I Like Moobies

Friday, October 29, 2021

Old/AHS: Double Feature

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In case you haven’t seen the intro from my entry dated 1/26/19 (it’s in my archives whenever you want to read it), I’m no longer going to review every single movie I see. I’m going to review one, with the occasional bonus, and just give ratings for the rest from now on (unless I decide to pick it up again in the future). You can always ask me why I gave the ratings for the films without reviews though (via comments or the e-mail addresses under the ‘About Me’ section).

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Old OK/G

Mr. M. Night Shyamalan’s latest feature. I can definitely say I’m a fan of the man. I liked all of his films enough save for Lady in the Water, The Last Airbender, and After Earth, some more than others naturally, and I don’t include the two films he made before The Sixth Sense (that’s when his auteur status truly started). In case you haven’t seen any previews or read about this newest film, a group of people go to a beach (I don’t remember getting a location, but it was filmed in the Dominican Republic) that may look like paradise, but is anything but. There is a bit more to it than the simplistic premise, and I would hope so given it’s over 100-minutes. I had a strange fascination with it, as I do most of his films, there being a disturbing air to it all. The ending may divide viewers and could arguably make what came before appear less bleak (and it somewhat does), but, on the other hand, everything is tied up neatly in the way M. Night does well. I have a feeling this might get better with age (pun intended), and I am interested in checking out the graphic novel it’s based on (Sandcastle), but as for being his best? Absolutely not, but it’s definitely better than those three films I mentioned above! 10/23/2021

American Horror Story: Double Feature

Season 10 of this series presents two different storylines as the title suggests. The first six of the ten episodes, entitled Red Tide, takes place in Massachusetts near the beach in what appears to be the off-season. There is a black pill, currently the drug of choice on the streets, that will either bring out your talents and make you successful or turn you into a vampire-like creature if you have no talents (what a kick in the face for those without talent!). This part of the season wasn’t bad, far from great, and the dreary New England setting certainly worked in its favor. I liked it better than the second part of the season, Death Valley, an alien tale set in the Southwest that takes place in the past (roughly between the Fifties and Seventies) and the present. It has its moments and ends rather bleakly, but I didn’t particularly care for either timeline (the past involving presidents and the present involving a facility that conducts a specific experiment). It definitely probably looked better on paper, and I guess I should be grateful it was only 4 of the 10 episodes. Overall, this wasn’t the best season, but I wouldn’t tell you not to watch it, especially if you’ve watched up to this season. There is gore in both parts and you’ll recognize several faces (both in the series and not) in both, and it was neat they presented it as a double feature like Grindhouse theatres of yore, but I don’t think I can add it to the list of my favorite seasons so far (those being Murder House, Asylum, Coven, Freak Show, and Roanoke). 10/23/2021

Bonus reviews:

Aileen Wuornos: American Boogeywoman EH

(haiku review)

It’s not quite Monster.

More of a prequel to it.

Insufficient film. 10/25/2021

You (Season Three) OK

(haiku review)

First two were better.

Not as addicting this time.

Maybe next season? 10/25/2021

*10 episodes; available on Netflix. You can read my review for season 2 here---https://vampireclown82.blogspot.com/2020/01/7-reviews-17-ratings.html*

Secrets of Sulphur Springs (Season One) OK/G

(haiku review)

Decent mystery.

Involves time travel down South.

Fine for all ages. 10/25/2021

*11 episodes; available on Disney+*

Other movies I've seen and their ratings (see above):

Don’t Breathe 2 >>>EH/OK

Hypnotic (2021) >>>EH

(Netflix)

Night Teeth >>>EH

(Netflix)

Stillwater >>>OK

(In French, with subtitles, and English)

---Sean O.

10/29/2021

Sunday, October 24, 2021

Halloween Kills/Slumber Party Massacre

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Halloween Kills OK

For those unaware, the preceding 2018 film was intended to be a direct sequel to John Carpenter’s 1978 original, meaning none of the sequels to that film exist in this universe. As for the two Rob Zombie-helmed films? They exist entirely in their own cinematic universe. Therefore, this film would technically be the third entry if you ignore all the original sequels (ironically, the masks from the original third film in the franchise sans Michael Myers, Season of the Witch, make an appearance here). I wasn’t really a fan of the last Halloween film (you can read my review for it here---https://vampireclown82.blogspot.com/2018/10/mooby-reviews-102818.html), but I was willing to give this sequel a chance, as I do all films, especially since Michael Myers is one of my favorite fictional villains, and curiosity always gets the better of me. Part of me did admire this film, but the other part of me, my ultimate assessment, is that it is an average slasher at best. I didn’t hate it, and I liked it a bit better than its predecessor, but, as another critic generally put it, “it doesn’t make it a worthy heir to the Michael Myers legacy despite how many kills are in it.” And seriously, in 2021 people are still asking if someone is there in horror movies? And the driver (the means of escape) in a car full of people is going to exit said car, leaving everyone else unattended while investigating something? These kinds of instances make you, the viewer, yell mentally or verbally at how idiotic their decisions are. And I don’t think I’d be spoiling anything by saying Michael Myers isn’t defeated this go-around, not only because anyone even remotely familiar with the cinematic boogeyman knows he’s basically invincible, but because another sequel (Halloween Ends) is already confirmed to be released next year. I’m obviously going to watch Halloween Ends and maybe that will be the best one of these entries helmed by David Gordon Green. Whatever. I’ll believe it when I see it…10/19/2021

Slumber Party Massacre OK/G

Yet another film bitten by the remake bug! I can call myself a fan of the 1982 original; Slumber Party Massacre II is fun as well (there’s a decent nod to it here); Slumber Party Massacre III I don’t like as much as the other two, but I have seen it more than once, usually when I have a Slumber Party Massacre marathon. This SYFY Original could’ve been called something else, because, I mean, there isn’t much to making an effective slasher, or a slasher film at all---characters, setting, and kills are what ultimately sets them apart. I’m actually surprised the original Slumber Party Massacre isn’t discussed more amongst feminists and progressives considering it was written and directed by women (as was this one) and features women doing traditionally male duties (as this one did too, but it’s not so much effective nowadays since most reasonable people understand that women can do anything men can do, while bleeding; just don’t be one of those women that talk the talk but don’t walk the walk though). This one, like the original, does feature a killer named Russ Thorn wielding a drill to off his victims. Whereas the original took place in a suburban house though, this one takes place at a lake house in both the past and present (mostly the present), both sexes being victims again. The Russ Thorn character was more creepy in the original; here, he was just weird, and he talked sometimes too (I don’t remember him ever speaking in the original, but a re-watch could prove me wrong). Now, was this yet another unnecessary remake? Actually, no, I didn’t think it was too bad. A good portion of the kills were notable, they play around with the genre at times without making it feel too much like a parody (more in the clever twist kind of way), and there’s a bit more to it than Russ Thorn simply slaughtering people. In other words, it was more of a reimagining than a direct remake. As with any remake/reimagining, it doesn’t replace the original, which was no masterpiece to begin with (but is fun and one of the better Eighties slashers), as this certainly isn’t one either, but it is a worthy addition to the franchise that will likely be watched when I have my Slumber Party Massacre marathons. This will probably win the ‘Worthiest Remake’ on my ‘Best and Worst Films of 2021’ list, but there are still two months left if any other remakes want to alter that…10/20/2021

Bonus review:

Just Beyond (Season One) EH

I had to watch this series based on graphic novels by R.L. Stine since he is one of my all-time favorite authors. I only read the first two books in the series (I think; I know I read at least the first one), but I don’t think any of these eight episodes (roughly around the half-hour mark, give or take) are based on them; I think this series only took the title. I should’ve known it wasn’t going to be straight-up horror (even for the kiddies) given it was shown on Disney+ and that it was labeled a drama on the channel. This is more of a light thriller/fantasy series for the tween age group only (maybe The Twilight Zone for the young’uns as opposed to another Goosebumps series), said tweens having never seen much before. “Leave Them Kids Alone” has the typical scenario wherein a “rebellious” girl is sent to a school in order to get set straight and said school has a rather sinister agenda (blah, blah, blah); I did like the ending even if it was a bit too “feel-good.” “Parents Are From Mars, Kids Are From Venus” is a harmless alien vignette containing corny special effects and the same corny appeal of an early Nineties TV special, and the following episode, “Which Witch,” is like a really corny TV movie involving teen (you guessed it) witches in high school. “My Monster” would be the only one of these episodes you could truly label horror and is ironically the best one; it contains a monster (nothing you haven’t seen before) that would likely frighten the younger viewers (hell, maybe even the older viewers). “Unfiltered” revolves around the typical “be careful what you wish for” theme in which an unpopular girl’s wish to be “pretty” and popular is granted before realizing it comes with a price (blah, blah, blah); cheesy conclusion. “We’ve Got Spirits, Yes We Do” does contain ghosts, in a theater, but wouldn’t frighten the most timid viewers as it is more of what the show is labeled as on Disney+…a drama. “Standing Up for Yourself” is a typical tale involving a bully eventually getting his comeuppance, and “The Treehouse” is a fairly standard story (meaning no surprises or anything remotely fresh) wherein a boy is somehow able to land in a parallel dimension after being in the titular structure during a storm. Like I said, this will likely only appeal to tweens that haven’t seen much. I like to think I’m young at heart, but I can’t say I was too much a fan of this unoriginal series (the intro before each episode was better than the series as a whole), which is extremely disappointing given that R.L. Stine and Seth Grahame-Smith (writer of Pride and Prejudice and Zombies and Abraham Lincoln, Vampire Hunter) were attached somehow. I will always read and watch pretty much anything with Stine’s name on it (as long as it’s horror-oriented), so better luck next time if more seasons are coming…10/18/2021

Other movies I've seen and their ratings (see above):

Bacurau >>>G

(Mostly in Portuguese with subtitles)

Fever Dream >>>B/EH

(Netflix; In Spanish with subtitles)

Pig (2021) >>>EH

---Sean O.

10/24/2021

Saturday, October 16, 2021

Night of the Animated Dead

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Night of the Animated Dead OK/G

Night of the Living Dead, the original 1968 version helmed by the late George A. Romero, is not only one of my favorite zombie movies, but one of my favorite movies in general. The 1990 remake helmed by the legendary Tom Savini was decent too. Was this animated update necessary? Probably not, but the majority, if not all, of remakes aren’t really necessary (I’ve probably said that countless times too). If you’re very much familiar with the original film (like yours truly), you’ll know what to expect…in animated form (I mean, a very few things are done a bit differently). If there’s a chance you actually haven’t seen the original, or even the remake, and you call yourself a horror fan, or general cinema buff, then what the hell have you been waiting for? If you do happen to be one of those people that hasn’t seen it though (and I totally suggest you do), you might think this is an enjoyable zombie film. The animation may not be of the highest quality, but there is gore (likely what earned its R-rating) and the scenes us fans know so well were recreated satisfactorily. No, this absolutely does not replace the original, but I think it’s a decent rendition for NOTLD fans that’s barely over an hour. From what I remember, it’s a whole lot better than that 2009 film, Night of the Living Dead: Reanimated (my archives indicate I gave it zero out of four stars, when I did star ratings, and a movie had to be completely horrendous for me to give it that low of a rating!). 10/11/2021

Bonus review:

Scaredy Cats

I took a chance with this new family series on Netflix only because it was on a ‘Netflix and Chills’ list that provides titles and dates of new releases during the Halloween season. Plus, I like to think I’m a bit open-minded. This series is corny as hell, yes, and I should’ve figured when seeing a logo for Air Bud Entertainment before each episode (you know, that franchise featuring dogs that play sports?); I can’t honestly say I’ve ever seen a single one of those Air Bud movies and don’t have a desire to, ever (guess I’m not as open-minded as I thought). It consists of 9 episodes, the first one being over 40-minutes and the rest being under 30. Yes, I did actually watch the entire series; I didn’t binge it though, just watched one or two episodes at a time, usually just one. It involves three pre-teen girls that eventually learn they’re witches; they can turn into cats that do talk and there are other animals that talk too; there are also two “bad” witches that want an amulet one of the girls owns. If you thought Hocus Pocus was corny…ha, let’s just say the creators of this probably said, “Hold my beer” (the way in which the bad witches are “defeated” at the end of the last episode is one of the corniest scenes I’ve seen in a very long while!). Yes, that witch movie from 1993 is highly overrated and I’m amazed at how much cult status it received over the years (it’s strictly nostalgic for me since I saw it in the theater as a pre-teen, but it’s still corny). I re-watched that Olsen twin witch movie, Double, Double, Toil and Trouble (also from 1993), to compare corniness and this certainly scores higher on the corny scale (Double was the more boring entry though). How did I manage to watch this entire series if I keep saying how corny it was? I’m not sure, I guess I love anything to do with Halloween and maybe it was a bit tolerable since I watched it in segments and the episodes weren’t too long (hell, as corny as Hocus Pocus may be, I do still watch it every once in a while, usually years in between, mostly for nostalgic reasons, as mentioned). Now, as someone pushing 40, for those that have spawn within this show’s target audience, it’s a little tolerable if you’re forced to watch it with them (of course there’s no need to accompany them since it’s harmless and rated TV-G), but I really don’t think anyone past age-12 will find it appealing. 10/7/2021

Other movies and TV show(s) I’ve seen and their ratings (see above):

Censor >>>EH/OK

The Green Knight >>>B

Muppets Haunted Mansion >>>EH/OK

(Disney+)

---Sean O.

10/16/2021

Thursday, October 7, 2021

The Forever Purge/Under Wraps

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The Forever Purge EH/OK

This is movie #5? Plus there were two seasons of a TV series (I only saw the first season and don’t know if and when I’ll check out the second). I actually gave the four preceding films a G rating according to my archives; the first two films I just rated; you can read my review for Election Year here---https://vampireclown82.blogspot.com/2016/11/mooby-reviews-11416.html and The First Purge here---https://vampireclown82.blogspot.com/2018/10/mooby-reviews-101718.html. Much like the Final Destination and Paranormal Activity films, these films have a simple premise and you pretty much know what you’re going to get when watching; take them for what they are basically and you either like them or you don’t (like anything really). Let’s see, every year in America there is a day where all crime, including murder, is legal for 12 hours. In this sequel though, many decide to continue purging past the 12-hour mark, hence the Forever Purge. That being said, this didn’t feel like a typical Purge film since the others showed a microcosmic depiction whereas this is more macrocosmic, making it seem more akin to a Mad Max film or other post-apocalyptic features, meaning there are many repetitive action sequences. I couldn’t wait for it to be over a little more than halfway; I thought I was going to like it in the beginning too! I think this franchise ran out of steam, but I’d say having at least four out of five passable entries makes it a fairly worthy one, no? 10/1/2021

Under Wraps OK

Recently released Disney Channel movie remake of another Disney Channel movie released in 1997. Now, I don’t remember ever watching the original and was reminded of it not that long ago when discussing remakes with someone. In 1997 I was a teenager and might’ve thought I was “too cool” to watch it, even though I was never “cool” (subjective term, yes, but whatever), or maybe would’ve thought it was too corny, and plus, my family didn’t have the Disney Channel back then. I did watch the original for the first time the day before I watched this, and it was only available on YouTube which isn’t always the best platform to watch stuff. It involves a trio of kids that accidentally wake a mummy in one of their neighbor’s houses, said neighbor having nefarious plans for said mummy. In the meantime, the mummy escapes and the kids try concealing it the best they can after realizing it means them no harm (being Halloween season makes it a bit easier to blend in). This remake is pretty much the same movie, but some things are done a bit differently. The original contains no nostalgic factor for me since I just saw it, so I really wouldn’t know which one to tell you to watch, if either. Normally I would say to watch the original, if anything, before the remake, but I’d probably just tell you to pick one and watch it this time, unless you need to see the original first (like me) and/or you have a mummy fascination. Both weren’t bad as far as Disney Channel movies suitable for the entire family go, and both are harmless and not as corny as they could’ve been, making either one ‘okay’ viewing during this holiday season. Like I said, I don’t think it will matter which one you decide to watch, if either. 10/2/2021

Bonus reviews:

The Chestnut Man EH/OK

(haiku review)

New. Netflix. Six eps.

Murder mystery. Denmark.

Standard; drags often. 10/4/2021

*In Danish with subtitles*

There’s Someone Inside Your House OK

(haiku review)

Typical slasher.

Secrets are what makes you die.

The kills are worthy. 10/6/2021

*Available on Netflix*

Other movies I've seen and their ratings (see above):

Alley Cats Strike! >>>OK/G

Clown (2019) >>>EH

Future-Kill >>>B/EH

Lansky >>>EH

---Sean O.

10/7/2021

Thursday, September 30, 2021

Midnight Mass

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Midnight Mass OK/G

New limited series available on Netflix consisting of seven episodes totaling roughly seven hours (yes, each one is around the hour mark, give or take). It was created by Mike Flanagan, who also gave us The Haunting of Hill House and The Haunting of Bly Manor, as well as films like Ouija: Origin of Evil, Gerald’s Game, and Doctor Sleep. I was disappointed with Hill House because I expected straight-up horror, but it was equally a drama and I didn’t think the combination worked (you can read my review for it here---https://vampireclown82.blogspot.com/2018/11/mooby-reviews-11718.html). I did like Bly Manor a bit better because I knew to expect more of a gothic romance going in (you can read my review for that here---https://vampireclown82.blogspot.com/2020/10/the-haunting-of-bly-manor.html). I expected this to be a horror series and, while it does contain horror elements scattered here and there, it doesn’t truly show its horror self until the end of the sixth episode into the last one. Part of me thinks it was worth the wait, but the other part of me didn’t think it needed to occur so far into the series (prepare to be patient during the first couple episodes). I think this could’ve sufficed as a 3-hour feature, give or take. There are too many lengthy scenes of dialogue, and not in the compelling Quentin Tarantino or (pre-Jersey Girl) Kevin Smith kind of way, but more in the “let’s get this wrapped up” kind of way. As much as it dragged at times though, I did want to continue, and that might be because I sensed something horrific was always right around the corner and that it was only seven episodes. It’s a vampire story, at least set up like one (the v-word is never mentioned), that takes place on an isolated island of people where religion appears to be a commonality. I was really hoping it would make organized religion look bad, and it sort of does, but that could be a topic up for debate. Cons aside, I think it’s a limited series worth checking out, although it definitely could’ve been condensed. 9/26/2021

Bonus review:

Witches of Blackwood OK

This film comes from Australia and you’ll recognize the one chick from the continent’s Wolf Creek as the protagonist. She plays a police officer that travels back to the small town (Blackwood maybe?) she grew up in and something is clearly not right about this place---there aren’t too many people and the majority of those that are around are women that look ghostly (witches maybe?). I was really hoping I could add this to the list of good witch movies considering there aren’t too many of the horror variety (the original Suspiria is probably the best one, The Craft is decent, and so is The Autopsy of Jane Doe and The Lords of Salem; The Witch was just okay, definitely overrated; I don’t count movies that may feature witches either, like Sleepy Hollow). It had the potential to be something good too (not just okay); I mean, there’s atmosphere and it’s well-shot, but it also had the feel of a direct-to-video B-movie at times (that’s not a compliment here). I didn’t feel as if there was enough meat on its bones either, meaning style far outweighed its substance, and the ending was a bit too upbeat for a movie that generally felt downbeat. It is barely 80-minutes and perhaps that’s why it felt like there wasn’t enough meat on it, but, then again, it felt longer than it actually was, so I don’t know. Someone make a good witch horror movie I can rave about! At least they went with the far better title considering an alternate one was The Unlit! 9/24/2021

Other movies I've seen and their ratings (see above):

Day 13 >>>EH

No One Gets Out Alive >>>EH

(Netflix)

Sacrifice (2021) >>>OK/G

Sacrilege (2021) >>>EH

Zola >>>EH

---Sean O.

9/30/2021

Thursday, September 23, 2021

Bad Candy

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Bad Candy OK/G

New horror anthology film just in time for the Halloween season. It takes place on Halloween night in a town called New Salem and the wraparound segment features Corey Taylor (singer of Slipknot and Stone Sour) and Zach Galligan (Gremlins, Gremlins 2, Hatchet III, etc.) as radio hosts spinning the tales we’re presented with. They’re all interconnected, at least they feature people in this town, and a clown (pretty gnarly too) makes an appearance in each one. I think that clown needs its own movie; I mean, it turned people into dolls…how pumpkinfucking cool is that?! The tales include a girl that can create monsters just by drawing them, a man putting certain things in candy (“Always check your candy,” as the age-old saying goes), a woman doing something unethical at work, a haunted house that somehow merges the past and present, and a group of men that capture and put people through an ordeal; there are at least two other ones too. This film wasn’t great, but it wasn’t bad either; it’s not quite like Trick ‘r Treat, but that clown (the credits indicated its name might’ve been Bad Candy?) just might give Sam a run for his money (might, I said). In all fairness, I didn’t love Trick ‘r Treat until the second or third viewing, so this might get better with age. I’ll probably watch it again, just not this year, and I’ll recommend it (at least once) for those that like horror movies, anthology films, and Halloween, and even clowns, especially if you desire something new to check out this holiday season. 9/20/2021

Bonus review:

Aquarium of the Dead OK

Undead sea creatures. Yes…they include sharks, dolphins, crabs, an octopus, starfish (uh-huh), and gators. [I don’t remember ever seeing alligators or crocodiles in an aquarium, but I haven’t been to every aquarium in the world either. I have seen hippos at one though]. You will, of course, learn why these creatures became zombies. The creature designs aren’t the greatest, but I’ve seen worse. I wouldn’t tell you to see this right away, or even at all, but it’s really not as bad as I thought it would be; I’ve seen worse. The majority of characters make it somewhat worth watching. 9/21/2021

Other movies and TV show(s) I’ve seen and their ratings (see above):

Every Breath You Take >>>EH

The Gateway (2021) >>>EH

Intrusion (2021) >>>EH/OK

(Netflix)

Reservation Dogs (Season One) >>>OK/G

(Hulu; 8 episodes)

Wild Indian >>>OK

The World to Come >>>EH/OK

---Sean O.

9/23/2021

Saturday, September 18, 2021

Mare of Easttown/The Retreat

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Mare of Easttown OK/G

I finally got around to seeing this HBO limited series consisting of seven episodes all ranging around the hour mark, meaning it’s roughly a total of seven hours. I heard so many good things about it, but that never makes me want to check something out since there are lots of critically-acclaimed shows and movies I have no interest in; this is a series I actually did want to check out though. Mare is a detective played by Kate Winslet, Easttown is the small town in Pennsylvania which she resides. A murder of a teenage girl spawns an investigation, in addition to Mare grappling with personal issues as well as a missing case involving another teenage girl gone a year prior. Mare doesn’t exactly have the most glamorous life, as you can imagine. What detective, real or fictional, truly would though? I don’t even expect visual entertainment to be original anymore, although when something is original and successful, great, but it is very hard to be entirely fresh in any art form these days. If I enjoy something though, and it is unoriginal, it works for me; and I believe I may have said it before, but characterizations are always a huge factor in making a story work. Having said that, this miniseries isn’t original at all; it is no different than many other detective/murder mystery features. Let’s see…there’s a small town, this small town contains people with secrets, everyone is a potential suspect, there are several red herrings, and there’s more than one revelation at the end. Yes, it may not be original (show me something that truly is these days), but it is generally watchable, we do get to know the majority of characters enough, and there are no loose ends when it’s over. Some parts do drag (less than more though) and it may not be as dark as the first season of True Detective, nor as compelling, but this is a decent murder mystery for those looking to watch something new in that genre (I am glad I was able to binge it instead of waiting every week as you’ll be able to as well via DVD or streaming---it’s currently available in both form). 9/17/2021

The Retreat OK/G

[SPOILERS IN THIS REVIEW]

Wow, an LGBT movie that wasn’t half bad (I’m personally not a fan of too many LGBT films because they’re often fabricated and stereotypical). Well, foremost it is a horror film of the survivalist/backwoods variety that features gay characters. A lesbian couple, non-stereotypical at that, head to a cabin in the woods away from the city and this cabin (or retreat) is allegedly a gay B&B. I must’ve missed a location for this cabin and/or city, but it was filmed in Canada (you and I should both know that doesn’t mean it took place there). I hate to stereotype, but something tells me it took place somewhere in the American South (I could be wrong though). Anyway, something is clearly not right when they reach this cabin---another gay couple, males, were supposed to meet them there (we see something happen to them in the beginning), but all that’s present is their car and belongings in the house and the cabin is unlocked. It isn’t long before these girls are hunted in the woods by a masked gunman. You see, these are a group of people that capture homosexuals and film them being murdered in what they dub “the culling;” they have followers that watch online as if it were a reality show (talk about the dark web). This did, at once, feel like a typical backwoods horror flick, but its strong homophobic subtext does make it a bit more distinctive (and darker) than its ilk. There’s a bit of atmosphere to it too. Some of the violence is worthy, particularly when our protagonists get revenge on their bigoted capturers. I, being of the LGBT community, wouldn’t say this film is cathartic because I know it’s just a movie and thankfully haven’t been through a similar ordeal (and hope I never will). It might be for some though, especially since there are still homophobes out there (I hope not as extreme as these villains though, but I wouldn’t doubt it, even in 2021) and the gays do win. Even if I did spoil pretty much the entire feature, I think those that may be interested would still enjoy it. I can’t ultimately overlook its aforementioned familiarity (read: clichés), but it’s not a bad film and better than many modern ones of its type and, no, not just because it features members of a group I’m part of. Like I said, this is a horror movie first. 9/15/2021

Other movies I've seen and their ratings (see above):

Apartment 413 >>>EH

The Last Laugh (2020) >>>EH

Murder in the Woods >>>OK

Nightbooks >>>OK/G

(Netflix)

---Sean O.

9/18/2021

Tuesday, September 14, 2021

Benny Loves You

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Benny Loves You EH

I was interested in this film the minute I heard it involved a killer toy. I hate when movies end up not being as good as you anticipate, which is the majority of movies nowadays, unfortunately. The only way you know if they’re any good though is to watch them, and I do still like being surprised with a good film I haven’t seen before. Anyway, the killer toy in question is a teddy bear, although it looks more like a cross between a shaggy-eared dog and Elmo, named (wait for it…) Benny that somehow comes to life after its 35-year-old owner puts it aside for trash. Don’t expect an explanation for the stuffed toy becoming sentient, because all that happens is a bunch of fog suddenly appears. Now, I can overlook certain logic in a movie about a killer stuffed animal if it was actually fun. Was this fun? Honestly, not really (I think I may have laughed just one time). This film was definitely inane, but it simultaneously tried being somewhat serious and the contrasting tones just didn’t work for me. There is violence, yes, but violence does not always make a movie good, especially if it’s not notable (like here). I thought it was over a half-hour before it was and I wished it was over; I couldn’t wait for it to be over (needless to say, that’s never a good sign). The beginning was fine, featuring a spoiled little girl getting exactly what she deserved after throwing her teddy bear out (it wasn’t quite like the beginning of Dolls from 1987 though). Perhaps this story may have worked better as a short…I don’t know. Sorry Benny, I can’t say I love you…9/13/2021

Bonus review:

He’s All That EH

I re-watched She’s All That before watching this remake available on Netflix. I remember when She’s All That just came out. I mean, it was only 22 years ago (!) and I was nearing the end of high school. Now, She’s All That isn’t even (ahem) all that in regards to teen movies, as well as movies in general (now and from when I first remember watching it; the Nineties was arguably the last decade for fun, or at least memorable, teen movies though). This remake obviously switches genders and makes me wonder if another remake made 22 years from now would be called They’re All That, featuring a trans character, even though that would’ve arguably been more modern now. Anyway, this is the same movie with different performers (I counted at least two cameos from stars of the original; I think there was a brief nod to Pretty in Pink too). I mean, sure, besides the obvious difference being that popular girls instead of guys making a bet one can transform an unpopular boy instead of a girl into prom king instead of queen, there are some differences---cell phones weren’t big back in the Millennium era like they are now, not everyone is heterosexual now (or at least they’re more open about it), and there are horses in this one (I don’t remember any of those in the first one). Oh, and the cost of losing the bet is different here too. Since I wasn’t too big a fan of She’s All That, I wasn’t exactly a fan of this one either (this one felt a bit sappier too). Normally the biggest argument against remakes is that the original didn’t need improving, so perhaps improvement could’ve worked here considering the first one wasn’t that great, but there really isn’t much to the story to change other than the obvious ones (i.e. the gender-switch). Normally I would tell modern audiences to check out the original film over its remake, or at least first, but I’m not too fond of either version here. If anything, I would just say to check out She’s All That to appreciate the era it came from, but, even then, there are better teen movies to check out from that decade and in general. 9/9/2021

Other movies I've seen and their ratings (see above):

Await the Dawn >>>EH/OK

The Girl Who Got Away >>>EH

Mekko >>>EH

Prey (2021) >>>OK

(Netflix; In German with subtitles)

Welcome to the Circle >>>EH/OK

Witches in the Woods >>>EH/OK

---Sean O.

9/14/2021

Wednesday, September 8, 2021

Great White

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Great White OK

New shark attack movie that wasn’t direct-to-video or a Syfy channel movie. It’s a shame it wasn’t (ahem) great. I love how a shark will bite into a seaplane, enabling it to gradually sink, but it doesn’t bite into a floating raft. That’s what happens here; a couple, along with their cook, fly another couple on their seaplane before making an unexpected landing, this being where the shark bites the plane and all five people enter the raft. Since all possible rescue options are out, they hope to float or row to safety while avoiding what lurks below. This is a realistic movie for the most part; yes, this could happen, but the same went for other shark attack movies like The Shallows and 47 Meters Down. The difference between this and those films are that they were entertaining as well. Sure, there were a few suspenseful scenes here and the sharks were passable enough (except for when their mouths opened wide), but the attacks weren’t exactly noteworthy when they actually happened (something very important when watching a shark attack movie). I didn’t dislike this movie (although I think I am sort of being too nice with my rating), but it definitely can’t stand alongside other worthy entries in the sharksploitation subgenre. 9/7/2021

Bonus review:

AlRawabi School for Girls G

Netflix limited series from Jordan involving high school girls bullying each other. This is probably the first thing I saw from Jordan if I’m not mistaken; that does mean it’s mostly subtitled, in Arabic, and “mostly” means that a few parts (not many) are spoken in English (if they know the language, why isn’t it all in just one?). And limited series, which is what it is labeled as, might mean it will only be these six episodes ranging somewhere between the 40 and 50-minute mark, totaling a little less than five hours. Anyway, I grew up in a time when we didn’t have social media and word-of-mouth is what was mostly used to ruin people’s lives. It still absolutely can be used to hurt people, in addition to other means, but social media has certainly made it a lot easier. It should go without saying, but this series proves bullying will always exist no matter where you’re from as long as there are people. The girls in this school are mean (I’d say they give the ones in Mean Girls and Carrie a run for their money, which are just two movies I was reminded of while watching). It all starts when three popular girls make up a lie that gets one girl in trouble, and, naturally, this girl plans on getting even with them. Of course this causes problems for everyone involved. To be a teenager, especially a teenage girl (whatever, boys ruin lives too, it’s just not talked about as much, nor portrayed as much; as someone once said, you shouldn’t compare suffering). This limited series may not feel too original, but what the hell is these days?, but it does portray a raw glimpse of high school not much different than an American one, and, for the most part, is the most entertaining teen series (or movie, for that matter) I’ve seen in a while. 9/1/2021

Other movies I've seen and their ratings (see above):

Beasts Clawing at Straws >>>OK/G

(In Korean with subtitles)

Black Island >>>EH/OK

(Netflix; In German with subtitles)

Come True >>>EH/OK

In the Earth >>>OK

In the Heights >>>OK

Those Who Wish Me Dead >>>EH

---Sean O.

9/8/2021

Sunday, August 29, 2021

The Conjuring 3/American Horror Stories

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The Conjuring 3: The Devil Made Me Do It OK

Perhaps you’ve heard of Ed and Lorraine Warren, the real-life demonologists/paranormal investigators? Most of you likely know them as being portrayed by Patrick Wilson and Vera Farmiga in this cinematic universe (namely The Conjuring and Annabelle movies). The first film involved a haunting in New England, the second film involved a haunting in England, and this one, directed by Michael Chaves (The Curse of La Llorona) instead of James Wan, involves demonic possession in New England (you can read my review for The Conjuring 2 here---https://vampireclown82.blogspot.com/2016/06/mooby-reviews-6202016.html; I gave The Conjuring a G rating according to my archives). This was also based on a real case in 1981 that was allegedly the first time demonic possession was used as a defense. An 8-year old boy was possessed and his older brother begs the demon in an exorcism to take him instead (never a good idea); he eventually commits a murder leading to that case. The Warrens do their investigating after the murder and before the trial, which leads them to a discovery of witchcraft and Satanists. I didn’t dislike this film, I was intrigued enough to not dismiss it, but it did rely a bit on cheap jump scares (a.k.a. annoying instead of frightening) and ultimately felt too Hollywood (meaning most of it felt all too familiar). I also felt like it didn’t get nearly as dark as it could have given its subject matter. Sorry, can’t say the third time was entirely a charm when all was said and done. I did like the first two films though (as well as the Annabelle films) and will likely be interested in future projects involving these characters based on real people. 8/27/2021

American Horror Stories (Season 1)

Spin-off anthology series of American Horror Story consisting of seven episodes ranging from 38-49 minutes each (technically six episodes if you count the first two as one, five if you want to be even more technical since the last episode ties in with the first two). I’ve watched every season of AHS so far and plan on checking the newly-released Double Feature out and can say I liked every season enough besides Hotel, Cult, and Apocalypse to call myself somewhat of a fan. I do love my anthology shows/movies too, so naturally I wanted to check this out. This season was just okay. I probably liked the first two connected episodes, “Rubber(wo)Man Part One and Part Two,” the best, which was a spin-off of Murder House (season one of AHS). Now, you don’t necessarily need to have seen Murder House or re-watch it to see these episodes since the basic theme is repeated for you. “Drive In” was a rather stale apocalyptic tale set up like a zombie film (they aren’t zombies though, at least not in the traditional sense), the reasons for which occurring after a film is shown. Surprising this episode was rather ordinary considering Eduardo Sanchez, most famous for The Blair Witch Project, directed it. “The Naughty List” may never achieve the same status as Tales from the Crypt’s “And All Through the House,” but it’s a decent Christmas horror episode once the ball finally gets rolling, featuring a killer Santa played by a recognizable actor. “Ba’al” was just an okay, not exactly fresh, segment involving the titular demon, while “Feral” reminded me too much of Wayward Pines and a bit of a Wrong Turn film, only not as good as either; the ending was somewhat of a kicker though. Lastly, “Game Over” pretty much just references the first two episodes, Murder House, as well as the rest of the AHS series, but the video game created was pretty cool. I didn’t truly dislike any of these episodes (“Drive In” being the worst), but none I can exactly call great. Season two has been confirmed and you should know that means I’ll likely, probably definitely, continue…8/27/2021

Bonus reviews:

Ragin’ Cajun Redneck Gators EH/OK

Syfy Channel movie? That title? I had to! I have heard of this film before, but just got around to finally watching it. It’s also known as Alligator Alley, but that’s obviously not as attention-grabbing. It takes place in Louisiana (where else with that title?) and gators mutate after tainted moonshine is dumped into the swamps. [POTENTIAL SPOILERS] Not only do these mutated gators obtain the ability to shoot spikes from their tails, but also to turn people into gators after biting them or through another means. Never seen that concept done before! What the hell was the chemical put in that moonshine? Is this movie bad? Obviously, what did you expect? My expectations were low beforehand. Is it fun? Eh, kind of, but not really. I give it points for a novel concept (hence the partial OK rating), but not as many points for being an unworthy natural horror film (yes, even though my expectations were lower than low, I still hope to enjoy a movie more than not, or at least equally love/hate it). There is a brief nod to Jaws, but there’s also a reference to Twilight, which, believe it or not, this movie has more in common with! CGI is used, obvious CGI at that (meaning unworthy, hence the film being unworthy); maybe if CGI looked more realistic I wouldn’t have a problem with it. I had to check it out, like I said, as I do most of these films (especially on the Syfy Channel), even if I know beforehand there’s a high possibility they won’t be worth it. I can’t help it. Whether you want to see for yourself if this is worth watching…hey, that’s entirely up to you…8/23/2021

Dreamcatcher EH

(haiku review)

Not the King-based work.

Bland slasher this is; long too.

The kills mostly suck. 8/25/2021

Other movies I've seen and their ratings (see above):

The Beast Within >>>EH

Cats (2019) >>>B

False Positive >>>OK

(Hulu)

Girl (2020) >>>OK

The Orange Years: The Nickelodeon Story >>>OK/G

The Resort >>>OK

The Vigil >>>OK

---Sean O.

8/29/2021

Tuesday, August 24, 2021

Friday the 13th Fan Films

Friday the 13^th Fan Films

Last Friday the 13^th I came across a list of fan films on social media, so I decided to check them all out, given I’m a fan of the franchise. I can say I’ve seen at least three Friday the 13^th fan films before; one was good (Never Hike Alone, review here---https://vampireclown82.blogspot.com/2019/09/never-hike-alone.html), one was okay (Never Hike in the Snow, haiku review here---https://vampireclown82.blogspot.com/2020/10/tremors-shrieker-island.html), and one wasn’t that great (Vengeance, review here---https://vampireclown82.blogspot.com/2019/09/friday-13th-vengeancethe-dead-dont-die.html). Below are my reviews/descriptions for the other fan films I came across and checked out. They’re all available on YouTube and if the film doesn’t come up in search by just the title alone, type in Friday the 13^th before the title.

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Jason’s Bloodtrails (2020)

People die, but obviously it’s not long enough at just 5-minutes.

Here Comes the Night (2019)

We do get to know at least half the characters in 18-minutes. Decent short very much like a Jason movie.

Camp Blood: Cat and Mouse (2020)

Just okay (barely) 9-minute film in which we see Jason only go after one victim; two if you count the very end.

Michael vs. Jason: Evil Emerges (2019)

Been suggested for a while and even though I prefer these 2 cinematic villains over Freddy Krueger, neither one talks and both are invincible (like most of their ilk), so how would it effectively work? This 29-minute film does manage to be entertaining, so perhaps a short film was the best way to make it work? If anyone can make a feature-length film that works, bring it on! As for whether there’s a winner here…I won’t say, but remember the invincible comment?

Death Curse (2020)

Didn’t much care for this 22-minute film that mostly felt fast-paced and clearly wasn’t edited well.

Extraction (2012)

Barely even average 12-minute film with a somewhat worthy ending.

Resurgence (2020)

This one managed to resemble a typical Friday the 13^th film in just 20-minutes, although the acting was terrible, but I can kind of (but not really) let it slide since no one likely got paid (like most fan films). I give them a B for trying…well, maybe a B-.

Repetition (2013)

I don’t recall Jason ever killing anyone with an empty canned good before. That’s all that stands out in this 14-minute short. Oh, and there’s a creepy dude sipping blood through a straw from one of his wounds. The kills weren’t terrible either. Wait until after the credits for another scene that’s never quite been done in a Friday film before…

Legacy (2017)

Okay-ish 19-minute film set on a beach. In other words, the setting doesn’t very much resemble a Jason Voorhees film.

J’s Night (2014)

This 30-minute French film (yes, that means subtitles) takes place in the States (there was a Massachusetts license plate). It’s average (if that) and violent when it wants to be; those French sure do love violence (look no further than the New French Extremity).

No Man’s Land (2011)

I know the platform is YouTube, but the picture quality isn’t the greatest. 52-minutes isn’t long in the general sense, but it is when the picture quality isn’t the greatest. It’s pretty standard as far as narrative goes (there isn’t much to expect in these movies, especially fan films), but the violence looked like it may have been worthy if the picture quality was better. This entry was listed as one of the better fan films on a post I came across, but I can’t agree. Did I mention that the picture quality wasn’t the greatest?

The Man in the Lake (2016)

This 41-minute film was kind of bland, meaning not too suspenseful; some of the kills were fine, but some nods to past films (I hope you know not the fan ones) weren’t exactly worthy. Not the worst fan film I’ve seen, but…

Jason Rising (2021)

This almost-an-hour fan film is definitely well-shot and has atmosphere. I’m guessing it’s a sequel to The Final Chapter (Part 4) based on information given, but I could be wrong (does it really matter where a Jason fan film falls on the timeline though?). Someone else besides Jason returns from the dead to do some killing (shouldn’t be hard to guess who, at least for fans), plus a familiar face from early in the franchise makes an appearance. One of the better fan films that certainly gets an A for effort.

Voorhees (2020)

This one takes the cake for being the longest of the bunch at 99-minutes. It doesn’t take the cake for being the best, but it’s definitely not the worst. As has been done before, criminals pick the wrong place to lay low for a bit. Camp Crystal Lake doesn’t really look much like a camp here (much like Legacy), more of a field with an abandoned house and farm. Some of the violence is worthy; one involving a hammer comes foremost to mind, one scene was actually kind of gross, and I don’t recall anyone ever being killed with a wind chime before…

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I listed the films in the order I viewed them instead of alphabetically or (obviously) from best to worst or worst to best. When it comes to the Friday the 13^th franchise, you pretty much either like them or you don’t. Someone I once went to college with stated about the films, “Yes, I do enjoy them as corny as they are,” and I pretty much agree. Jason was one of the first cinematic villains I got into, so I’ll always have a soft spot for his films. I do obviously prefer the actual films in the franchise, which most I’ve seen several times. I doubt I’ll ever watch any of these fan films again, but I’ll watch any released that come across my radar given I am a fan of the franchise. That being said, I don’t think anyone without even a remote interest in the property would care to check out these fan films posted online that made no profit. Hopefully my descriptions (which include run-times for each) will enable you to decide which ones you would want to check out if you do decide to watch any of them. My favorites of the bunch were probably Jason Rising, Michael vs. Jason: Evil Emerges, Here Comes the Night, and Resurgence, but a post I saw listing the best ones only included two of those four (Jason Rising is recent, so that might’ve made it on the list). These amount of fan films in addition to the studio ones (which are 12 if you include Freddy vs. Jason and the 2009 remake) prove that Jason Voorhees is far from dead, and these are just titles I happened to come across as I’m sure there are even more! 8/23/2021

---Sean O.

8/24/2021