debut was the very good Frozen River.  Sorry Courtney, but placing more than one A-lister (Keanu Reeves, Renee Zellweger, Jim Belushi) into a hackneyed story doesn’t make it worth watching.  Using mostly no-names in an original story seemed to work for you though.  4/12/2017

The Windmill                                                               EH/OK

A tour bus of “sinners” is taken to the Dutch countryside where they each fall victim to a scythe-wielding killer resembling an uglier unmasked Jason Voorhees.  The tourists see their wrongs deserving of eternal damnation before getting sliced and seemingly dragged to the netherworld via windmill.  The windmill is a gateway to Hell.  What an awesome idea.  We never see this underworld though.  Some of the kills are rather gory, but the plot’s as conventional as they come.  4/23/2017

---Sean O.

Mooby Reviews 4/11/17

Here's my newest film (and one miniseries) critiques...

Angel in the House                                                      OK

I only watched this because it starred Ioan Gruffudd (pronounced Yo-hahn Griffith).  I’d like to bang him, not that any of you needed to know that.  It’s titled Foster on AllMovie.com and Christmas Angel in the House during the credits.  I didn’t know it was a Christmas movie.  It was called Angel in the House on Netflix so that’s where I’m cataloguing it.  Don’t be surprised when you find out the orphan boy wasn’t “real” the whole time.  You should know right away by the title.  There’s actually a bit of charm and fun to be had, but it’s still a sappy holiday movie set in the UK.  I could care less anyway, Ioan is what kept me watching.  He can appear in anything and make me watch.  I watched the entire series of Forever but couldn’t tell you a damn thing other than how he looked.  He has that power.  Come to think of it, he hasn’t really been in anything good.  King Arthur was decent, that’s it.  Alright, this is getting gay!  Only if you like Ioan as well (or Toni Collette perhaps), will you want to waste any time on this saccharine yuletide rom-com.  4/10/2017

Check Point                                                                 OK

Here’s an action movie featuring Goldberg (all you ‘90’s wrestling fans), Kane Hodder (Jason Voorhees several times) and an unrecognizable “You’re so cool, Brewster!” from the original Fright Night.  It begins with typical hand-to-hand combat but segues into an initially interesting story about laying low in a small southern town.  There’s too many subplots with a really good movie underneath it all.  This might make for a good miniseries (one season and done) since this felt like a TV show with too much crammed into one episode.  4/10/2017

Easter Sunday                                                             B

This is why I shouldn’t look forward to seeing movies.  I waited four years for this to come out!  All the promo shots were great, the bunny mask looked eggcellent, and the weapon (axe) was a good choice.  This movie sucked bunny ass!  I always hate to criticize filmmakers, especially budding or independent ones, because they clearly have the passion.  Like my production teacher said in college, “content is key.”  The population at large only cares about overall content and won’t notice the other moviemaking aspects unless done poorly.  General audiences would notice a whole lot wrong with this movie.  The acting is terrible.  The filming is amateur.  The violence is subpar and that’s a shame because there were some potentially creative kills.  The intentional comedy was unabashedly annoying and unfunny.  Films from the ‘70’s and ‘80’s, which this seemingly tries to emulate, looked better than this movie and those filmmakers didn’t have many alternative shooting options.  In the hands of John Carpenter, Wes Craven (R.I.P.), or even aspiring directors using the appropriate budget, this movie could’ve been fucking awesome!  The mask, the kills, the characters, the plot, they’re all there.  The Easter Bunny deserves a worthy horror movie!  4/4/2017

Evolution                                                                     B

This French film about a dreary sea-side community populated solely by young boys and adult women (predominantly pre-middle age) began intriguingly.  There might’ve been an explanation to why but I was lost.  This movie was too artsy-fartsy for me.  I’m all for open-ended interpretations (I’m a David Lynch fan after all), but I couldn’t even form my own meaning when it was over.  Complete waste of time.  4/4/2017

Incarnate                                                                     OK

Here’s a modern possession movie unlike the other ultra-lame garbage typically titled The Possession of *insert name*.  It’s a shame it’s underdeveloped because I actually liked where this was going.  I’d probably tell you to see this, just don’t expect to be completely satisfied.  4/5/2017

Lavender                                                                     B/EH

Child witnessing a tragedy?  Said child, now grown, repressed said tragedy?  Little girl sees and speaks to ghosts no one else can see?  Ghosts won’t find peace until all is resolved?  Ghosts can appear but can’t reveal the perpetrator because survivor has to figure it out?  Survivor instantly recalls tragedy when in location it occurred?  Revelation is no surprise at all?  If you didn’t recall any of those scenarios, you might enjoy this.  If you recalled any or most, steer clear.  Lame, lame, lame!  4/4/2017

Mockingbird                                                                OK

This film depicting three intersecting viewpoints has style but less structure.  It was directed by Bryan Bertino who made last year’s hit, The Monster plus The Strangers, so clearly he knows how to make movies.  It contains a clown, a dummy and lots of red balloons---all the makings for a great horror movie.  There’s too much seesawing between segments that I occasionally forgot which POV I was watching.  The game is actually real so don’t predict it’s all a hoax like I assumed.  The ending was a big case of what the fuckery? with me asking, ‘is that what I think it was?’  Mr. Bertino, if I tell you my interpretation, will you tell me your intended one?  If so, I’ll possibly change my rating.  4/10/2017

13 Reasons Why                                                          G

I watched the first episode on a whim, got hooked and binge-watched the entire Netflix series (13 episodes) in two days.  I never read the book so I expected nothing.  There are typical high school issues like rape, rumors and gossip, but the execution makes it worthwhile.  I recall a writing course I took years ago that stated there’s essentially only ten different stories; it’s unique in the way they’re told.  A girl killed herself after making cassette tapes detailing each person and event leading her to do so.  Utilizing a tape per episode adds a tinge of suspense and being a miniseries allows us time to familiarize with everyone, unlike underdeveloped teen films with too many supporting characters.  The revelations aren’t too original but, like I said, its presentation keeps you watching.  I read about the author’s original ending and I’m glad he nixed it, because I was actually hoping that wasn’t going to happen.  I’m unsure if a second season is intended since this was labeled season one.  I don’t think a similar story needs to be told again, unless they somehow make it darker and utilize another innovative technique.  4/10/2017

Under the Shadow                                                      G

This is the first Iranian-set horror film I recall seeing.  It takes place in Tehran during the Iraq-Iran war (1980-1988) when even owning a VCR was punishable.  A mother and her daughter live in an apartment building while the father goes to war.  A bomb crashes through the building without detonating causing everyone to flee except the mom and daughter.  Not only are bombs a threat, but the two appear to be menaced by Djinn (supernatural creatures prominent in Islamic folklore).  The supernatural elements appear late and I thought it ended too soon, but I’m recommending it because there’s a very ominous build-up that secured my attention.  4/10/2017

Waffle Street                                                                G

It’s never too late to change your life.  While true, it’s generally easier said than done.  The guy in this movie goes from working in finance to serving at a waffle house after getting fired and desiring change.  He soon learns it’s not much easier working in the restaurant business.  Anything and everything goes wrong for this guy.  It’s a brutally honest portrayal of trying to make it in this world.  Yes, there’s a wise old man (played by Danny Glover) giving life advice, ultimately enabling the young protagonist to make an honest decision about his career.  What Mr. Glover imparted may be as cliché as his character, but it’s a life motto everyone should abide by.  You should always work as if you weren’t getting paid.  If applicable of course because bills still need to be paid.  I generally enjoyed this slice-of-(hard)-life film however cliché it was at times.  4/10/2017

---Sean O.

Mooby Reviews 4/3/17

Current film critiques (quite a bit this time)...

Almost Christmas                                                        OK

I’m a sucker for Christmas movies.  Even if they’re not horror.  I’m open-minded too.  In addition to all the honky holiday movies, I’ve watched other black (This Christmas, Friday After Next), Puerto Rican (Nothing Like the Holidays) and American Indian (Christmas in the Clouds) Christmas films.  I’m sure there’s an Asian Christmas movie.  If anyone knows of any, let me know!  It doesn’t necessarily mean I liked any of those movies, but I will watch them.  That goes for movies in general.  I’ve watched movies from every continent and with every type of people.  This movie about a black family from Alabama proves human emotions know not of race or region.  Sometimes this movie is funny, sometimes it’s corny, sometimes it’s sappy, and sometimes it’s predictable.  It was decent but I don’t see it being added to my roster every December.  3/29/2017

The Ardennes                                                              G

This Belgian film is as simple as they come.  I recognized more than one face from a very good Dutch film called Borgman.  They must be popular in that region.  Anyway, the film may be bland but it’s bleak, short and slightly dark.  Mild recommendation.  3/26/2017

Cannibal                                                                     OK/G

Spanish film about a tailor by day and cannibal by…always.  It’s ultimately a slow-burn drama with a cannibal.  Violence is off-screen (and rare) and the “meat” is prepped like general cuisine.  Cannibalism disgusts me to no end yet it’s also a societal taboo I find oddly fascinating.  I am a fan of movies like Cannibal Holocaust, Cannibal Ferox, The Green Inferno, We Are What We Are (the original Mexican version), and look forward to seeing Raw.  The notion is horrifying and that’s what fascinates me.  I prefer it be implied or shown minimally like those mentioned.  Other films like The Texas Chainsaw Massacre and The Hills Have Eyes deal with it thematically, and even Fried Green Tomatoes and Alive contain elements of it.  I do like movies dealing with cannibalism in the right measure.  Extremely gory underground films gross me the fuck out.  I guess I’m selective like with everything else.  Deviant characters always make simple stories more compelling.  (Boy Meets Girl would’ve been bland if the transgender female was replaced with a cisgender female).  If this film wasn’t about a cannibal I doubt my attention-span would’ve lasted.  It was fascinating watching a seemingly average individual with that particular desire.  It goes on way too long though.  4/1/2017

Don’t Hang Up                                                           OK/G

It’s all fun and games until someone takes your prank seriously, tragedy results, and someone close to those affected exacts revenge.  The whole time I thought I already saw this movie several times, but part of me wanted to keep watching anyway.  I sorta, kinda, marginally liked it.  3/27/2017

Good Kids                                                                   OK

Teen comedies ceased being fun in the ‘90’s.  Even then, some were too cliché.  Naturally, there are exceptions and I give every film a chance, but none will ever equal the ‘80’s and most pre-Millennium films.  This is more of a fantasy teen movie.  Come to think of it, most probably are.  People aren’t necessarily as lucky as kids in these movies and a “nottie” never ends up with a “hottie.”  These “good kids” make a vow to do all the things they’ve missed out on (parties, sex, relationships) during high school before going to college.  (Kinda sounds like another movie involving a pie, doesn’t it?  Ironically, some of the same producers are involved).  This being movie world, these kids get what they want.  One guy gets to hook up with several older women while getting paid for it.  The girl hooks up with the hunky Australian dude.  Do you think these good things end badly?  The small dude into yoga-like techniques ends up taking out a whole group of bigger men single-handedly.  Uh-huh.  Amongst the group, there’s a guy and girl that have been friends forever.  Do you think at least one has feelings for the other?  This movie is watchable but forgettable.  3/26/2017

Housebound                                                                EH

I hate anticipating a movie and being disappointed with an okay or, even worse, less-than-okay one.  Here’s an example from the land farther down under in “hobbit” country.  It was critically lauded in horror publications and received a 97% on Rotten Tomatoes, so why the hell didn’t I like this film?  I thought I was going to love it in the beginning.  There was an ominous set-up that turns completely different after several clichéd twists.  I felt I’ve already seen almost everything that happens; The People Under the Stairs is one that came to mind.  The violence was satisfactory but failed to appease me.  I’d be lying if I said I’d stop looking forward to watching movies since my cinematic hunger is never satiated until I watch them, even if I’m disappointed like with this movie.  3/28/2017

Hush                                                                            G

A deaf woman becomes prisoner in her own home (in the woods) when a killer threatens her from outside with weapons.  He clarifies that he won’t enter until she “wants to die,” so that answered my question to why he didn’t simply break the windows.  He only attacks when she tries escaping more than once.  The home is sanctuary, temporarily.  She’s very resourceful for being deaf/mute but, like they say, without one sense, the others are magnified.  Usually when prey is stranded because of a predator, it’s an animal/creature stalking human(s).  (For some reason, “The Raft” from Creepshow 2 came to mind first).  Humans are animals.  This is simply a taut, thoroughly engaging, occasionally bloody thriller.  4/1/2017

I Am the Pretty Thing That Lives in the House           OK

Here’s a poetic ghost story with lots of style but much less substance taking place during the ‘70’s or ‘80’s.  Indicators:  no cell phones, no computers, house phone hanging on the wall, Grateful Dead shirt.  Yes, that could mean ‘90’s too, but it didn’t look like that era.  I like a good art-house film if I can take something from it.  There was a slight indication for a really good twist at the end, but it left me hanging and frustrated me.  I love unconventional movies, but if style isn’t enough to trump substance and vice versa, there needs to be a balance between the two.  3/26/2017

The Lesson                                                                  EH/OK

I liked this better in the beginning as a coming-of-age film.  One kid was rather detestable so his torture wasn’t too harrowing.  The other kid just seemed to live in the wrong environment.  The teacher kidnaps the two boys and tortures them with weapons while teaching literary terms.  He claims his students never respected him for the past 20 years.  Why did he take only those two when it appeared most of the kids weren’t very docile?  Perhaps it would’ve been more entertaining if he somehow managed to torture the whole class in the vein of The Final.  I get it, without rules, society would become like The Lord of the Flies.  A whole movie wasn’t needed to relay that message.  3/26/2017

Let’s Be Evil                                                                OK

I love me some evil kiddy movies.  Growing up, I loved them all (Children of the Corn series, Village of the Damned).  Movies are always more fun with young protagonists and even more fascinating when they commit violence.  They don’t make killer kid movies like they used to.  Naturally there’re exceptions like The Children and Eden Lake.  This movie looks great, hypnotic even.  I didn’t think there was enough evil kid violence though.  It starts off suggesting something ominous is right around the corner and there are menacing moments, but the second half becomes a bore.  The look of the film gets a G, the script gets an EH, so the final grade is OK.  Like the late Roger Ebert once said, “life is too short to see movies that are just OK.”  Someone make a good evil children movie!  3/27/2017

Loving                                                                         OK

I’m always amazed if an interracial couple opposes same-sex marriage considering their union wasn’t legal until a half-century ago.  This film depicts the events leading up to the historical Loving vs. Virginia case which validated interracial marriages.  Opinions have changed but conservative thoughts on the matter still persist.  From my observations, it seems ethnic minorities are more vocal about it, but I’m not denying intolerance doesn’t exist on either side.  I like history.  I’d like to say I’m open-minded.  This felt like a generic TV-movie dealing with similar subject matter and it ultimately failed to move me.  Loving actually refers to the man’s name, not the emotion.  3/28/2017

Sing                                                                             OK

This reminded me of Zootopia since different animals lived like humans.  I liked Zootopia but Kubo and the Two Strings deserved best animated picture much more.  Anyway, unlike Zootopia, there doesn’t appear to be any prejudice in this world, they compete in a singing competition.  I know it’s hard to be original these days, but if I roll my eyes at clichés like I did several times here, that’s not a very good sign.  Examples:  The gorilla that doesn’t want to be in the family business, embarrasses/upsets his Dad, sings in the competition, Dad is proud after hearing him.  The shy elephant that sings well but has stage fright, forced to sing at the end…she might steal the show making everyone stand up and cheer.  I hope I didn’t spoil it for anyone.  It’s fun at times and the little ones unaware of clichés will probably enjoy, but I don’t think anyone else will be impressed.  4/1/2017

Stranger Things:  Season One                                    G

Yes, I finally got around to seeing this once I got an X1 box and a free month of Netflix streaming.  Yes, I did like it.  Love it?  No, but I thought this 8-episode series was a worthy throwback to ‘80’s cinema right down to the score.  It takes place in 1983 (I would’ve been 1) and homages films like Poltergeist, E.T. and The Thing without feeling like a cheap knockoff.  I binge-watched the entire season in less than 24 hours.  Each episode whizzes by, I didn’t look at the time once.  The creature was different resembling something Lovecraft-ian crossed with Pale Man from Pan’s Labyrinth.  The young kids were good actors.  Common at 12 or 13, they were frequently at each other’s throats but inseparable.  Season Two looks good.  In October, I might have to pay for streaming until it ends.  3/26/2017

Stray Bullets                                                                OK/G

Larry Fessenden.  I see the name more than the face.  He has a part in this action thriller directed by his son, Jack, who was only 16 at the time.  Jack directed, wrote, produced, and edited among other things.  He’s also one of the main actors.  This film is extremely well-made.  Jack, you get an A++ for presentation.  That being said, I tried not thinking about his age in regards to giving a better rating solely on those grounds.  This movie is thoroughly engaging but I felt it ended too soon.  If an older director made the same film, and Jack certainly proves he can play along with the big shots, it would be rather ordinary.  Jack Fessenden, you’re a young dude that most definitely knows how to make movies.  Just put more effort on the script next time, I’ll definitely be watching if this feature debut is any indication.  4/1/2017

Trouble Every Day                                                      B

Two cannibal movies in the same blog!  Rue Morgue wrote a companion piece about the subgenre in conjunction with the feature article on Raw, therefore I added these movies to my Netflix queue.  This is shorter and bloodier than Cannibal but way worse.  It involves a French woman and American man in France dealing with the same cannibalistic impulses during sex only.  I think.  I’m not sure if there’s supposed to be an underlying message, but I got nothing from this movie.  4/1/2017

---Sean O.

Mooby Reviews 3/23/2017

Here's my newest round of movie reviews:

The Belko Experiment                                                 VG

Tony Goldwyn.  Horror movie.  Director of Wolf Creek and Rogue.  I was in automatically.  There’re several recognizable faces in this Colombia-set film; IMDb-it for the full list.  Greg McLean certainly regains himself after last year’s dud, The Darkness.  Workers in an office building are told via intercom to kill two people in a half-hour.  Naturally most believe it’s a prank and, realistically, who wouldn’t?  Four people (double the amount) are killed when the task isn’t accomplished.  Every employee was embedded with a tracking device in their skull upon being hired so “Big Brother” simply has to press a button and their heads explode.  That’s a clever tactic in that no one can truly hide.  Escape is impossible since the building is boarded up with steel, armed guards are outside, and all forms of communication are cut off.  After the workers realize the situation is real, things quickly escalate and some release their inner savage as authentically possible in that scenario.  If you ever watched the original Twilight Zone, imagine a more extreme version of “The Monsters Are Due on Maple Street.”  This film is harsh, tense and bloody and that’s what I loved about it!  3/20/2017

Death Do Us Part                                                       OK

House in the middle of the woods.  Creepy caretaker.  Dead birds on the porch.  Do you really think nothing’s gonna happen?  Apparently these people don’t watch horror movies, but most movie characters never do (minus satires) and it’s why they make the same stupid mistakes continuously.  One character does make a vampire reference pertaining to the myths, no movies mentioned.  This isn’t a vampire movie though.  It’s a whodunit containing 3 men and 3 women involved in an upcoming wedding.  Secrets come out, fights ensue, bodies pile up.  Yada, yada, yada.  I actually did become invested with the characters however unlikeable most were.  There’s more than one twist too, but I care not about twists anymore.  I’m all twisted out.  It’s not the worst of its kind, but you can kill time with better movies.  3/19/2017

The Devil’s Candy                                                      G/VG

Heavy metal and horror movies.  My comforts growing up a queer loner (or loser perhaps).  Heavy metal plays a minimal (but no less significant) role in this film from Sean Byrne who also made The Loved Ones (an Australian film I’m a big fan of that made my top ten list the year it came out; I actually referenced it in my last blog---see Recovery review).  This was filmed and set in Texas.  Why come to America after making a success?  Where you’re from is what makes you unique.  Come to think of it, the wide open spaces of Texas probably don’t differ much from flat Australian landscapes.  The mythological entity iconic in both metal and horror is metaphysically involved in the plot (hint: It’s part of the title).  Cue the holy rollers claiming rock music and horror flicks are tools of the Devil.  The stereotypical premise is handled quite effectively though.  I liked this film.  I really did.  While I was upset with the happy ending, this is generally an engrossing dark thrill ride.  It’s short and sweet like…candy(!).  Mr. Byrne, you certainly have my attention.  3/19/2017

Elle                                                                              G

Here we have a French movie directed by the same guy that gave us Robocop.  It starts off with a rape executed so nonchalantly, I had no idea what I was getting into.  Was this going to be a comedy?  Thriller?  Tragedy?  The whole time I was curious about the title sharing the name of a fashion magazine.  The main character’s name was Michele with one L, so it couldn’t have been the second half of her name.  Turns out “elle” means “she” in French (my single semester during college came back to me) and that makes a certain sense.  The director also made Basic Instinct and, unlike that film, the female isn’t the villain here.  Michele developed a thick skin resulting from a traumatic time in her childhood and her resilience shows during several serious matters.  I know she’s acting but most other people would probably be institutionalized.  This film portrays the dark underside amongst seemingly classy individuals like Blue Velvet albeit much less surreal.  It can be quite dirty too (nothing wrong with that) and I shouldn’t have expected less from the guy that gave us Showgirls (vastly underrated in my opinion).  The film is fairly straightforward, but there’s something to be said when I didn’t doze off once during its two hour-plus run time while I was slightly tired.  For that I’m recommending it, but I most likely won’t watch it again.  3/19/2017

Eloise                                                                          B

I saw this had a 0% rating on Rotten Tomatoes beforehand, so that naturally left me little anticipation other than hoping I’d like it.  I almost feel proud when I like critically panned movies.  Sorry, can’t be a nonconformist this time.  This lame-ass movie contains elements of House on Haunted Hill (the remake), extreme instances of Fear Factor, and every single haunted abandoned asylum movie released in the last 30 years.  Even the dark hallways of the titular asylum reek of banality and never manage to be remotely creepy.  Avoid.  3/14/2017

The Eyes of My Mother                                               OK

This modern black-and-white film is rather dark and grisly.  It also has no point whatsoever.  Come to think of it, all movies are pointless.  All you do is sit on your ass accomplishing nada.  Unless, by chance, you obtain a livable wage reviewing movies (*dream job*).  But yes, I do like watching movies.  I liked where this was heading and the director certainly knows how to make movies (it’s a very well-shot gothic film), but it left me feeling cold.  In opposition to thinking certain movies would benefit from some fat-trimming, this really short movie could use some fattening up.  Otherwise, all the right stuff is there.  3/15/2017

Hacksaw Ridge                                                           EH/OK

War is horrific and so are most movies based on them.  Cue the Edwin Starr song, “War.”  Two of my favorite war films are Braveheart and The Patriot, both of which involve Mel Gibson who happens to be the director here.  This film gets pretty gruesome but feels indistinguishable from typical war movies.  Funny how the public at large doesn’t seem to mind violence if based on history, but fictional violent films are a problem.  Also, I didn’t realize how faith-based this film would be, almost making religion appear to be the focal point.  Cue all the religious folks claiming this man’s life was spared because of his faith.  Blah, blah, blah.  I have absolutely nothing against people that believe in God, but I do have a problem with people that pick and choose what to follow from the Bible.  I don’t understand how you could go into combat without protection solely because of your religious beliefs.  This guy was called a coward and still fought his way in, so I respect his determination.  Of course his fellow soldiers weren’t calling him a coward when he was saving their lives.  I almost felt like I was watching a sports movie where the underdog is lauded after winning the game.  Aside from those quibbles, the beginning contained a sappy romance and terrible acting.  I did like meeting everyone at base; I just wish we could’ve acquainted a little more so their misfortunes might’ve been more effective.  One of the most ominous scenes I’ve witnessed in a war film is when the soldiers climbed the rope ladder into war territory for the first time.  I’m sure this film has fans considering it was nominated for best picture (Oscars).  Sadly, I can’t necessarily say I’m one of them.  3/16/2017

Kong:  Skull Island                                                      G

When I see a monster movie, I don’t necessarily care much for exposition and characterization.  I want to see some action!  I understand we need to meet the people (their ends might be more tragic that way) and plan the arrival to where the monsters are.  While this movie has that, it definitely delivers the mayhem!  Thank goodness the creatures look amazing because I despise schlocky creature-features containing deplorable CGI.  While I dislike Kong being the (situational) good guy, it’s actually not handled in a cornball fashion.  Cue the evolutionists emphasizing our ape relations due to shared emotions.  I didn’t enjoy this as much as Jurassic Park/World or even Peter Jackson’s King Kong (that contained a lot more creatures but was also an hour longer), but it was way better than movies like Pacific Rim and the last Godzilla.  This is good old-fashioned monster movie fun.  Be sure to wait until the end of the credits if you’d like to see what’s (possibly) yet to come.  3/17/2017

The Love Witch                                                           OK/G

I had to make sure this actually came out now and not in the ‘70’s.  Congratulations to the set designers, wardrobe department and cinematographers for making this look authentic instead of failing to emulate that era.  This began as a highly stylized body count movie but isn’t quite horror despite having genre elements.  I’m not really sure how to categorize this since it tonally shifts like South Jersey winter weather.  It’s trippy, whimsical and occasionally bloody but never scary.  It’s ultimately a feminist witch movie even though the eponymous character acts humanistic one time, unless that was one of her many ploys.  A jar filled with more than one bodily fluid is rather distasteful.  This is the first time I’ve seen Gian Keys and I’m already a fan.  I have mixed feelings overall but probably lean more towards G because, similar to Elaine’s power over her victims, there’s a mesmerizing quality grabbing ahold until the end credits.  3/22/2017

Tower                                                                          G

Here’s a novel technique portraying the shooting that took place at the University of Texas in August of 1966.  It was essentially the starting point for modern mass shootings but isn’t referenced much.  The ordeal lasted 96 minutes and some people didn’t think it was real since school shootings weren’t common then.  It’s primarily presented in rotoscope animation (think A Scanner Darkly) detailing first-hand accounts from witnesses performed by actors/actresses playing the real people as if the event was currently happening.  Of course it’s always compelling to see the killer’s biopic, but that was a clever way to see witnesses and victims perspectives.  Those segments are intercut with news footage plus recent live-action interviews of the aged survivors.  Even at 82 minutes, this pseudo-documentary drags a little but it’s still recommendable for its ingenious presentation of a tragic event.  However, if someone else tries utilizing it, I’ll think its old hat and might not give it a G rating.  3/21/2017

---Sean O.