I Like Moobies

Saturday, March 25, 2023

Knock at the Cabin

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In case you haven’t seen the intro from my entry dated 1/26/19 (it’s in my archives whenever you want to read it), I’m no longer going to review every single movie I see. I’m going to review one, with the occasional bonus, and just give ratings for the rest from now on (unless I decide to pick it up again in the future). You can always ask me why I gave the ratings for the films without reviews though (via comments or the e-mail addresses under the ‘About Me’ section).

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Knock at the Cabin OK/G

M. Night Shyamalan’s newest film based on the book, The Cabin at the End of the World, by Paul Tremblay, a book I did read, long before I knew it was going to be adapted. I remember not being as impressed as I thought I would be with the novel, and I don’t recall much other than there being a cabin and people arriving with weapons, so I’m not even going to bother doing the whole book and film comparison. I read this film was going to be a bit different anyway, M. Night having co-wrote the screenplay with two others (none being Paul Tremblay). In this film, two men with their young daughter are staying at a cabin when four adults arrive, three with weapons, demanding one of them needs to die by one of their own hands or the rest of the world will perish, leaving them three the only survivors. There are rules given and, of course, there are consequences the longer they make their decision. The reasoning behind their demands sound just as shady as them being there in the first place. Even as possible evidence gradually mounts, our protagonists (particularly one of the men) are still skeptical (naturally, who the hell wouldn’t be?). It was generally an engaging film, but I thought the ending was a little too pat (or anticlimactic, if you will) considering how dark it was beforehand, and coming from the director behind it. 3/24/2023

Bonus reviews:

Marcel: The Shell with Shoes On OK

This was nominated for ‘Best Animated Feature Film’ at this year’s Oscars (Guillermo del Toro’s Pinocchio rightfully won, I think). This is a live-action film containing animated characters though, the animation being stop-motion, although I would’ve guessed CGI (The Chiodo Brothers---Killer Klowns from Outer Space, Critters, Ernest Scared Stupid---were involved). Apparently it’s based on some short films, none of which I’ve seen. The eponymous character is just that, a one-inch shell with one eye that wears shoes, living in an Airbnb with his grandmother. He’s documented by an “amateur” filmmaker and becomes somewhat of a celebrity after the videos are posted online. This is cute and funny at times, but speaking of shorts, it would’ve worked better as a short film (maybe 30, 40-minutes at most) since it feels drawn-out. It’s a shame too, because Marcel really is charming, but a feature-length film (almost 90-minutes) he did not belong. 3/20/2023

John and the Hole EH

[SPOILERS IN THIS REVIEW]

Here’s a movie that exists in its own universe. John (of the title) puts his family (dad, mom, sister) into a bunker (the hole of the title) near their home. I think it’s only for a couple days and he only gives them food and drink twice. Somehow he’s able to drive a car no problem and use an ATM to take money out (he’s 13). A family friend does send a cop to the house after getting suspicious, but wouldn’t she have been suspicious from the get-go when John says his entire family (excluding him) went to see his grandfather at the hospital? What parents would leave their 13-year-old kid home alone, but take their older kid with them to see a possibly dying relative? Not only do you not get a motive at the end, but the family resumes their lives as if nothing happened. Oh, we get glimpses of a parallel story involving a young girl and her mother. The young girl asks her mother to tell the story of ‘John and the Hole,’ hinting it is all just a story. What was the point of it though?! Was it all a form of teenage rebellion? Did he want independence? Later on, the mother tells the daughter she is leaving and never coming back, stating there’s money for her that’ll last roughly 10 months if she spends it wisely. Okay??? If there was a point to this movie, I would really like to know what it was…3/22/2023

You (Season Four) EH

I hate to say it, but I think this Netflix series (originally on Lifetime) featuring serial killer Joe Goldberg (played by Penn Badgley) should’ve ended already. I did enjoy the first two seasons (my review of season two can be read here---https://vampireclown82.blogspot.com/2020/01/7-reviews-17-ratings.html), but season three is where I began to lose interest (my haiku review of it is in here---https://vampireclown82.blogspot.com/2021/10/oldahs-double-feature.html). If you don’t read that haiku review of last season, I said this---First two were better. Not as addicting this time. Maybe next season? Ha, this season wasn’t addicting at all. I found the majority of it a chore to sit through, forcing myself to continue (never a good sign, needless to say) since I made it this far. The setting is now England and Joe is a university professor named Jonathan. There were too many characters to keep track of and the ten episodes (half were released a month before the other half, likely due to Netflix screwing people with the free trials), which were roughly 50 minutes each (give or take), mostly seemed like three hours a piece! There was a twist in one of the last episodes that wasn’t even shocking since it’s been done so many times, and I didn’t really care by that point; it didn’t make me consider rewatching the season again either (you’re given flashbacks to all the relevant scenes anyhow). Not even the occasional grisly scene (at least two come to mind) could save this season for me. As of now, there is no season five confirmed, but the end of this season hints there very well could be. I really don’t wish to continue (I know, I know, I say that now), but if they make at least one more and know for sure that will be the end, maybe I’ll tune in one more time…maybe! Can’t creators just end things? 3/16/2023

Other movies I've seen and their ratings (see above):

Adoration (2019) >>>OK

(In French and Dutch with subtitles)

Alleluia >>>OK

(In French with subtitles)

Cram >>>B

Eve’s Bayou >>>OK

Marfa Girl >>>EH

Marfa Girl 2 >>>EH/OK

Margaux >>>EH

Mona Lisa and the Blood Moon >>>OK/G

PussyCake >>>EH

(In Spanish with subtitles)

Re/Member >>>EH

(Netflix; In Japanese with subtitles)

The Ritual Killer >>>B/EH

---Sean O.

3/25/2023

Friday, March 3, 2023

Cocaine Bear

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Cocaine Bear OK/G

Are you supposed to take a movie called Cocaine Bear seriously? It is based on a true story, yes, but stops where the bear gets into some cocaine (this is one site you can read about the incident---https://www.washingtonpost.com/lifestyle/2022/12/01/cocaine-bear-movie-true-story/). [Bear attack movies may not be as abundant as say shark attack movies, but there’s been enough (somewhat) to have its own subgenre; Backcountry and The Edge are probably the best to date, and Grizzly is fine too (does The Great Outdoors count?)]. This is a horror-comedy, but never feels like a parody despite the premise. Like the real incident, it takes place in the Eighties (there’s some popular tunes on the soundtrack) in the Southern U.S. (although filmed in Ireland). There is violence, yes, and as gory as it gets at times, I feel there were parts even more violence was restrained (I sense an unrated version will be released). The bear was CGI (obviously) and I knew it was beforehand, but it doesn’t look too, too obvious, and realistic enough without being distracting. It wasn’t ultimately as fun as I thought it would be, or could be (at least not yet; first viewings and all), but I still think it was enjoyable enough and a worthy addition to the “bearsploitation” subgenre. R.I.P. Ray Liotta. 2/28/2023

Other movies I've seen and their ratings (see above):

Devil’s Peak >>>EH/OK

House Party (2023) >>>B

We Have A Ghost >>>OK

(Netflix)

---Sean O.

3/3/2023

Sunday, February 26, 2023

M3GAN

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M3GAN OK/G

It received a rating of 93% (as of this writing) out of roughly 300 critics on Rotten Tomatoes, there were memes created, and a sequel is already planned. Surely there must be something special about this killer doll film, no? I watched both the rated and unrated versions (both currently available on Peacock), and I usually like to watch the rated version first (if given the option since that’s what the general population is initially given). There are only a few scenes (you can count them on one hand) that are a bit gorier in the unrated one, but there may have also been a few more “F” bombs, if I’m not mistaken. In other words, go for the unrated version if you prefer your films a tad more violent. [Sometimes an unrated version is completely different, such as Dead Alive, that zombie movie Peter Jackson did before The Lord of the Rings films, which was much, much gorier than the rated version, which I saw first]. The titular creation (the spelling is an acronym) comes about when a woman is forced to care for her niece and thereafter given an idea for a plaything (that being a 4-foot doll with sentient qualities). As with all technology in entertainment that seems too good to be true, eventually bad things happen. Do you think Megan goes after the ignorant neighbor and her aggressive dog, plus the bully of the little girl she’s created to protect? Of course she does; it’s just a matter of how and when. Although this is marketed as a killer doll flick, it’s more of a killer robot flick. Whatever, it involves an item that kills. Was it overrated? Possibly, but not necessarily. I enjoyed it, a little, for being nothing more than what it set out to be, but I don’t think it was anything super, super special. 2/25/2023

Bonus reviews:

From (Season One)

Ten-episode series on MGM+ (which I believe is the new Paramount+), all roughly 50-minutes each. There’s a small town surrounded by woods wherein anyone who happens to enter it cannot leave (you try and you’ll just end up right back in town). People stuck there have come from all over. There are creatures that look like people until they attack that only come out at night. Are they vampires? Possibly; I don’t recall the name ever mentioned; they’re just labeled “monsters.” You must be inside somewhere protected by a talisman that prevents them from entering. Are these people in some kind of purgatory? Like all of life’s questions, everyone in town has speculations. There is a Stephen King quality to it all in that there are many characters we get to know that are stuck in a predicament. It does drag at times (no surprise given there are ten episodes not much shorter than an hour a piece), but I never felt like I forced myself to continue, and I am curious as to what the big mystery is, which wasn’t revealed this season. There is a season two coming this April, and I will tune in for at least one more round (two at the absolute most), but I hope they don’t plan on going longer than that. 2/22/2023

Sorority Babes in the Slimeball Bowl-O-Rama 2 EH

This is actually a sequel (released at the end of last year) to the 1988 film, as it refers to the events in it (providing a brief flashback), but I think it’s more of a remake. Was it unnecessary? Hell, to those that actually saw it, was the first movie even necessary? [I know, are any movies really necessary? All you do is sit on your ass. On a side note---Static-X used a quote from the film on one of their Wisconsin Death Trip tracks]. With a title like that (I’m referring to the first here), I don’t think you’re supposed to take it seriously. It (the predecessor) was slightly (I stress the word slightly) fun in that cheesy Eighties horror-comedy way, it involving babes in a sorority (no way, really?) initiating other babes, horny dudes that get caught spying on these babes, and the initiated babes forced to break into a bowling alley (again, really?) with these busted dudes to steal a trophy. The trophy they happen to steal contains an imp that grants them all wishes, but, in the age-old ‘be careful what you wish for’ scenario, these wishes end up doing more harm than good (what do you expect from a demon?). That imp is what I found most irking about the film despite being practical---he didn’t belong in a movie that should’ve been cheesy Eighties fun. I think I would’ve enjoyed it more had the sorority babes and the horny dudes simply break into the bowling alley and just bowl in addition to doing typical cheesy Eighties movie stuff. It was directed by David DeCoteau (a filmmaker with a slew of less-than-B-movies to his name) and featured recognizable B-movie actresses Linnea Quigley (Silent Night, Deadly Night; The Return of the Living Dead; Night of the Demons) and Brinke Stevens (The Slumber Party Massacre), the latter directing this sequel and making an appearance as her character from the first (I met her at my first horror convention years ago; nice lady). This sequel follows the exact same formula with different performers (one being another recognizable face from Eighties films), a different bowling alley, and a slightly different imp (albeit with a similar persona---you’ll find out why); different sorority house too probably (hence why I say it’s more of a remake). I think the only people that will watch this are those that have seen the first one and will do so out of curiosity (yours truly certainly was curious, especially for a sequel to a film like that made 34 years later!). It is barely even an hour, but, if anything, I would just tell you to waste roughly 20 extra minutes with the predecessor, even though I would suggest spending your time with even better films than that. 2/19/2023

Other movies I've seen and their ratings (see above):

Boiling Point (2021) >>>OK

The Fabelmans >>>OK

#Float >>>EH

House of Darkness (2016) >>>EH

The Retaliators >>>OK/G

The Strays >>>OK/G

(Netflix)

The Visitor (2022) >>>EH/OK

---Sean O.

2/26/2023

Monday, February 13, 2023

Bones and All/Deadstream

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Bones and All G

A cannibal romance. Perfect for Valentine’s Day, no? Will romance fans enjoy it? Hard to tell, but the cannibal scenes (and there are some) aren’t too disturbing (says I) and aren’t lingered on too long. Will horror fans be turned off by the romance? Not necessarily. Hell, Shaun of the Dead is a romantic comedy with zombies and was fully embraced by the horror community (I’m a fan even though it is a bit overrated). Horror fans are typically more open-minded as long as there are horror, or just horrific, elements. This is a coming-of-age romance with cannibals, the cannibal aspect making it a bit more unique than other coming-of-age romances (obviously). In this film, they are labeled “eaters” and apparently have the ability to smell other eaters. Whereas cannibals in other films seemingly do it by choice, these cannibals (excuse me, eaters) appear to do it innately, possibly through genetics, even feeling bad after certain instances. It’s never disclosed as to why they need to do it, they just do (they also eat regular food too). They can’t stay in one place after they eat, therefore this is also a road movie (never staying in one setting for too long). It does feel a tad lengthy towards the end at a little over 2 hours, but it’s generally a compelling take on the cannibal subgenre. Yes, it’s ultimately a cannibal film, being the common theme, which, again, makes it a more unique coming-of-age romance since they don’t often contain dark subject matter. [The director, Luca Guadagnino, also helmed Call Me by Your Name and the awful Suspiria remake, so perhaps romance and horror are his specialties? You can check out my review for the former, which also stars Timothée Chalamet, in here---https://vampireclown82.blogspot.com/2018/03/mooby-reviews-31818.html; the latter I just gave an EH rating]. Happy Valentine’s Day! 2/12/2023

Deadstream OK/G

Found footage movies are dead. Aside from the Paranormal Activity films, the majority of them were kind of old after The Blair Witch Project (a film I hated initially, but grew to at least appreciate), which is said to have started the trend (even though Cannibal Holocaust is said to have inspired that; in style only, obviously). Naturally, with any genre/subgenre, there are always going to be exceptions. This is actually one of them. Available on Shudder/AMC+, it involves a dude trying to win back fans for his livestreaming (get the title?) series after an incident by visiting a haunted house in Utah. It’s kind of a meta-found footage film as it calls attention to many of the tropes. At first I thought I was watching a parody (a subgenre that’s always kind of been dead to me), but it gradually does get a bit serious (Need I say ‘obviously’ or ‘of course it does?’ Doesn’t it always get a bit serious when ghosts/haunted settings are involved in found footage?). Serious in the horror-comedy sense, which this film most definitely is, it often being a hybrid genre that doesn’t always work. This does manage to pull it off, for the most part---I actually did laugh out loud more than once, and, I don’t care what anyone says, but, found footage or not, seemingly empty houses at night, be they abandoned or not, are always going to be inherently creepy. Sure, there may be clichés and predictable moments (need I say ‘obviously’ or ‘of course there are’ in a 2022 release?), but I generally had some fun with this. 2/11/2023

Bonus review:

In Search of Darkness: Part III OK/G

The third and allegedly final (as it’s labeled The Final Journey Into ‘80s Horror) film in this documentary trilogy covering Eighties horror. [You can read my review of the first film in here---https://vampireclown82.blogspot.com/2020/08/three-horror-documentaries.html, and the second film in here--- https://vampireclown82.blogspot.com/2021/05/creepshow-season-2in-search-of-darkness.html]. I watched this in segments being that it’s roughly 340-minutes, and I’d like to meet someone that actually sat through the entire feature in one sitting without taking at least one break! I don’t see a need to explain what it entails (you can check out my other two reviews above for descriptions), but basically films are picked from each year in the 1980’s and discussed by celebrities, both esoteric and exoteric (there’s also about 20 minutes worth of everyday fans discussing their love of the decade and genre during the end credits). I’m just curious as to why and how the specific films were picked each time (Was there a voting process? Were titles picked out of a hat?). I have seen the majority of films picked all three times, but there have been some I haven’t (yeah, if you can believe it, I actually haven’t seen every single movie out there, nor do I desire to). It seems there were more titles this round I haven’t seen though, and the majority of them I don’t care to after seeing them discussed. Those were really the only times I was bored, but there were also instances my mind wandered when too much time was spent on films I have seen. Still, I like the format of this doc trilogy and wouldn’t mind ones covering 70’s and 90’s horror, as I mentioned in my review of Part II. Plus, it’s always fun conversing about movies, even if you watch other people do it. 2/6/2023

Other movies I've seen and their ratings (see above):

Attachment >>>OK

(In Danish and English with subtitles)

The Friendship Game >>>B

Saloum >>>OK

(In French and Wolof with subtitles)

Sorry About the Demon >>>OK

(Shudder/AMC+)

---Sean O.

2/13/2023

Monday, February 6, 2023

Skinamarink

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Skinamarink EH/OK

I didn’t watch any trailers beforehand; just saw images and what others (particularly horror fans) have said and those alone made me want to see it. Turned out images are all you need to see anyhow to get a gist of what to expect. All it primarily entails is lowly-lit interior shots of a house at night and what’s contained within. It takes place in 1995 and there are two young kids, a boy and a girl (their parents appear, disappear, and reappear randomly like other items). You catch glimpses of them, see their legs walking and such, and you hear them talking, but never get to know them on an intimate level. A traditional narrative this is not. It is as arty as arty gets. Put it this way, if you don’t like the style within the first five minutes, I don’t think you’ll want to continue since it doesn’t change during the entire 100-minutes; it does get more and more bizarre though. This is a classic example of a film that’s “not for everyone.” Someone labeled it as akin to “Home Alone in Hell,” which makes it sound cooler than it is, but I could sort of see the description---there are two kids seemingly home alone, there being no burglars, but there is some type of presence in this abode with them. Someone else described it as if David Lynch directed Poltergeist, and I get that too, but this is even more experimental than the average Lynch project (at least we get to know the characters more intimately in his works). I ultimately had a like-hate relationship with it. It did have a strange way of making me want to continue (as any “innovative” feature likely would) and there are some eerie moments, and it didn’t really seem like 100-minutes when finished, but style obviously trumps substance and experimentation can only go so far. There is substance buried within though. I’d be curious to see the same movie presented in a typical narrative form, one, to see how much different it would be, and, two, to see which version is more effective. 2/5/2023

Bonus review:

Goodnight Mommy EH/OK

The original Austrian film was released just 8 years ago. I rated it OK, according to my archives, and I probably would’ve given it the same rating after I re-watched it before checking out this remake released last year on Amazon Prime. In the original, young twin boys have a strange suspicion their mother, whom they are staying with at an isolated house in the country, isn’t their real mother due to her behavior and bandages she’s wearing over her face after surgery. The twist isn’t hard to figure out from the get-go, at least for me since I’ve seen too many movies. It’s still an okay film (as I mentioned), albeit a bit of a slow burn, with an ending that may be ambiguous to some (the very ending, not the aforementioned twist). This remake is not much different save for one or two scenes that are part of a dream (I don’t count that). Even if I never saw the original, I think I would’ve still figured out the twist (it may have been even more obvious here). Can I add this to the list of unnecessary remakes? Sure. I don’t see why you would watch this if you saw the original, especially not long beforehand, unless you want to see different performers, don’t want to read subtitles (if English is your primary language), or are just curious to see if anything will be altered (yours truly fell into the latter camp, in addition to OCD). Everything happens exactly how you expect, right up to the ending that may be ambiguous for some. I think I’m being a bit nice by giving it half an OK rating (I definitely lean more towards EH), but I actually didn’t completely dislike it even though no curveballs were thrown. If you haven’t seen many movies in your lifetime, or never saw the original, you might like it better and possibly be shocked by the twist. 2/3/2023

Other movies and TV show(s) I’ve seen and their ratings (see above):

The Banshees of Inisherin >>>OK/G

The Menu >>>OK

Shady Grove >>>OK

Strays (1991) >>>EH/OK

Tár >>>B

Three Pines (Season One) >>>OK

(Amazon Prime; 8 episodes)

The Uncanny (1977) >>>OK

---Sean O.

2/6/2023

Sunday, January 22, 2023

Kids vs. Aliens

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Kids vs. Aliens G

Spin-off film of a segment in V/H/S/2, both directed by Jacob Eisener (I recommend the short film he also directed, Treevenge, which you can check out on YouTube). This roughly 75-minute feature is fast-paced with barely enough room to breathe. I enjoyed it though (as I did the vignette in the aforementioned anthology film). As you can deduce from the title, it involves kids (and teenagers) that must fight for their lives after aliens crash a Halloween party at one of their houses (the teen girl and young boy’s parents definitely aren’t going to win any ‘Parents of the Year’ awards). These aliens don’t want to be anyone’s friend; they simply want to annihilate in more ways than one. There is violence, yes, towards both humans and aliens. It did end too soon, but I have a feeling this may not be all we’re going to see since the story obviously isn’t over…1/22/2023

Bonus reviews:

All Eyes OK/G

[POTENTIAL SPOILERS IN THIS REVIEW]

After being fired for a certain incident on his podcast, a dude takes an offer for a decent sum of cash. The offer? Tell this one man’s story about claims of a monster living in the woods near his home in Oklahoma. First he has to meet this guy at the post office in town. Then he has to follow him a ways before being told to hop in his truck blindfolded to avoid knowing where he lives. That’s not suspicious at all! He lives in the middle of nowhere, the house being booby-trapped inside and out, he claiming to forget where some of the traps may be. Yeah, this dude’s not off his rocker! He actually ends up not being the one you need to worry about. Our protagonist eventually labels the house “the escape room from Hell,” and it wouldn’t be out of place in Maximum Overdrive. I wasn’t sure if I should reveal whether there is actually a monster and if we do get to see it, but there is one and you do see it briefly at the end and I wasn’t a fan. Otherwise, this movie generally isn’t that bad for not getting any known exposure (I stumbled across it by accident when searching for other movies). I really didn’t know what to expect. There is a bit of suspense with a few surprises in store. 1/20/2023

Among the Living EH

(haiku review)

Fresh subgenre take?

Nope, not really; not to me.

Standard zombie flick. 1/20/2023

Other movies I've seen and their ratings (see above):

Angel (1984) >>>EH/OK

The Batman >>>EH

Croc! >>>B/EH

The Night Shift (Ghost Mansion) >>>OK

(In Korean with subtitles)

---Sean O.

1/22/2023

Saturday, January 14, 2023

Crabs!

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Crabs! EH

Giant horseshoe crabs created by a briefly seen nuclear explosion attack a nearby town. Some of the crabs transform into giant creatures. There’s a giant robot too. It is gory. Is it fun? Unfortunately…no. Not as much fun as a B-movie, or even Z-movie, should be. Is it funny? Sometimes, but not nearly enough to make up for its lack of fun. I couldn’t stand the foreign kid (played by an American), and that goes for the extremely dopey song he sings during the end credits too. Complete disappointment. It’s a shame too since the effects were practical, or at least they all appeared to be, and it’s barely 80-minutes. 1/11/2023

Bonus reviews:

Interview with the Vampire (Season One) EH/OK

I’ll be honest; I don’t think I would’ve watched this adaptation (available on AMC) had it not been voted best TV series of 2022 in Rue Morgue Magazine. I may not always agree with them, as much as I love the publication, but they do always make me curious. I never read the source material, or anything by Anne Rice, for that matter, and the 1994 film starring Brad Pitt and Tom Cruise was never one of my favorites, but I don’t remember disliking it. The story likely remains intact---a vampire during the present recounts a time in the past (Louisiana, 1920s) when he was turned and lived with his “creator.” The characterizations are fine and there is violence, but this series is a slow burn; very, very slow, testing my patience a couple times (there are seven episodes all passing the 40-minute mark, the pilot being over an hour). Looks like I disagreed with one of my favorite magazines again, but you never know until you check something out yourself, right? There is a season two planned, but I don’t think I’ll continue; I gave this a shot. Plus, I’d likely need to re-watch this season again beforehand which I don’t intend to do (I know, I say that now, but…whatever). 1/11/2023

Toga OK

Upstate Story is an independent feature I was a fan of; I’ve since become friends with its multi-hyphenate star/director, Shaun Rose (you can check out my review for the film in here---https://vampireclown82.blogspot.com/2020/03/the-outsider-season-one.html, and my review for the documentary on the making-of it, Making and Unmaking, in here---https://vampireclown82.blogspot.com/2020/12/soul.html). This film is a sequel to Upstate, so I suggest you watch that first (if you haven’t already). It picks up seven years later as we witness Ellis (played again by Mr. Rose) living in a different location, but returning to his hometown (that being Saratoga Springs, New York) to take photos for an independent movie he’s working on. This is once again a character study that’s mostly voiceover, Ellis being rather drab with the occasional sardonic wit, but someone we likely can all relate to. Seeing media with characters that rival our own miserable lives, or having even worse ones, is often welcome due to its relatability (Roseanne is one of my favorite sitcoms for that reason, and I’ve been keeping up with The Conners too; these people are real!). I totally related to some aspects of Ellis’s life---I, too, fear having to go to the bathroom while out in public (yes, getting old sucks); I, too, hated high school with a passion; I, too, still enjoy going on the swings in a park. However, much like many sequels, I didn’t enjoy this as much as its predecessor, but it’s still a decent follow-up (at least the tone is consistent). I also felt like it was too short---it is barely over an hour just like Upstate, but this time it seemed like it was cut off too soon---ultimately feeling like it was just part of another subsequent film to be. If that is the case, I will definitely keep watching what you put out Shaun. 1/13/2023

***You can get the links to view Upstate Story and Making and Unmaking in the link above for the latter’s review, and you can view Toga here---https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=h64_fy-bB-M.***

Other movies I've seen and their ratings (see above):

Chilling Visions: 5 Senses of Fear >>>EH/OK

The House (2022) >>>G

(Netflix)

Hypochondriac >>>EH

The Lair >>>EH/OK

The Murder Podcast >>>OK

The Pale Blue Eye >>>EH/OK

(Netflix)

Sick (2023) >>>OK

(Peacock)

Werewolf by Night >>>OK

(Disney+)

---Sean O.

1/14/2023

Monday, January 2, 2023

The Harbinger

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The Harbinger G

I am a fan of director Andy Mitton’s The Witch in the Window (you can read my review for it here---https://vampireclown82.blogspot.com/2019/05/the-witch-in-window.html). I gave his other film, We Go On, an OK/G rating, and YellowBrickRoad (which he co-directed) 2 ½ stars out of 4 when I used to give star ratings (Looks like I gave them decent ratings, but I think I might need to revisit those films). Therefore, I was looking forward to this new movie directed by him, especially after seeing it featured in the last issue of Rue Morgue. It involves a woman reluctantly going to visit an old college roommate during the pandemic due to distressing nightmares she’s been having. Eventually she begins to have nightmares too, ones containing the titular demon resembling a Plague Doctor, whom has a rather eerie agenda. I think the paranoia and precaution dealt with during the beginnings of the pandemic were depicted really well, likely rivaling many of our own experiences. Imagine enduring unsettling nightmares on top of that. The themes may feel familiar, but there’s a generally disquieting air to the majority of screen-time. I do get annoyed when you can’t tell if what you’re watching is real or imagined, and sometimes it did vex me here, but never in any major way (I think Andy made it work). I also thought it was too short; some films overstay their welcome, while this one’s welcome didn’t stay enough. The pros definitely outweigh the cons though, and Mr. Mitton is clearly a filmmaker I’ll keep an eye on. 1/1/2023

Bonus review:

Terror Train 2 EH

The Terror Train remake was just released two months ago (you can read my review for it in here---https://vampireclown82.blogspot.com/2022/10/spirit-halloween-movie.html)! This sequel, also released on Tubi (meaning free), picks up a year later wherein survivors of the first film aboard the same train in order to move on from the past. That’s usually not the best idea in movies, but then, of course, we wouldn’t have this unnecessary sequel to an unnecessary remake to a film that wasn’t great to begin with. Did this film suck? What do you think? More importantly, what did you expect? The kills were mostly lame and the script was poorly written. Again, what did I expect? I only watched it to be festive since it takes place on New Year’s and I watched it on New Year’s Eve. Yeah, that’s probably what I tell myself, but my OCD would say different. I really hope they don’t make a Terror Train 3, because that damn OCD will force me to watch it. Happy New Year! 12/31/2022

Other movies I've seen and their ratings (see above):

Christmas Freak >>>EH

The Day After Halloween >>>EH/OK

Do Revenge >>>OK

(Netflix)

Incantation (2022) >>>B

(In Mandarin with subtitles)

Peppermint Soda >>>B

(In French with subtitles)

Strange World >>>OK

White Noise (2022) >>>OK

(Netflix)

---Sean O.

1/2/2023

Saturday, December 24, 2022

Nanny/Glass Onion

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Nanny OK/G

New film on Amazon Prime marketed as a horror drama, emphasis on the drama. It works best as a character study above all. The few “horror” elements we do see are kind of lame and the worst parts of the movie actually. It involves a Senegalese woman in New York watching a couple’s young daughter in hopes of making enough money to bring over her young son from Africa. She appears to be welcome at first until eventually she’s scolded for things like feeding the girl food she prepares herself and for not always keeping an eye on her (pertaining to one incident in the park). The matriarch also hasn’t paid her for quite some time. The ending is such a sucker punch to the gut; it is very depressing, thereby making it the most horrific aspect of the entire film. 12/17/2022

Glass Onion: A Knives Out Mystery OK

According to my archives, I only gave Knives Out an EH rating; I definitely would’ve rated it higher the second time I watched it. Only Daniel Craig’s detective character returns in this sequel (now available on Netflix) with a new set of characters, all of which congregate at the titular structure on an island in Greece for a murder mystery. Initially things don’t go as planned, or so we’re lead to believe. There are only so many ways to do a whodunit, let alone most types of movies, so a good group of characters are surely needed, which we do get to know most of them here a good deal. Conventions are tinkered with a bit (it is sometimes well-written), but it is (expectedly) rather indistinguishable and does overstay its welcome at almost 2 ½ hours. Like I said, there’s not too much you can expect from a whodunit/murder mystery/whatever-you-want-to-call-it anymore. 12/23/2022

Other movies I've seen and their ratings (see above):

Eyes Wide Shut >>>OK/G

The Loneliest Boy in the World >>>EH

The Minute You Wake Up Dead >>>EH/OK

Perfect Blue >>>EH

(In Japanese with subtitles)

Sole Survivor (1984) >>>EH

Spooky+ >>>B/EH

---Sean O.

12/24/2022

Saturday, December 17, 2022

Violent Night/Christmas Bloody Christmas

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Violent Night OK/G

David Harbour, he of Stranger Things fame, plays Santa, literally, in this new holiday film from the director of Dead Snow and Dead Snow 2. Santa ends up stranded at a large house in Connecticut when criminals hold the family inside hostage in hopes of obtaining something (Large house? Why wouldn’t someone want to steal from it?). Things do get violent as the title states when Jolly Old St. Nick helps defend this family throughout the night. Yes, Santa is the good guy, if you didn’t see previews or read about it, not quite like Billy in Silent Night, Deadly Night (although I think there may have been at least one nod to that film here). I’m guessing this is going to be compared to Die Hard the most. There were references and nods to Home Alone too (and I’d say those scenes were worthy). I was impressed with some of the violence, particularly what happens after a decoration is shoved into an eyeball, and when Santa goes wild while a Bryan Adams song is playing. It is often a typical action flick wherein the good guys inevitably prevail over the baddies, and I don’t think I’m giving anything away by saying that either; plus, I didn’t tell you how anyone was defeated (another violent scene I was impressed with, and shocked by, is what befalls the main baddie played by John Leguizamo). Generally a fun film when all is said and done, even if it often does feel typical. 12/13/2022

Christmas Bloody Christmas OK/G

I couldn’t wait to watch this after hearing it was a holiday horror film involving a robotic killer Santa Claus (which is now available on Shudder and AMC+). I do love Yuletide horror movies. I was actually reminded of Hardware in addition to Silent Night, Deadly Night. Other than seeing a brief news segment stating the Santa’s were recalled, I don’t recall seeing or hearing how this human-size festive robot (with a very human demeanor) went rogue (not too much time is wasted before it does so either). How the hell did this animatronic Kris Kringle know to look for an axe before he first went apeshit? How did it know where the two main characters lived after spotting them walking from a distance before driving away? There’s no way it would’ve been able to keep up with them. How did it know how to operate a shotgun for the first time? And how the hell did it know how to drive an ambulance?!!! I’m willing to suspend all logic, sometimes, for entertainment if I actually enjoy it. Clearly this film is flawed, but I did enjoy a decent amount of it. I was likely expecting too much from it the first time while taking it all in. Some of the violence may be over the top, but the film is sure nice to look at, and definitely not low-budget. I liked getting to know the two main characters as well, they conversing about movies and music (in regards to one of their debates---Pet Sematary Two is certainly a worthy sequel, but it’s not better than its predecessor!; and at least she said Child’s Play 2 was her favorite of that franchise---mine too!). This appears to be one of those “turn the brain off and enjoy the ride” features. I’ll definitely watch it again…12/15/2022

Other movies I've seen and their ratings (see above):

The Apology (2022) >>>OK/G

Mad God >>>OK/G

(Shudder)

Who Killed Santa? A Murderville Murder Mystery >>>EH/OK

(Netflix)

A Wounded Fawn >>>EH/OK

---Sean O.

12/17/2022

Tuesday, December 13, 2022

Guillermo del Toro's Pinocchio

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Guillermo del Toro’s Pinocchio OK/G

Two Pinocchio movies in one year?! [You can check out my review for the other one released on Disney+ in here---https://vampireclown82.blogspot.com/2022/09/snapperamerican-horror-stories-season-2.html]. According to research, there are at least 17 Pinocchio films (Pinocchio’s Revenge not being one that came up), and that’s not including TV variations. No, I haven’t seen them all, not even close, the original 1940 Disney film never being one of my favorites from the company. I was actually looking forward to this stop-motion Netflix release a bit since Guillermo del Toro was involved, he having style (often more than substance). There definitely is style, the style itself being its primary redeeming quality. Don’t get me wrong, if this was live-action, or even a different kind of animation, this likely would’ve been just another unnecessary update (there are only so many ways you can tell the same story). Many of the familiar elements are here, but some stuff was omitted and some stuff was added---something I sort of admired about it. Being that it’s roughly two hours, I got a bit impatient with it. I didn’t expect there to be songs in this version either, but there weren’t too many. Unique execution on the oft-adapted tale, that might get better with viewings, but I don’t think we need any more features involving the titular wooden puppet. 12/12/2022

Bonus review:

Let the Right One In (Season One) OK

I’m a fan of the 2008 Swedish film of the same name; I didn’t love it at first; I had to watch it more than once to eventually love it. The 2010 remake, Let Me In, felt too fast-paced (as American remakes of non-American films often are) and was released much too soon after the original. This new Showtime series is predominantly a drama; well, the original film was ultimately an indie coming-of-age film that contained vampires; this series contains vampires, and there is violence like the film, but it’s primarily a drama. The story generally remains intact---a young vampire girl is protected by an older man (her father here) and befriends a young boy living in the same apartment building; the setting trades Sweden for New York. Whereas the film generally focused on the young boy and his vamp friend while occasionally featuring ancillary characters, bullying being the central theme, this series focuses on more than just those two, such as both their single parents and people looking for a cure; the bullying here is just a minor subplot. Being that it’s ten episodes roughly 50-minutes each (give or take), it does feel drawn out, even with all the other characters. Perhaps I was instinctively comparing to the movie? Or perhaps if I never saw the movie, or remake even, would I have appreciated this more? Like always, questions I’ll never have answered, and this series would’ve never existed without the film, which itself wouldn’t have existed without the book it was based on by John Ajvide Lindqvist (I’m a fan of that book too). This series was just okay, as my rating indicates. As of now, there are no talks of a season two, but it’s definitely not over based on the ending of the last episode. If they do continue, I won’t be in a rush to watch it, nor do I think I’ll really care, but I say that now…12/9/2022

Other movies I've seen and their ratings (see above):

Dig (2022) >>>EH

Emily the Criminal >>>OK

Everything Everywhere All at Once >>>OK

(In Chinese with subtitles, and English)

Mistletoe Time Machine >>>EH

(Tubi)

What We Found >>>EH/OK

---Sean O.

12/13/2022

Wednesday, December 7, 2022

Clerks III

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Clerks III G

Kevin Smith (Silent Bob) was one of my favorite filmmakers at one time. I still say that he is one of them based on his pre-Jersey Girl oeuvre, plus Clerks II. Sure, I didn’t mind Jersey Girl, Zack and Miri Make a Porno, Red State, and Tusk, but they felt like they could’ve been made by other filmmakers. I hated Cop Out, Yoga Hosers, and Jay and Silent Bob Reboot (you can check out my vitriolic reviews of Yoga in here---https://vampireclown82.blogspot.com/2016/12/mooby-reviews-121316.html, and Reboot in here---https://vampireclown82.blogspot.com/2020/01/creepshow-season-onejay-and-silent-bob.html). In other words, Mr. Smith was in dire need of a comeback. Clerks is definitely my favorite of his films, one of my favorite films in general probably, and Clerks II was a worthy follow-up; I also love the six-episode Clerks animated series that I wish had more episodes. In other words, I love this specific part of Kevin Smith’s cinematic universe. This threequel felt like a biopic of sorts for Mr. Smith in that it rivaled parts of his own life, i.e. having a heart attack and making a film about working in a convenience store (which was how Clerks was birthed in the first place). Sometimes it felt like a behind-the-scenes making of the first movie, mockumentary-style (on a side note, you can check out my review of the documentary on Kevin Smith, Clerk., in here---https://vampireclown82.blogspot.com/2022/01/clerkthe-feast.html). Because of that, there are many references to the Clerks universe, as well as other Smith films, that only fans will pick up. Luckily a large portion of it remained in the signature Clerks style. Now, I didn’t think it was as good as Clerks, hell, I didn’t think Clerks II was as good as its predecessor either, but they both had a lot to live up to. I enjoyed enough of this long-awaited film that makes a fitting end to the franchise (I don’t think it would feel right to make another one and you’ll understand why). I found myself laughing out loud a couple times and the conclusion was rather poignant without feeling sappy. In other words, I can accept this as a comeback for Kevin after all those bombs he gave us. 12/6/2022

Bonus reviews:

Nutcracker Massacre EH/OK

What will they think of next? Sometimes, as in this instance, I wonder why they never thought of it before. The nutcracker in this massacre isn’t a miniature model that instantly comes to mind, but a human-size one with two fixed faces (the typical nutcracker look and an evil, open-mouthed one which appears when he’s doing something wicked; you will see how he becomes sentient and what makes him evil). In a (ahem) nutshell…

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Pros---No CGI used and the design was passable; a different weapon used each kill (i.e. candy canes, ice skate, hammer, and another kind of nutcracker that becomes a literal definition); festive

Cons---Slow for an 86-minute movie; predictable (yes, even for a slasher movie); obviously low-budget; some kills poorly executed; horrible acting (I know, what should I have expected?)

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Do I recommend this? Ehh. Not really. I don’t know. Only if you’re curious. It is the time of year to watch it (and something new). It’s free too (available on Tubi). The cons definitely outweigh the pros, but I enjoyed it more than The Killing Tree (which I reviewed not that long ago in here---https://vampireclown82.blogspot.com/2022/11/this-is-gwarthe-long-night.html). If you’re looking for a fun, cheesy holiday horror movie to watch, I would just tell you to check out (or re-watch) Jack Frost and its sequel, Jack Frost 2: Revenge of the Mutant Killer Snowman (which are both also available on Tubi, meaning free, always). 12/3/2022

Silent Night, Bloody Night 2: Revival EH/OK

The 1972 film, Silent Night, Bloody Night, was never one of my favorites, as a horror film and/or holiday one (not to be confused with Silent Night, Deadly Night, a holiday horror film I am a fan of). I don’t dislike it, I saw it a couple times (even re-watching before this), and it does contain a double axe murder that was likely edgy for its time; it’s one of those wherein the script is better than the visual aspect. I pretty much felt the same way about this sequel released in 2015 (I know not how it bypassed me all these years). Now, if you’ve never seen the first film (both are available on Tubi), you might not need to before this since, much like the first sequel to Silent Night, Deadly Night, a large portion of it is presented in flashbacks here (you might be able to kill two birds by just watching this one, even though the first one is better). As for the parts of this roughly 90-minute film that aren’t flashbacks, it’s barely average at best, much like Silent Night, Deadly Night Part 2. I mean, I can never go wrong with a holiday horror movie; I just wish more effort was put forth considering there were more resources and leniency in 2015 than 1972. If they were trying to replicate the look/quality of the first film (which has a gritty appeal), they succeeded there since it felt like it could’ve been made not long afterwards (not counting the modern references, of course). That aforementioned double axe murder (which was mostly off-screen; it was 1972!) was better executed than the majority of violence here; one involving a drunk Santa comes to mind the most. The acting was horrendous here too; yes, worse than the first round. Unnecessary sequel? Well, it was made over 40 years later and presents a large portion of its predecessor in flashback (at least all the important parts), its predecessor not being great to begin with. It’s a shame when scripts are better than the visual representation; these two films combined definitely make a compelling, at times disturbing, story. Happy horrordays! 12/5/2022

Mickey Saves Christmas B

(haiku review)

Love Disney; not this!

The look of this new short sucked!

Content was bland too. 12/4/2022

*Available on Disney+*

Other movies I've seen and their ratings (see above):

Amityville Christmas Vacation >>>OK

Christmas Twister >>>EH

Falling for Christmas >>>OK

(Netflix)

Red Snow (2021) >>>OK

Troll (2022) >>>OK

(Netflix; In Norwegian with subtitles)

---Sean O.

12/7/2022