Sunday, August 29, 2021

The Conjuring 3/American Horror Stories

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In case you haven’t seen the intro from my entry dated 1/26/19 (it’s in my archives whenever you want to read it), I’m no longer going to review every single movie I see.  I’m going to review one, with the occasional bonus, and just give ratings for the rest from now on (unless I decide to pick it up again in the future).  You can always ask me why I gave the ratings for the films without reviews though (via comments or the e-mail addresses under the ‘About Me’ section).
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The Conjuring 3:  The Devil Made Me Do It              OK
Perhaps you’ve heard of Ed and Lorraine Warren, the real-life demonologists/paranormal investigators?  Most of you likely know them as being portrayed by Patrick Wilson and Vera Farmiga in this cinematic universe (namely The Conjuring and Annabelle movies).  The first film involved a haunting in New England, the second film involved a haunting in England, and this one, directed by Michael Chaves (The Curse of La Llorona) instead of James Wan, involves demonic possession in New England (you can read my review for The Conjuring 2 here---https://vampireclown82.blogspot.com/2016/06/mooby-reviews-6202016.html; I gave The Conjuring a G rating according to my archives).  This was also based on a real case in 1981 that was allegedly the first time demonic possession was used as a defense.  An 8-year old boy was possessed and his older brother begs the demon in an exorcism to take him instead (never a good idea); he eventually commits a murder leading to that case.  The Warrens do their investigating after the murder and before the trial, which leads them to a discovery of witchcraft and Satanists.  I didn’t dislike this film, I was intrigued enough to not dismiss it, but it did rely a bit on cheap jump scares (a.k.a. annoying instead of frightening) and ultimately felt too Hollywood (meaning most of it felt all too familiar).  I also felt like it didn’t get nearly as dark as it could have given its subject matter.  Sorry, can’t say the third time was entirely a charm when all was said and done.  I did like the first two films though (as well as the Annabelle films) and will likely be interested in future projects involving these characters based on real people.  8/27/2021

American Horror Stories (Season 1)
Spin-off anthology series of American Horror Story consisting of seven episodes ranging from 38-49 minutes each (technically six episodes if you count the first two as one, five if you want to be even more technical since the last episode ties in with the first two).  I’ve watched every season of AHS so far and plan on checking the newly-released Double Feature out and can say I liked every season enough besides Hotel, Cult, and Apocalypse to call myself somewhat of a fan.  I do love my anthology shows/movies too, so naturally I wanted to check this out.  This season was just okay.  I probably liked the first two connected episodes, “Rubber(wo)Man Part One and Part Two,” the best, which was a spin-off of Murder House (season one of AHS).  Now, you don’t necessarily need to have seen Murder House or re-watch it to see these episodes since the basic theme is repeated for you.  “Drive In” was a rather stale apocalyptic tale set up like a zombie film (they aren’t zombies though, at least not in the traditional sense), the reasons for which occurring after a film is shown.  Surprising this episode was rather ordinary considering Eduardo Sanchez, most famous for The Blair Witch Project, directed it.  “The Naughty List” may never achieve the same status as Tales from the Crypt’s “And All Through the House,” but it’s a decent Christmas horror episode once the ball finally gets rolling, featuring a killer Santa played by a recognizable actor.  “Ba’al” was just an okay, not exactly fresh, segment involving the titular demon, while “Feral” reminded me too much of Wayward Pines and a bit of a Wrong Turn film, only not as good as either; the ending was somewhat of a kicker though.  Lastly, “Game Over” pretty much just references the first two episodes, Murder House, as well as the rest of the AHS series, but the video game created was pretty cool.  I didn’t truly dislike any of these episodes (“Drive In” being the worst), but none I can exactly call great.  Season two has been confirmed and you should know that means I’ll likely, probably definitely, continue…8/27/2021

Bonus reviews:

Ragin’ Cajun Redneck Gators                                    EH/OK
Syfy Channel movie?  That title?  I had to!  I have heard of this film before, but just got around to finally watching it.  It’s also known as Alligator Alley, but that’s obviously not as attention-grabbing.  It takes place in Louisiana (where else with that title?) and gators mutate after tainted moonshine is dumped into the swamps.  [POTENTIAL SPOILERS]  Not only do these mutated gators obtain the ability to shoot spikes from their tails, but also to turn people into gators after biting them or through another means.  Never seen that concept done before!  What the hell was the chemical put in that moonshine?  Is this movie bad?  Obviously, what did you expect?  My expectations were low beforehand.  Is it fun?  Eh, kind of, but not really.  I give it points for a novel concept (hence the partial OK rating), but not as many points for being an unworthy natural horror film (yes, even though my expectations were lower than low, I still hope to enjoy a movie more than not, or at least equally love/hate it).  There is a brief nod to Jaws, but there’s also a reference to Twilight, which, believe it or not, this movie has more in common with!  CGI is used, obvious CGI at that (meaning unworthy, hence the film being unworthy); maybe if CGI looked more realistic I wouldn’t have a problem with it.  I had to check it out, like I said, as I do most of these films (especially on the Syfy Channel), even if I know beforehand there’s a high possibility they won’t be worth it.  I can’t help it.  Whether you want to see for yourself if this is worth watching…hey, that’s entirely up to you…8/23/2021

Dreamcatcher                                                             EH
(haiku review)
Not the King-based work.
Bland slasher this is; long too.
The kills mostly suck.  8/25/2021

Other movies I've seen and their ratings (see above):

The Beast Within  >>>EH

Cats (2019)  >>>B

False Positive  >>>OK
            (Hulu)

Girl (2020)  >>>OK

The Orange Years:  The Nickelodeon Story  >>>OK/G

The Resort  >>>OK

The Vigil  >>>OK

---Sean O.
8/29/2021

Tuesday, August 24, 2021

Friday the 13th Fan Films

Friday the 13th Fan Films
Last Friday the 13th I came across a list of fan films on social media, so I decided to check them all out, given I’m a fan of the franchise.  I can say I’ve seen at least three Friday the 13th fan films before; one was good (Never Hike Alone, review here---https://vampireclown82.blogspot.com/2019/09/never-hike-alone.html), one was okay (Never Hike in the Snow, haiku review here---https://vampireclown82.blogspot.com/2020/10/tremors-shrieker-island.html), and one wasn’t that great (Vengeance, review here---https://vampireclown82.blogspot.com/2019/09/friday-13th-vengeancethe-dead-dont-die.html).  Below are my reviews/descriptions for the other fan films I came across and checked out.  They’re all available on YouTube and if the film doesn’t come up in search by just the title alone, type in Friday the 13th before the title.
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Jason’s Bloodtrails (2020)
People die, but obviously it’s not long enough at just 5-minutes.
Here Comes the Night (2019)
We do get to know at least half the characters in 18-minutes. Decent short very much like a Jason movie.
Camp Blood:  Cat and Mouse (2020)
Just okay (barely) 9-minute film in which we see Jason only go after one victim; two if you count the very end.
Michael vs. Jason:  Evil Emerges (2019)
Been suggested for a while and even though I prefer these 2 cinematic villains over Freddy Krueger, neither one talks and both are invincible (like most of their ilk), so how would it effectively work?  This 29-minute film does manage to be entertaining, so perhaps a short film was the best way to make it work?  If anyone can make a feature-length film that works, bring it on!  As for whether there’s a winner here…I won’t say, but remember the invincible comment?
Death Curse (2020)
Didn’t much care for this 22-minute film that mostly felt fast-paced and clearly wasn’t edited well.
Extraction (2012)
Barely even average 12-minute film with a somewhat worthy ending.
Resurgence (2020)
This one managed to resemble a typical Friday the 13th film in just 20-minutes, although the acting was terrible, but I can kind of (but not really) let it slide since no one likely got paid (like most fan films).  I give them a B for trying…well, maybe a B-.
Repetition (2013)
I don’t recall Jason ever killing anyone with an empty canned good before.  That’s all that stands out in this 14-minute short.  Oh, and there’s a creepy dude sipping blood through a straw from one of his wounds.  The kills weren’t terrible either.  Wait until after the credits for another scene that’s never quite been done in a Friday film before…
Legacy (2017)
Okay-ish 19-minute film set on a beach.  In other words, the setting doesn’t very much resemble a Jason Voorhees film.
J’s Night (2014)
This 30-minute French film (yes, that means subtitles) takes place in the States (there was a Massachusetts license plate).  It’s average (if that) and violent when it wants to be; those French sure do love violence (look no further than the New French Extremity).
No Man’s Land (2011)
I know the platform is YouTube, but the picture quality isn’t the greatest.  52-minutes isn’t long in the general sense, but it is when the picture quality isn’t the greatest.  It’s pretty standard as far as narrative goes (there isn’t much to expect in these movies, especially fan films), but the violence looked like it may have been worthy if the picture quality was better.  This entry was listed as one of the better fan films on a post I came across, but I can’t agree.  Did I mention that the picture quality wasn’t the greatest?
The Man in the Lake (2016)
This 41-minute film was kind of bland, meaning not too suspenseful; some of the kills were fine, but some nods to past films (I hope you know not the fan ones) weren’t exactly worthy.  Not the worst fan film I’ve seen, but…
Jason Rising (2021)
This almost-an-hour fan film is definitely well-shot and has atmosphere.  I’m guessing it’s a sequel to The Final Chapter (Part 4) based on information given, but I could be wrong (does it really matter where a Jason fan film falls on the timeline though?).  Someone else besides Jason returns from the dead to do some killing (shouldn’t be hard to guess who, at least for fans), plus a familiar face from early in the franchise makes an appearance.  One of the better fan films that certainly gets an A for effort.
Voorhees (2020)
This one takes the cake for being the longest of the bunch at 99-minutes.  It doesn’t take the cake for being the best, but it’s definitely not the worst.  As has been done before, criminals pick the wrong place to lay low for a bit.  Camp Crystal Lake doesn’t really look much like a camp here (much like Legacy), more of a field with an abandoned house and farm.  Some of the violence is worthy; one involving a hammer comes foremost to mind, one scene was actually kind of gross, and I don’t recall anyone ever being killed with a wind chime before…
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I listed the films in the order I viewed them instead of alphabetically or (obviously) from best to worst or worst to best.  When it comes to the Friday the 13th franchise, you pretty much either like them or you don’t.  Someone I once went to college with stated about the films, “Yes, I do enjoy them as corny as they are,” and I pretty much agree.  Jason was one of the first cinematic villains I got into, so I’ll always have a soft spot for his films.  I do obviously prefer the actual films in the franchise, which most I’ve seen several times.  I doubt I’ll ever watch any of these fan films again, but I’ll watch any released that come across my radar given I am a fan of the franchise.  That being said, I don’t think anyone without even a remote interest in the property would care to check out these fan films posted online that made no profit.  Hopefully my descriptions (which include run-times for each) will enable you to decide which ones you would want to check out if you do decide to watch any of them.  My favorites of the bunch were probably Jason Rising, Michael vs. Jason:  Evil Emerges, Here Comes the Night, and Resurgence, but a post I saw listing the best ones only included two of those four (Jason Rising is recent, so that might’ve made it on the list).  These amount of fan films in addition to the studio ones (which are 12 if you include Freddy vs. Jason and the 2009 remake) prove that Jason Voorhees is far from dead, and these are just titles I happened to come across as I’m sure there are even more!  8/23/2021

---Sean O.
8/24/2021

Saturday, August 21, 2021

Death Rink

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In case you haven’t seen the intro from my entry dated 1/26/19 (it’s in my archives whenever you want to read it), I’m no longer going to review every single movie I see.  I’m going to review one, with the occasional bonus, and just give ratings for the rest from now on (unless I decide to pick it up again in the future).  You can always ask me why I gave the ratings for the films without reviews though (via comments or the e-mail addresses under the ‘About Me’ section).
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Death Rink                                                                  OK/G
A slasher movie set in a skating rink.  I’m surprised it hasn’t been done before.  If it has, do correct me, please.  This follows a group of workers after hours at the skating rink and eventually bodies hit the floor.  [An alternate title was Skateway Massacre, but I think they went with a better title].  I’m not sure when it exactly takes place, I just know it’s after the Eighties since the decade was mentioned; there is a Blockbuster card in one scene, and at least one character mentions having a phone (cell phones did start appearing around the Millennium and Blockbuster was still around until the end of the 2000s); I don’t know, I just don’t think it occurs during the present.  Anyway, in order for a slasher movie to work, given how plotless they are and viewers know exactly what to expect, there needs to be good characterizations and kills that are at least worthy; style and setting can certainly work in their favor too.  Well, this film definitely has characters we get to know, whether we like all of them or not, and while some kills aren’t exactly executed well, some are worthy (ones involving a pizza cutter and traffic cone come to mind).  The killer was obvious from the get-go (at least to me), not only due to presented information logically pointing to only this one person, but if you pay attention during one kill, you’ll notice their face through the mask (which was a pretty nifty alien one).  I care not about that aspect of slasher movies though, more so if the rest of the movie is good, or at least okay (I don’t expect much from most slasher films).  Sure, this may not be lumped on the same level as the great slashers of yesteryear (Black Christmas---1974, Halloween---1978, Sleepaway Camp, etc.), but it was a decent 74-minute film that I would recommend to slasher fans only that aren’t too picky, or picky at all for that matter…8/17/2021

Bonus review:

Virus Shark                                                                 VB
(haiku review)
Sharks cause pandemic.
This film is utter garbage.
So bad it’s awful!  8/21/2021

Other movies and TV show(s) I’ve seen and their ratings (see above):

Apex Predators  >>>B

Blood Pi  >>>EH

Brand New Cherry Flavor (Season 1)  >>>EH/OK
            (Netflix; 8 episodes)

The Broken Hearts Club:  A Romantic Comedy  >>>OK

Held  >>>EH

Phantom of the Megaplex  >>>EH/OK

Playing with Fire (2019)  >>>OK

Till Death  >>>OK/G

---Sean O.
8/21/2021

Saturday, August 14, 2021

Ten Minutes to Midnight/A Quiet Place Part II

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In case you haven’t seen the intro from my entry dated 1/26/19 (it’s in my archives whenever you want to read it), I’m no longer going to review every single movie I see.  I’m going to review one, with the occasional bonus, and just give ratings for the rest from now on (unless I decide to pick it up again in the future).  You can always ask me why I gave the ratings for the films without reviews though (via comments or the e-mail addresses under the ‘About Me’ section).
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Ten Minutes to Midnight                                             OK/G
Caroline Williams playing a radio host?  The Texas Chainsaw Massacre 2 much?  Not quite.  That’s where the comparison ends.  This was also Nicholas Tucci’s last role, he likely most famous for You’re Next, in which this film was dedicated (he was only my age when he passed!).  Caroline’s character shows up to work one night before her retirement after being bitten by what appears to be a vampire bat.  The night gradually gets more bizarre, and bloodier, even going down David Lynch territory towards the end.  There was something hypnotic about this film and there appears to be good metaphors for certain topics, I won’t reveal which in case I’m wrong, which I have been before (I’d love to hear your thoughts).  It’s barely even 72-minutes, so time spent will not be an issue, the vampire designs (when present) are old school too (meaning worthy), but I can’t ultimately say it was as good as it could’ve been (especially with its potential).  It did feel like one of those films that might age better though, and I’d still tell horror fans to check it out.  I wonder if a character eating Chinese noodles was a nod to The Lost Boys?  R.I.P.  Nicholas Tucci.  8/12/2021

A Quiet Place Part II                                                  OK
I wasn’t too excited about this sequel, not just because it was a sequel, but because I wasn’t too crazy about its overrated predecessor (you can read my review for it here---https://vampireclown82.blogspot.com/2018/04/mooby-reviews-4818.html).  The first film wasn’t that bad, I just wasn’t a fan of the creature designs, which can totally make or break a creature feature, the first film being a good example of crappy effects ruining an otherwise decent movie.  Maybe if their heads didn’t expand they wouldn’t be too bad…I don’t know, that’s just me.  This sequel picks up where the first one ended right after a flashback scene to when the end of the world began.  It’s more or less the same film with more characters added and the creatures not making as much of an appearance…I think.  That can either be a good thing (for me) since I’m not a fan of the creature design (they are the same here, obviously; why wouldn’t they be?), or a bad thing if creatures are more absent in a creature feature.  I did like this one a teeny bit better, possibly because there weren’t as many creatures present, or perhaps because I knew what to expect of their appearance and wasn’t disappointed like I was the first round.  This film has its moments, but some other complaints I have are that it’s often predictable and it ended too soon, feeling incomplete.  That could either mean I did enjoy it more than I thought since it ended too quick (it was roughly 90-minutes), or there’s a third one planned and this was just a segue.  I’m not the biggest fan of this franchise so far (predominantly because of those creatures), but curiosity will get the better of me, like it did here, if they make a threequel, and perhaps that entry will be the best one.  I’m not expecting a damn thing…8/10/2021

Bonus review:

Profile                                                                         OK
Has the “first-person POV entirely on a computer screen” film become a subgenre yet?  Searching and Unfriended (and its sequel) are the only ones that come to mind, so I don’t think there are quite enough yet (you can read my review for Searching here---https://vampireclown82.blogspot.com/2018/09/mooby-reviews-92118.html and Unfriended:  Dark Web here---https://vampireclown82.blogspot.com/2018/10/mooby-reviews-102818.html; I wasn’t writing these blog entries when Unfriended was released, but my archives indicate I gave it an OK/G rating).  This title can be added to the list as it follows a female journalist from the U.K. pretending to be a Muslim convert in order to track down ISIS members, all shown via a computer screen.  I don’t know how watching a computer screen for an entire film can manage to work; it certainly worked for Searching and Unfriended was decent (the sequel, not as much), and this was undeniably engaging for a decent amount of time (a little over 100-minutes too).  However, the payoff was totally anticlimactic (as well as unsurprising in the least), even though this was based on a true story (hell, what isn’t these days?), but true stories are often (and can be) twisted to a degree in entertainment, no?  8/13/2021

Other movies and TV show(s) I’ve seen and their ratings (see above):

Aftermath (2021)  >>>EH
     (Netflix)

The Arbors  >>>OK

Home Before Dark (Season 2)  >>>OK/G
     (Apple TV; 10 episodes)

Hostage House  >>>EH
     (Netflix)

Last Summer (2013; dir. Mark Thiedeman)  >>>EH

Pray Away  >>>OK/G
  (Netflix)

The Swarm (2021)  >>>EH/OK
   (Netflix; In French with subtitles)

Twentynine Palms  >>>EH/OK
   (In French and English with subtitles)

Vivo  >>>OK/G
  (Netflix)

---Sean O.
8/14/2021

Saturday, August 7, 2021

Godzilla vs. Kong

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In case you haven’t seen the intro from my entry dated 1/26/19 (it’s in my archives whenever you want to read it), I’m no longer going to review every single movie I see.  I’m going to review one, with the occasional bonus, and just give ratings for the rest from now on (unless I decide to pick it up again in the future).  You can always ask me why I gave the ratings for the films without reviews though (via comments or the e-mail addresses under the ‘About Me’ section).
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Godzilla vs. Kong                                                        OK/G
I finally got to see this much-discussed film that I was in no rush to see; I’ll see it when I see it thought I.  I’m not even that much a fan of the movies featuring either titular titan; I haven’t even seen them all either, but I know I saw the last couple for both and I believe this crossover was in relation to the most recent titles.  Now, when I see a movie called Godzilla vs. Kong, that is primarily what I expect to see.  I know, I know, all the expected exposition has to be there (and an entire film of fighting would’ve likely been redundant), but it seemed like there was a whole lot of exposition here, especially in the beginning.  Even though I’ve seen films featuring both creatures, like I said, I have no idea who any of the human characters are, nor do I keep track of any of them, usually reminded of them if they’re re-introduced or we’re presented with a flashback, but I think others would agree with me when I say the humans are ancillary in these films regardless of how much screen-time they get.  Now, the scenes that do feature the behemoths duking it out are rather impressive (I saw it on a small screen too!), and there are other beings aside from the main attractions that provide equally impressive scenes.  Adam Wingard directed, who was also behind films like You’re Next and The Guest, so it was in very capable hands (although those two films are much different, of course).  I hate to say it felt a bit lacking in what I expected (the film was almost 2 hours too) and I ultimately didn’t enjoy it as much as other action movies involving monsters of some kind, and [SPOILER] I didn’t like how both creatures ended up being the good guys at the end, but I also wasn’t anticipating much (like I said).  It is what it is and I enjoyed a decent amount of it, so I’m definitely not dismissing it.  8/3/2021

Bonus reviews:

Sharks of the Corn                                                      EH
Obviously the title is a reference to another film (franchise really) ending in “of the Corn.”  In an even less subtle move, Steven Kang’s is atop the title!  I looked at the entire cast and crew information and found no one with that name, or pseudonym.  I even Googled the name and other names with different spelling came up.  Interestingly, Tim Ritter, the director, also made that crazy 80’s film, Truth or Dare?:  A Critical Madness, which I rented on VHS ages ago and didn’t know until I did my aforementioned research.  Anyway, watching a movie called Sharks of the Corn (Steven Kang’s Sharks of the Corn, at that) and having seen a trailer before, I knew not to have the highest expectations going in.  By the way, I didn’t recall any references/homages to any Children of the Corn film, nor any shark film for that matter, unless they all went over my head (you do get to hear some tidbits on great whites though).  The film involves exactly what you think it does---there are sharks in a cornfield somewhere in Kentucky (geez, all they had to do was set it in Nebraska to be even less subtle!).  Obviously, since it’s a 105-minute movie (yes, really), the film can’t entirely consist of sharks eating people in a cornfield; Bigfoot and mob dealings are some of the other things involved.  Now, I can forgive a movie featuring an entirely asinine concept if it was actually fun.  This started out like it could’ve been fun; unsurprisingly, the shark attacks were poorly executed (there is blood though) and they didn’t even try hard at all with the look of the shark in the cornfield, and, frankly, I was bored more often than I should’ve been; I don’t think that 105-minute run-time was necessary.  At least I allowed myself to wait until it was free to watch, because I was considering renting it for a price for a while, and, had I done so, I would’ve been even more disappointed than I already was!  8/3/2021

Land Shark                                                                  EH/OK
(haiku review)
It’s bad.  You surprised?
Short, bloody, laughably bad.
They tried.  Ha…sort of.  8/4/2021

Other movies I've seen and their ratings (see above):

Cannibal Corpse Killers  >>>EH

Lilith (2018)  >>>EH

Scooby-Doo and the Cyber Chase  >>>OK

Scooby-Doo!  Moon Monster Madness  >>>EH

---Sean O.
8/7/2021