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In case you haven’t seen the intro from my entry dated
1/26/19 (it’s in my archives whenever you want to read it), I’m no longer going
to review every single movie I see. I’m
going to review one, with the occasional bonus, and just give ratings for the
rest from now on (unless I decide to pick it up again in the future). You can always ask me why I gave the ratings
for the films without reviews though (via comments or the e-mail addresses
under the ‘About Me’ section).
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There’s Something in
the Barn OK/G
I know its three months past Christmas, but this just became
available on Netflix and I wanted to see it and wasn’t waiting until next
holiday season! In it, an American
family of four move to Norway to live in a house the man inherited from his
uncle that passed away (you see what happens to him in the beginning; and yes,
there are subtitles sometimes, not most of the time though). Behind this house is a (wait for it…) barn,
and in this barn dwells a barn elf (the Something
of the title), a pint-sized creature resembling a mini-Santa Claus, or just one
of the Seven Dwarfs. You see, if you
treat this barn elf right, it will treat you right (i.e. shovel a walkway for
you), but if you treat it wrong, you better watch out! There are certain rules the son is given to
avoid treating it wrong, plus he’s told something he can do to placate it on
Christmas Eve, but I think it needs no saying that rules are broken, being this
is a horror-comedy. This really wasn’t
as bad as it could have been, reminding me of films like Gremlins and Rare Exports,
and also of Krampus and A Christmas Horror Story at times. I felt there were times violence was held
back by implying it, but there’s still some of the red stuff (surely earning
its R-rating, in addition to some bad language), and it may totally feel
tonally inconsistent in the grand scheme of things, between being a cozy
holiday flick and a horror-comedy, but I enjoyed it enough. I’m not saying it’s going to become an annual
watch, but I might revisit it once every two or three years during the actual Yuletide season; it just isn’t
the same watching holiday movies, horror or not, any other time of the year...3/21/2024
Bonus reviews:
Mean Girls EH/OK
It sure
doesn’t seem like it’s been 20 years since the release of the original film, a
film that’s one of the few worthy teen movies released after the Nineties. This remake/update/variation/whatever was
written by Tina Fey, who also wrote and made an appearance in the original (she
makes an appearance here too, as do at least two others from the
original). Apparently there’s a Broadway
musical of Mean Girls which this film
is based, but, since the musical is based on the 2004 film (needless to say), everything
happens exactly the same right down to exact quotes used. Yeah, there are a few differences, the
biggest obviously being the musical parts, which aren’t as cringe-inducing as
one would think, some even a bit catchy, but I think they would appeal most to
those that are fans of Disney Channel musicals and such. Updating scenes with musical numbers may seem
innovative, as opposed to a strictly regular teen movie remake, but perhaps it should
be kept on the stage. As far as films go,
I say stick to the original; it is much more fetch! 3/5/2024
Mary Had a Little Lamb EH/OK
Another childhood property bitten by the horror bug! There is a lady named Mary who lives deep in
the woods with an adult son she calls her “little lamb.” This “little lamb” dons a lamb head and kills
people. Yup, this is a backwoods horror
flick and would be a very typical one
had it not incorporated the famous nursery rhyme. What am I saying? It’s still typical. In it, a group of people travel to these
woods due to a recent disappearance they want to look into for their radio
program that covers cold cases. After
getting lost, they stumble across this house that plainly screams Horror Movies
101 and enter it because the door is slightly ajar! There are some more dimwitted clichés too. While we’re on the topic of clichés, here’s
another---the car conveniently doesn’t start when it needs to! Last Chance Lance in the latest issue of Rue
Morgue stated this film was “better than it had any right to be!” No, I’ll say it wasn’t as atrocious as it
could’ve been. Most of the violence is
passable, and the isolated location (particularly woods) is always a welcome setting
for the genre (read: fitting); plus there’s a somewhat worthy homage to The Texas Chainsaw Massacre at the end
(a movie these films will always try to emulate!), but, like I said, without
the integrated titular nursery rhyme elements, this is an indistinguishable
backwoods horror flick. 3/16/2024
Die’ced EH/OK
Saw on a social media post (Dread Central) that this slasher
film was being compared to Terrifier
(you can read my review for both films in here---https://vampireclown82.blogspot.com/2018/06/mooby-reviews-61318.html,
and here---https://vampireclown82.blogspot.com/2022/11/terrifier-2.html),
so it piqued my curiosity. Plus, I’m
always up for checking out a new slasher film.
[It is available on Tubi, meaning free for anyone with a Wi-Fi
connection]. I can definitely see the
comparison, from the killer’s mannerisms (plus, he doesn’t speak) to very
similar scenes, right down to the use of a warehouse. The director himself, Jeremy Rudd (director
of only one other film, according to IMDb), commented on that aforementioned
post, “Terrifier definitely
influenced some ideas for my film…All ideas stem from somewhere.” That last statement is undoubtedly correct;
almost everything entertainment-related released anymore is going to feel
derivative; it’s whether or not you enjoy the ride momentarily. Sure, this is no masterpiece (hell, its
primary influence wasn’t exactly either), far, far from it, but I wouldn’t
necessarily say it’s all the way at
the bottom of the barrel either. In it,
a mental patient is mistakenly released from an institution, thus beginning a
killing spree on Halloween in the year 1987 (the soundtrack occasionally very
fitting for the time), all while donning a scarecrow costume he snatched from
his first victim. Most of the violence
is actually not bad (read: could’ve been worse) considering the obvious
low-budget. I sort of enjoyed it in the
beginning despite its blatant cribbing and occasional technical flaw (i.e.
background noise overpowering dialogue), but it gradually feels underwhelming by
the conclusion, and I’m not sure if the very scant length was a factor (it’s
barely an hour, 50-minutes, to be exact, with 10-minutes of snail-paced end
credits). Apparently there is going to
be a sequel, because the director stated “Die’ced
2 will be much better with a much bigger budget” in that aforementioned
comment. Okay, we’ll see…3/16/2024
Other movies and TV show(s) I’ve seen and their ratings (see above):
Anatomy of a Fall >>>EH/OK
(Mostly in French
with subtitles)
Are You There God? It’s Me, Margaret >>>OK/G
The Blackening >>>EH/OK
Bottoms >>>EH
Horror in the High Desert >>>OK/G
Horror in the High Desert 2: Minerva >>>OK
Joy Ride (2023) >>>EH/OK
Malum >>>OK
Mercy Road >>>OK
Poor Things >>>OK
Raging Grace >>>OK/G
The Royal Hotel >>>EH/OK
Seconds (1966) >>>OK
The Tourist
(Season Two) >>>OK
(6 episodes)
War Pony >>>OK/G
Your Lucky Day >>>OK/G
---Sean O.3/23/2024
