Mooby Reviews 1/24/17

Here's my current batch of film reviews:

The Bye Bye Man                                                        OK/G

This was actually much better than I thought it would be.  There’s an interesting mythology surrounding the eponymous demon.  He technically doesn’t have to kill anyone.  Anyone that knows his name will go crazy and kill those around them.  I guess that would make him an infernal Charles Manson in a way, or a cousin of Bughuul (Sinister).  The Bye Bye Man himself is actually pretty gnarly.  Rather sinister (!)  While decent, it still reeks of formulaic supernatural thriller at times.  I would like to know how the Bye Bye Man originated or perhaps see where he comes from.  Plus, in 2017, don’t characters in horror movies know not to say “who’s there?” while alone?  Don’t they watch movies in the movie world?  Also, if you want to eradicate something, you don’t just throw it into the woods for someone to find.  You friggin’ burn the damn thing!  1/19/2017

4^th Man Out                                                                 G

Coming out.  Something only non-hetero’s ever have to worry about.  Unless you’re a celebrity and announce it to the world, it’s something non-hetero’s basically have to do their entire life.  Every time you meet new people, you have to ask yourself if you’re comfortable telling them.  I know we live in moderately more accepting times but it’s still a self-conscious attribute non-hetero’s contend with.  I’m only speaking from experience.  Everyone has their own way of doing it.  I started off small by telling my parents first and repressed it for years in hopes of maybe being “cured” of it.  Of course that was the societal and religious mentality making me hate myself and become outwardly homophobic in the process.  I didn’t grow up in a very welcoming environment.  The towns I grew up in were predominantly Catholic and if they weren’t Catholic they were conservative.  I had no one to look up to.  The only gay people I knew of were stereotypical ones like Elton John and Boy George, people you didn’t want to be associated with.  This was in the ‘90’s when such things were still swept under the rug.  Eventually, not long ago, I started to come out to the rest of my immediate family and the few friends I had.  Lastly, I posted a very angry note on social media so everyone knew.  Even if they didn’t have facebook, the message was passed on of course.  I still don’t feel bad about it even though some may argue it wasn’t the best way to go about it, and I was lambasted by some for it.  Oh well, I felt it was the easiest way to deliver the message and yes there was lots of profanity, but that’s how I talk.  Anyway, I think this movie handled it in a fairly realistic way.  Most people today are fine with it, so I think it would’ve been a different story if this were made 20-30 years ago.  The three straight friends-since-childhood are initially weirded out in typical straight male fashion but simultaneously accepting.  I guess we still have a ways to go until people totally feel comfortable about being open right away.  We also still have a ways to go before gay stereotypes are debunked.  The three straight guys at one point accuse each other of doing “gay things” such as using women’s deodorant, going to see Les Miserables and knowing what Grindr is.  The guy in question works at an auto shop, doesn’t exhibit any stereotypes, and one of his friends claims that he eats steak a lot.  (LOL)  I eat steak too!  Of course he faces some initial opposition being from a small-town that appears to be religious.  In the end, he doesn’t seem to have any problems with anyone as they all celebrate their “independence” at a 4^th of July BBQ.  Different times.  Coming out is still something one has to do more than once in life.  Essentially.  1/13/2017

The Handmaiden                                                        OK/G

Here’s a movie from the same guy that gave us the Vengeance Trilogy (Sympathy for Mr. Vengeance, Oldboy, Lady Vengeance) in which nothing is as initially seemed.  Running 2½ hours, parts inevitably drag but interest is rarely ever waned.  Taking place in what appears to be Victorian times, this is basically a sophisticated Korean Wild Things.  There’re innumerous twists and some Sapphic action that gives the fantasy scene from Black Swan a huge run for its money.  I like the East Asian Victorian touch but I felt there was an unsatisfying conclusion to an intriguing build-up, like a joke with a stale punch line.  1/19/2017

Long Way North                                                          G

Presentation certainly makes a difference.  If this was the same exact movie (scene-for-scene) in live-action, I most likely wouldn’t care too much for it.  I’m always amazed at what animation can accomplish considering the arduous process.  I “felt” the cold of the upper Northern Hemisphere and “savored” the food prepared in the restaurant inn.  The animation almost resembles a cross between Anime and a typical Cartoon Network program.  It is adventurous at times and easy to follow, but gets a marginal recommendation based on my visual comparison above.  1/22/2017

Lost & Found                                                              EH

Here’s a movie purported to be adventurous involving treasure maps but has no adventure whatsoever.  There’s one suspenseful part in the whole movie but it’s quickly over and done, so it’s not enough to count.  Jason Patric and Cary Elwes are in it just to generate guaranteed viewings.  If no-name actors were in the same roles, this flat lame ass afterschool special would’ve forever remained in the lost & found archives.  It should be lost & never found!  1/13/2017

Middle School:  The Worst Years of My Life               G

I never read any of the books.  This is a relatively fun movie involving early teenage rebellion in a totalitarian school system.  The animated bits were creative.  I hated Rob Riggle but so did the main characters.  There’s a twist that actually took me by surprise since I didn’t expect it for this kind of movie.  Points for that.  I pretty much hated school my entire life but almost agree with the title since middle school is up there for being my least favorite years.  1/14/2017

Moonlight                                                                    G

I like how this wasn’t presented as an LGBT movie.  It just happens to involve a gay character and that’s how it should be in this day and age.  Moonlight involves a gay black man in Miami during three times of his life (kid, teen, young adult).  This is the type of gay coming-of-age story we don’t see too often.  It’s thoroughly involving but I felt the ultimate story was just beginning when it ended.  1/19/2017

Natural Selection                                                         G

You’d be subliminally blind to not see where this is eventually leading.  Not only based on the title but also the multiple shots of a certain item and the general misanthropy of one character.  The movie focuses entirely on the people’s lives before the tragic event is about to occur and I think the performances and direction were satisfactory.  Sure, we’ve seen this all before but the duplicitous “he said/she said” bullshit prevalent in high school (and everyday life for that matter) rings true.  Perhaps if more people like the protagonist noticed certain behaviors, tragedies copycatting Columbine could be averted.  1/22/2017

Pet                                                                               OK

Creepy guy stalks hot girl.  Hot girl doesn’t want creepy guy.  Creepy guy kidnaps hot girl and locks her in a cage below the kennel he works at.  Sound familiar?  Things are slightly turned on their heads halfway through.  Luckily the twist comes early unlike some movies thinking they’ll make it better regardless of how lackluster it’s been until the end.  Since I had to trudge through the fairly standard first half, it only gets half a good rating.  There’s a particularly bloody scene that would make the adult-writing Roald Dahl proud.  1/14/2017

Sharkansas Women’s Prison Massacre                      OK

Yes, with a title like that you know I couldn’t bypass it.  Helmed by Jim Wynorksi, the purveyor of other stupid (yet awkwardly entertaining) shit (Curse of the Komodo, Camel Spiders) plus cult classics like Chopping Mall and Sorority House Massacre 2 (he actually has a pretty lengthy filmography but not quite near Roger Corman yet), this film featuring hot babes battling a below-average creature concoction is actually not that bad.  The sharkosaurus (yes really, it has spikes on it and the ability to swim on land too) emerges from underneath the ground following a fracking accident.  We really don’t get to see any deaths since the camera cuts away right before the shark attacks in a cloud of water, or dirt if on land.  That might’ve been a smart move since the shark looked mediocre from the side.  The only glimpse we get, other than the fin, is the standard shark mouth opened wide before attacking one victim.  The female prisoners squabble as expected and end up in the woods with an officer hostage plus two other men escaping the sharks (there’s six according to one observation).  Being hazardous on land surely makes it more suspenseful but this is still a turn-your-brain-off-and-enjoy-the-idiocy film.  If you don’t know that before watching a movie with that title, you’ll probably be disappointed.  My favorite line is when a guy mentions vibrations in regards to the fracking and one of the women asks “Good vibrations?  Like the song?”  How original!  Traci Lords doesn’t seem to age either; she looks no different than The Tommyknockers days.  1/23/2017

Space Clown                                                               OK

This is a decent evil clown flick barely over an hour.  I usually can’t go wrong with an evil clown movie as long as it’s not poorly made and the clown appears a decent amount of time.  This was well-made but I felt a lot could’ve been added to the short run time.  Perhaps in a follow-up?  I wanted to see the Clown World this Space Clown needed to return to after using human bodies to fuel his spacecraft.  I know clowns are supposed to be funny but I could’ve done without the flatulence even though one part was actually “necessary.”  I generally don’t find sounds emitting from rear ends too comical.  You could do much worse without killing much time but this clown doesn’t hold the brightest candle to those other klowns from outer space.  1/22/2017

Split                                                                             G

I am a fan of M. Night Shyamalan for the most part.  He has a very simplistic Hitchcock-ian style that works for me.  I consider his career beginning with The Sixth Sense even though he directed two films before that.  Lady in the Water was his first dud in my opinion.  I did enjoy The Happening for its simplistic morbidity.  I hated The Last Airbender and wasn’t crazy about After Earth.  The Visit was an improvement and gets better each viewing.  Split has an outstanding performance from James McAvoy who’s surprisingly good-looking here too.  Mr. Shyamalan is known as the “twist” director and that’s what people expect when going to see his movies.  I’m not going to reveal whether there’s a twist or not, but I liked M. Night’s decision.  I only dislike 3 out of 10 films thus far, so M. Night passes and I anticipate his rumored involvement in the Tales from the Crypt reboot (only the best TV show ever!).  Pay attention at the end for a certain cameo mentioning a character from one of M. Night’s earlier films.  1/22/2017

---Sean O.

Mooby Reviews 1/8/17

Here's my current movie reviews.  The first batch of reviews for the "new year."

The Devil’s Dolls                                                        OK/G

Points for having an awesome title.  Begins with a scene reminiscent of The Texas Chainsaw Massacre (original) containing bloodshed á la High Tension.  In a good way, mind you.  In fact, the gore is what saves this movie.  Without the red stuff, this movie reeks of lame.  Its simplistic plot would’ve satisfied my body count appetite during my formative years in that I was always fascinated by how many people died and who died.  Then, years later I would re-watch and enjoy for the nostalgia.  I wish with a title like that the dolls would’ve been more traditional (Victorian, porcelain, plastic) instead of the Blair Witch-type “worry dolls,” but they were okay…I guess.  They fit the story at least.  Set up like a straight slasher flick and time may tell if it ages well, but it’s conditionally worth recommending solely on the glorious brutality.  1/3/2017

The Girl                                                                       EH/OK

Yet another movie trying to distinguish itself by tacking a twist onto a rather routine plot.  While the twist does make it mildly interesting, it arrives too late (as usual) following a standard woman-in-peril flick.  It is fairly short so it won’t kill too much time even if you feel the need to re-watch with obtained knowledge.  Did the villain really think his son (or wife for that matter) wouldn’t eventually investigate the shed during his absence, especially after being warned to steer clear?  Curiosity may have killed the cat, but it is a human quality.  And if the “final girl” was able to do what’s revealed, couldn’t she prevent the whole incident from happening at all?  No, because then we wouldn’t have a movie.  Hmm….1/8/2017

I Am Not a Serial Killer                                              G

The twist makes this a better movie.  Better in the sense you might have to watch twice to know your final opinion.  I hate when movies do that.  The title itself slightly hints at the twist and that not all is as it initially appears.  I’m giving this a mild recommendation.  The film is generally formulaic but the charismatic protagonist elevates it and the climax alters the movie entirely.  The final revelation has been used before but it works here.  The lead character proves that one isn’t evil just because they’re fascinated with dark subject matter.  1/1/2017

Mississippi Murder                                                      EH

A generic title for a generic thriller.  The killer is no surprise at all and you should figure it out right away (even if you never saw a single one of these types of movies).  Other revelations are stale (if you still happen to care by then) and do nothing to quell negative southern stereotypes.  1/8/2017

The Monster                                                                G/VG

The staging couldn’t have been better for a horror movie:  a back road with woods on either side while it’s raining.  Add a swift creature with sharp teeth to that creepy setting.  I was satisfied with the monster.  It was practical and that’s always preferred.  The flashbacks detailing the tumultuous mother-daughter relationship prove the story needed to be fleshed out to reach an adequate run time.  It may have been necessary to prove you shouldn’t take certain people for granted no matter how difficult they may be.  I still don’t understand how someone can go investigate alone while knowing there’s a possible attacker nearby.  I also don’t think an otherworldly creature would scope out an area and bide its time before attacking.  Then again, this movie would’ve only been 15 minutes.  In reality, everyone would’ve been dead and the creature would’ve searched elsewhere for more victims.  Those minor quibbles aside, this is a good old fashioned creature feature.  1/3/2017

Run the Tide                                                                EH

Pretty lame movie starring “Jacob Black.”  Several performances are very convincing but the story culminates in the age-old “it wasn’t you, it was me” speech enabling someone to bury the hatchet and get a load off their chest.  Blah, blah, blah.  1/8/2017

The Secret Life of Pets                                               OK/G

This one is more for the kiddies.  Funny at times, charming at times, ultimately feels too familiar.  Max is a cute little doggy, his words and mine.  1/8/2017

Storks                                                                          G

Wow, I actually liked an animated movie that wasn’t affiliated with Disney, wasn’t South Park, or wasn’t any adult animation.  What am I talking about?  I love cartoons, just not too many modern ones.  This movie about the titular birds no longer delivering babies is quite funny, quite creative and quite a surprise.  I laughed a couple times.  I’ll probably get backlash for this, but I might have enjoyed this more than Moana.  (I did like both though).  All ages can enjoy this.  See Storks.  1/1/2017

When the Bough Breaks                                              OK

…The (hand that rocks the) cradle will fall and down will come anymore domestic thrillers from being made at all.  This one wasn’t too bad though.  It manages to tinker with many of the typical tropes.  While it may be better than most recent Fatal Attraction and The Hand that Rocks the Cradle clones, it still reeks of domestic-thriller-TV-movie-of-the-week underneath it all.  I mean, come on, don’t these characters watch movies?  Don’t they know not to take someone they barely know into their home no matter how innocent they may appear without doing an extensive background check?  Apparently it can be done as another character proves when things predictably get sketchy.  Most of all, don’t people in movies know to make sure the villain is really dead before leaving?  Apparently not if characters nowadays still make the same mistakes and the same movies are being made.  1/1/2017

---Sean O.

Mooby Reviews 12/26/16

Current film reviews:

The Bride                                                                    EH

This is basically a tamer I Spit On Your Grave ripoff involving an Apache princess reviving and possessing a slaughtered bride to take revenge on some backwoods rednecks.  The kills are kinda lame and the movie itself is a whole lotta lame.  Yawn.  12/26/2016

A Christmas Carol                                                      OK

‘Tis the season.  Here’s a black-and-white version from 1938 I never saw before.  I added it to my queue upon browsing under the holiday section.  Yes, I do like Christmas movies and not just the horror ones.  As much as I enjoy Black Christmas, Silent Night Deadly Night and Jack Frost, I also enjoy Home Alone, Elf and A Christmas Story (ironically Bob Clark directed this and the original Black Christmas).  I’m not prejudiced against old movies.  Good movies are good movies no matter how old.  How many damn versions of Charles Dickens’ holiday tale does there need to be?  If you never saw this one before, there’s nothing you haven’t seen in the innumerous subsequent versions.  My personal favorite adaptations include A Muppet Christmas Carol, Scrooged and the Mickey Mouse version I grew up with.  It’s only 69 minutes as well, so if you decide to give this one a try, it won’t take up too much time.  Included on the DVD were two short films.  One called Christmas Party is simply a bittersweet short involving kids having food together at MGM studios.  The other is a surprisingly grim cartoon called Peace on Earth about a cheery post-apocalyptic world inhabited solely by animals implying life is much better without humans.  12/21/2016

Imperium                                                                     G

I guess “Harry Potter” can act.  I know his name is Daniel Radcliffe but he will always be known as the adapted literary wizard.  Here, he infiltrates a white supremacist community to prevent another Oklahoma bombing.  Some of the Nazis are more intelligent than usual in being suspicious of his possible infiltration.  This isn’t as hard or gritty as American History X but it’s definitely more thrilling and suspenseful.  In contrast to movies being lame until the ending (twist or not), this movie was good until the everything-wrapped-in-a-neat-little-bow ending.  Everything concluded as expected by both the characters and audience.  (I know it’s based on a true story but movies are allowed to be somewhat fabricated and what isn’t based on fact anymore?).  That’s what prevented it from being very good instead of good.  12/18/2016

Kubo and the Two Strings                                           VG

Released from the same studio that put out two of my favorite modern movies, Coraline and Paranorman, this film is definitely a winner.  I loved this movie!  It continuously amazes as it progresses.  While it’s still too soon to call it one of my favorite movies like the aforementioned two, it’s definitely one of the year’s best.  It better win best animated feature!  This was much better than the average Moana.  I’m gonna start looking forward to what Laika Studios churns out.  Not only is Coraline one of my favorite books but I love the movie as well.  I loved Paranorman more each viewing; the first time I didn’t love it so Kubo might just end up being one of my faves.  The Boxtrolls was kinda blah but I didn’t hate it.  One (below average) out of four movies is far from failing for Laika.  I’m Team Japan over Team Polynesia come awards season.  12/23/2016

Nocturnal Animals                                                      G

The beginning is certainly attention-grabbing albeit unwarranted, unless you enjoy seeing nude overweight women dancing.  Anyway, this thriller containing a story-within-a-story is an example where the performances outweigh the script.  Jake Gyllenhaal and Michael Shannon (as ugly as he always was) are phenomenal and elevate the stale material immensely.  Usually I don’t pay particular attention to acting as much as content but I guess I do when it’s this good.  (I guess I should say I notice acting when it’s either really good or really bad).  I’m not saying I didn’t actually enjoy the story itself, I just didn’t feel it offered anything fresh.  The ending slightly seemed inconclusive but gave me something to think about.  12/15/2016

Phantasm:  Ravager                                                   G

The fifth and final film for the Phantasm franchise.  Newbies will undoubtedly have no idea what they’re getting into but if you haven’t seen any of the preceding movies, I don’t see why you would care to see this.  As a standalone movie, it’s pretty good.  I was never really a huge fan of this phranchise to begin with.  I liked the first one but didn’t love it.  It felt more sci-fi than horror to me.  I did see all the sequels but can’t remember too much about them.  I don’t recall hating them but if none of them stand out, they couldn’t have been too great either.  A few flashbacks are sprinkled throughout but I still think novices will feel as confused as anyone entering the Tall Man’s dimension.  It’s suggested that the entire storyline may have all been in Reggie’s (ice cream man, main character in franchise) head.  Whether or not that’s true, I was still fascinated by the bouncing back and forth between the Tall Man’s world and perceived reality.  The iconic spherical balls cause plenty of carnage here; go out with a bang I say.  I’d be curious to hear the opinion of someone watching this before the other four.  As of current memory, I only seem to like the first and last one.  Perhaps I need to have a Phantasm marathon to refresh my memory now that all is concluded?  I met Reggie Bannister; very nice guy.  R.I.P. Angus Scrimm.  12/23/2016

Spa Night                                                                    EH/OK

There’s a part in this movie where the protagonist shadows a family friend at his college for a day.  That’s exactly what I felt I was doing with this closeted Korean-American character as he lived his mundane life working at a health spa contemplating going to a college his hard-up parents can’t afford all at once.  He was obviously closeted but never embraced it nor came to terms with it.  I’m a huge fan of slice-of-life flicks.  They have to be compelling though and I didn’t find this guy’s life interesting at all.  Maybe that was the point?  To depict most people live lives they don’t necessarily want in order to get by?  Fine and dandy, but if I’m going to shadow someone I don’t want to be bored.  12/15/2016

Suicide Squad                                                              OK

Well, this certainly wasn’t as bad as other critics proclaimed.  It has good characterization, enough action that’s not endlessly annoying, and a diverse cast.  How are you gonna have the First Nations actor from Smoke Signals and Wind Talkers named after a metal band and eliminate him right away?  Where are all the indigenous American protesters?  Anyway, while not as bad as other recent superhero garbage (Batman vs. Superman, Iron Man movies, many others I’m sure) it still overstays it’s welcome and is not my preferred cup of tea.  I still say give it a shot and decide for yourself.  At least I didn’t contemplate doing the first half of the title while watching.  12/20/2016

The Unspoken                                                             OK

Wow, my rating surely changed by the end.  Initially it went from EH to B to OK.  Begins as a standard haunted house film with a tragic history incorporating elements of Poltergeist and Monster House in a “poor man’s fashion.”  There’s a rather clever twist that not only makes the movie better but might make me have to revisit.  This is one of those rare examples where a twist works in a movie’s favor.  However, in contrast to movies being good until a twist ruins it, this wasn’t good enough beforehand to warrant a better rating.  Like I said though, if I ever watch it again knowing the twist, I might have a different opinion.  I particularly liked the nails-through-the-floor attack.  12/15/2016

Witchery                                                                      EH

A title like that starring Linda Blair and David Hasselhoff from the late ‘80’s involving some form of Hell?  Why the hell wasn’t this a better movie?  This is basically a poorly-shot, poorly-edited, slightly incoherent mess that probably looked really good on paper.  12/24/2016

---Sean O.

Mooby Reviews 12/13/16

Here's my current film critiques:

The Amityville Terror                                                  OK/G

I had very low hopes for a movie with Amityville in the title not associated with the franchise.  It was a horror movie through Redbox I hadn’t seen and I had a code to use so I took a chance.  It actually wasn’t too bad.  The special effects people clearly don’t know how to make a burning person look authentic.  Those fire effects were awful.  Some things actually turned out slightly different than I imagined.  Still just okay.  If you have a Redbox code and are unsure what to get, why not?  The only thing you’ll end up wasting is time if you feel like you made the wrong choice.  12/7/2016

The BFG                                                                     OK/G

Roald Dahl was one of my favorite authors at one point.  What am I talking about?  He’s always been a good writer and always will be whether written for children or adults.  I remember liking the book this movie was based on and recalled some of it while watching.  It’s been over a decade since I last read it (yes, I’ve read his books more than once; Charlie and the Chocolate Factory is one of my favorite books).  This movie had a decent amount of fun and lots of imagination.  I’m still not quite a fan of merging live-action with computer-generated imagery; it makes you remember you’re watching a movie.  I don’t remember watching the animated movie (from 1989) so I can’t compare the two.  I guess I expected more being based on a renowned late author’s novel directed by the renowned Mr. Spielberg.  I will say that one part made the child in me laugh for about three minutes.  It involved dogs and frobscottle.  12/8/2016

Jack Goes Home                                                         OK/G

Decent psychological thriller starring one of the younger Culkin brothers.  Attention-holding despite being generic and containing an overdone twist.  Perhaps if it remained tonally consistent and shaved off a few minutes…it almost works.  12/12/2016

Kicks                                                                           VG

All the unnecessary violence in this movie over a pair of sneakers?!  Goes to show that the environment we live in can dictate how we handle such situations.  This is probably the best movie in recent memory about life in the ‘hood since Menace II Society and Boyz n the Hood before that.  Good stuff.  Compelling.  12/10/2016

The Land                                                                     G

Two ‘hood movies in one blog!  This time it takes place in Cleveland where the biggest threat seems to be a biker gang controlled by a middle-aged woman that runs a food stand.  While this wasn’t as raw as Kicks, it doesn’t mean it’s any less real.  Four skaters hope to escape their neighborhood by being discovered by sponsors at competitions.  In order for them to do that they need money.  First, they rob cars and sell them.  When one of the cars contains drugs (owned by food stand lady) they see that as an easier way to make money.  Of course things never end peachy for everyone when the drug owner comes after those that take them.  Produced (amongst many) by Nas and containing a slightly unrecognizable Erykah Badu, the director has a promising career ahead if this is his first feature.  All those kids wanted to do was skate.  Does it have to be so hard for people to accomplish their dreams no matter where they come from?  12/13/2016

Pete’s Dragon                                                             OK/G

Well, this certainly isn’t as corny as the original from memory.  There’s no singing.  The dragon isn’t animated amongst live-action.  It is CGI and has the ability to become invisible.  I expect dragons to blow fire and cause death and destruction.  That’s why there’s movies like Reign of Fire.  This is a family movie.  The dragon does cause some damage by breathing fire at one point.  That part was cool.  The cinematography is breath-taking but ultimately this is harmless fluff for all ages.  12/12/2016

The Remains                                                               OK/G

This was a decent haunted house film.  The house is cool and the characters are mostly likable.  The significance of the giant dollhouse in the hallway is never quite explained which makes me wonder why it was even present at all.  There is no happy ending which is always welcome.  Not all movies have to end peachy-keen.  Life itself sure isn’t always.  12/7/2016

Siren                                                                            G

A spinoff that’s actually good.  Originally a segment in V/H/S/ featuring the titular creature.  We’re presented with the origins of the winged demon that paralyzes and kills men after singing.  Usually when someone promises a better “hotspot” that’s exclusive and located away from civilization, it doesn’t end well.  I generally enjoyed this movie though.  There’s a considerable sense of dread.  The first V/H/S/ wasn’t the best anthology to begin with.  Perhaps other segments will get expansions?  12/7/2016

Yoga Hosers                                                                EH

Kevin Smith was one of my favorite directors at one time.  That was pre-Jersey Girl with the exception of Clerks II.  I think Hollywood warped his indie mentality.  Jersey Girl wasn’t too bad but it still wasn’t a signature Smith movie.  Zack and Miri was decent but *see previous comment*.  Cop Out was awful.  Red State was decent but Kevin clearly wasn’t ready to make a horror movie yet.  Tusk was pretty good.  I think this might be his worst yet.  The two Colleens (one played by Smith’s daughter, the other is Johnny Depp’s) who made an appearance in Tusk get their own movie here.  They battle Bratzis (miniature bratwurst Nazis filled with sauerkraut when stomped, sliced and eradicated in any possible way) in a Canadian convenience store.  The Bratzis are quite detestable and irritating.  I didn’t find them interesting one bit.  Everyone in this movie seems to be juvenile dunderheads.  The blatant “Canadian-speak” wears off quickly and got on my last nerve.  I doubt any Canadian ever speaks that way.  Funny how Kevin Smith’s first movie over 20 years ago was more mature and brilliant.  If this had been his first movie, he would’ve never had a filmmaking career.  I miss those days when he was a (fellow) Jersey independent filmmaker.  I never listened to any of his Smodcasts.  My poor time management doesn’t allow me to listen to any podcast as much as I would like to.  Perhaps fans of his Smodcasts are more tailored to this kind of movie?  I sure am not.  According to the end credits, the two Colleens will return in another movie helmed by Mr. Smith called Moose Jaws.  I sure hope it’s a lot better than this, eh?  12/7/2016

---Sean O.

Mooby Reviews 12/4/16

Here's some current film reviews:

Front Cover                                                                G

Pretty good realistic portrayal of being gay in the modern world involving an open Chinese-American and a closeted Chinese actor in New York.  It shows how some people still have to be discreet in certain cultures and industries.  The mildly depressing ending further emphasizes the harsh world we sometimes have to hide our true selves in.  The movie ultimately shows that certain struggles are universal.  12/3/2016

The Gateway                                                               G

I actually did enjoy this unheard-of indie film released through Uncork’d Entertainment which is known for releasing (generally) below-average horror flicks.  A few minor plotholes aside, it had my attention during its scant 74 minutes.  The practical creature(s) isn’t too bad either and the evolution of it is quite intriguing albeit mildly perplexing.  11/28/2016

Moana                                                                         G

This wasn’t as good as Inside Out.  I have to see every Disney movie that comes out.  At least that’s one thing I never grew out of.  What am I talking about?  I’m very young at heart.  This film looks amazing for an animation.  With Disney’s name attached, I expect nothing less!  Moana would be a better example of female empowerment over the Ghostbusters remake which basically rubbed feminism in our faces.  There’s some funny moments (kids laughed in the theater) and some of the songs are catchy but most of them are dull.  Much of the film is silly and appears to be solely for the young’uns and not their adult counterparts.  I guess I’m not so young at heart after all?  Shut up, yes I am!  I can’t find it in my mostly-darkened heart to ever truly dislike a Disney movie.  Although I did dislike Cars and Cars 2 and apparently a 3^rd one is coming out!  It better be better than the first two!  I liked this when all was said and done.  I just don’t think it’s going to be remembered along the same lines as Disney classics (The Little Mermaid, Beauty and the Beast, Sleeping Beauty, Aladdin and many others) of yesteryear.  11/29/2016

Night of the Living Deb                                               OK/G

Another zombie movie?  Cribs the title from the George Romero classic but is more in tune with Shaun of the Dead.  I liked the two protagonists.  It was funny and fun tagging along.  It becomes conventional once more characters enter the picture.  I would’ve enjoyed this more if it revolved solely around Deb and the “one-night stand” guy.  There is a slight twist at the end that puts the entire movie in a different light.  It’s not jaw-dropping by any means, just makes it a slightly different movie and I kind of dug it.  11/28/2016

Nine Lives                                                                   OK/G

This body-switch film is actually quite creative at times and Kevin Spacey is quite convincing as a cat.  It’s funny sometimes too.  It’s cliché as hell too.  It contains the typical I didn’t realize how good I had it in my other body plus I observe how nasty I may have been to those around me revelation present in these types of films.  It wasn’t the worst I’ve seen.  Kiddies will probably enjoy it.  Cat lovers might too.  Everyone else will most likely wish this is the only lifetime (not the next eight!) they’ll see this movie.  11/30/2016

The Ones Below                                                          EH

Do we really need another Rosemary’s Baby imitator?  Maybe if it was actually worthy unlike this movie.  No curveballs thrown here.  Good fences make good neighbors unless you live in an apartment, half-house or condo.  12/3/2016

Paperhouse                                                                 G

I can’t believe I never saw this late 80’s film directed by the same guy that made Candyman.  This film was imaginative and thoroughly enjoyable.  There’s sappy moments but there’s also dark moments and a dash of suspense.  I mean, who wouldn’t want to escape to a world they concocted when their own world is getting to them?  11/29/2016

Summertime                                                                OK

Just because it’s a good story doesn’t mean it needs to be feature-length.  This French film about a lesbian romance amidst women’s rights in the early 70’s fits that description perfectly.  It points out some of the hypocrisies of movements like women’s rights and depicts how same-sex relationships were still considered perverted not that long ago, but it didn’t need to be so boring.  Many short stories and short films have provided long-lasting messages and influences.  This film would’ve benefitted from a shorter format.  11/28/2016

The Unbidden                                                             EH/OK

Ever imagined The Joy Luck Club as a horror movie?  Yes, that was a racist joke because, after all, only honkies (regardless of sexuality) can be racist right?  Barely a horror movie and more of a drama involving a murder all the Asian women keep secret for years (one of them appeared to be Caucasian when younger but became at least half-Asian when older?---whatever, all the older women were pale-skinned anyway).  Oh, there is a ghost that isn’t really involved until the end.  Although I expected a straight-up horror movie (it was marketed as such and in the horror section on Redbox), it doesn’t make for a bad dramatic thriller.  Far from perfect and ends sappily.  When most of the cast and crew are Asian-American and involved in something subpar like this, I am going to mention the race!  I love Asian horror movies and many different Asian foods.  I hate everyone, leave me alone!  11/28/2016

---Sean O.

Mooby Reviews 11/23/16

Current movie reviews:

Arrival                                                                         G

We actually do get to see the aliens right away (within the first half hour) and they are awesome!  They’re tentacled Lovecraftian beings that look like they could do some major fucking damage if need be.  Therein lies the problem I had and what others might have as well.  Don’t expect any action like Independence Day, Fire in the Sky or (ahem) Mars Attacks!  This is strictly a thinking person’s film that’s more poetic than anarchic.  There’s nothing entirely wrong with that if the movie works.  I was intrigued mostly.  It’s basically a dramatic sci-fi picture that’s equal parts ominous and saptastic (but in the right way).  11/16/2016

Fort Tilden                                                                  EH/OK

Well, if Beavis and Butthead were live-action women in their 20’s, these girls would come close.  Only difference is we’re laughing with Beavis and Butthead, these women we’re laughing at.  I don’t know if they were aware of their idiocy or just acted naturally sans qualms.  Seriously, how dense can you be to purchase a trash can barrel from a bum for $200 when it wasn’t even his? Or ask for iced coffee at a convenience store, watch them simply put ice cubes into cups of hot coffee, accept it, pay for it and then immediately trash it when exiting the store?  Or notice a kid eyeballing your bike outside a store, watch him loosen the chain, get on and ride away while continuing to stand in line at the register?  At least the girl behind them was able to notice how dumb these girls were.  Aside from all that, some part of me enjoyed the trip they took, wondered what hardship was to befall them next, and wanted to see where it was all headed.  I also liked how uninhibited they were, like me.  I just wish they weren’t such stupid bitches.  11/23/2016

The Good Neighbor                                                    G

The Good Neighbor was actually good.  I was thoroughly engaged.  Sure, there’s elements of other movies like Rear Window, Disturbia, Alone with Her and others involving hidden cameras, but it had my attention and leaves no unanswered questions.  Next time you experience ghostly activity just remember that “Big Brother” might be watching and controlling.  It’s all fun and games until someone takes things the wrong way and someone dies.  The look on one of the actor’s faces at the very end shows that some people believe any media exposure is still exposure.  On a side note, I cracked up when hearing the plural of penis in a way I never heard before.  11/19/2016

Greetings                                                                     VB

Maybe I should stop adding (Netflix) recommendations or stop adding movies no one heard but sound good.  I guess it’s the feeling of having discovered an unknown movie and introducing it to the world (or at least people I know).  Columbus did NOT discover America, he invaded it.  There were people already living here so he didn’t “discover” it.  I do like “discovering” unknown movies that are actually good.  Lately I haven’t had any luck.  Since Ouija boards are currently all the rage, this 2007 movie came up on a list.  The “Ouija board” in question is just a small round table with nothing written on it and a glass cup used as the planchette.  As for the story, I’m guessing it’s about a “ghost” that locks several people in a house.  Various messages are split up and appear in several places like a mirror, book and even someone’s hand.  Menstrual blood is involved too somehow.  Don’t ask.  I lost interest way before that.  This movie was only 71 minutes but it felt like 271 minutes.  Instead of greeting this movie, bid adieu.  Let it stay in obscurity and allow no one else to “discover” it.  11/17/2016

Independence Day:  Resurgence                                 VB/B

Lately it seems sequels are made decades later instead of a year or two apart.  In this case, time doesn’t seem to heal bad sequels.  I was only half a fan of Independence Day.  I remember seeing it theatrically upon its release back in 1996 (I saw it in the cheap theater where movies were shown right before being released on video).  I enjoyed parts of it, hated parts of it and ultimately thought it was too long.  Thankfully, this movie wasn’t as long but it was still long enough.  I knew it wasn’t a good sign when I wanted this to be over right away.  Ironically, I prefer the inaction of Arrival (see above) over the action (entirely ineffective) of this.  I hated this movie.  The only thing I sorta liked was the Queen alien but that was too little too late.  If a third movie is made, whether 20 years from now or not, I hope it’s a lot better than this poop.  11/17/2016

Mojave                                                                                    EH

I got nothing out of this cat-and-mouse thriller.  I kept thinking it was going to get better but it ended before that could happen.  When it was over I felt like it was only part of the story.  Mark Wahlberg has an embarrassingly awful supporting role.  I feel like I’m being too kind by giving it an EH rating.  11/19/2016

Most Likely To Die                                                      OK/G

People like me (and horror fans) don’t watch slasher films expecting a masterpiece, or a well-written script for that matter.  We know beforehand they’re meant to be brainless bloody fun.  Sure, there’s many worse than others and some really good ones (Halloween, Black Christmas, Sleepaway Camp, etc.), but we generally know we’re about to see a group of people getting offed at a specific location.  It all comes down to the execution, characterization, gore, weaponry utilized, and the way the deaths occur.  I personally have an odd fascination with sharp weapons (knives, axes, machetes, etc.) and love to see them used in horror films.  It’s safe to say this film doesn’t entirely disappoint.  The killer has a creative way of eliminating his victims.  Everyone’s senior picture with their superlative (hence the title) written beneath hangs on the wall where the mini-ten year reunion is taking place.  Each one is killed relatively close to their superlative.  The kills are worthy enough.  I particularly like the “graduation cap knife.”  It meanders quite a bit and leaves open the possibility for a sequel like so many other body count films, but I think true (and not too picky) fans are most likely to enjoy.  11/17/2016

Satanic                                                                                    OK

I liked this at first.  It seemed like a fun movie about a group of friends visiting historical atrocity sites, only to befall something horrific eventually.  With a title like that, you know things aren’t going to end well for at least some of the characters.  Just a matter of how and when.  It loses steam in the middle but picks back up at the end.  The ending is slightly ambiguous and frustrating but the final scene is quite chilling.  I wanted more though.  11/21/2016

Shut In                                                                         OK

As of now, and before seeing it, this has a 0% rating on Rotten Tomatoes.  That’s why I was hoping I’d like it.  I figured out the twist right away.  I’ve seen too many movies to not figure out several outcomes for modern movies.  The reasoning behind the twist does make for a compelling psychological drama albeit a slightly twisted one.  Creepy houses especially surrounded by woods always get to me too.  Ironically, that’s my idea of a dream home; I like woods (I’m equally fascinated and frightened by them).  Anyway, while I don’t share the overall disdain as my fellow critics, I’m not entirely recommending it.  You don’t need to see it on the big screen, even during bargain times.  Wait to rent it from Redbox for $1.50 or free with a complimentary code, or get it through Netflix (most plans probably equal a little over $1 a movie if you return them regularly).  11/15/2016

---Sean O.

Mooby Reviews 11/14/16

Here's my newest film critiques:

Carnage Park                                                             OK

Yet another survival horror flick claiming to be based on true events.  The title says it all.  It takes place in a desert park where carnage occurs, most of it only showing the results.  I liked this in the beginning.  It had a good set-up that quickly deviates plotlines and has on-screen carnage.  It quickly gets tedious even at 80 minutes.  11/12/2016

Dead on Campus                                                        EH/OK

Sorority initiation gone wrong.  Cover-up.  Queen B.  threatens blackmail.  Queen B. put in her place Cruel Intentions-style after being video-recorded and exposed.  Yup, that’s it.  I actually got slightly involved at first.  I liked the characters.  Everything happens too quickly during the second half and the movie is abruptly over.  Dead on Arrival.  11/14/2016

Fender Bender                                                            G

The second feature by director Mark Pavia (I’m actually facebook friends with him, Cheers!).  His first was The Night Flier which is probably one of the best Stephen King adaptations, one of the best vampire movies and extremely underrated.  That was almost 20 years ago!  Here’s an ode to 80’s slasher movies in which the killer has a unique way of picking his victims.  You might think twice about exchanging information the next time someone bumps your car from behind.  There’s nothing wholly original here but neither were most of the films emulated.  I believe that was the intention.  Nothing more, nothing less.  It’s a stylish slasher film that pulls no punches and doesn’t waste time with too much filler.  Not as good as The Night Flier, but please don’t wait another 20 years to make a third movie, Mark.  You clearly know how to make them.  11/13/2016

Grim                                                                            B

I remember seeing this VHS (yes I still remember when video stores only carried those) on the shelves back when it came out in 1995.  I remember thinking it looked stupid and didn’t rent it.  That’s funny considering all the other stupid shit I regularly saw back then.  I always remember stupid shit for some reason.  Occasionally I’ll remember a movie I saw back in the day and want to re-watch it or watch for the first time in this case.  I either read about old movies or come across them in lists people make (i.e. Top Ten Christmas Horror Movies).  Sometimes I remember disliking a movie during my younger years but liking them now with an older set of eyes and mind.  Here, I doubt my early teen self would’ve felt much different than my current 30’s self.  The creature isn’t too bad looking.  The movie is very bad.  The acting is atrocious and more wooden than a newly-built log cabin (I know, my analogies are infantile but I’m at a sixth grade reading level).  The creature resembles a rabid ape that acts relatively human in stance, mobility and the way it kills randomly and sparingly instead of instinctively.  There’s also an item that inexplicably allows some of the humans to think and act like the creature.  I must’ve missed an explanation if there was one.  Movies like this should become obsolete like the VHS copy I saw 20 years ago.  11/10/2016

Hard Target                                                                OK

I never saw this JCVD movie from 1993 until now.  I saw a preview for Hard Target 2.  It looked good but I had to see the first one beforehand.  I don’t see how someone can be shot publicly during Mardi Gras and also in broad daylight in downtown NOLA and escape easily.  Then again, this is an action movie directed by John Woo.  Real world logic doesn’t apply here.  It’s meant to be brainless fun.  Sometimes it is.  Too much action can also be boring.  Sometimes it is.  11/9/2016

Hard Target 2                                                             OK

Seeing the preview containing Scott Adkins and actually looking good spiked my interest.  Seeing it was a sequel and never saw the predecessor (see above), my OCD made me have to watch Hard Target first.  This doesn’t really have any similarities to the first one other than revolving around a guy running for his life, this time in Myanmar instead of New Orleans.  No one from the first appears here.  Lance Henriksen’s ruthless psycho is replaced by the scary-looking guy from Prison Break (seriously, he looks like a live-action version of the evil magician from Frosty the Snowman).  Scott teams up with a local chick and they protect each other while trying to save themselves.  So I guess there’s some similarities to Hard Target and countless other action thrillers.  Much like the first, there’s some fun to be had but also boredom resulting from tedium.  Scott Adkins is nice to look at too, especially when he’s shirtless for the first quarter.  Well, if they make a third one 23 years from now I guess I’ll watch it.  I’ll just have to re-watch these 2 again because I won’t likely remember a single thing from either, other than how good Mr. Adkins looked.  11/10/2016

Ouija Summoning                                                       EH

Ouija boards are certainly making a comeback.  I’m more fascinated by the boards themselves than most movies they’re featured in.  Yeah, I enjoyed the recent Ouija:  Origin of Evil enough and I like other movies where they make an appearance, like Paranormal Activity and What Lies Beneath.  I still don’t think they’ve ever truly been given cinematic justice though.  I had a free Redbox code to use by the end of the day.  This movie with Ouija in the title had to do.  The ghost is admittedly frightening but this is basically a slasher film in which we’re told who’s about to get it each time.  Lame.  Un-suspenseful.  I’m beginning to think any movie with Ouija in the title or involving them is cursed like the boards themselves.  11/12/2016

31                                                                                EH/OK

Rob Zombie.  Most people either love him or hate him.  I don’t love him but I’m more of an admirer than detractor.  I liked a fair portion of his music with White Zombie and his early years as a solo artist.  I enjoyed House of 1000 Corpses and its sequel, The Devil’s Rejects.  I hated Halloween and Halloween II before watching them but didn’t despise them as much as others.  They were well-made, stylish and gory but I still prefer any of the original franchise sequels; they were so-bad-its-good.  I liked The Lords of Salem better the second time.  All in all, I think he’s an interesting person and I’m willing to hear or watch anything he’s involved in.  When I heard his next film was about evil clowns killing people on Halloween, I was more excited than a shark attending the Polar Bear Plunge.  Rob, this movie was disappointing!  There’s no clowns here, just psycho freaks wearing make-up!  This was basically a Running Man-type, microcosmic Purge geek show.  The characters are generally annoying trailer trash, both the victims and villains.  The attacks are poorly executed except for maybe the chainsaw duo.  The various monologues are hackneyed and juvenile.  Some parts are incomprehensible, such as a Nazi midget speaking Spanish (?!) and a killer stating “In Hell, everyone loves popcorn.”  Really?  Never heard that one before, nor does it make a modicum of sense.  Rob, looks like the saying is all yours!  However, underneath all this dreck is a film I somewhat liked and wanted to like.  It has its moments of stylized brutality Mr. Zombie is very good at delivering.  If I watch it again, it won’t be right away.  I have no desire to.  Better luck next time Rob!  11/6/2016

What We Become                                                        EH

Danish zombie movie.  They look more like vampires but can’t be since they’re mesmerized by light.  It’s well made but not much different than many other undead tales.  It’s boring too.  11/6/2016

---Sean O.

Mooby Reviews 11/4/16

Current movie reviews (mixture of recent and older flicks):

Animal                                                                         G

A group of people take a hike in the woods.  It gets dark.  A creature attacks one of them.  They happen to run into a cabin.  They take shelter.  One by one the creature makes snacks of them.  Sound familiar?  However, the creatures are practical:  +.  The creature doesn’t look too bad:  +.  (It’s almost an amalgamation of Pumpkinhead and the Feast monsters.  Come to think of it, that’s pretty much the set-up here:  The setting evoked Pumpkinhead while the action closely resembles Feast)  There’s plenty of gore, not stomach churning:  +.  Yes, it’s slightly banal (my rating is a VERY marginal G, it almost took some effort to get rid of the OK attached) but I had fun with it and I don’t think horror fans or anyone knowing what they’re getting into will expect anything less.  10/29/2016

Cherry Tree (The Devil’s Sorceress)                           OK

Titled Cherry Tree on Netflix (and originally) but called The Devil’s Sorceress through Redbox.  The Devil’s Sorceress makes it sound too much like a run-of-the-mill direct-to-video pseudo-satanic yarn.  I like Cherry Tree better because it contradicts the dark subject matter and bears significance to the story.  Taking place in Ireland I assume (somewhere over there), this film about witches incorporates elements of a teen movie, Rosemary’s Baby and Hellraiser.  It’s surprisingly well done with worthy special effects yet still feels empty.  The best witch movie is Suspiria which was made in 1977!  Why can’t there be any new witch movies worth raving about and watching more than once?  Sure, I enjoyed films like The Craft and Wicked Lake but they’re merely diverting and far from masterpieces.  I liked The Witches mostly when I was younger but that’s not a horror movie.  The Wizard of Oz has witches in it but it’s not strictly a witch movie!  I don’t count The Blair Witch Project since it’s only based on legend and we don’t actually see a witch.  Perhaps I can do better?  One day I have to write a story involving witches that I would like to see if made into a movie.  Or, the recent Wytches (Image) comic should be adapted.  I did enjoy that.  10/30/2016

Dementia                                                                     OK/G

Starts off as one movie but quickly deviates into another not far in.  Luckily the revelations are revealed shortly after the viewer figures them out; otherwise you would prematurely anticipate the ending when the characters realize what you figured out much sooner.  It’s still somewhat trite but does end on a downer, therefore it gets a G tacked onto the original OK rating.  10/29/2016

Holidays                                                                      G

Oh, anthology horror films, how I love thee.  Each one taking place on a holiday.  Awesome idea.  The results aren’t necessarily grade A but I reveled more than suffered.  It’s never swell having more duds than gems in an anthology.  I like the brevity of each segment in that they don’t overstay their welcome and aren’t blips hard to invest in like the ABCs of Death series.  Naturally some are better than others with most being simply average.  “Valentine’s Day” is predictable but no less disturbing.  “St. Patrick’s Day” is basically a twisted Irish Rosemary’s Baby that’s truly bizarre!  “Easter” has a pretty gnarly creature.  “Mother’s Day” is the weakest entry that I feel was a bit anticlimactic.  “Father’s Day” is probably the best one, being eerie and open-ended.  “Halloween” was interesting with brutal implications courtesy of Kevin Smith.  “Christmas” was a corny albeit fun Tales from the Darkside-ish segment.  Finally, “New Year’s Eve” is a standard hunter-becomes-the-hunted/there’s-always-someone-out-there-crazier-than-you Hard Candy-ish yarn that’s still worth watching for the bloodshed alone.  Not a bad selection.  I can see this becoming a franchise with different takes on each holiday, some omitted ones added in future installments (Turkey Day, Arbor Day, April Fools Day, etc.).  Pick and choose which holiday you wanna celebrate here, you’re bound to enjoy at least one.  11/2/2016

Mom’s Got a Date with a Vampire                             OK

I decided to watch this Disney channel movie (from 2000?!!) because it was free on demand.  There’s also something mildly diverting about cheesy kiddie horror-comedies. (After all, I could’ve chose to watch something else for free) These movies are the best way to introduce feeble young minds to the horror genre.  Corny, yes, but any age can enjoy especially if you’re looking for something to do.  I was reminded of Fred 2:  Night of the Living Fred starring that crazy YouTube star, Lucas Cruikshank; I thought that movie was better if you want my suggestion.  11/1/2016

MSF:  Male Seeking Female                                       EH

Briefly reading the synopsis I expected another “dollar store” rehash of Fatal Attraction and pretty much got it.  While not the worst of its ilk, it pretty much delivers exactly what I expected.  Nothing else.  F.Y.I.  My expectations were low.  I can’t complain too much since it was free but I could demand the filmmakers add 90 more minutes to my life.  10/29/2016

Nas:  Time is Illmatic                                                  OK

Nas is probably one of the best hardcore rappers still making music today.  He is intelligent while delivering a brutally honest message about street life enveloped in a humanistic manner.  Running a scant 74 minutes, everything from how his parents met, to his family moving to New York from the South, to beginning his career are included.  Not a bad success story for a high school dropout.  It’s a shame this biopic doesn’t differentiate from other rags-to-riches tales.  If Nas’ movie ruled them all, imagine that!  10/29/2016

Nerve                                                                           G

Pretty simplistic story geared towards the modern generation glued to their various social media outlets in this digital age.  The ending may be a little dull, but there’s a modicum of suspense sprinkled throughout and I thoroughly enjoyed it.  10/29/2016

Ouija:  Origin of Evil                                                  G

I had absolutely no intention to see this sequel (prequel actually) to the below average (but not as bad as everyone said it was) Ouija.  None!  At least not right away…in the theater.  Curiosity got the better of me when I read positive reviews from horror writers and fans that despised the first one (or second technically).  Turns out they were right.  Not excellent and not even best picture of the year, but I actually did enjoy this film more than Ouija.  Admittedly creepy at times, both visually and implicatively.  Writing professors say the most effective storytelling technique is to “show not tell” but there’s instances here where telling freaked me out enough to spare the showing.  (Another good example is in Jaws where Quint explains what happened in the USS Indianapolis incident---probably the creepiest part of the film)  Make sure you stay until the end of the credits or fast forward if you wait to see it on the small screen.  11/1/2016  

The Purge:  Election Year                                           G

Third time is supposed to be a charm right?  Blah, blah, blah.  I enjoyed the first Purge film but felt something was missing.  The second film added that missing element.  Here, the third time, it kept that missing element and stayed put.  You would think after two films, they would’ve went all out this time.  Usually sequels are meant to outdo the preceding entries or fail at attempting.  While I did enjoy this threequel and blood was surely shed, it loses steam midway and skimps out on the gore throughout.  I wanted more of the red stuff!  Perfect timing for the current Election Year.  There’s endless ways to make one of these movies.  Make it leaner and bloodier next time!  10/30/2016

Twitches                                                                      EH

Yes, I used to watch Sister, Sister way back in the early 90’s when it premiered.  I was a prepubescent and loved it.  The twins, Tia and Tamara Mowry, from that show play witches (twin witches, get it?) separated at birth and reuniting on their 21^st birthdays, which also happens to be Halloween.  It was part of the Disney channel Halloween specials on demand and was free so I said why the hell not?  I’m open-minded, love Disney and kid-friendly entertainment.  This is standard, harmless, childish fare squarely for tweens and probably some teens.  It felt a lot longer than 87 minutes though.  11/3/2016

Twitches Too                                                               VB

Well, it was free and I had to watch it if I just watched the first one.  I thought the first one was lame?  This was 1,000 times worse!  In a review above I complained about the lack of witches in cinema.  Shit like this will continue to neglect them.  This wasn’t even really a witch movie.  It was just girls with magic powers like the first one.  This was more like a princess movie.  There’s nothing wrong with that (I’m open-minded) but I would hope a movie about anything would be better than this.  I hope they don’t make Twitches Three because my OCD would make me have to watch it.  If so, please don’t tell me about it.  11/4/2016

Within                                                                          OK

This had a decent set-up.  I sometimes feel like someone is watching from behind and will disappear when I turn around.  It begins as a semi-creepy haunted house film but the midway revelation is a bit of a letdown.  I actually liked the characters though and it doesn’t end on a positive note---points!  Just decent.  11/3/2016

---Sean O.