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In case you haven’t seen the intro from my entry dated
1/26/19 (it’s in my archives whenever you want to read it), I’m no longer going
to review every single movie I see. I’m
going to review one, with the occasional bonus, and just give ratings for the
rest from now on (unless I decide to pick it up again in the future). You can always ask me why I gave the ratings
for the films without reviews though (via comments or the e-mail addresses
under the ‘About Me’ section).
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Cocaine Shark VB
It was only a matter of time right? Of course I knew not to take it seriously;
hell, I didn’t even take Cocaine Bear
seriously and that was released theatrically with a bigger budget (you can read
my review for that here---https://vampireclown82.blogspot.com/2023/03/cocaine-bear.html). Whether I take it seriously or not and
however low my expectations may be, it’s still a matter of whether you should
spend roughly 70-minutes of your mortal existence with it, free or not (it is
on Tubi, meaning free, with ads). Well,
if my rating didn’t make it clear enough, the answer is an emphatic no! The one involving the bear was a masterpiece
compared to this. I almost want to give
it a teeny, tiny bit of credit for utilizing stop-motion effects in these
highly digitized times, but the scenes involving them were constructed
extremely poorly (the kills being some of the worst I’ve seen; yes, even for
this type of movie). The titular
creature is the result of an incident making it become a “crab shark,” and
there are two other creatures as a result of this incident we barely get to see
(a subplot involving a “man shark” would’ve been an interesting concept, at
least theoretically); hell, we barely even get to see the titular shark itself
in its scant run-time! No loss considering
how awful the effects look. The rest of
the movie involves drugs (No way! Really?) and bad people that good people try
to avoid (or something like that). Of
course a film with a title like this is going to make myself and those like
myself curious, but, my dear readers, you need not satiate your curiosity all
the time, as hard as it may be, and this is one of those times you best save
70-minutes for something worthwhile. Did
I mention I wasn’t a fan of this movie? 6/30/2023
Bonus reviews:
Skull Island (Season
One) EH/OK
(haiku review)
Pros? Short episodes.
Cons? Series more
lame than not.
Not over either! 6/26/2023
*Netflix; 8 episodes*
The Possessed B
(haiku review)
A TV movie.
1977.
It’s awful.
Awful! 6/26/2023
Other movies I've seen and their ratings (see above):
Aged >>>OK
Cryptid >>>EH/OK
Run Rabbit Run >>>EH
(Netflix)
Who Killed Cooper Dunn? >>>EH
You’re Killing Me >>>EH
---Sean O.6/30/2023
